I wake to the unpleasant feeling of the sun shining through my window straight onto my face. It’s as if it decided that perhaps if it fried me to a crisp I would leave the soul sucking attitude behind. Maybe it could fry it away; I wanted it to. The intensity of the rays of the sun, mixed with the cool air in the room was too much to sleep through. As much as I wanted to continue lying here, I knew that I had to get up.

Slowly opening my eyes, the first thing that I see is that there is another, very attractive, figure sitting on the ground right beside my bed just…looking at me.

My eyes widen.

His eyes widen, and we both stare in shock for a solid 10 seconds before we simultaneously jump up. I nearly topple off the bed trying scoot to the opposite end of the mattress and he jumps to his feet and presses himself against the closest wall, immediately casting his eyes down.

“Jongin…” I croak out in my horrid morning voice. I sound as if I’m not sure that it is him, and I’m not. Am I still dreaming? Why would I be dreaming about the boy I haven’t said more than 3 words to? Is this actually Jongin? I rub furiously at my eyes hoping that I can clear away my early morning sight and mental haze through physical means.

I see him opening his mouth to (probably) explain himself, but I decide to voice my own plaguing thoughts before he can find the words. “I’m sorry.” He closes his mouth and looks up briefly in confusion before looking back down. I sigh and scratch my head as I search for a genuine way to phrase what I want to say. “I was out of line. The other week when I called you a mu-” I catch my mistake and quickly change my phrasing, “when I called you the M word. I shouldn’t have called you that, and I shouldn’t have addressed you so disrespectfully.”

He nods showing that he’s hear me, but he makes no move to leave or look up at me. I crawl off my bed and pad over to the boy, stopping a foot or so away from him. “Am I really that scary to you?” I ask quietly. He stays immobile. His silence says more than words ever could. I find myself swallowing down my own nervousness and ducking so that I can look at his face and force him to make eye contact with me. He continues to avoid and I place a hand softly on his cheek. His eyes stop wandering and finally look at my face; I smile weakly. He has a beautiful face, and his eyes are adorable.

I guide his face so that he can stand straight with his head forward, and so that I don’t have to be awkwardly ducked under him. I don’t miss how he seems to be holding his breath, and has been since I put my hand on his face.

“Jongin…look, you don’t have to be afraid of me. I am not going to hurt you okay?” I say softly. His eyes flicker across my face and when they land on my eyes I can see just how vulnerable and small he seems. Someone as tall and handsome as him shouldn’t have to be this afraid of someone as small and average as me. All of my prejudice disappears for a moment as I observe the male in front of me. Is this fear because of me?

I want to comfort him, but the only way I can think of is to hug him. That’s how Momm- she would comfort us, and that’s how Tao would comfort me. So I find myself wrapping my arms around the boy in front of me. He tenses almost immediately, so I squeeze him lightly and press my cheek against his shoulder.

Please don’t be afraid of me anymore. I think in my head.

He doesn’t hug me back, but he does relax in my arms and he lets go of the breath he had been holding in. I only hope that I hadn’t accidentally spoken my thoughts out loud. I can hear his heartbeat slowing and I exhale as I relax as well. Okay. This is progress.

The door to my room slams open and Kris’s right hand man and sidekick walks in animatedly, “Hey, it’s time for breakfast we’re having…Jongin?” His sentence changes to one of confusion, and Jongin and I break apart. 5 feet of space separate us and we both look down in embarrassment. The situation wasn’t compromising, and I don’t know why I feel as though I’ve committed some sin by doing what I did. Yet, I still feel as though I just got caught doing something wrong.

I look over to Jongin guiltily, and when pretty boy glances between the two of us as if trying to piece together a puzzle, Jongin nearly sprints out of the room vanishing in the process. I open my mouth to try to explain but he only holds a hand up with a smile that looks slightly angry and very forced. He only turns around and I run and grab on to the sleeve of his shirt to stop him. When he turns back to face me his gaze is blank.

His usually bright and flighty frame seems different, and even though he is only a few inches taller than me, I feel extremely small next to him in this moment. I forget what I want to say and blink a few times while just looking at him. He arches an eyebrow expectantly.

I clear my throat and let go of his shirt. “Is he like that because I yelled at him?” I murmur out. He analyzes my face before he shakes his head no. His lips press in to a thin line but I ask on, “Is it because he lives in the castle?” He nods hesitantly and I look out the door where the boy disappeared.

