If You

Emily hefted the box a little higher and nudged the door open with her elbow. “Here's the last one,” she called.

“What are you doing?!” Jiyong exclaimed, taking the box before she could protest.

“It's not even that heavy,” she huffed.

“You shouldn't be lifting anything,” he countered, setting the box on the table with several others. “We have to be careful about-”

“The anemia, I know,” Emily finished, rolling her eyes. “I'm not helpless.”

“I know,” he said, kissing her on the forehead, “but I like taking care of you.”

He went back to the window and Emily looked around the apartment. “I almost feel bad about not living in the house while you're away,” she said. “Such a beautiful home sitting empty for months at a time, and spending extra money on the apartment.”

“Hush,” Jiyong chided as he wrangled a curtain rod above the window. “You make it sound like we can't afford to do whatever we want.”

Emily knew countering this was pointless, even if her thrifty southern sensibilities were having a hard time adjusting. “Did you really need to take a whole day off just to hang curtains?” she teased. “I could've hired someone.”

“Maybe, but would they have my artistic eye?” he said, clipping the rings to the curtain.

“Those are for the shower curtain, Mr. Artist.”

“What the-” Jiyong looked at the rings more closely and sighed. “To be fair, I did think those rings looked a little flimsy,” he said as he climbed down the ladder.

Emily's phone buzzed and she checked it. “Daesung and Seungri are almost here,” she said. “How are you feeling about the meeting?”

“I told you, I'm fine,” he assured her, grabbing the correct rings and sliding them onto the curtain rod. “The recruitment officer I talked to seemed optimistic that I'd get a nearby assignment, so I don't think there's anything to worry about.”

He climbed down and stepped back to admire his work. “What do you think?” he asked.

Emily examined the arrangement and sighed. “You were right about the gray,” she admitted. “It does look nice with the wallpaper.”

“Like I said, I've got the eye,” he said, then there was a knock on the door and Jiyong smiled at her. “It's open,” he called, putting his arms around her.

The guys came in and Seungri let out a whistle. “Nice place,” he said, taking in the room with a sweeping glance.

“Nice color choice,” Daesung said appreciatively, nodding at the curtains.

Emily rolled her eyes. “We get it, gray’s a nice color,” she said. “Are we ready to go?”

“I didn't realize you were in such a hurry to meet with military officers,” Seungri commented.

“I'd rather get it over with and know where they're sending him,” she said, squeezing Jiyong’s hand. “Maybe I can convince them not to take you at all.”

Jiyong just smiled and shook his head at her. “Let's go,” he said, grabbing his sunglasses.

The recruitment office was in a part of Seoul Emily hadn't been to, and the unfamiliarity didn't help her anxiety. “Do you feel sick?” Jiyong asked concernedly. “Should we pull over?”

“I'm okay,” she promised, gritting her teeth hard.

They parked near the entrance and all of them entered the building together. Emily sensed a subtle change in the guys’ demeanor as they crossed the threshold, making them stand taller as they approached the receptionist. “Kwon Jiyong, Kang Daesung and Lee Seunghyun to see Major Jeon Jaehyun,” Jiyong said respectfully.

The man behind the desk was in full military uniform, and if he recognized the BIGBANG members he didn't let on. “Wait here,” he said, picking up the phone.

They took a seat on a nearby bench and Emily glanced around the room. It was sparsely decorated except for the giant South Korean flag hanging on the wall behind the receptionist, and a faint hum of activity was audible through the doors. Guess this place stays pretty busy, she thought, catching glimpses of men in uniform walking by. The unfairness of it hit her all over again just as the receptionist waved them over. “Major Jeon will see you now,” he announced.

They all stood up, but the man shook his head. “Not her,” he said, looking at Emily.

“She's my wife,” Jiyong offered.

“Recruits only beyond those doors,” the man insisted.

Jiyong turned back to Emily, who couldn't keep a sour expression off her face. “The least they could do is look me in the eye as they send you away,” she grumbled.

“We won't be gone long,” Jiyong said gently, then he released her hand and all three of them disappeared through the doors.

