The journal of an Empty Soul

I never had thought that I would fall in this deep mess. Loving someone that I could hardly reach, I could hardly touch. I am mesmerized by his charms. I know it is stupid of me to do that but I caught off guard. It’s difficult to come back to the reality of my exhausting life since I’ve been in the dream world. I’m not the only one, I know that really well. Honestly I don’t want to wake up from this fantasy.
I always tried to force myself to forget this fantasy world and live normally like normal people out there. Find a good guy and stop being lonely. Seriously I can’t do that. I won’t be able to find one. Who would want a girl like me? It’s not that I never mingle with guys before, I did and it ends as friends. Not more than that. Guys see me as a place to release their problems and treat me as if I’m their counselor.
I need someone to love me and I want to be appreciated by my soul mate. I want my ‘buddy’. Nine years of being single makes me feel terrible. At the urge of this desperation I’ve met this guy. Out of desperation I’ve learned to know and love him. It feels like I’ve known him. I’d fall in love. It hits me hard and made me gone crazy. ‘What am I doing? I must be crazy. Please stop this nonsense!’ I tried and keep on trying, to forget everything and move on. I feel like I’m a creep right now.
I know that I won’t be able to be with him. He is the shining star in the dark sky. He is the shining star that shines among the others. The only thing I can do is seeing and loving him from far. I have mix emotions, happy and sad at the same time. I know this love will hurt me really bad soon and I can slowly feel it now. I keep seeing ‘you’ from far and how I wish I could tell ‘you’ that ‘I like you’. I can’t put my hopes too high hahaha who am I kidding. I’m just ‘your’ fan.
‘Everyday and every night~ feel like a fool~ you got to know~’
God damn it! What have ‘you’ done to me? Do I need to poke out my eyes so that I stop searching and looking for you? And eventually forget about ‘you’? Well who are you to be blame by an unworthy being like me. I cried and feeling stress for some times. That’s one of the reasons why I write this journal out of the blue.
That’s it! I need to move on and stop all of this crap. I don’t feel normal right now! Aargh!! Let’s sleep and have a new beginning tomorrow…

1. The Adventure Begins

2. The Adventure Begins 2

3. The Adventure Begins 3

4. The Adventure Begins 4

5. Disturbance..

6. Friend? 1

7. Friend? 2

8. Friend? 3