“Breakfast is ready.” He says softly before finally walking away. As he returns to the kitchen, I stay in my room with furrowed brows. Maybe it’s time that I talk to Kris to find out about…everything. A mix of sadness and anger (at who I can’t figure out) rushes through me at how scared Jongin is to look directly at me when I’m awake. He’s fine around the others, and yeah I had snapped at him but that was one time and he couldn’t/shouldn’t be this terrified just because of me. I push the fact that he was more or less watching me sleep to the back of my mind.

I’ll deal with that later.

---

Breakfast is lively as usual, and I stay reserved as I listen to them bicker and joke around. “Where is Jongin?” I ask while looking at the empty seat where he usually sits. I catch the pretty one glance at me before he returns his attention to fixing his coffee.

“He left to go to the castle. How’d you know he was here? He was only here for a moment.” Kris inquires.

“I just ran in to him before coming down …” I say dismissively. I fork a bit of scrambled egg in to my mouth and chew slowly. How do I even begin to ask him to explain? I don’t want to seem like I’m considering going to the castle, because I’m not even sure if I want to stay here much less go to another place full of strangers. I glance at the 3 of them as they chat enthusiastically.

Okay, it’s now or never.

I swallow my food and summon all of my courage so that I can push passed my pride. “So what even happens in the castle anyway…” I mutter half hoping that no one could hear me. When the talking stops I know that I wasn’t that lucky. I look up from my plate to see 2 shocked gazes gaping at me, and Tao looking at anything but me.

“Tao go upstairs for a minute.” Kris says forcefully. Tao quickly stands up and leaves without any opposition. Very out of character, and yet I feel as though around Kris he is usually this obedient.

Kris and the pretty guy have a silent conversation with their eyes, and they both stay seated as they turn back to face me. I look back at them cautiously and my heart pounds as I prepare for the worst. “What do you know about our society?” Kris starts.

“Nothing. I was born around humans, and after leaving the only thing I’ve learned is that there are humans and people who aren’t who can use magic. The mutt- sorry, I mean your people treat humans like shit. That’s all I know.” I tell him honestly.

“Do you know how or why things got this way? How things were before?” he prods. I open my mouth ready to tell him ‘what part of I don’t know anything don’t you fucking understand you absolute fucking mango?’ but I close my mouth and opt to just shake my head ‘no’ instead. His face hardens and his mouth turns in to a line as he prepares to dictate the history that I never learned.

“Okay…well where do I start?” Kris thinks aloud. He sits back in his chair, crosses his arms and looks thoughtfully at the ceiling.

“Probably at the beginning, you know where most stories start.” The other male says sassily. I smile for a fraction of a second at his statement before forcing a neutral expression. It was funny, but now isn’t the time for me to suddenly seem friendly. Kris glares at the other before turning his attention back to me.

“Hundreds of years ago the world was run by humans. Mainly human men for that matter. They didn’t know how to take care of the things and people around them. They weren’t able to put aside their own ideas and pride for the sake of the whole and ended up pushing the earth to a point where it was no longer healthy. So the world began to reject them; it began to reject all life.

“They damaged the planet beyond repair and sent it into a kind of reset mode. With all of the radiation caused by the humans, the genes of some of the women began to change. It turned on some kind of gene that was before dormant in your kind, and when they had daughters their daughters inherited the gene. I don’t know why it was passed down maternally, but only girls were experiencing this change at first. They found themselves able to manipulate the elements and their surroundings. These were the first Gaia…or I guess the first female mutants as you so frankly call them.” I flush at his statement.

“The Gaia were hunted, discriminated against, and feared by the human men. They tried to kill them off because they couldn’t understand how people were suddenly able to use magic. They thought they had disproved that theory years before, and that along with the rapid deterioration of the planet caused them to become even more afraid. The human women however, they protected the Gaia while their male counterparts tried to eradicate them. The women put their lives on the line to prevent the Gaia from having to experience a history and past that human women had experienced centuries before.

“The first Charmer came along when the first born Gaia mated with a human man and had a son. This son was able to manipulate the elements like his mother, but not quite as strongly. Other things happened over the next years, but they aren’t that important.” He waves his hand around and then skips forward in his story. “After a century or so The Cleansing happened and almost all of humanity was wiped out. The Gaia and Charmers were hardly affected.” Sensing my confusion Kris shakes his head. “We’ll talk about The Cleansing another day.

“Afterwards the Gaia took over. They used what few human men they could find left as sex slaves for a while, to procreate and repopulate the Earth, until there were enough Charmers to compensate for their needs. Human men were then demoted to the lowest slave status while Charmers took on servant status and took on the brunt of Gaia sexual favor.

