If You

Two days passed and still Jiyong didn't return to the apartment, so Emily threw herself into the decorating and unpacking that remained to be done. The upstairs loft had been painted a pale green and furnished with a crib and matching rocking chair, which she used as she folded baby clothes and blankets and tucked them away. We may not know what you are yet, she thought, pressing a hand to her belly, but this is a start.

She found herself talking to the life growing inside her, almost like it was a confidant no one else could see. He or she was a piece of both Jiyong and herself, but not even Jiyong could understand the bond she already felt. There's a lot your daddy doesn't understand, she told the baby, but I really messed up this time. How do I make it right?

She got up to go downstairs, then she heard a noise in the kitchen and froze on the top step. It could be Jiyong, but he and the other members would've called first, she thought.“Hello?” she called loudly. “Whoever you are, I've got a weapon and I'm calling the police!”

Her heart thudded as heavy footsteps approached, then a man in a dark uniform turned the corner and looked up at her. “It seems I've saved you the trouble, because I am the police,” he replied in a familiar deep voice.

Emily's heart leapt and she sagged against the railing in relief. “Seunghyun!” she breathed. “What are you doing here?”

“Is that all you have to say to a visiting officer?” he said, pretending to pout.

Emily hurried down the stairs and hugged him tightly. “I thought you were a burglar!” she laughed. “When - how-”

“This morning, and I got a few days’ leave,” he replied, hugging her gently. “No one was at the penthouse, so I decided to check here before going to YG.”

“I'm the only one here,” she said as she released him, then she patted her belly. “Well, almost the only one.”

“I'm so pleased for you, and Jiyong,” Seunghyun said proudly.

Emily's smile faltered slightly at Jiyong's name and Seunghyun noticed immediately. “What's wrong?” he asked. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I'm fine,” she said, waving him away, “but you always could pick up on my moods.”

“And I'm picking up something now,” he replied. “Trouble in paradise?”

Emily told him about the fight, but Seunghyun stayed impressively neutral during the whole tale. “You've certainly outdone yourselves this time,” he commented. “And he still hasn't called?”

Emily shook her head. “He leaves in three weeks and I'm beginning to think I won't see him at all,” she said. “How do I fix this?”

“I can't tell you that,” Seunghyun said immediately, “but don't let your time run out.”

“Time,” she mused. “I've always been on the wrong side of time, haven't I?”

“That's what we love about you,” he teased.


******


Jiyong sat alone in the recording booth, his feet propped up on the mixing board as he stared at the deserted microphone. This would likely be his last time in there before he left for Andong, but there wasn't anything left to write or record. He and the other members had been working overtime to prepare music for release while they were gone, all of which was already finished and tucked away somewhere, but Emily was continually in his thoughts and his anger battled with guilt at avoiding her. We should be spending every moment we can together, not steaming about another fight, he thought for the thousandth time.

A knock on the door snapped him back to the present and he sat up in his chair. “Come in,” he called.

“I thought I'd find you here.”

“Seunghyun!” he exclaimed, jumping up to embrace his friend. Seunghyun’s hair was its original black and his uniform was stiff to the touch, but his smile hadn't changed a bit. “When did you get here?” Jiyong asked. “Why didn't you tell us you were coming?”

“Haven't you ever heard of a surprise?” Seunghyun teased. He looked around the the booth and released a sigh, as if a weight had lifted off his shoulders just by entering the room. “So, this is where you've been hiding, is it?”

“I'm not hiding,” Jiyong said immediately, “I'm… working.”

Seunghyun glanced at the dormant mixing board. “Okay,” he said after a beat. “Where are the others?”

“Seungri’s been in meetings all day, Daesung’s at the recruitment center and Youngbae went to visit his girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” Seunghyun echoed. “When did that happen?”

“While Emily and I were on tour,” Jiyong replied. “They seem pretty serious already, but I can't blame him with the enlistment and everything happening.”

Seunghyun tilted his head slightly and Jiyong immediately knew he'd been to see Emily. “Well?” he asked, already preparing for the lecture.

