Again I felt the urge to slam my head against the wall. I literally told him to fuck me. That I just needed his body against mine. I wanted to smell him so deeply while fucking him. Because his smell is so addicting. I want his hands all over my body, because damn do I love those hands. Please help. I cringed so hard and suppressed the urge to throw my glass of water through the room. I can't remember hir reply, but he asked me to try again. So that's why he smiled when he asked me to try again. I poured out my true feelings while I was drunk. I wanted to call my best friend, but she's going to murder me. I decided to call her, because she's also going to murder me if I don't call her. How do I start? Wakey, wakey I made a big mistakey. I called her and after a scolding of 5 minutes she told me she expected me to crawl back to him. Am I so predictable?
“Honestly, you care so much about him. You just hate the situation. So... make the situation work. Don't give up. I'm glad you found out this yourself.”
“I made myself look like a sad pile of shit.”
“And that's why I love you. Text him you want to talk to him as soon as possible. Don't let this chance slip. You created a new chance by accident. You should be proud of yourself.”
“Couldn't you have said this before? I'm not very proud of myself right now.”
“Girl, I'm always behind every choice you made. About things like that I don't comment unless he's a huge asshole.” Honestly I don't think if he was an asshole she would just say it she would him and his whole family for me, because that's the kind of friend she is. She was right. He still wanted to talk to me and I wanted to talk too. I just needed a coffee before I was going to take action. The only thing I could feel at the moment was pure shame. I texted him that I wanted to talk to him. He replied he was available later in the evening, because he stayed out the whole night he had to do a little damage control. Damn this boy, he's doing everything he can to make some time for me and here I am wanting to break it off because I'm too horny.

Later that evening we met up at the usual spot where the car was parked. It was quite late and dark already. I could barely see the black car since it was a backstreet with not many lights. I knocked on the window and his manager got out of the car. I felt my face getting red. Did he tell certain things to his manager? No, that's not what I should be worrying about. I got in the car and saw him. He was wearing a black hoodie and jeans. He was sitting there laid back. How do I do this? Am I going to start? Should I wait? As soon as I entered the car he started smiling.
“You know, I remember what I said last night.” I started. He kept staring at me.
“I was wrong. Not about last night. About breaking it off. I'm just so stupid and selfish. I realized that I didn't put enough effort in this relationship.” I felt like crying. I don't deserve this boy.
“No, I was wrong too. I didn't realize how hard it was for you. All the conditions for us to meet up were how it was best for me. I agree that this is not what I want either. I promise I'll make a better effort.” Promises... I think he saw that I felt some doubt about the word promise.
“I know what you're thinking, but just let's try it again.” He looked at me with those soft eyes. “I know now how I can sneak in and out of your apartment easily so it's easier to give that what you missed.” He bit his lip as he smiled at me. I could feel my cheeks getting red. Like a war flashback I remembered saying those words.
“You know... let's not get ahead of ourselves... let's just start with you know.” I made an awkward hand movement pointing at the both of us while trying to say the words. I felt breathless and as I was trying to get my composure back he pulled me closer.
“Let's go out now. Have a walk.”
“Sure.” I said. Fortunately his manager took us by car to a place outside the city.
“Call me when you're done with all the lovey-dovey stuff.” his manager said. I slightly panicked and looked at Namjoon.
“Don't worry, he doesn't know anything about last night in detail. He just knows I'm crazy about you.” I melted again. I hated those greasy things he said, but it made me feel loved. We walked towards a place next to the river with a bench. He sat first and I wasn't sure how for or close I should sit from him. I left some space between us.
“Well, no this isn't it.” I said and sat closer to him and he put his arm around my shoulder. Why should we start from the beginning?
“You should just do things. You're always calculating things in your head.” Well, yeah that's exactly true. “You do that and I also will start doing things.” His arm around my shoulders pulled me closer and he leaned in to kiss me. The touch of his soft lips sent a shiver down my spine. I felt so excited because I missed this intensity for so long. He leaned back and looked at me like he was trying to confirm something. I put my hand around his neck and pulled him closer to confirm whatever it was he wanted to know. I could feel his tongue enter my mouth. I placed my other hand also on his neck and pulled him even closer. While one arm was still around my shoulder I could feel his other hand on my waist. His hand went lower and I felt him stroking between my thighs. Then with one finger he pulled my dress up. Thank all the gods that I decided to wear a dress for the night. I bit my lip while and let out a little moan. I looked at him with eyes that obviously said 'please don't stop'. He kissed me again and I felt his fingers going inside my underwear. His fingers felt warm. I felt so wet and he entered me so easily. I felt his fingers rubbing me slowly and my nails were digging in his neck. This sensation was so amazing. I felt it building up. I couldn't continue kissing him. I could only bite my lip and started moaning harder. He started kissing my neck and his fingers started rubbing faster. I stopped thinking and right then I focused on his smell. He had such a manly but sweet scent. I was so addicted to it. He was like a drug and I became intoxicated by him. I felt hot and light in my head at the same time. This feeling became more and more intense. The feeling down there couldn't be contained any longer. Right when I reached my climax I dug my nails in his shoulder and I felt my back curving. I leaned back slightly after the lightness in my head was slightly disappearing. Namjoon kissed my lips softly. His hand was between my thighs and he stroked them sweetly with his finger. I couldn't stop smiling and I kissed him back. I wanted to compliment his hands, but right then his manager called him. Some kind of emergency had arisen and he needed to come back as soon as possible. He stood up after he ended the call.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I- no. I don't really know.” He sighed. I stood up and wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight. Saying that it's going to be fine would be weird since we both don't know what it is about.

We waited a little longer. When his manager arrived I told him to drop me off around a certain bus stop. Namjoon was quiet during the ride. I could see him think. I took his hand and squeezed it slightly. He turned his head and smiled at me. When we arrived at the bus stop I could see he tried to smile again, but his eyes weren't lying. I walked back to my apartment thinking about everything that happened. Although I'm happy that we're back together I was also worried.

At 4 am I got a text from him. 'You should know this before the whole situation is covered in the media'. I woke up immediately. What the fuck has happened? 'It's not that bad, but it could become ugly. They linked me in a dating scandal'. I felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my skull. Wait what?! I received one more text. 'It's not with you. So you're safe'. I was both relieved and angry. The third time in less than a week I wanted to slam my head against the wall.

Notes

When I started writing I thought it was going to be one chapter, but now I think about 5 chapters or something.