“Human women became rare since the human men were taken in as slaves and were unable to raise families with your women. So your people went in to hiding. They formed societies separated from the Gaia so that they could live in solitude away from the new social order. Human women became more valued by the Gaia as their numbers dwindled due to their help before The Cleansing. Many people, human men, Charmer, and Gaia included, didn’t like how high up human women were on the social ladder since there were so few of you.” Scenes of my own life flash before my eyes as I connect his words to my experiences. I had only met one other human girl while at the orphanage and I just assumed it was because not many were on the streets; I had female friends before the fire. The girl at the orphanage vanished a year after I arrived. I was a toy to many of the people I dealt with when I was out on a run. The boys at the orphanage experienced more or less the same treatment, but it was obvious that people took more satisfaction in buying from me, abusing me, or forcing themselves on me.

I never assumed that it was because I was a girl.

“Because of where you came from, people in the 3rd ring were able to manipulate and abuse your ignorance. They would never have been able to do that to a human girl who was aware of the social order. When it comes to human boys they’ll kill or throw them out without much hesitation…but because of what your ancestors did they like to…torture human girls. In the castle males experience the same as they would on the outside more or less, whether they are Charmers or human their status doesn’t change. Humans are used for physical labor, and Charmers are used to attend to the household, to fulfill sexual gratification, and to carry on the race. Other than that we serve no higher purpose to the Gaia…” he says while gauging my reaction. I can’t respond. I don’t know how. I stay stone faced and let him go on. “Most Charmers are abused by their Gaia. Beatings are normal for the Charmers. They are sometimes starved for making mistakes, and they are injured for following the orders of someone who they don’t belong to. A lot of Charmers are tortured for any number of reasons…it really just depends on the Gaia…or human over them.”

“We aren’t supposed to make eye contact with or touch the Gaia…or the human girls that are ‘aware’ of the social order unless explicitly told to do so. If we disobey…” the pretty one looks me in the eyes, “…let’s just say that we don’t disobey our orders.”

“He’s right. You and Tao are just examples of the naïve humans who don’t know about how things are run above you. A lot of people will and have taken advantage of that, so they take their own anger out on you. As for the Gaia, when they find a human girl they usually take her in and treat her like a pampered pet or a spoiled daughter. It doesn’t take long for the human girl to start to treat Charmers and other humans the way that their Gaia ‘mothers’ do. They become just as bad as the Gaia who oppress those under them.” I stand up in shock and my breathing hastens as if I am about to hyperventilate. The blood rushes from my head and I collapse back in to my chair. What…this has all been going on and I’ve had no clue? It feels like I’ve just been given a huge piece of the puzzle that is my life. I didn’t understand why these things were happening…I didn’t realize the reasons were so…petty.

The pretty boy rushes over to my side and forces me to drink some water. He stands guard as I finish it and then makes no move back to his seat. I guess he wants to make sure I don’t stand up again just to pass out. Kris looks tentative about finishing his story after seeing me in the state I’ve suddenly fallen in. My heart is pounding. My head hurts. I feel like I’m not taking in enough air and the sharp inhales are doing nothing to help. “Maybe we should continue later.” He offers. “You should lie down for bit.”

“Wait. Does Tao know about all of this? About why the both of us have been treated the way we were?” I ask shakily. I stand up on wobbly legs and the pretty one grips my arm to steady me. Kris shakes his head. They must be trying to “protect” him from the truth. A quick mental image of Jongin pops up in my head. “Is this why Jongin is so afraid of me? Does he think I’m going to hurt him like they have?” Kris only nods and my legs buckle. They must think the same then…

I feel like shit…and weak…and helpless. The tears start to pool and I’m guided to the stairs so that I can lie down. My limbs feel like steel as the weight of my situation fills my veins. I trip going up the first stair and I’m barely being held up by the hand around my arm. He lets go as I let my body kneel on the ground and it starts to shake as my body goes through the motions of crying, but no tears fall.

The pretty boy hesitates before he decides to just pick me up and carry me to my room. He cradles me to his chest as he treks back to my little safe haven. My hand clutches the light blue fabric of his shirt and I feel like this is the only thing keeping me grounded in reality. Like it’s my last slip of sanity. He sets me down on my bed but I can’t get myself to let go of his shirt. He looks into my eyes unguarded for the first time and all I can see is pity and confusion swimming in his large dark irises.

“Have you been through that same stuff when you’re in the castle?” I ask him. He doesn’t answer as he wraps his hand around my own and softly pulls it off his article of clothing. His deer like eyes show a damaged man and he holds eye contact and my hand for a few seconds. He doesn’t need to verbalize what his eyes are confirming. He pats the back of my hand uttering a quiet, “Rest up.” before leaving the room.

