Two months later


Emily sent her last email and closed her laptop with a sigh. It still had to be proofread and edited, but it wouldn't be long before the book was ready for publishing. Emily only had a few weeks before her contract with YG ended and she was due back in New York. I can't think about that now, she thought, shoving it away. I still have a little time.

They had another awards show in a few days and she hadn't seen much of the guys, who were now busily wrapping up recording before Seunghyun left for his military service the following week. She got up and stretched as she navigated half-packed suitcases to the kitchen. Her phone rang and she pulled it out of her pocket. “Hello?”

“Is it finished?” Jiyong asked.

“Yes,” Emily replied, walking over to the window. “I just sent it over.”

There was a long, wrenching silence, then Jiyong asked, “When?”

“I don't know.”

“Will you come to the show?”

“Of course.”

There was talking in the background and Jiyong sighed. “I have to go, they need me in the studio. I'll see you tonight?”

“Tonight,” Emily promised before hanging up. She made a cup of coffee and drank it slowly, barely even tasting it as it went down. The last few months had been perfect, but now that it was nearly over she couldn't face the idea of leaving. Her stomach twisted at the thought of Jiyong standing by a boarding gate, watching her get on a plane as she disappeared from his life. I can't do that, she decided, setting her mug in the sink. I won't do that to him. A sudden idea took hold of her and she grabbed her jacket before heading down to the street. The November air was bitingly cold and blew at her constantly, making her shiver as she signaled a taxi. “Where to?” the driver asked as she opened the door.

“Rare Market,” she replied, sliding into the backseat. Emily had never been to Rare Market, but she knew Jiyong's sister, Dami, had opened it rather recently and by all accounts was doing well. If I'm going to an awards show, I need a dress, she thought as the taxi pulled up beside the boutique. Emily paid him and stared up at the large building. She felt a rush of uncertainty, then she rallied herself and went inside.

She was immediately reminded of Jiyong as she walked through the doors. The decor and atmosphere were strikingly similar to his sense of style, down to the white lab coats the sales associates wore. I wonder if Dami’s here today, she mused, running her fingers over a rack of clothing.

A loud squeal answered her question and she looked up to where Dami waved at her enthusiastically, hanging over the railing of the second floor. “Wait there!” she called, disappearing from view. She came flying down the stairs and across the store to where Emily stood. “I'm so pleased to finally meet you!” she gasped, bowing before giving Emily a crushing hug. “My brother's told me so much about you.”

“Likewise,” Emily gasped. Dami let her go immediately. “Sorry,” she apologized. “Is Jiyong with you? He should've called me.”

“No, he's at the studio,” Emily said nonchalantly. “He's the reason I'm here, though.”

“Why, is something wrong?” Dami asked, her eyebrows knitting together in concern.

She doesn't know, Emily realized. “No, of course not. I have an awards show coming up, and I need a dress. I want to surprise Jiyong by wearing one of yours.”

A huge smile spread across Dami’s face. “I might have something,” she said, beckoning for Emily to follow her. They went up several flights of stairs to the top floor, passing display after display of avant garde fashion before coming to a door marked Office. Dami unlocked it and motioned for Emily to follow her inside. “This is where I like to think,” she said, flipping a light switch. The room was filled with dress forms and mannequins, all wearing clothes in different stages of completion. The windows at the far end looked over the city, framed by opaque curtains that undulated faintly.

“It's wonderful,” Emily breathed, soaking it in blissfully.

“Like it?” Dami asked, sliding her hands into her pockets. “It's my hideaway for when things downstairs get a little crazy. I have a studio in my apartment, but I like this one better.”

Emily went over to the wall where dozens of fabric bolts hung, each one labeled with masking tape. She spotted a gauzy white material dangling from its roll and she touched it gently, trailing her fingers over it like it was a sleeping thing that could wake at any moment.

“Are you okay?” Dami asked. Emily blinked and a tear fell before she remembered herself. “I'm fine,” she said, brushing it away. “The cold irritates my eyes.”

Dami nodded, seeming unconvinced. “This is what I wanted to show you,” she said, leading her over to a mannequin. “We'll need to do a fitting, but I could have it ready by the day of the show.”

Emily looked it over slowly, taking in every line and detail. “It's perfect,” she whispered.


******


Jiyong slid his arms into his jacket as he came out of his room. Everyone except Daesung was in the living room, talking in low voices. “Where's Daesung?” he asked, checking his watch. “The car’s due any minute.”

“He's almost ready,” Youngbae assured him. “Are you?”

Jiyong nodded. “I think so.” He buttoned his jacket and sighed. “It's her last show.”

Youngbae put a comforting hand on his arm just as Daesung emerged from his bedroom. “Ready?” he asked, pulling on a pair of gloves.

They walked to the elevator together and rode down in silence, each lost in his own thoughts. Jiyong tossed his bright blonde hair out of his eyes and frowned. It's already fading. I'll have to get it redone tomorrow.

