If You

“I still don't understand why they want to interview me,” Emily grumbled. “I'm not an idol.”

“You're dating one, and that's almost as bad,” Daesung said, elbowing her gleefully. “Besides, everyone's dying to hear from you after the attack.”

“But my Korean is still horrible!” Emily protested. “I'll only embarrass myself.”

“They just want to interview you for a few minutes,” Seunghyun said calmly. He looked out the car window as they rolled to a stop. “Looks like we're here.”

Emily looked up at the tall studio building and groaned loudly. “I'm gonna puke,” she pronounced, touching her forehead to the warm glass.

“Not in this car you aren't,” Youngbae said firmly, opening the door. “I just had it detailed.”

They all climbed out and were immediately surrounded by a wall of security guards. “This is getting old,” Seungri mumbled. “It's been weeks since the attack.”

“You just look so pitiful in that sling, Seungri,” Emily teased. “Like a duckling with a broken wing.”

The other guys laughed as Seungri's ears reddened. “My arm is fine,” he sniffed, leading the way into the building.

Jiyong was already in the dressing room, sipping a cup of coffee on the couch. “It's about time,” he said, setting his cup down. “I was beginning to think I'd have to do the whole show by myself.”

“More like hoping you would,” Daesung teased. Sagowa knocked on the open door. “We've got some time, but I just wanted to reiterate my offer of an interpreter.”

Emily groaned again. “I can't go out there with an interpreter,” she said, folding her arms resolutely. “I need to show everyone that I can hold my own without being catered to every step of the way.”

“Babe, your Korean is really improving, but yesterday you called that police officer a-”

“I apologized!” Emily snapped, cutting Jiyong off. “I can't give people reasons to distrust me. Not after the attack last month.”

Sagowa sighed. “Fine, but I'm holding you responsible for any messes that come out of this.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Emily called as he left the room. She collapsed into a chair. “This is going to be horrible,” she pronounced despairingly.

They heard running feet and laughing outside and Emily raised her eyebrows. “What was that?”

“Probably another group,” Youngbae said, opening a water bottle. “They're interviewing a lot of people today.”

Suddenly their door was thrown open and half of EXO spilled into the room, Chanyeol in the lead. Everyone froze and no one spoke for several seconds, except for Chanyeol trying to stammer an apology. “I, uh… we, um…” he locked eyes with Emily and his mouth fell open. “Emily Carter?” he asked, taking a step into the room.

“Chanyeol!” Kai hissed from the doorway. Emily stood up awkwardly. “Yes, that's me,” she said, extending a hand. “It's fine, really,” she called to the other EXO members.

“Junmyeon's gonna be pissed,” she heard D.O mumble to the others. Chanyeol walked forward tentatively, sliding by the BIGBANG members like they were sleeping lions. “I'm Park Chanyeol,” he said, bowing before taking her hand.

“I know,” Emily replied, “I'm a big fan of EXO.”

Chanyeol grinned and turned back to his bandmates. “Hear that? She's a big fan!”

Emily glanced at Jiyong, who seemed stunned into silence by the whole thing. There were more footsteps and Suho came around the corner, his face draining as he took in the situation. “Chanyeol, we need to go,” he said tensely, giving them a pained smile. Chanyeol seemed torn between his leader and his curiosity, looking at Emily interestedly. “Can I ask you a question?” he asked politely. Emily nodded. “Please do.”

Chanyeol glanced back at the others before continuing. “Have you… have you really ridden a mechanical bull?” he asked rapidly. Jiyong and the rest of BIGBANG burst out laughing while Chanyeol's friends all looked horrified. Chanyeol's ears turned bright red and he made to leave.

“Wait!” Emily said, catching his sleeve lightly. “Shut up,” she hissed at the guys as she turned back to Chanyeol. “I have, actually,” she replied. “It was at a fair just south of Nashville. I beat all of my brothers and set a new record.”

“Really?” Chanyeol said excitedly. “How long?”

“Fifty-seven point eight seconds,” Emily said proudly, “and undefeated to this day.”