“It's a nice apartment,” Seunghyun replied. “Emily gave me a tour. I never thought you'd pick green for a nursery.”

Jiyong blinked in confusion. “Um, thanks. I let Emily pick the colors, since we don't know what the baby's sex is and she'll… she'll be the one in there most of the time.”

Seunghyun nodded. “It's a good location too. Nice neighborhood, good security, close to the penthouse and YG. You picked a good building.”

Jiyong shrugged. “I guess.”

What is he doing? he wondered. Doesn't he want to talk about the fight?

“I thought the six of us could grab dinner tonight,” Seunghyun suggested. “Tomorrow's my last day in the city before I go back, so we'll have to make the most of it.”

“Sure,” Jiyong agreed, “whatever restaurant you want.”

Seunghyun nodded and clasped him on the shoulder, then turned and left him alone in the booth. Jiyong almost called for him to wait, but he left too quickly. That was almost worse than an actual talk, he thought miserably.

He sank back into the chair and played with some of the dials on the mixing board, then his new voicemail alert pinged. It was from Emily, so he picked up the phone to listen.

“Hey, it's me,” Emily said. “Seunghyun came by the apartment earlier, but he's probably with you now, which is why you're not picking up. I just wanted to say that… you're right. I was expecting you to act like an American would in this situation, and I completely disrespected your heritage. I'm… I'm really sorry. I know things haven't been easy for us and they're only gonna get harder once you leave, but I promise I won't do this ever again. I love you.”

The message ended and Jiyong released a long sigh, then he got up, turned off the lights and left the booth without a backward glance.


******


Emily stood sideways in front of the mirror and examined her stomach critically. She had never been skinny, which meant it would take a little longer for her to start showing, but that didn't stop her from checking every time she changed clothes. A fleeting memory of the tabloid taunting about her weight darted through her mind, but she shoved it away. It doesn’t matter as long as we're both healthy, she reminded herself.

She selected a dress from a box on the floor and slipped it on, only to remember it had a zipper she couldn't reach by herself. Most of her other nice clothes were at the drycleaners after being in storage so long, so she sighed and began trying to wrestle the zipper up.

Several minutes later she had just made it past her waist when someone knocked on the door. “Coming!” she called, padding down the hallway to peer through the peephole. “Thank goodness,” she sighed, opening the door, “I need your help.”

Daesung came inside and blushed when she showed him the half-done zipper. “Jiyong still hasn't come back?” he asked, gingerly zipping her up.

“No, but I assume he'll be at dinner,” she replied. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” he said as he settled on the couch. “I was a little surprised when you asked me to drive you there, even though I'm always happy to do it. I guess I figured…”

“That Jiyong and I would've made up by now?” Emily finished. “I called him earlier and left an apology voicemail, but he never responded. I can't blame him, but I'm not sure how we'll get through dinner if he's still mad at me.”

She looked at her bare feet and sighed. “Maybe I shouldn't go,” she murmured.

“Don't be like that,” Daesung said quickly. “Seunghyun wants all of us there. You wouldn't disappoint him, would you?”

“I wouldn't ruin the night with my personal drama either,” she retorted. “Jiyong's his friend and bandmate, so he has more right to be there than I do, and since he's obviously not ready to forgive me-”

“No offense, but we've been putting up with your drama for years now,” he reminded her. “It's part of having close relationships, and frankly it wouldn't feel right if you didn't come. Do I need to dress you myself?”

The old joke made her chuckle and he smiled. “That's better,” he said approvingly. “Hurry up now, we don't wanna be late.”


******


Jiyong pulled up to the restaurant and tossed his keys to the valet as he beelined to the door. Traffic had made him twenty minutes late, which meant he was the last to arrive and probably wouldn't hear the end of it for the next several days. The hostess must have been keeping an eye out for him because she waved him to the stairs as soon as he came in, so he took a second to check his reflection in the glass door and wondered again how he and Emily would handle the evening. He had gone by the apartment to pick her up, only to find it empty and the rest of the unpacking already done. Maybe I took too long to come back, he mused. He knew he couldn't delay things any longer, so he took a deep breath and took the stairs two at a time until he reached the roof.