The doors opened and they crossed the lobby to the main entrance, drawing the usual amount of attention from the people around them. Seunghyun made it to the door first and he stopped in his tracks, causing Youngbae to collide into him. “Wow,” he breathed softly.

Emily stood beside the car, wearing a long red evening gown that hugged her body perfectly. The fabric was draped exquisitely, crisscrossing her shoulders before rippling down into a slight train. Her hair was pinned back from her face and her diamond earrings winked from her ears. She smiled at them as they stared at her and Jiyong tried to speak, but no sound came out. “Are you ready?” she asked, gesturing at the car. Jiyong moved first, quickly closing the distance between them. “This dress,” he whispered, running a hand over her sleeve, “it's one of Dami's, isn't it?”

Emily nodded. “I wanted to surprise you,” she said. “I wanted tonight to be as memorable as possible.”

“It already is,” he said, kissing her.


******


The show was a success, though BIGBANG didn't win anything. Some of the other idols had put together an after party at YG and Emily had been dreading it. “Are you okay?” Jiyong asked. Emily nodded. “I'm just not very good at parties like this,” she said.

“I'll stay with you the whole time,” Jiyong promised.

They pulled up and got out, Emily holding her skirt carefully as she stepped out of the car. They could hear music blasting and the bass thumping loudly as they entered the building. They had turned the large practice room into a club, with people dancing and drinking all over the place. The bar was set up by the giant mirrors and swarmed with people, so they found an empty table nearby. “Who wants to get drinks?” Seungri asked, sitting down.

“I'll go,” Jiyong volunteered. “Emily, do you want anything?”

She almost said no, then she changed her mind. “I'll have a beer,” she said, sitting beside Seungri. Jiyong raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure?” he asked. Emily nodded and he headed over to the bar. “Is something wrong?” Seungri asked. “You don't normally drink in public.”

“I do tonight,” she muttered. Jiyong came back with a waiter, both of them balancing drinks. They distributed them around the table and Emily immediately took a long pull from her beer. The guys exchanged a look. “What?” she asked.

“Nothing, it's just… weird,” Daesung said, sipping his own drink. Jiyong sat down and put his arm around her. “You are so beautiful,” he murmured in her ear. Emily leaned against his shoulder. “I know,” she whispered. This took him by surprise and he laughed out loud. Emily took another drink and closed her eyes, trying to release all of her stress for a little while.

Seungri got up and she opened her eyes again. “This may be our last show together, but we're going to have fun,” he pronounced. “Dance with me, Emily.” He held out his hand and Emily took it immediately. “I'll drink to that,” she said, downing the rest of her beer before following him onto the dance floor. The deejay started playing SHINee's Lucifer and Emily arched her eyebrow. “Looks like someone paid the deejay a visit,” she commented knowingly.

“It's amazing what a few won will do,” Seungri agreed. Emily laughed, feeling a pleasant buzz pulsing through her body. They danced together for a while, then Youngbae cut in while Seungri got more drinks. “You seem to be having a good time,” he shouted over the music.

“I am,” she said, grinning at him. “Seungri's right. We have to have fun together while we can.” Seungri came back just as a slow song started. “Wine for me, cranberry juice for Youngbae and water for you,” he said, distributing the drinks around. Emily took a large sip and sighed.

“Done drinking already?”

Emily turned and gave Jiyong a wry smile. “Hung over is game over,” she reminded him, taking another drink of her water.

“I thought I'd claim a dance,” he said, extending his hand to her. Emily handed Seungri her glass and let Jiyong lead her back to the dance floor. A slow jam she wasn't familiar with was playing and they started swaying together. “I can't believe it,” she murmured, looking around.

“What?” he asked.

“We're finally dancing in public,” Emily said with a smile. Jiyong snorted. “And it only took us ten months,” he said, twirling her slowly. “I should've taken you out more.”

“Don't,” she whispered. “It was wonderful, exactly the way it was. Except for the stalking and murder attempt, but no one's relationship is perfect.”

Jiyong smiled and pulled her in closer. “I want you to know that I don't regret it,” he said softly, looking down at her. “Not one second of it.”

Emily nodded. “Me either,” she whispered. She snorted softly. “There's so many things I want to say, but I can't find the words,” she said. “Ironic, isn't it? The writer can't find the words.”

Jiyong leaned down and kissed her gently. His breathing was steady, but his eyelashes were damp as they brushed her cheek. “Don't try to find the words,” he said. “I already know.”

The song ended and they clapped politely. A spotlight switched on and came to rest on the two of them as they stood in the middle of the dance floor. “GD! Come up here and give us a song!” the deejay yelled into his microphone. The other guests started cheering and chanting his name, growing more fervent with each shout. Jiyong looked back at Emily. “I’ll only do one song,” he promised.

“Go on then,” she laughed. He took her hands and touched his forehead to hers. “I love you,” he whispered. “I always will.”

