If You

Emily sprawled on her bed, letting her head hang over the side. The blood was rushing to her head and her hair covered her face, but that just meant she didn't have to look at the dress hanging on her closet door. Maroon 5 was blasting through her earbuds and making her think of home. Maybe I should visit, she mused. I could get Jiyong to go with me.

Someone touched her arm and she jumped, causing her to slide downwards and land on the floor in a twisted heap. She raked the hair out of her eyes and squinted. “You could've killed me,” she huffed, pulling her earbuds out. Seungri laughed. “Hold on, let me take a picture,” he said, reaching for his phone. Emily kicked him and he laughed again. “Shouldn't you be getting ready?” he asked, nodding at the dress.

“I was thinking,” Emily began, sitting up. “Maybe I shouldn't go.”

“You have to go!” Seungri exclaimed. “It's gonna be an awesome party!”

“Maybe, but with everything going on with this stalker and-” Emily shook her head. “It seems risky.”

“Are you sure this isn't about you and Jiyong?” he asked.

“No!” she insisted. “I just don't want to ruin his moment.”

“If he was afraid of that, he wouldn't have bought you a dress for tonight,” he reminded her.

“It is a beautiful dress,” she sighed, eyeing the deep pink silk.

“Besides, nothing else has happened since the car incident,” he said, offering his hand. “There's extra security and everything.”

Emily let him pull her to her feet. “Fine, but-”

“But what? Don't make me dress you myself!”

Emily blushed in spite of herself. “That's quite a proposal,” she commented, “but I think I can manage.”

“Good,” Seungri said approvingly. “I'll see you there.”

Seungri left and Emily sighed before taking the dress off the hanger.


******


Jiyong pulled up to Emily's apartment in his newly cleaned Lamborghini. He checked his hair in the mirror before getting out smoothly. Should I go up or wait here? he wondered, buttoning his suit jacket. Before he could decide the front door opened and Emily came out, smiling shyly. Jiyong's breath caught as she stepped into the light, her dress shimmering softly. “Hi,” he croaked, unable to summon any other intelligent words.

“Will I do?” she asked, twirling for him. Jiyong swallowed hard. “Always,” he whispered, taking her hand and pulling her in. He kissed her gently before opening the car door for her. “Always,” he repeated as she got in. As he got in the driver's seat and they rejoined traffic he felt a swell of pride at such a beautiful date. Seungri had mentioned she was doubtful, but she obviously overcame that. Tonight will be fantastic, he thought happily.


******


They pulled up to the hotel where the party was being held and Emily took a deep breath. “Ready?” Jiyong asked.

“Ready,” she replied bravely. They got out of the car and the fans screamed, waving pictures and lightsticks frantically. Jiyong took her hand and led her up the red carpet, waving enthusiastically. A group of photographers was crowding the door, snapping pictures rapidly. “Kiss her!” one of them shouted, the others joining in the cry. “Give us a kiss!” they insisted. To Emily's surprise Jiyong complied, putting his arm around her waist and bending her back dramatically. Emily felt her face redden as the fans cheered for them. Sagowa will have a fit, she thought, putting her arms around Jiyong's neck.

They finally made it inside where the others were waiting for them. “Show-offs,” Youngbae teased, shaking his head at them.

“Is everything ready for the fan meet?” Jiyong asked, punching Youngbae in the arm.

“Yeah, but it's a war zone in there,” Seunghyun cautioned. “Some of them have been here all day. They're practically salivating.”

“Should I be worried?” Emily joked. They all laughed and Jiyong shook his head. “Never,” he promised. “Do you want to come in with me?”

“No, this is your moment,” Emily said firmly. “I'm just here to watch.”

Jiyong left and Emily turned back to the guys. “What?” she asked, noticing the odd looks on their faces.

“Nothing, it's just…” Daesung hesitated. “It's still kinda weird to see you two be a couple.”

“Seriously?” Emily said, surprised. “It's been almost five months. Besides, he's had other girlfriends.”

“Yeah, but we weren't friends with them,” Seungri said.

“It's like watching your best friend date your sister,” Seunghyun added.

“Is that a compliment?” Emily teased.

“You can come through,” an aide called, waving them over. They followed him to a hidden spot behind a curtain in the conference room. Jiyong was sitting at a table signing autographs and taking pictures, a small pile of fan gifts accumulating around him. The line of fans wound around the room several times, though they seemed rather unenthused. “That's weird,” Emily commented.

“What?” Daesung asked.

“The fans seem a little… well, bored.”

The guys chuckled. “You're not in Kansas anymore,” Seungri teased. “They're excited, believe me.”

“Speaking of which, don't you have somewhere to be?” Seunghyun reminded him.

“Where's that?” Emily asked as Seungri disappeared around the corner.

“We like to take turns going to each other's fan meets,” Youngbae explained. “It's Seungri's turn tonight.”

Emily watched Seungri slip in the back of the room and take his place in line, wearing a hoodie and sunglasses. Emily stifled a laugh as the line gradually crept up and he arrived at the table. Jiyong looked up and Seungri threw his hood back, eliciting screams from the fans. He murmured something to Jiyong and Jiyong burst out laughing. He grabbed a marker and signed his name on Seungri's chest, struggling to keep the marker steady as he laughed. Emily couldn't stop giggling as she watched, leaning against the wall for support. They embraced and the fans cheered, applauding loudly. “That's hilarious!” she chuckled.