He had managed to reserve the whole dining area for their meal, which was minimally decorated with strands of lights and had a chrome railing that ran the perimeter of the rectangular edge. The beautifully set table, warm summer breeze and sweeping view of the city made the atmosphere almost idyllic. Seunghyun and Daesung were already at the table, while Youngbae was pacing back and forth with his phone to his ear. “There you are!” he exclaimed, putting his phone away. “We were beginning to think you wouldn't show.”

“You know I wouldn't miss this,” Jiyong replied.

Seunghyun heard his voice and nodded at him in greeting, then inclined his head in the direction of the railing. Emily was standing with her back to him, talking earnestly with Seungri and seemingly oblivious to Jiyong’s presence. Her hair was loose and flowed down her back like a river, and she wore a shimmery silver dress that Jiyong had bought her in Paris during the tour.

Seungri saw him and nudged Emily, and his breath caught as she looked over her shoulder at him. She was so beautiful, and for a moment he couldn't remember why they had been apart. She held out her hand, her wedding ring glinting in the lights, and he wasted no time in closing the distance between them to take it. “I… I went by the apartment and you weren't there,” he found himself saying.

Seungri moved discreetly away and Emily dropped her gaze to the ground. “I asked Daesung to drive me over,” she replied. “I was beginning to think I wouldn't see you at all before you went to Andong.”

She said the words with such resignation, as if his absence was a punishment she rightfully deserved, and the last of his anger finally faded away. “I know I tend to disappear after we fight,” he said, “but I'll never leave you, Emily. You know that, don't you?”

Emily bowed her head and Jiyong pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair as she cried into his jacket. “We're in this for forever, babe,” he whispered into her ear, “and I will always come back to you.”

After a few seconds Emily pulled back, wiped her cheeks and glanced over at the table, where the other members were pretending absolutely nothing was happening. “Sorry, everyone,” she said in a regular voice, “you know how these pregnancy hormones can be.”

All of them emphatically agreed and they sat down together as Seunghyun began pouring glasses of red wine. “Gentlemen, this is a special night for several reasons, but I'll only mention two,” he said as he handed out glasses. “First, this is my last night on leave, and I can't tell you how relieved I am that you haven't burned YG down while I've been gone.”

All of them laughed and he waited for them settle down before continuing. “Second, and more importantly, this is likely to be the last night all six of us will be together for a long time.”

Jiyong felt suddenly uncomfortable and took a sip of wine to hide it.

“Jiyong and Youngbae are leaving in just a few weeks, and Daesung not long after that. I wish you all good fortune and safety as you go.”

Emily found Jiyong's hand and squeezed it tightly as she sipped her water. “What about you, Seungri?” he asked to distract himself. “I thought you were leaving with Daesung.”

Seungri and Emily exchanged a look, then Seungri cleared his throat. “I've given it a lot of thought, Jiyong, and I've decided to put off my enlistment for another year.”

Jiyong frowned. “But I thought-”

Emily squeezed his hand again and he abruptly stopped.

“I… I want to stay and help Emily,” Seungri said, “if that's alright with you, of course. I know you'd stay if you could, but I thought this way you could go knowing Emily and the baby are being looked after.”

Jiyong was stunned. “You'd… you'd do that?”

Seungri nodded. “I'll check on her every day, take her to doctor's appointments, whatever she needs.”

“I thought it would give you some peace of mind,” Emily added, “but I didn't want to accept without your approval. What do you think?”

Jiyong felt tears burning his eyes and left the table to compose himself. It was like a weight had been unexpectedly lifted off his shoulders, but he must've worried them because Seungri was right behind him. “I hope I didn't overstep,” he said anxiously, “I just wanted to-”

Jiyong hugged him fiercely and felt several hot tears spill down his cheeks. “Thank you,” he choked out.

Seungri just returned the hug and waited until Jiyong was calm before pulling away.

“Can we get back to the fun stuff, please?” Daesung said with mock impatience.

Emily handed Jiyong a napkin as he came back to the table and he dabbed his eyes carefully. “I'd like that,” he said, kissing the top of her head.

Notes