My body wants to shut down. To sleep. To stop being conscious. But my mind is wide awake and I end up staring at the all too familiar ceiling for God knows how long. All of my thoughts start to piece together; each thing Kris said pairs with a memory of my own.

“Many people, human men, Charmer, and Gaia included, didn’t like how high up human women were on the social ladder since there were so few of you.”

The fire set on my village. He wanted to kill all of us in one shot…there were a lot of women and girls in my home. The people in the third ring treated me like I was the source of all of their issues, and I let them because I thought that I deserved it. Maybe I did deserve it. I didn’t do anything to them, but there’s no telling what they’ve experienced because of the Gaia and because of other human girls.

“...when they find a human girl they usually take her in and treat her like a pampered pet or a spoiled daughter. It doesn’t take long for the human girl to start to treat Charmers and other humans the way that their Gaia ‘mothers’ do.”

Momma.

She took me in willingly, but I had seen how boys would beg to work for her and how she would kick them out without hesitation. I’d seen countless boys be beat and then cast out for being caught while running an errand for her…and maybe that’s why I was so shocked when she actually sold me off. I thought that I was different. I thought that…I deserved better. Somewhere in my mind I knew that she wanted me more than the others. With as much as I fucked up, I should have been long sold off or killed or something. The first time being caught should have been my last and my only…
8 Years Prior

“Yah! What did I tell you about getting caught?” She spat as she held me by the collar of my worn t-shirt.

“You said not to.” I replied back simply.

“Are you being smart with me you little fucker?” Her grip had gotten harder and my nose was almost touching hers. I shook my head quickly and she scowled before pulling back her hand and striking me across the cheek with the meat of her palm. I was almost sure that I had been given whiplash and the stinging in my cheek was growing stronger with each passing second. I reached a hand up to cradle the tender flesh and everything in me was in flight mode. I was ready to make a run for it. As soon as I made an indication that I was going to move, I was stuck in my spot.

My head turned back to face her and I found myself kneeling on the ground. My mind was doing all it could to fight, but my body wouldn’t listen. It was as if she had control of my limbs. When she knelt down to my new height she gripped me by the chin and dug her nails into my cheeks.

“If you get dragged back here because someone caught you again…expect much worse than this.” She whispered. She spat next to me and then let go of my face. Once she was out of the room my body suddenly became mine again. I fell onto my side and swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall. I wouldn’t let her see me cry.

That first time should have been the last time, but I did get caught after that, and every time would be worse than the last. She tortured me when she could have easily killed me off…

“You and Tao are just examples of the naïve humans who don’t know about how things are run above you.”

Tao has no issue looking people in the face, especially not me. The boys in the orphanage either. Skinship and eye contact was the only thing we had when it felt like the world was trying to kill us off. And they were. We just didn’t know why.

We aren’t supposed to make eye contact with or touch the Gaia…or the human girls that are ‘aware’ unless explicitly told to do so.

Jongin…

He hadn’t looked me in the face at all in the month I’ve been here except for today when I more or less made him. That poor boy. Kris and that other guy would look me in the eyes, but they always looked apprehensive. Like I’d explode…like I would suddenly turn in to the other human girls. And wow the way that I was acting at first did nothing to help. How negative a view do they have of women after all they’ve been through? My home was often attacked by their kind and I was never told why people kept bombing and raiding our village. They said it wasn’t important, and I didn’t care then because I was young. They hated us and they killed my family…but while we lived happily in the woods we were the reason that they had their own shitty lives.

Just as I had grown up to hate them, they had grown up to hate…me. All of the boys at the orphanage were there because of me and my ancestors. All of the boys in this house are in pain because of me. It’s all my fault.

And here I was acting like they owed me something while I sat here and did nothing. Refusing to help. Being an enormous asshole. I was the only one who could save them, and maybe if I can’t save them…I can do even just a little to help.

The guilt is eating me up, and yes I know I don’t owe them this because I didn’t choose to be born a human girl and I didn’t personally put them in the positions that they’re in, but I kind of do owe this to them. I can help.

I could die in the process…

But I could help them. No one deserves to be treated like filth regardless of what they’re born as and no one should be entitled to abuse their privilege. Watching others suffer is my own kind of personal hell, and I can’t just sit here and let the Gaia treat boys like shit when they don’t deserve it. When there are shitty Gaia out there like Momma. When there are kind hearted human’s out there like Tao.

And I can’t go around despising all of the Charmers when there are kind ones like Kris. And suffering ones like Jongin.

I won’t just stand by knowing this is all happening.

It’s about time that something around here changes, and I think I might just be willing to jump in to help.

Notes