“That's nothing,” Youngbae assured her. “One time Daesung asked me to sign his-”

Another aide ran up to them, panting slightly. “Mr. Kwon is asking for you, miss,” he said.

“Me?” Emily echoed. “Why?”

“One of the fans asked to meet you. He said he doesn't mind if you don't.”

Emily glanced at the others and they shrugged. “It's up to you,” Seunghyun said. Emily smoothed her dress down and followed the aide into the room. The fans started chattering when they saw her and Jiyong stood up. “Thank you,” he whispered in her ear, kissing her cheek before pulling away. Emily glanced at Seungri beside her before turning her attention to the fan. “Hi, I'm Emily,” she said, bowing.

The girl was rather small, but looked to be about Emily's age. She wore a black hoodie and a pleated skirt, and she clutched a notebook in her hands. “You're very pretty,” she whispered. “Just like the pictures.”

“Thank you,” Emily said kindly. “What's your name?”

“Jihae,” she replied, her eyes darting around nervously. Emily put a hand on her arm. “Don't be nervous,” she said kindly. “I'm just a regular person, like you.”

Jihae’s eyes snapped back to Emily. “You're nothing like me,” she hissed.

“What?” Emily wondered, her brow furrowing. “What do you-”

Jihae lifted her hand up and Emily saw a flash of light on metal before she plunged downwards. She tried to jump back, but the table blocked her path and she couldn't dodge. “Don't!” she cried.

Someone shoved her and there was a sickening squelch as the knife connected with flesh. Emily sat up to see the knife handle protruding from Seungri's chest. “No!” she screamed as he stumbled, flailing feebly. Emily caught him and they sank down together, blood already pouring out of his chest.

Jiyong tackled Jihae to the floor, the two of them landing in a heap near Seungri and Emily. Jiyong pinned her down easily. “Security!” he shouted, wrestling her arms down.

Emily grabbed the hem of her dress and ripped it, tearing off two large pieces of fabric. She pressed them to Seungri's chest, trying to stem the bubbling fountain of blood. “It's okay,” she kept whispering, tears dripping onto his shirt. “It's going to be okay.”

Seunghyun made it to them first, already pulling off his jacket. “We need an ambulance!” he yelled, adding his jacket to the makeshift bandaging. Two security guards grabbed Jihae and dragged her to her feet. “No!” she yelled. “It was supposed to be you! It was supposed to be you!” They took her away, her shouts fading slowly.

“Where’s the ambulance?” Jiyong asked through gritted teeth.

“They're coming,” Daesung said, hanging up his phone. Sagowa burst in and paled as he took in the scene. “We need to get him somewhere safe,” he ordered. “The police will be here soon.”

Several men helped the guys lift Seungri up and they carried him away. Emily went to follow, but was stopped by a security guard. “Let me go!” she demanded. “I have to go with them!”

“No one leaves until the police say so,” he growled, leaving her standing in the middle of the room. He took a post by the door and Emily wanted to scream. She looked around at the other fans, all huddled against the wall in frightened groups. Many of them were crying, just like her. She couldn't face their grief on top of her own and she ran behind the curtain, taking refuge in the dark.

After an hour of pacing and praying she heard the police come in and release the fans. She slipped out among them and looked around for YG staff, but it seemed that they had all gone. She finally found another security guard outside the ballroom. “Excuse me, which hospital was Mr. Lee taken to?” she asked.

“That's privileged information,” the young guard replied.

“Yes, but I'm his friend. I've worked with BIGBANG for-”

“Look, I know this has been a distressing day, but I can't give you any information. Just go home.”

The guard walked away and Emily felt so many emotions she thought they would crush her. She noticed her hands were still red with Seungri's blood and she shuddered. There was a bathroom nearby and she went in, heading straight for the sink. She scrubbed her arms vigorously, the white soap turning red as it ran down her fingers. More tears fell as she worked, but she didn't stop until the water ran clear again. I have to get out of here, she thought, the phrase repeating constantly in her head.

Outside the hotel she flagged down a taxi and gave the driver directions to her apartment. He gave her torn dress and puffy eyes an odd look, but didn't ask any questions. She slumped down in the backseat and stared at the floor until they arrived at her building.

She couldn't get to her apartment fast enough, her fingers trembling as she unlocked the door. She went straight to her room and buried her face in her hands. What if he's dead? she wondered. What if they couldn't save him? She looked down at her dress and suddenly couldn't stand to wear it any longer. She wrenched the zipper down and let it fall to the floor, now just a pile of stained and frayed silk. As she dressed she felt an overwhelming urge to move, run, get away from anywhere she might be recognized. She jammed a hat onto her head and left the apartment, this time striking out on foot. She didn't have any particular destination in mind, just wanting to keep moving at any cost. She thought about trying the hospitals, but couldn't face it. I can't bear their pain, she thought, lowering her head.

She walked for hours, mindlessly crossing streets and cutting through alleys until she was well and entirely lost. She walked by a fish shop and her stomach grumbled, so she went in and bought some food. There was a bench outside, so she sat down and ate, staring dully into the night.

This is all my fault, she thought sadly.

Notes