Emily sat back down and clutched onto the bench seat. You're fine with this, she told herself, this is just pregnancy hormones riling you up again.

The receptionist soon returned and it was all Emily could do not to glare at him. Getting angry isn't going to change anything, she reminded herself, but she was still stewing when Jiyong and the others came back out fifteen minutes later. “Well?” she asked immediately.

They all exchanged a nervous look and Emily's anxiety spiked. “What's the matter? What did he say?”

“We shouldn't talk here,” Jiyong said, and he steered her out the door and into the car before she could formulate a response. “I'm not sitting in suspense all the way back to the apartment,” she snapped as he got in the driver's seat. “Just tell me!”

Jiyong gripped the steering wheel with both hands and gave the guys a concerned glance in the rearview mirror. “My request for local posting was denied,” he said finally. “They're sending me to Andong.”

Emily threw her door open and didn't bother shutting it as she stomped back to the building.

“Emily! Where are you going? Emily!”

Jiyong caught up with her just as she reached the door and blocked her with his arm. “Babe-”

“Don't babe me!” Emily shouted. “They can't just do this to us! You didn't even want to serve, and now they don't even have the decency to keep you near your pregnant wife!”

Daesung and Seungri ran up and Emily took advantage of the distraction to dart inside before Jiyong could stop her. The receptionist stood up to protest, but she blew right past him into the main room of the recruitment center. Dozens of uniformed officers paused their work to watch her with perplexed expressions, but she just scanned nameplates until she found Major Jeon’s desk against the wall. “Major Jeon?” she called, her hair whirling as she stalked over to him.

Major Jeon was a broad-chested man with a serious face, but even he seemed surprised to see an angry pregnant woman in front of him. “Ma’am-”

“What right have you to send my husband all the way to Andong when our baby is due in six months?!” she shouted. “You're not even at war! What kind of republic forces its men to waste their lives like this?!”

The whole room went silent as they all waited for the major's response, but Major Jeon didn't say anything as he stood up and walked around his desk to face her. He was even taller than Emily had supposed, forcing her to crane her neck to look him in the eye. “You must be Mrs. Kwon,” he said in clipped English.

Emily didn't reply, except to fold her arms angrily.

“I must say that insulting the Republic in a roomful of officers is hardly helping your case,” he said mildly, “but I'll tell you why. We're sending him to Andong because that's where he's needed. Yes, needed. I don't expect a foreigner like you to understand, but I do require respect, especially in my own recruitment center. You can either leave now or be detained by my men for at least twenty-four hours.”

He returned to his seat and picked up a file, but Emily stepped forward anyway. “I understand that he has to go somewhere,” she said, making a herculean effort to control herself, “but to be sent so far away seems cruel. Isn't there anything you can do?”

Major Jeon studied her for a moment. “I'm surprised you don't know this, but seeing how your husband was gone for less than a minute before you came in here, he probably didn't have the chance to tell you.” He tossed the file aside and folded his hands on the desk. “He's being sent there so the public can see that the military doesn't give celebrities special treatment,” he said, almost smugly. “Both of you should feel honored to set such a good example for… what's the expression?” He pretended to search for it. “Oh yes, the little people.”

A few of the officers sniggered and Emily realized how fruitless this was. “I see,” she murmured. “Well then, thank you for your time.”

She turned to leave, only to see Jiyong and the others frozen by the door. She had never seen such a look of utter humiliation on his face and she immediately felt sick. What have I done? she wondered.

Wordlessly they left the room and went back to the car as she tried to think of something to say. “Jiyong, I'm-”

“Don't,” he snapped, fidgeting with his keys, “you've said enough.”

They all got in and Jiyong started the car, but didn't pull out of the space for several seconds. Finally Daesung coughed and leaned forward from the backseat. “Do you want me to drive?” he asked tentatively.

Jiyong bowed his head and Emily could see a vein pulsing in his temple. I've never seen him this angry, she realized.

Eventually he put the car in gear and drove off, quickly leaving the recruitment center behind as they rejoined traffic on the main road. The silence was full of building rage from Jiyong and stunned gaping from Daesung and Seungri, who were studiously looking out their respective windows as they weaved through the city.