“You did what?!” Jiyong exclaimed. “You never mentioned that.”

“Chanyeol's the only one who cared to ask,” she said, winking at Chanyeol kindly. Chanyeol grinned happily as Suho grabbed his arm and dragged him to the door. “It was nice meeting you!” he called as the door closed behind them.

Emily turned back to the others, counted silently to five, then let out an excited shriek that made them all jump. “That was amazing!” she squealed.

“What is this?” Seungri asked the others concernedly.

“I think she's fangirling,” Seunghyun replied, enjoying it immensely. Emily sank onto the couch beside Jiyong, smiling blissfully. She looked over at him and laughed. “What's with the face?” she asked.

“It's just… you never fangirled over us,” Jiyong mumbled. Emily leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I will always be your biggest fangirl,” she promised, “but EXO is different.”

“I thought you liked SHINee best?” Youngbae said, confused.

“That doesn't mean I don't like other groups too,” Emily reminded him. “Are you all jealous or something?”

“A little,” Daesung admitted, eliciting a laugh from the others. The door opened again and Sagowa peeked in. “They're ready for you, Emily,” he announced before closing the door again. Emily took a deep breath and got up resignedly. “Let's get this over with,” she sighed, heading for the door. She opened it, then a thought came to her and she paused on the threshold. “You know, just because you never saw me fangirl over you doesn't mean I didn't,” she said, and she walked out of the room.

“I knew it!” she heard Daesung exclaim and she stifled a giggle as she headed backstage. There were tons of people milling around, but Sagowa found her almost immediately and shepherded her over to one side. “Just a few things before they start,” he said rapidly. “This particular show likes to interview several different people at once, so you'll be out there with-”

“Emily!” said a voice right behind her. Emily spun around, only to narrowly avoid hitting Kibum in the face. “Sorry,” she apologized, “you startled me.”

“With SHINee,” Sagowa continued flatly, “and a few other people. They'll bounce around a lot, so don't worry about everyone only watching you.”

“I heard a rumour you were appearing today,” Kibum said delightedly. “Jinki will be so excited.”

“That's right, you're releasing an album soon,” Emily remembered. “Sorry, I've been a little out of the loop.”

“For good reason,” Jonghyun said, joining the circle. He bowed deferentially. “We're glad to see you back in Seoul.”

Emily bowed in response just as a countdown began on the wall. “Guests please report to the stage,” someone called over the hubbub and Emily's hands went clammy. “I'm really not sure about this,” she said, looking at Sagowa.

“Hey, if it gets to be too much for you, just glance at us and we'll jump in,” Kibum volunteered.

“Not that you'll need us,” Jonghyun added, waving as they rejoined their group. Emily followed the others onto the stage and squinted in the bright light. There were lines of chairs on one side of the stage, broken up into two rows staggered behind each other. Emily found her seat in the front row and sat down nervously, her nails digging into her palms as she clenched her fists.

“Are you feeling alright?” someone asked. Emily looked up into Lay's sympathetic eyes as he sat down beside her and glanced at his name card before answering. Yep, this is where he's supposed to sit, she confirmed. “I'm fine,” she said briskly, “I'm just not much for spotlights and cameras.”

“Me either,” Lay whispered. “I've been sweating since we got here.”

A stagehand gave each of them a microphone and Lay leaned toward her slightly. “Look, about Chanyeol-”

“Don't be upset,” Emily said quickly. “I know a lot of people are curious about me.” She looked around at the other guests. “Where's the rest of your group?” she asked.

“Backstage. I'm being interviewed for a drama I've been doing.”

“Man, I really have been out of the loop,” Emily groaned.

“Don't feel bad, the guys have known about it forever and still haven't watched any of it.”

They laughed together as the timer hit zero and the lights flashed as the show began. There were two interviewers sitting across from them, Jin Young, a stylish man around thirty, and Eun Hye, a slender young woman in a pink and white dress.

