If You

Jiyong's second show in Milan was even more packed than the first, and as Emily watched him perform she repeatedly found herself reaching for her notebook. Old habits die hard, she thought, clasping her hands together instead.

“Signora!”

Emily turned around and saw Francesca De Luca barrelling toward her with a rather terrified brunette girl in tow. “I was told you congregate here,” she said, waving a bejeweled hand around carelessly.

“I… well…” Emily tried to think of something to say. “You got tickets, then?” she said lamely.

“And backstage passes, thanks to Jiyong,” Francesca said airily. “I thought you'd be closer to the sidestage?”

“It's nearing the end of the set, which makes it rather crowded,” Emily replied. “Who's your friend?”

“Vannozza,” Francesca said disinterestedly. Emily peeked around her and smiled at the girl. “Hi, I'm Emily,” she said kindly.

The girl took a step forward, then glanced at Francesca. She has no idea how to manage her, Emily realized. Jiyong's last song started and she thought quickly. “Seon Tuk,” she called.

The burly bodyguard hurried over and gave a curt bow. “Ma'am?”

“Take Signora De Luca to the lounge, and make sure she's well supplied with champagne until Mr. Kwon is ready.”

Seon Tuk nodded and gestured for Francesca to follow him, but she seemed unwilling to go. “What about Jiyong?” she whined. “I thought-”

“Mr. Kwon will be finished soon and will meet all of his guests after changing,” Emily said sweetly. “Please, enjoy yourself until then.”

Francesca followed Seon Tuk away and Emily motioned Vannozza over. “How did you do that?” the girl said wonderingly.

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Emily murmured. “This show was already sold out before Francesca knew about it. How did she end up coming with you?”

“My friend Carlotta and I were going to go together, but Francesca offered her a lot of money for her ticket,” she shrugged. She seemed genuinely disappointed in her friend and Emily felt bad for her. “Well Vannozza, you're about to get a rare treat,” she said, ushering the girl through the doors.

“What do you mean?”

“Mr. Kwon usually sees all of his backstage guests in the lounge after the show, but you will get to meet him first,” Emily explained.

“Me?!” Vannozza exclaimed. “But… but how?”

“I’m his wife,” Emily said with a grin, “so I can make all kinds of things happen.”

They made it backstage just as the lights went down and Jiyong ran into the wings. “Has anyone seen my water bottle?” he called, wiping his face with a towel.

“Here sir-”

“I'll take your mic-”

“Where's Hae Soo? Encore is in two minutes!”

“Wait here,” Emily said, stationing Vannozza on a stool before wading through the crowd to Jiyong. “Hey,” he said, giving her a sweaty kiss while Hae Soo tried to powder his face.

“Francesca showed up,” she whispered.

Jiyong groaned. “And?”

“I need you to do something for me after your encore.”

He raised an eyebrow. “For Francesca?”

“Thirty seconds!” someone called.

“Just go and I'll explain after,” she said, giving him a shove.

She made her way back to Vannozza, who was frozen on her stool. “Was that G-DRAGON?” she asked.

“It was,” Emily confirmed. “He's excited to meet you, by the way.”

Vannozza blushed and Emily smiled to herself. That Francesca must be a real piece of work to take advantage of a teenager like this, she thought. “Come on, let's watch the show,” she said aloud.

She brought Vannozza up to the edge of the stage and watched her face during the encore. Vannozza knew a lot of the lyrics and joined in the chants wholeheartedly, and she applauded when Jiyong took his final bows at the end. “He's so close, it's like I can almost touch him!” she exclaimed.

“He's about to get a lot closer,” Emily said as the lights went down again. She shepherded Vannozza over to one side as the chaos resumed backstage, then she heard Jiyong call her name and met him halfway as he approached. “What's this favor you need?” he whispered.

“There's a girl, Vannozza, who really wants to meet you,” she explained. “She was supposed to come with a friend, but Francesca bought her out and hijacked Vannozza’s whole evening. The poor thing looked so upset, I wanted to do something nice for her.”

Jiyong looked over to where Vannozza waited by the door, then back to Emily. “Why would Francesca-”

“Because she likes you,” Emily said flatly.

Jiyong laughed and nodded. “I see. I'll take care of it, don't worry.”

Emily kissed his cheek and they went over to Vannozza together. “Vannozza, right?” Jiyong said in English. “I'm Kwon Jiyong, it's nice to meet you.”

