If You

“The album release party will be two weeks from Saturday,” Mr. Sagowa announced. “Jiyong, have you decided which songs you want to perform at the party?”

Jiyong shook his head. “Not yet,” he mumbled, staring out the window. Sagowa gave him a long look, then turned to Emily. “This will be the biggest event since you and Jiyong started dating. A lot of people will be watching you, but I trust you'll be a success.”

Emily nodded. “I'll try,” she said, glancing at Jiyong.

The meeting ended and Emily left the room quickly, unable to bear the heavy silence between them for another moment. Youngbae caught up to her. “Still nothing?” he asked, falling in step with her.

“Sometimes I wonder why he doesn't get over it, then I remember what I said and I can't believe he's so calm,” she murmured.

“How bad was it?” he asked. “Both of you refuse to tell, but maybe if you did-”

“It wouldn't solve anything,” she said pointedly.

“But maybe it's not as bad as you think,” Youngbae persisted. “I won't tell the others, I swear.”

Emily stopped walking and sighed. “Are you always this nosy?” she asked. Youngbae smiled. “It's one of my more endearing qualities,” he teased. Emily glanced around, then beckoned him over to one side. “I… well, we got to shouting over something stupid, and it escalated quickly. He called me a pain in the ass and I said… I said I wouldn't be in this horrific situation if I wasn't with him.”

Youngbae's chin dropped. “No wonder he's mad,” he whispered.

“I don't know why I said it,” she said desperately.

“Don't you? You were looking for someone to blame, and you picked him.”

“But I didn't mean it!” she insisted. “And now I've ruined everything.”

Youngbae rolled his eyes. “Don't be so dramatic,” he told her. “People say hurtful things when they're scared, and God knows you're scared enough right now. Jiyong's hurt, but he'll come around.”

“I hope so,” Emily said fervently.


******


Emily unlocked the door of the penthouse and walked in, trying to stuff her keys back into her bag as she walked. I hope Seungri was right about my laptop being here, she thought, looking around the kitchen.

“Hello!”

Emily shrieked and stumbled backwards, catching herself on the counter. “Who's there?” she demanded. A head popped up over the couch and turned to reveal an older woman with short black hair. “Emily!” she squealed, getting up quickly. Emily remained frozen by the counter, unsure of what to do. “Yes?” she answered cautiously.

“I hoped it was you!” the woman said, coming over to her. She bowed and Emily returned it mechanically. “Do I know you?” she asked.

“No, not yet,” the woman replied. “But my son has told me all about you.”

Emily's eyes widened. “Mrs. Kwon?” she whispered.

“Yes, but you can call me Han Bi,” she said, bowing again. “I know Americans like to be more casual.”

“Yes,” Emily murmured. Does she know we're not speaking? she wondered, trying to keep a pleasant look on her face. What if Jiyong tells her what I said and she hates me?

“I'm sorry I startled you just now, but I was waiting for Jiyong,” Han Bi explained. “I wanted to surprise him since he's been working so hard on his album, but I'm sure you know all about that.”

“Mm-hm,” Emily said, her mind racing frantically. What do I do?

The door opened and Emily felt a surge of relief, until Jiyong walked around the corner. “Mom!” he exclaimed, tossing his keys onto the counter. “When did you get here?”

“About an hour ago,” she replied, embracing him. Jiyong gave Emily a look over his mother's shoulder and she shrugged helplessly. “It's great to see you,” he said, pulling back. “The others are right behind me. They'll be glad to see you too.”

Han Bi looked back at Emily. “The pictures you sent me didn't do her justice,” she said, putting a hand to Emily's face. “You're very beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Emily said automatically. The door opened again and Han Bi went to meet the others. Jiyong walked over to her. “Did you say anything?” he whispered.

“No. Did you?”

“No!” He chewed his thumbnail absently. “Don't let her suspect,” he said finally, watching his mother greet his friends.

“So you want to pretend we're on speaking terms?” Emily asked. Jiyong folded his arms. “That's what you want, isn't it?” he said quietly.

“Why don't we all go out for dinner?” Han Bi suggested. “It's been so long since I've seen all of you, and I want to get to know you, Emily.”

“Sounds great,” Jiyong said, smiling. He left the kitchen and Emily followed him. “We can't fake this!” she hissed.

“I'm not having this out with my mother right now, so-”

“Why can't we just make up?” Emily interrupted. “You know I didn't mean-”

“You coming?” Daesung called. Jiyong nodded and brushed past Emily. She caught his hand suddenly. “I'm sorry,” she whispered. “I really am.” She let go and he left the room without looking back. She sighed and followed, forcing a smile onto her face.