“Welcome!” Jin Young said to the camera. “I'm your host, Do Jin Young, and this is my lovely co-host-”

Emily waited as the introductions finished and the interviews began. They started with the actress beside Emily, who didn't look a day over fourteen in her pigtails and knee high socks. She seems to be doing well, Emily thought, watching her respond to the questions easily.

“Ms. Carter, we're honored to have you on the show today,” Eun Hye said, turning her attention away from the actress smoothly. Emily looked up and summoned a smile. “The honor is mine,” she said, bowing her head, “and please, call me Emily.”

“Your Korean is very good, Emily,” Jin Young commented. “Have you been practicing?”

“Always,” Emily confirmed. “You'll have to forgive me, I'm still working on it.”

“Everyone's been following your story since the attack on Seungri last month,” Eun Hye cut in.

“Actually-”

“Have you had any other encounters with crazy fans harassing the band?”

“I don't think Seungri was the target,” she heard Kibum offer helpfully. “Emily-”

“It must be difficult for you,” Eun Hye interrupted, still looking at Emily.

“Difficult?” Emily echoed.

“Dealing with the antics of the fans,” Eun Hye replied. Emily felt a spike of anger that she quickly suppressed. “I'd hardly call attempted murder an antic,” she said mildly. “Seungri saved my life that night.”

There was scattered applause from the crowd and she felt a little embarrassed.

“Many V.I.P.s have expressed similar misgivings about your relationship with G-DRAGON,” Jin Young said. “Though after last month’s incident, I'm sure they'll leave their knives at home.”

A few audience members chuckled and Emily's fingers tightened around her microphone. “Then they may be surprised to learn that I also had misgivings,” she returned.

“Really?” Eun Hye exclaimed. “Such as?”

“When Jiyong and I first met, we didn't get along at all,” Emily replied. “We often had shouting matches that would make your ears burn.”

“So what changed?” Jin Young pressed.

Careful, Emily, a cautionary voice whispered. Emily thought for a moment. “I did,” she said finally. “I… decided to meet him halfway, to try and move past our differences. I'll admit, I didn't know if it would work, but then Jiyong's always been one to surprise everyone.”

Everyone laughed in agreement and she felt a sense of relief.

“It looks like dating such a mega-star isn't as easy as it looks,” Jin Young replied.

“Jiyong’s been my greatest support,” Emily replied. “Most people don't know this, but shortly after we started dating my mother died suddenly.” Her breath hitched and she took a moment to recollect herself. “Jiyong did everything he could, even put his album on the back burner to care for me. We've been through so much together over the last several months, but he's taken it all in stride. He's been my champion, my inspiration and my safe place, and I lo-” she almost said I love him but she reined the words back just in time. “I'm lucky to be with him,” she finished.

Eun Hye wiped her eyes. “That was beautiful,” she said, trying not to smudge her makeup. “I don't wish to pry,” - Too late, Emily thought - “but we were hoping you could settle a rumor for us.”

“If I can,” Emily agreed.

“Is it true that G-DRAGON has asked you to marry him?”

Emily started so violently that Lay had to grab her chair to keep her from toppling over. “What?” she asked blankly, waving him away. “What did you say?”

“There's a rumor that you two are engaged!” Eun Hye exclaimed happily. “Is it true? Has love triumphed after all?”

Emily caught a glimpse of Sagowa in the wings and the inscrutable look on his face confirmed her suspicion. He wants to gauge my response, she thought, her eyes darting from the interviewers to the celebrities on either side of her. “I hate to disappoint, but we're not engaged,” she said smoothly. “But I'm flattered by the deep interest you take in our relationship.”

Lay's mouth twitched and she felt victorious as she leaned back in her chair, looking as nonchalant as possible. Mentally her wheels were spinning wildly. Where did this rumor come from? How long has it been circulating? Another thought occurred that made her heart drop. Is it rooted in truth?


******


“See? That wasn't so bad,” Seungri said triumphantly.

“I'd much rather be watching your interviews from the safety of the green room,” Emily said stubbornly. “Which reminds me: did you notice a difference between the way they interviewed me and you?”