Emily kissed him, then let go. “Go, your fans are waiting,” she said, giving him a little shove. He ran onstage and Emily waited a moment, a thrill running through her as she watched him. His track started and the audience cheered loudly as he came into view. “Are you ready?” he yelled.

No, Emily thought, I'm not ready. After one more moment she turned and left the dance floor, pushing against the excited crowd. The table was abandoned, which was just as well. Emily didn't want to cause a scene as she left. She grabbed her purse and walked out of the room, keeping out of sight of the stage. In the corridor she checked her phone. The movers were already done, so she hailed a taxi outside and went back to her building one last time.

Her apartment was dark and empty, except for the duffel bag she had packed earlier that day. She changed into jeans and a sweater and hung the beautiful dress on the door, pinning a note on the front. She knew they'd come looking for her once they realized she was gone, but by then she'd be boarding a plane to New York. It's easier this way, she told herself, taking one last look around the apartment. She turned the light off and closed the door, then dropped the key into an envelope. She slipped it into the superintendent's letter box on her way out the door, the key hitting the bottom with a dull thunk. She took a taxi back to the YG ENTERTAINMENT building to drop off her last bundle of paperwork, slipping in through a side entrance. She could hear the music from the party pounding faintly as she walked through deserted hallways to the lobby. It was empty, except for the lone receptionist at the front desk. Emily gave her the packet and turned to leave.

“Emily.”

She froze, feeling a stab of grief as she looked up. “How did you know?” she asked. Seunghyun pulled the door closed behind him. “Your phone was on the table and I saw the email for your plane ticket.” He folded his arms tightly. “So.”

Emily sensed the receptionist discreetly slip away from her desk, leaving them alone. “So,” she replied. “We’re both leaving.”

“And neither of us willingly,” he said, shaking his head. He looked down at the floor, as if struggling to keep his composure. “Will you visit?” he asked finally.

“Of course,” Emily promised, “as much as I can.”

“And Jiyong?”

Emily's lip trembled. “I left a note in the apartment,” she said, nodding in the general direction. “Make sure he gets it, will you?”

Seunghyun nodded. Her driver honked and she bit her lip. “My taxi’s waiting,” she whispered. He nodded again and Emily headed for the door, but he grabbed her hand as she walked by him and pulled her into a fierce hug. Emily held onto him tightly, as if that might keep her heart from breaking any more. “Take care of yourself,” she said, a tear dripping onto his shirt. “Be safe, and make sure you eat enough.”

“I will,” came the choked reply, and she knew he was crying too. “Try not to forget us when you're living large in New York, okay?”

Emily laughed and squeezed him one more time before reluctantly letting go. “I won't forget you,” she said firmly. “I won't forget any of you.”

Her driver honked again and she swiped her tears away. “Goodbye,” she whispered, leaving him standing in the lobby. She didn't look back as the taxi pulled away, but she allowed a few more tears to trickle silently down her cheeks.


******


Jiyong bounded down the stage steps and wiped his forehead with a towel. After performing three songs he felt revitalized, downing another drink as went back to their table. “Great job,” Youngbae said, giving him a high five.

“Thanks,” he panted, setting his empty glass on the table. “Where's Emily?”

They all looked at each other blankly. “I'm not sure,” Seungri said finally. “Maybe she's in the bathroom?”

Something made Jiyong dismiss that idea. He looked around, scanning the room for a couple minutes. Where is she? he wondered. “Seunghyun,” he called, spotting him as he entered the room. He ran over and met him halfway. “Have you seen Emily?” he asked. “I thought she might be with you.”

A queer look flashed across Seunghyun's face and Jiyong knew something was wrong. “What is it?” he asked quietly. “Tell me.”

Seunghyun shook his head. “Go to her apartment,” he said, brushing past him. Jiyong watched him head straight to the bar and looked at the other guys. Youngbae raised his eyebrows and Jiyong shook his head before darting out of the room. He tried to quell the panic rising in him as he called for a taxi to come pick him up. Maybe she just got tired, he reasoned. The taxi pulled up just as he stepped up to the curb and he gave directions for Emily's apartment building. There was a lot of traffic due to the show, extending their trip by a good fifteen minutes and eroding Jiyong's nerves by the second.

Finally they arrived at the building and Jiyong ran up the stairs to her door. He knocked before trying the doorknob, but to his surprise it was unlocked, so he opened it slowly. “Emily?” he called, stepping into the apartment. The room was dark, so he felt for the light switch and flipped it on. The rooms were completely bare, as if every trace of her existence had simply evaporated into nothingness. Something brushed his hand and he turned around to see the red gown hanging on the door. It had a note pinned to it and he pulled it off, opening it rapidly.

Jiyong,

I wanted your last memory of us together to be happy, not a sad scene in an airport, which is why I chose to leave this way. I will never forget you, and I hope one day I can think of you without feeling so bereft. I love you. I always will.

Emily

Jiyong sank to his knees, crumpled the note in his hand, and cried.

Notes