Insight
3: Subin
“Come in!” I yelled frustrated that I was woken up out of my nap. Jimin walked into my studio observing my still messy apartment, pretty sure I’m not going to hear the end of his lecturing about it. “Hey,” he waved stepping over the pile of clothes on the floor, “You feeling okay Subin?” “When am I ever feeling okay?” I jested, he frowned, “I was just sleeping relax,” I rolled my eyes, “What are you doing here anyway?”
“I was just in the neighborhood coming home from work, my coworker gave me 2 tickets to the lantern festival in a couple of weeks and I wanted to see if wanna come,” he half smiled holding the tickets up. Lantern festival? I haven’t gone in…2 years. I don’t think I could ever go back, it will just bring too many memories.
I miss him…I miss him so much.
Jimin brushed his hair back looking uncomfortable, “Sorry, if it’s…too soon then w-,” he mumbled, “Jimin, I don’t know, maybe it's not a good time for me. But, I mean I’ll think about it…” he nodded as we both sat in silence staring down at my covered floors, I’m pretty sure Seokjin crossed his mind at that moment. We both lost someone so special to us, I lost the love of my life and he lost his best friend, we’re still healing but it’s just been so hard for me.
Everything is so grey and I just feel so hurt all the time, I just don’t know how to be happy again. “Well, I’ll just leave these here just in case you want to go.” He said tossing the tickets on my dirty coffee table, “Have you eaten? Or… at least been out of the house?” “I’m okay Jimin, I just…need to sleep.” I sight, he shakes his head knowing it’s always been my excuse to never go out besides going to work, I honestly hate going out and hate being around people.
“Well I’ll let you go back to sleep then,” he says walking to the door, he paused looking at a picture frame that was lying face down on the floor, he picks it up brushing off dust. “Y’know…he wouldn’t want you living like this Subin,” he says looking back at me, I said nothing. Jimin carefully placed the picture frame on my bookshelf before leaving, “yeah,” I said to myself, “I know.” I looked up at the picture frame staring at the man I once and still love.