“Not really,” Jiyong shrugged.

“Well there was,” Emily insisted. “The whole thing felt personal.”

“I agree,” Seunghyun chimed in. “They didn't even acknowledge that you were the target of the attack. They acted like it was a prank on Seungri.”

“If that was a prank, I'm Santa Claus,” Seungri said, sounding miffed.

“You are getting a belly,” Daesung teased, poking Seungri's stomach.

“As soon as the doctor clears me, I'll be hitting the gym twice a day,” Seungri promised, batting Daesung's hand away. They left the building and headed to the parking lot together, once again surrounded by bodyguards.

“Coming?” Youngbae said, pulling out his keys. Emily shook her head. “I'll ride back with Jiyong,” she said, taking Jiyong's hand and pulling him away from the others. They crossed the parking lot to where his car sat, a contingent of guards breaking off and trailing behind them.

“So,” Emily said conversationally.

“I swear I had no clue,” Jiyong said immediately. “Sagowa didn't tell any of us beforehand.”

“I know,” Emily assured him, “but…”

“But what?” Jiyong asked, opening the car door for her. Emily felt a sudden wave of shyness and she looked down at her shoes. “Is… is there any truth in it?” she asked, looking up at him questioningly. Jiyong leaned on the open door heavily and didn't respond, except to avoid eye contact with her.

“Oh Jiyong,” Emily breathed, her heart breaking a little.

“Look, before you say anything, let me-”

Emily held up a hand. “I need a few minutes,” she said, getting into the car. Jiyong closed the door and got in himself. He fumbled his keys for a long time before he finally started the car and eased out of the lot.

Get married? Emily thought. The list of obstacles to such an idea was daunting, but the selfish part of her wanted it badly. We've barely known each other a year. What about my career, my family?

She was so lost in thought that she didn't realize they were back at YG until Jiyong turned the car off. “Well?” he asked quietly.

Emily took a deep breath. “Let's just say, hypothetically, that you were asking me to marry you. How would it solve anything?”

Jiyong shrugged. “I don't know,” he confessed. “It would probably create more problems than it would solve. But look,” he said, turning toward her, “I also can't stand the thought of you leaving.”

“That's not a reason to get married,” she reminded him. “Besides, we'd still be apart soon anyway. It would just make everything harder.”

She got out of the car and closed the door swiftly before heading to the YG building.

“Emily!” Jiyong called, catching up to her. “Let's talk about this.”

“There's nothing to talk about!” she said, frustration clipping her words. “I saw the letter in your room. What am I supposed to do while you're in the military for two years? Sit here and do nothing?!”

A couple of staff members passed them and she took a deep breath. “We were fools, Jiyong,” she whispered. “This would never survive in the real world.”

“But it has survived!” Jiyong insisted. “We made it through Youngbae's issues, an attempted murder and my own pigheadedness. We can't give up now!”

“We have to!” Emily said, pulling away from him savagely and entering the building.

“So what, are we just going to spend the next four months as total strangers?” Jiyong demanded, following her closely. “Is that what you want?”

“No!” Emily said automatically.

“Then what? Tell me and I'll do it!”

Jiyong's words rang out in the cavernous lobby and Emily cringed. “We can't do this here,” she whispered, nodding at the nearby employees. Jiyong looked around, then grabbed her hand and pulled her into a nearby janitor’s closet.

“Ah yes, much more discreet,” Emily remarked dryly. “I really don't see-”

Jiyong kissed her swiftly, silencing her immediately. She knew she should pull away, but she simply didn't want to. You're only making it worse, a voice reminded her.

Jiyong pulled back a little and touched his forehead to hers. “If you have to go, I understand,” he whispered, “but until then I'm going to hold onto you for as long as I can.”

“That'll only make it harder later,” Emily managed.

“So be it,” Jiyong said decidedly. “Better that than to be in pain every time I see you.”

Emily wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder. “This hurts so much,” she said softly.

“I know,” Jiyong said, his voice cracking. “I know.”

Notes