They stopped at a red light and Jiyong let out a tremulous sigh. “I have never,” he began, “been more embarrassed in my entire life. You insulted a roomful of officers, not to mention my country and my culture, and publicly humiliated me.”

His voice had dropped to a ragged growl and Emily thought she preferred his impassioned shouting to such a deadly rumble. “Jiyong-”

He raised a finger and she fell silent again. “I'd ask what possessed you to do something like that, but there's nothing you could say that would justify it.”

Emily's raw emotions pricked at that. “Nothing I could say?” she repeated. “You heard what he said, they're sending you to Andong just because you're a celebrity. It's discrimination, Jiyong!”

“You think I don't know that?!” Jiyong shouted.

“Um, the light's green,” Seungri mumbled.

Jiyong stomped on the gas and they shot through the intersection like a rocket. “I was going to appeal it!” he shouted. “I could've written letters, made phone calls, even met with people, but now we're stuck with it!”

Emily instinctively braced her stomach as they sped down the street. “Please, Jiyong,” she groaned. “I didn't know.”

“And whose fault is that?” he demanded. “You never wait to consult someone else when there's a problem, do you? Not now, not with the stalker and especially not when you left me in the middle of my own after party!”

Emily's jaw dropped. “I-”

“If you would just wait a little bit, we can talk things over and find a solution without causing a ton of extra drama!”

They pulled into the apartment building’s parking lot and Jiyong parked the car at a crude angle. Emily was hurt and angry all over again and she twisted to face him. “You're no military man, Jiyong!” she yelled. “You have no desire to serve in the military whatsoever, but they expect you to waste two years of your life away from your family and career while you - while you peel potatoes or clean toilets!”

“How would you know?!” Jiyong yelled back. “You've never even bothered to ask me, you just think about how you'd feel and assume that's how I am. It's an honor for every Korean man to serve, but you're too busy playing the American to understand!”

“Don't you dare sit there and make me the selfish one!” Emily blazed. “Everything I've ever done in this relationship has been for you, even when I left in the middle of the party. I've literally followed you around the world while you chase your dreams, so excuse me for fighting for mine!”

There was a click and Emily realized Daesung and Seungri had slipped out of the backseat. She exhaled loudly and brushed away a new wave of tears. “I can't do this alone,” she whispered.


******


Jiyong heard her whisper and his anger softened a little. She's been really emotional lately and this was a big shock, he realized. Maybe she was just trying to defend me.

He was still overwhelmingly angry and embarrassed about the scene back at the recruitment center, so he got out and leaned against the hood of the car while he tried to calm down.

“G-DRAGON!” a girl screamed, and he looked over to see a group of fans beelining straight for him. Oh no, not now, he groaned inwardly, already putting on a casual smile, then Daesung and Seungri stepped forward and met the fans halfway. They seemed delighted enough to meet more members of BIGBANG, so Jiyong took advantage of the distraction to walk around the car to the passenger side and open the door. “There's fans,” he said as if it weren't obvious. “We should go up.”

He held out his hand and Emily took it, but she didn't look him in the eye as they slipped into the building. They didn't speak until they were in the apartment and Emily sighed. “I'm…” she trailed off and wiped her eyes again, her head bent low over her chest.

Jiyong wanted to make up, but every time he opened his mouth the words just wouldn't come, so they waited in silence until they heard a light tap on the door. “Come in,” he called, sliding his hands into his pockets.

Daesung and Seungri came in tentatively and Jiyong didn't blame them after the screaming match they just witnessed. “Fans gone?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Seungri replied. “They seemed confused that you had disappeared, but we convinced them to move on.”

Jiyong nodded and glanced at Emily again. “I’m… going to the penthouse,” he said finally.

Emily didn’t respond and he left the apartment without another word, Daesung on his heels. “Did you… I mean…” he seemed lost for words and Jiyong sighed. “We’ll be okay,” he said reassuringly. “I just need a break.”

“Don’t take too long,” Daesung warned. “You’ve only got a few more weeks with her, you know.”

Jiyong swallowed hard. “I know.”

Notes