The journal of an Empty Soul

8.00 am, campus’s lecture room.

The weather today seems a bit gloomy, dark clouds and a downpour. It is pretty cold. I keep on rubbing both of my hands.

‘Here..’ said a guy while giving me a cup of hot coffee.

I look at the guy. It’s Mark. When did he come in? Mark! Oh boy, I suddenly remember the ‘library incident’. I look away.

Suddenly he grabbed my hand and makes me hold the cup.

‘There, warm isn’t it?’ he smiles and went to his seat.
‘Thank you Mark.’ I said before sipping on the coffee.

The atmosphere of the lecture room is pretty quiet since only the both of us are in it. It feels awkward.

‘Hey Andria, you know about what I did in the library..’Mark suddenly broke the silent.
I turned around and face him.

‘Yes Mark, what about it?’ I replied and trying to play cool.
He looks hesitant.

‘Eeemmm~…i..mm~..’ Mark tries to continue on what he’s going to say.
‘I’m sorry if I make you uncomfortable. It’s just that..i..i..i like your blushing cheeks.’ He continues while playing with his fingers.

‘What? You like my cheeks?’ I’m pretty shocked and wanted to laugh at the same time.
‘I know I’m weird, I know but I can’t help it. Your cheeks are warm and it makes me feel warm. Sorry Andria.’ he blushed.

‘HAHAHAHAHA!’ I laugh out loud.
‘Yah! It’s not funny!’ he pouts.

‘Are you kidding? It is funny. Honestly Mark, when you ‘did’ it I thought that you’re trying to flirt with me. Seriously, you are giving me mix messages.’ I replied and continue laughing.

‘You think I like you?’ he asked seriously. I automatically stop laughing. Dang it! This mouth of mine is…uugghhh! I shouldn’t have said it.

‘Eeemmm~yes I g-guess.’ I stuttered. I feel ashamed of myself for bluntly saying things.
‘M-mark I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to make the situation much weirder than before but frankly I did think you like me.’ I’m trying to explain to him.

It looks like he was thinking something and not long after he looks at me in the eyes as if he’s trying to figure me out.

‘Hey Andria, what if I really like you?’ he asked again.

I’m totally shock with his questions. I know I’m blushing right now. Does he really like me? I don’t know what to do. I feel numb and my heart beats fast. Suddenly I feel someone cupped my face.

‘It feels nicer than the hot coffee.’ He smiles at me. What the..?
‘You know what? I’ll keep making you blush so that I can make myself warm.’ He pinched my nose and laughs.

‘Yah! Stop playing around!’ I shout at Mark and feel like a fool. I hit his arms as a punishment for fooling me around. He laughs louder.

I laugh together with him. Well it’s the first time I saw him laughing rather showing the serious side of his.

‘Well, well, someone is ecstatic early in the morning.’ said someone.
Both of us look at the person. Oh it’s JB.

‘Hey!’ said Mark and gives a nod. The two stare each other and the atmosphere becomes serious.

I smile at JB. He didn’t smile back. JB went to his seat. I poked him and all he did was ignoring me. he looks pissed. What had happened to him?

‘Hey JB..’ I’m trying to talk to him but the class started even before I even having a conversation with him.

The class finished after four hours of lecture. I pack my stuff and get ready to grab lunch.

‘Hey JB,…’ I look at JB’s place and he’s not there anymore. Where did he go?
‘Hey Mark, where’s JB?’ I look at Mark’s place and he can’t be seen. No sign of Mark and JB.

Now, where did they go? Never mind, I’ll just go and get my lunch first.

12 pm, University’s food court.

I am sitting by myself in the food court eating my lunch. I wonder where those two went. I can’t find them in the food court either. It’s weird that JB seems to be avoiding me.

‘Andria noona?’ someone called me. Oh! It’s Yugyeom. I also see Youngjae and Bambam tag along.

‘Oh hai Yugyeom.’ Smiles and waved at him.
‘Hey noona, can we join you? We haven’t seen you for a while.’ He said.
‘Aaawww~ you guys missed me? Come have a seat.’ asking them to sit with me. I giggled.
‘Yea~ we are eating lunch with noona today!’ said Bambam happily and sit next to me.

Youngjae and Yugyeom laughed and sit down in front of me.

‘Hey did you guys know where JB and Mark went?’ I asked them.
‘I really don’t know noona. I haven’t seen them.’ said Yugyeom while munching his food.
‘Me too, I haven’t seen them yet. They usually eat lunch with us here.’ said Youngjae.

Hhhmmm. Where are they?

‘Hey Bambam, did you see them?’ asked Youngjae.

I look at Bambam. He keeps on munching his burger. He looks really hungry.

‘Yah! Bambam, Youngjae hyung is asking you.’ Yugyeom threw his sandwich wrapper towards Bambam to stop him from eating.

‘Oh! Sorry~. What are we talking about again?’ asked Bambam showing his clueless face.
‘Yah, Bambam why are you not..’said Youngjae looking a bit disappointed towards Bambam. I stopped Youngjae and talked to Bambam.

‘Bambam aa~, we are talking about JB and Mark. Have you seen them?’ I explained.
‘JB and Mark hyung? I did saw them walking towards the rooftop staircase.’ He said and continues munching his food.

‘I see.’ I replied.

‘By the way noona, why do asked for them? I thought the three of you are in the same class.’ Yugyeom asked me.

‘Oh it’s nothing big. It’s just that..’before I finished my sentence I was stopped by someone.
‘It’s just what Andria? Are you worried about them?’ he said.