He bowed and Emily thought Vannozza might faint. “It's nice to meet you too,” she said in stumbling Korean.

“Impressive!” he exclaimed. “Did you learn that all on your own?”

They walked down the hallway while Jiyong and Vannozza talked, but Emily hung back a little to enjoy the moment. Jiyong's easy tone and disarming smile were having a marvelous effect on her, and by the time they made it to his dressing room Vannozza was a completely different person. “Would you like to see?” Jiyong said, nodding at the dressing room door. Vannozza nodded mutely, too excited to speak, so Jiyong opened the door and gave her a quick tour of the room, pointing out costumes, makeup, even the band picture taped to the mirror by his chair.

After a few minutes Jiyong's tour manager, Seong Do, knocked on the open door. “Fan meet in ten,” he said, tapping his watch.

“Come on, I'll walk you back,” Emily offered.

Vannozza bowed to Jiyong politely, then he held out his arms and gave her a warm hug. “I'm glad I got to meet you, Vannozza,” he said as he let go. Vannozza just giggled and followed Emily out of the room.

“Well?” Emily asked, closing the door behind them.

“Thank you, signora!” Vannozza exclaimed, throwing her arms around Emily. “Carlotta will be so jealous!”

Emily led her back to the lounge where Francesca and a few dozen other fans were waiting. “Where have you been?!” she asked Vannozza imperiously.

“We were just hanging out,” Emily said quickly, “you know, killing time. I get so bored sometimes, don't you, Vannozza?”

Vannozza just nodded and Francesca took a swig from her glass. “Is he coming or what?” she demanded. “We didn't pay good money to be kept waiting!”

The other fans seemed embarrassed by her ranting and Emily was ready to give a scathing retort when the door opened and Jiyong entered the room. The fans cheered and Emily stepped to one side, giving Vannozza a subtle wink. Vannozza seemed to understand and did a superb job of pretending to meet Jiyong for the first time, even summoning tears of excitement. What a talented little actress, Emily thought in surprise.

Francesca's turn came and she immediately attempted to drape herself across Jiyong's arm. “Signor Kwon, how wonderful to see you again,” she said, emphasizing the last word so everyone could hear. “What a fantastic show you put on tonight.”

Jiyong murmured a response and tried to extricate himself, but she clung to him anyway. “How long will you be in Milan? I'm having a private party at our townhouse tomorrow night while my husband is out of town, and I would love for you to attend.”

Emily couldn't help coming up and claiming Jiyong's free arm. “We certainly appreciate the invitation, but we'll be heading to France in the morning,” she said sweetly. Francesca seemed deflated by this and Jiyong finally managed to pull away from her. “Thanks for coming,” he said, then continued down the line.

Emily returned to her spot and spent the rest of the fan meet enjoying the look on Francesca's face. Serves her right for making a spectacle of herself, she thought smugly.

Jiyong didn't rush through a single meet, but Emily could tell he was tired by the end and she gave Seong Do the signal to wrap up. “Thank you for coming, and don't forget your gift bags on your way out,” he called, waving them through the doors.

Vannozza trailed behind Francesca dutifully, but she turned and gave Emily one last blissful smile before the doors closed and they were gone.

“The nerve of that woman,” Jiyong muttered, opening another water bottle.

“I know. You should've heard her at the party the other night. She kept suggesting I find entertainment for myself while you're enlisted.”

Jiyong choked on his water and coughed several times before his airway cleared again. “She said that?” he rasped.

“What, you don't think-”

“No, of course not!” he said hastily. “I just can't believe she'd suggest something like that.”

“Not everyone has what we have,” she reminded him.


******


After a week in France they were on the plane to Berlin when Emily's phone rang. “Hey Lisa,” she said, cradling the phone against her shoulder.

“I just got a really interesting call from an editor in Berlin,” she said. “How would you like to do a book signing while you're there?”

“What?”

“You remember the novels you wrote, right?” Lisa teased. “Somehow this editor got wind that you would be in town and he wants to hold a signing!”

Emily was so caught off-guard that she didn't hear the stream of words Lisa was reeling off. “Lisa, Lisa,” she said, cutting her off, “breathe. Of course I'll do it. Send me the details and I'll look it over.”

She hung up and Jiyong stirred next to her. “What's happened?” he croaked.

“Did I wake you?”

“It's okay,” he said, “we're probably gonna be landing soon anyway. Who was that?”

Emily told him the news and a smile broke across his face. “A book signing?” he said, sitting up more, “that's amazing, babe!”

