If You

“Seungri, slow down!” Emily called, trying to keep her hat from flying away. Seungri laughed, wheeling the boat around. “I thought you wanted to feel the wind in your hair,” he yelled over the roaring engine.

“A wind, not a hurricane!” she yelled back, holding onto the side of the boat as he spun the wheel again, turning the boat in almost a full circle before continuing down the river.

“I blame you for this,” Seunghyun said, punching Daesung in the arm.

“You're the one who let him drive!” Daesung retorted, keeping a firm hand on his scarf.

Youngbae finally convinced Seungri to let him drive and soon they were gliding across the water, the engine dulled to a soft growl.

“That's one way to wake yourself up,” Emily said, rubbing her hands together.

“Are you cold? We can go back if you want,” Jiyong offered. Emily shook her head. “Are you kidding? I'm having way too much fun to go back,” she said, leaning over the side of the boat. She reached out from under the canopy and watched the sunlight play on her hand. The spray was cold, but she didn't mind. There weren't many other people out on such a grey day, and Emily felt at peace.

Until the guys started arguing over the music. Emily opened her eyes and turned around. “Can I pick?” she asked. Before they could reply she plugged her phone in and scrolled through her library. She settled on Norah Jones and leaned back into her seat, staring out over the water.

I waited 'til I saw the sun
Don't know why I didn't come

Jiyong nudged her. “Why so serious?” he asked, smiling.

I left you by the house of fun

“Just thinking,” Emily replied.

Don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

“About?”

“My mom.”

Jiyong bit his lip and glanced over at the others. They were deep in conversation, all being careful not to look at them. “What can I do?” he asked, covering her hand with his. She smiled at him. “This,” she said, looking around at the boat. “This is perfect.”

You'll be on my mind forever

After they returned the boat they went to a tiny chicken restaurant that Seunghyun swore by. He insisted on paying for Emily's, despite her protests.

“We're spoiling you today, remember?” he said, giving the cashier his credit card. Emily picked up her food and took a big bite of chicken. “Careful, I might get used to it,” she said around a mouthful of food.

They went to a park to eat, crowding around a picnic table. Daesung found a basketball and challenged them to a game of three on three. Emily ended up on a team with Youngbae and Seungri and they played for a while, Emily scoring most of the points. She felt invigorated, her heart pounding as she weaved around the guys, ball in hand.

“How are you so good at this?” Jiyong asked, trying to steal the ball from her. Emily laughed. “I played a little in high school,” she said, tossing the ball toward the hoop. It went through with a swish and she threw her hands up triumphantly. “Gentlemen, I believe that's game point,” she said, grinning.

She went back to the table and took a large gulp of her drink. Jiyong joined her, wiping his forehead. “Every time I think I've figured you out, you do something like that,” he said, sitting down.

“Someone's got to keep you on your toes,” Emily said, sitting on the table. She set her leftover chicken in her lap. “Try not to take your defeat too hard,” she said, licking her fingers.

They watched the others start another game and Jiyong sighed. “I've been thinking,” he said quietly. “The tour's over in a couple of weeks, and Sagowa wants to announce my album release date soon.”

“Finally!” Emily exclaimed. “When's it coming out?”

“July,” he replied. He licked his lips nervously. “He also wants to announce we're dating.”

“Sure,” Emily agreed, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

“So… is that still something you want to do?”

Emily paused. “What, make the announcement?”

“No, do you still want to date?” he asked in a low voice.

Emily set her chicken aside. “Of course I do. Unless you-”

“No, that's not what I meant!” he said quickly. He took her hand and looked up at her. “I really, really want to date you,” he said sincerely. “I just didn't want you to feel pressured after everything that's happened. You've been through a lot, and I don't want to cause you any more pain.”

Emily smiled at him. “You don't cause me pain,” she whispered. She leaned down and kissed him, still holding onto his hand. Daesung whistled and she pulled away, remembering herself. “Though you used to be a pain in the neck,” she teased.

“Should we give you two some privacy?” Seungri called, grinning impishly. Jiyong threw a water bottle at him and shook his head. “Maknaes,” he sighed. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Just a few more weeks,” he said.


******


“I don't know about this,” Youngbae said.

Emily set a bag down on the counter. “It's not that hard, I promise,” she said. “Besides, I thought you liked to cook.”

“It's not that, I just don't trust Seungri around hot things,” he replied.

“Please, I am a hot thing,” Seungri said, bringing in another bag.

“Did we get everything?” Jiyong asked, looking at the array of ingredients Emily was setting on the counter. Emily looked it over. “I think so. Hang on, where's the caramel?”

“Right here,” Daesung said, waving the bag. Seunghyun snatched it from him. “Looks like someone's already sampled it,” he said, looking at the open bag.

“Hey, somebody's got to make sure it's good quality,” Daesung said, opening another caramel.

Emily set out a bowl. “Seunghyun, you preheat the oven while I find some measuring cups. Jiyong, see if you can get that flour open.”

They worked for a while, pouring and mixing and giggling happily. Soon they had a bowl of cookie dough and were all covered in a light dusting of flour. Once the cookies were in the oven Emily started melting the caramel on the stove. Jiyong slid his arms around her waist. “I missed you,” he whispered in her ear. Emily leaned her head onto his shoulder. “I know,” she whispered back.

“Hey!” he exclaimed. She grinned at him. “What?” she asked innocently, stirring the caramel. Jiyong took some flour and smeared it onto her nose and lips. Emily grabbed some and flicked it at him, flecks of flour landing in his hair. “Not the bangs!” he protested, brushing the flour out. Emily laughed. “I missed you too,” she said softly.

The cookies emerged and Emily drizzled caramel on them, the delicious cookie aroma filling the suite. They each grabbed one, the soft cookies still hot. Emily took a bite and froze, suddenly unable to move. She hadn't had them since her last Christmas at home, when her mom made them for their big family party. She chewed slowly, almost unable to swallow past the lump in her throat. She set her cookie down and left the room abruptly, tears pricking her eyes.

She went and stood by the balcony window, sobbing quietly. Her chest tightened and she could barely breathe. She heard footsteps behind her and she tried to stop, hiccupping slightly.

“What's wrong?” Jiyong asked.

Emily turned around, wiping her eyes. “It's nothing,” she said, shaking her head. “I just…” she trailed off. She fought back a fresh wave of grief and took a deep breath. “Sometimes it's the little things that bring it all back.”

Jiyong took her hand and kissed her forehead lightly. “Do you want me to walk you back to your suite?” he asked.

“No, I'm okay,” Emily promised. “Let's enjoy the rest of our night.”

They rejoined the others, who were all piled on Seunghyun's bed and arguing over which K-drama to watch. They finally settled on a murder mystery and bundled in under the blankets. “Do you want captions?” Daesung asked.

“Please,” Emily replied, laying her head on Jiyong's shoulder. He put his arm around her comfortably and the movie started. Emily found herself giggling at some of the translations, though she tried not to show it. Seungri offered her another cookie and she took it. It still made her sad, but also felt comforting and familiar.

I'm going to be okay, she realized.

Notes