******


“So, do you like living in Seoul?”

Emily nodded. “I do. More than I expected I would, really.”

“I suppose my son has something to do with that,” Han Bi teased.

“Mom!” Jiyong protested.

“Oh hush, I'm just teasing,” she said. “Though I had hoped to meet you before now.”

Jiyong sighed. “I know, I meant to visit-”

“Why don't you get us some drinks?” Han Bi suggested. “See if you can convince your friends to come back from the bar.”

Jiyong went to the bar and Emily fidgeted with her napkin. Han Bi cleared her throat. “So, how long have you two been fighting?” she asked.

“What?” Emily asked. “We're not-”

“Good at lying? I'm very familiar with my son's moods, Emily, and he couldn't wait to get away from you just now.”

Emily sighed. “It's my fault,” she confessed. “I said some really hateful things and now he won't speak to me.”

“But you apologized?” Han Bi asked. Emily nodded. “Many times. He just won't forgive me.”

“Forgiveness has never been one of Jiyong's strong suits,” Han Bi replied. “I'm not making any excuses for him, but it's true. Give him time.”

Emily smiled slightly. “That's what Youngbae said,” she admitted.

“And he's right. Just give Jiyong a little space and he'll come back to you, you'll see.” She patted Emily's hand and Emily suddenly missed her mother desperately. “Thank you,” she whispered just as the guys came back to the table. “Here you go, Mom,” Jiyong said, setting a glass of wine in front of her.

“Thank you, Jiyong,” she said, sipping it elegantly. Jiyong leaned over Emily and silently set a strawberry lemonade in front of her before sitting down. The unexpected gesture made her spirits rise and she glanced over at him. “You didn't have to,” she whispered. He took a long sip of his drink. “I know,” he murmured.


******


Jiyong closed the door behind him. “I got them to upgrade you to a suite,” he said, gesturing at the room.

“It's lovely,” his mom pronounced, setting her purse on the table. Jiyong shifted uncomfortably. “Mom, why did you come?”

“I came to meet the girl my son can't stop talking about, only to watch him spend an entire meal ignoring her,” she replied, raising an eyebrow.

“Mom-”

“I know things were said,” she said, holding up a hand. “Hurtful things, by both sides. But I think you should try to move past it.”

Jiyong sighed. “It's not that simple,” he insisted.

“Then why haven't you broken up with her?” she countered.

Why indeed? Jiyong thought. “Because… because…”

“Because you care about her,” his mom finished. “You should end her misery and yours.”

“Did you really come down here just to say that?” he asked.

“I'm your mother, what else should I do?” she laughed. Jiyong smiled. “So… you do like her, then?”

His mom nodded. “I do, very much. She seems sweet and gentle, which must come in handy. She’s adjusted well to life here, as far as I can tell. Your sister will be dying to meet her soon.”

Jiyong shook his head. “After the album drops,” he promised. “Maybe we'll all take a trip together.”

“Wonderful,” his mom said, kissing his cheek. “Goodnight, my son.”

“Goodnight Mom,” he replied, returning the kiss.


******


Han Bi stayed for three days and Emily enjoyed every moment of it. She was afraid her rudimentary Korean and her strained relationship with Jiyong would be a damper, but Han Bi was kind and overlooked all of it. By the time she went home Emily was sad to see her leave. “Does she visit often?” she asked, waving goodbye to her taxi.

“Not as often as she'd like, but Jiyong goes home as much as he can,” Seunghyun replied. “She likes you.”

“I'm glad,” Emily said, sticking her hands into her pockets. “At least one of them does.”

“Ha ha,” said a voice behind them. Emily turned around. “Jiyong,” she said neutrally.

“I'll see you inside,” Seunghyun announced, heading for the door. Emily bit her lip. “Jiyong-”

“I just want to say,” Jiyong said, forestalling her, “that you were right. You wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for me.”

“I didn't mean-”

“I know. But,” he said, taking a tentative step forward, “I think we should face it together. It's divided us long enough.”

Emily felt a thrill of relief. “I agree,” she said softly.

“And I'm sorry for calling you a pain,” he continued. “I could never mean that.”

“I know.” Emily took his hand. “Does this mean…?”

Jiyong pulled her close. “Yes,” he whispered, kissing her deeply. He pulled back slightly and sighed. “I missed you,” he murmured.

“I know,” she teased. They laughed together and Jiyong touched his forehead to hers. “I'm never going to let this happen again,” he said. “I'm not going to get in the way of us.”

“Where's the fun in that?” she asked, still smiling.

Notes