“I know!” she exclaimed. “I certainly wasn't expecting it.”

“Why shouldn't you?” he asked. “You're a talented and famous author, remember? You deserve this!”

Emily frowned slightly. “What about-”

“Don't even mention the tour,” he said firmly. “It's almost running itself now, though Seong Do probably wouldn't agree, and I want you to pursue your dreams just as hard as I pursue mine.”

The plane landed at Berlin Tegel Airport and Emily's phone chirped again as they headed to their hotel. “Looks like the publishing house is on the west side of the city,” she said, scanning the email Lisa sent. “The signing would be in two days at a major bookstore downtown.”

“Our flight doesn't leave until six that evening, so that won't be an issue,” Jiyong assured her.

Emily put her phone away and folded her arms.

“What's wrong? Aren't you excited?”

“Yeah, but…” she paused, struggling to put her feelings into words. “I didn't realize how long it's been since I did something like this.”

“You'll be great,” he said, kissing her forehead.


******


Emily sat at the table and fought the urge to curl into a ball underneath it. She had five minutes until the bookstore doors opened, but she didn't know what would come through them. I haven't written a novel in years. Who's going to show up to a signing now?

“I hope you're ready.”

“Seong Do!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I'd play the part of manager, if you'll have me,” he replied, folding his beefy arms across his chest.

“But the tour-”

“Can keep itself together for a few hours,” he interrupted. “Besides, managing Jiyong means making sure his wife is taken care of.”

Emily's heart warmed and she sat up a little straighter. “Do… do you think anyone will come?” she asked.

“Are you kidding? There's a line around the block. I had to take a side street just to get into the building.”

A thrill of surprise raced through her and she barely had time to compose herself as the doors opened and the first wave of fans rushed in. “Fraulein Carter! Fraulein Carter!” they called, shoving against each other in their haste.

“Settle down!” Seong Do called in English. “Form a line and be respectful!”

A line immediately formed and Emily began signing books as quickly as possible. Many copies were well-worn or had favorite passages marked, and a few even had homemade bookmarks tucked between the pages. After thirty minutes she reached for the next book and recognized the hand holding it. “Jiyong?” she said, looking up at him in surprise.

He took off his hat and the fans behind him screamed delightedly. “You didn't think I’d miss your signing, did you?” he teased.

“It's G-DRAGON!” one girl yelled, and the news quickly traveled down the line and out the doors.

“Seong Do, take our picture, would you?” Jiyong asked, handing him his phone. Seong Do took several pictures, then he glanced up and his eyes widened. “We have a problem,” he muttered.

They turned around and saw a mob of fans charging straight for the table, and Jiyong barely managed to vault over it before they crashed into it. The edge rammed into Emily’s stomach, but Seong Do managed to keep it from flipping over. What is happening? Emily wondered desperately.

The line of people waiting for Emily was being crushed by the crazed fans, making them more agitated by the second, and the security team was struggling to cut through the roiling mob. The insanity summoned unpleasant memories of Jihae and Emily had to fight to remain calm. They're just excited. That's all this is, excitement.

“Are you okay?” Jiyong asked concernedly. Emily nodded and Jiyong climbed up on a chair. “Please, everyone!” he yelled. “Remain calm and stay in line!”

Emily felt a flash of anger. This is his fault. If he hadn't shown up here-

“Jiyong, we need to get you out of here,” Seong Do said urgently.

The security team finally pushed through the crowd and two of them immediately whisked Jiyong away, while the others managed to get the crowd back under control. “Are you hurt?” Seong Do asked her.

Emily shook her head and looked out at the askew lobby. Many fans hadn't bothered staying after Jiyong left, and some had fled during the chaos. She felt deflated, but kept a smile on her face as she met the remaining fans and took more pictures. Why did he have to come? she wondered over and over again.

An hour later the last fan left and Emily decided to close the signing early. “That was a great turnout,” Seong Do commented, “crazed fans notwithstanding.”

A nearby television started playing news coverage of the mobbing and Emily’s lips tightened. “Yeah, great,” she said flatly.

They left the teardown team to finish and went to the waiting car outside, but a reporter ran up to them and pushed a microphone into Emily’s face. “Fraulein! How did the events of today affect you? Are you angry with the fans?”

Seong Do went to push the woman away, but Emily stopped him. “No one’s angry with the fans,” she said, “but I would encourage everyone to treat these situations with courtesy and respect. My husband is very supportive of my career and I value his presence at the signing today.”

