Twice- a BTS reader

Boring.... That's the only word I could use to describe my ordinary and boring life...
That's it.
My name is Jieun, I'm a normal girl who lives in America, which is something I find very boring... Because I have lived here for my entire life... 16 years. My family is from Korea, but I don't really speak Korean or anything... Since both of my parents were born here...
I know it doesn't seem long but it is... I have never been out of my country and to be honest with you... I have never even been out of my own state. Isn't that crazy?!
I live in a small town in California, right next to LA. People might say, "Oh, there's Disney, Universal Studios and all these kinds of fun places in LA" but... Nah... I don't think my family can afford for me to go to Disney every single weekend when I'm bored... Considering I'm always bored.
So I decided to spend my entire weekend on my phone and computer looking up random things that will entertain me...
Back in 2013, I was around 13 years old, I was scrolling through YouTube and randomly found this song called "No More Dreams" by a group called BTS, I thought it sounded cool so I watched the MV... A bunch of times... Actually.... A couple hundreds of times...
At first, I just wanted to learn their names. But one of the boys, who referrers himself to as V, really drawn my attention. He looked cute and childish, back then when I was 13, he looked like the same age as me. But then I found out he was already 17 at the time... So... I became obsessed...
I know every single detail and LEGIT EVERYTHING about ALL the members, especially Taehyung(V), Jungkook and Jimin. Who are my ultimate biases.
I had dreams about them every night and thought about them every moment, I didn't really pay attention at school... I didn't really do my homework... I mean... If you're a fan... You get what I'm talking about right?
So I decided to learn Korean. Surprisingly it wasn't even that hard. Since my grandparents were from Korea, I practiced speaking Korean with them... But it was still tough... After around 2 years when I was 15, I became half fluent.
In 2016, the new song "Blood Sweat and Tears" became a really big hit (haha get it bighit entertainment)... It also entered the BBMA list!! I screamed... A lot!!
Looking at their happy faces when they received an award or accomplished something made my days... I no longer felt so bored all the time... Because now I know I have BTS in my heart.
But I knew it's never enough... I'm probably never gonna meet them in my life... So probably no way of marrying them... Just thinking of that makes me really... really sad.
I wish I was with them, or just Taehyung from the very beginning... When they were kids, children, toddlers... No... babies... I wish I was with them back then, through their hard years as trainees, their childhood, their struggles of growing up...
I wish it can just all start over... My life... As a different person... Not as this boring American girl... But as this Korean girl from Daegu... Who was friends with Taehyung from the very beginning... I know this sounds crazy... But I am crazy... Over them....
I closed my diary or journal, whatever you call it and hid it under my pillow. I just bought this diary yesterday so it's brand new. I didn't want my mom to see all this, she probably will think I'm crazy (literally) and send me to the mental hospital or something.
I looked at the time, it was 11:30 already. Considering I have school tomorrow, I should head to bed. I'm a junior in High school, preparing for SATs... And yeah... It's hell for me.
I opened my journal one more time to looked at it one more time before going to sleep, then I sighed, "What if all of this is true... What if I can start over again... Can I have a second chance?"
Suddenly my door swung open and my mom came in, I quickly hid my journal under my blanket.
"What are you looking at?" She asked.
I smiled awkwardly, "Nothing, just my old book from... You know... Fifth grade." I was obviously a terrible liar.
Mom laughed, "What's the point of that?"
"Throw back." I shrugged, "To my awesome life back in fifth grade." More like nightmare life without kpop...
Mom smiled, "Alright, get some sleep. And don't forget, tomorrow afternoon at 4, dad and I have a party to attend, make your own dinner and feed the dog, okay?"
"Ugh." I groaned, "yeah I got it, good night mom."
She smiled, "Night, Jieun."
And here's something I don't get, why does my mom give me a Korean name? When I'm actually... American in so many ways? And she doesn't even know Korean...
"This is all bizarre," I said to myself as I turned off the light in my room. I stared into the dark.
I couldn't fall asleep, so I pulled open the curtain and stared at the sky... The night was clear, filled with stars.
I couldn't help my smile... Star... That's something I actually love except BTS... It's so beautiful and it gives me hope and... happiness in a way...
"Taehyung-ah." I whispered, "Are you looking up at the same sky right now? Look at all these stars in the sky... If all of them had found their own way to shine... There must be a way for me to find you right?"
I laughed at my silliness and closed the curtain... Stop dreaming Jieun... This is never gonna happen... Wake up...
I closed my eyes and a picture of Taehyung emerged... He has really got me gone crazy....
"I love you," I whispered one more time before going to sleep.
The night was silent... Dead silent... But there was something that I felt different about that night... Something I couldn't really explain... Before I could think more, the tiredness has called me to sleep..

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