I turned around behind me and found Jinyoung smiling at me while holding his tray. When did he come? He took a seat next to me and it’s really close that I can feel his body heat. It makes me nervous all of the sudden. If it’s not because of his sudden ‘forehead kiss’, I won’t be like this. I moved a bit further than him and I accidentally shoved Bambam.

‘Sorry Bambam aa~.’ I whispered to Bambam. He nodded and smile. I continue eating my lunch and trying to be cool.

‘Andria, you didn’t answer me.’ said Jinyoung seriously without looking at me.
‘Oh sorry, it’s just that..’ I said and realize all the four f them looking straight at me. Gulp!
‘Ehem! It’s just that they suddenly disappeared after class. So I’m a bit worried I guess.’ I finally said it.

All of them nodded and continue eating. There is 30 minutes left for lunch time before the next lecture starts. Yugyeom, Youngjae and Bambam went to their class. While Jinyoung is still sitting next to me playing with his fork, it gives out an awkward vibe. I need to say something.

‘Jinyoung aa~..’
‘Andria aa~..’

The both of us were trying to break the silence at the same time. It made the both of us laughed.

‘It’s ok Jinyoung aa~, you can speak first.’ I said with a nervous smile.
‘Ok, I’m sorry if I make you uncomfortable when we are together. You know the ‘kiss’ I gave you, I’m really sorry about that.’ He said looking straight to my eyes.

Jinyoung’s POV

Flashback~

‘I’m totally full, let’s walk.’ I said as I walk outside of the food court towards the garden.
Oh! Andria? It’s her, sitting all alone eating her lunch here. Hehe, let’s surprise her. I walk towards her to surprise her but she couldn’t see me with her eyes close. So I decide to sit next to her and observe her behavior.

She is relaxing herself after eating; opening her eyes and looks at the sky. It made me smile that she didn’t realize I’m sitting next to her.

I look up to the sky and close my eyes. Trying to relax too but suddenly..

‘Ouch! That hurts~’ the words that came out from my mouth. Did she just hit me? I instantly stare at her.

She said sorry and instantly blows my forehead. She was just an inch away from me. My heart beats fast and I’m breathing heavily. What is this feeling? I’m looking at her. She’s so beautiful. There is not any seconds that I didn’t want to hold her in my arms right now. I’m trying to get a hold of myself from being wild. Dang it! I can’t. What should I do?

‘Blowing it won’t do any good, unless you kiss my forehead. Please~’ I beg her. Our eyes met for a few second. My heart beats fast. I can feel she’s trying to pull her hands of my head. I can’t let that happened. I grab hold her hand so tight that she won’t be able to pull it away. Good God, what had happened to me? I never feel like this before.

‘Yah! Stop it already.’ she whispered to me while looking embarrassed.

‘I will if you kiss my forehead.’ I replied. We are staring at each other.

Why did I say that? This mouth of mine! My head is not working well right now. Come one Jinyoung shake it off. You are acting weird right now. I look at her again. She hesitates and yet she closed her eyes and trying to kiss my forehead but instead of she’s doing it..
I closed my eyes and kissed her forehead instead.

Okay why did I do this? Do I like her that much?

I opened my eyes and found Andria’s shock reaction. Her face turns red. Instantly, she pushed me and ran away.

‘Andria..I..’ I’m trying to explain but she keeps on running. I am regretting of what I did to her. I think I need to apologize to her.

Ends of flashback~

Andria’s POV

‘Ok, I’m sorry if I make you uncomfortable when we are together. You know the ‘kiss’ I gave you, I’m really sorry about that.’ Jinyoung said looking straight to my eyes.

Kiss! That word makes me blush in an instant. I don’t know what to say.

‘Andria? Andria?’ he waves his hand in front of me to make sure I’m okay.
‘Uh? Sorry.’ I replied. Gulp.

‘I know I over did it. Can you forgive me?’ he asked.

I nodded.

‘Really?’ he continues.

I nodded again and smile. He smiles with me.

‘Promise me you won’t do it again.’ I added.

‘Ok, I promise.’ He giggled.

‘Andria, can I be your friend?’ he asked me.

‘Eeemmm~ you can I guess if you don’t overly do things. Okay?’ I said while looking straight at him.

‘Okay, I promise.’ He promised again while showing his pinky.
The both of us pinky promise each other.

‘If you broke your promises I’ll kill you!’ I replied and smirked.
He laughs out loud.

‘Oh~ don’t you dare play with your promises.’ I hit him on his arms.
‘Yah, that hurts!’ he rubbed his arms and continue laughing.

I looked at my watch. 5 minutes left before the lecture starts. I told Jinyoung we need to go.

‘Andria aa~ see you when I see you.’ He said before he walked away and smiles.
‘See you when I see you too, Jinyoung aa~.’ I replied and went off to my class.

We both separately went to our classes.

Jinyoung POV

1.00 pm, lecture room.

Finally, I’ve apologized to Andria. I managed to control myself just now even though my heart beats so fast. Ever since that incident, being with her gives me excitements.

What is this feeling? It is so warm. Is this love? If it’s love then I can’t be honest to her right now. I might push her far away from me. I don’t want to freak her out. I want to keep her near me, by my side, always by my side.

I’m glad you want to be my friend Andria. Honestly, it is painful that I can’t make you mine right away. I like you so much that I reconsider my actions for you.

‘I never imagine this kind of things happen to me, Jinyoung aa~ what had happened to you?’ I whispered and smirked.

Notes