“Even though most of the fans left after he was escorted out?”

Emily gritted her teeth, but kept smiling. “I’m grateful for each fan that came out today,” she insisted, “whether they came to see me or my husband. Now please excuse me, I have a flight to catch.”

Seong Do opened the car door for her and she climbed in, but the reporter wouldn’t let go so easily. “Please Fraulein, just one more-”

“I have no further comment,” Emily cut in, “and you may call me Frau Kwon.”

She pulled the door closed and threw her bag onto the floor. All I wanted was a few hours for myself, and instead I get yet another Jiyong-centered PR nightmare.

Seong Do started the car and Emily could feel him looking at her in the rearview mirror, but neither of them spoke all the way to the airport. Another group of paparazzi was waiting for them there, so Emily slid a mask on and allowed Seong Do to shepherd her to the gate where Jiyong and his entourage were waiting. “There you are!” he exclaimed. “I was starting to worry. What’s with the mask?”

“Oh what, I’m not allowed to wear a mask now?” she snapped.

Jiyong blinked a few times. “N-no, you just don’t usually… I mean, if you want to… ” he trailed off and glanced at Seong Do, who remained stoic. “Are you ready to board?” he asked meekly.

Emily just shouldered her bag and headed down the jet bridge, feeling more frustrated with every step. What’s with the mask? Not “I’m so sorry” or “I shouldn’t have gone to the signing”. He leads with “what’s with the mask?”!

She sat down in an empty seat and Jiyong sat beside her, obviously trying to think of something to say. “Are you mad at me?” he asked.

“And here I was trying to hide it,” she said sarcastically.

“I fail to see how any of this was my fault.”

Emily whipped around to look at him. “The whole incident was your fault!” she hissed. “If you hadn’t shown up, there wouldn’t have been a mobbing in the first place!”

“So what, I’m not allowed to show up to your events?” he demanded. “I just wanted to-”

“This wasn’t about you, Jiyong! This was mine, and you couldn’t just let it be!”

Most of the entourage was looking at them now, but Jiyong frowned at them and they quickly went back to work. “I thought you were okay with it,” he whispered.

“Well, maybe I’m not,” she replied.

Neither of them spoke again until the plane was in the air and the seatbelt sign had winked off. “I’ll just give you some space, then,” Jiyong said, getting up.

“Oh, so now you’ll give me space,” Emily said sarcastically.

“You obviously don’t want me around, so I’m trying to give you what you want!”

“No, you’re trying to pretend you’re the bigger person here!” she shouted. “ ‘Oh look at me, being such an attentive husband and giving my crazy wife some space’!”

Jiyong glanced around at the others, who were studiously ignoring them. “Babe, I know you’re upset, but-”

“But what, you don’t want to draw attention to yourself?” she spat. “It’s a little late for that mindset, don’t you think?”

His expression changed and she knew she had made him mad. “If I want to go to my wife’s book signing, I’m damn well going to go, Emily! It’s not my fault that some of them only wanted to see me!”

Seong Do covered his face and Emily drew herself up as tall as she could. “I see. So after causing a mobbing and ruining my book signing, all you can really come up with is “I’m more famous that you”? I hear those words enough in my head without you spouting them at me.”

“What else do you want me to say?”

“An apology would be nice!” she snapped. “You of all people should know you can’t just show up to things without communicating first!”

Her phone rang and she pulled it out of her pocket. “It’s Lisa, probably wanting an explanation for that catastrophe,” she said. “I’ll be lucky if I ever get another chance like that.”

Jiyong looked like he wanted to retort, but he just threw his hands up and stalked down to another section of the plane. Emily flounced back into her seat and answered the phone.

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” Lisa said immediately.

“I’m fine,” Emily grumbled. “Is the editor upset?”

“Not with you, but he would’ve liked a heads up about a huge KPOP star showing up.”

“Him and me both,” she muttered. “I told Jiyong he can’t just do things like that, but… ”

“But what?”

“Nothing. Extend my apologies to the editor, and make whatever deal you need to make him happy. I’ll comply with anything you need.”

“Don’t worry about it, Emily. This is one me for throwing something together last minute. I’ll make sure you’re properly equipped next time.”

“If there is a next time.”

“Sorry?”

“Nothing. Bye, Lisa.”

Emily hung up and stared out the window. This is going to be harder than I thought.

Notes