Seven

When I wake up later the same day, I have found a new sense of purpose. I think I know what my next steps are going to be, and I need to talk to Tao to finalize my thoughts. To see if what I want to do is really going to help. I don’t want to jump in head first if it’s going to be for nothing.

I stare at my reflection as a brush my teeth with my new toothbrush. I feel as though I am a different person from who I was just a few weeks ago. Not only am I cleaner, but I’m healthier. I feel way healthier than I have ever felt. I can only assume my new found condition is due to that Yixing guy who came in and basically erased all of my bruises, cavities, and wounds. He’s a healer, but he must have like hella power to be able to fix anything. I feel and look different, and I’m not sure whether or not this is for better or worse. I’m still just as gross on the inside as I was before.

How had I not noticed how…gross I was before? Like, I’d never had a problem with my appearance since it’s all superficial and based on personal preference. But now thinking back to what I considered ‘clean’ before is pathetic. All of the human boys I’d known weren’t much different though. Perhaps that’s why I was never really concerned with it. Even still, I should have probably somewhat known how dirty and battered I looked to the trained eye. Especially compared to Tao. I had always thought that he had looked weirdly…fresh for another human. Now I know. He just took care of himself and his hygiene.

After freshening up for the day and putting the clothes I slept in back on my body (they weren’t dirty so I saw no reason to not reuse them), a pale pink pair of shorts and a white camisole, I amble out of my room. The light of the moon shows me that I’ve missed the rest of breakfast and lunch. I might have even missed dinner at this point. I should find food before I talk to Tao. Because that’s the most important thing.

Nutrition.

I leave the room and it’s unmissable how lethargic my body is. Walking feels like a difficult task, and each step away from bed feels like a step closer to my own death.

I reach the staircase and am met with an unfamiliar face who was taking angry steps up the stairs. I make a noise of surprise and the new boy looks up from his feet to me. I figure that I should try a new approach and should maybe not be a dick when first meeting people. I have the chance to be nice, and for the first time I take it.

I open my mouth to introduce myself, but before I can utter any greeting his teeth are bared, and his forearm is pressed against my neck, my body against the wall. His force is hard enough to make ability to breathe difficult, but not hard enough to crush my esophagus or seriously harm me. I would fight back, but after all the mental draining and crying I really can’t get my body to put up much of a fight. The hairs on my arms stand on edge like he’s some kind of balloon charged with static.

“Who are you?!” he hisses. “What are you doing here you piece of-”

“Yah! June!” the pressure is released from my throat and I slide against the wall down to the floor. I take in sharp breaths. Tao stands a few feet away with both of his hands on one of the arms of the boy who just tried to kill me. I can’t make out what he tells the fellow, but honestly I don’t want to know. The boy’s eyes are filled with blatant hate, and I know for a fact that I’ve never met him before this encounter. The boy shrugs Tao off after trading a few words and walks off.

“Jongdae isn’t always like that.” Tao puts a hand out to help me on to my feet and I gladly take it. I am already not a fan of this Jongdae guy. Try to do something good once, and this is what happens. Not a good sign. “Something must have happened in the castle to make him so hostile today.” I can only nod in response as I caress my still sore esophagus. Tao tosses a long arm over my shoulder and we both head to the kitchen. We enter and Tao shoves me over to a chair that is situated at the kitchen island. “Sit.”

I don’t protest and watch as he goes to work making me a sandwich.

“I can make my own sandwich you know. I have hands.” He pauses in his work and blushes slightly.

“Sorry. I was just trying to be helpful after everything that’s happened…”

“If you really want to make it though, I won’t stop you. Proceed.” He smiles briefly before continuing on. Ever since I got here, our relationship has been awkward at best. He is hesitant to talk to me, and I can never find the right words to say to him. I try to break through our awkwardness. “You really like it here don’t you?” I ask as he cuts the sandwich in half.

“Yes.” He says without hesitation. “For the first time since my mom died, this is where I felt happy. Finding Kris was one of the moments that I felt like my life turned around.” he picks up the plate and places it on the counter in front of me. Tao is the kind of person that I believe all of the kids in the 3rd ring could turn out to be if they were given the chance to be happy. He has a different outlook on life and it’s endearing. Even though I attacked him when we first met, he was still able to make me open up to him. Perhaps I should, I can’t believe I’m saying this, be more like Tao. I don’t touch the food, instead choosing to look into his dark eyes. He looks back without any of the fear that was in Jongin’s, any of the uneasiness in Kris and pretty boys, or the hate of that Jongdae fellow.

“Tao…” he blinks in acknowledgement. “Do you think I should do this? What Kris wants me to do?” he blinks again and then nods his head a few times slowly.

“I think…that you could be the one to save us. The kids like you and me, and my friends who are in the castle. They don’t tell me all that happens in there, but I’m not dumb. I can figure out what’s going on in there even when they don’t show up here bruised and shaking.” He props his head up in his hand.

“Why me though? Why couldn’t you have brought some other girl here for Kris? I know there aren’t many of us, but I’m not the only one.” He looks off thoughtfully and then clicks his tongue.

“Well first off, you’re my friend and I wanted to bring you here before I knew about this whole plan thing anyway…” he starts. He pouts a bit before continuing on. “I heard that most girls turn easily once they start to get treated like first class citizens…and I don’t know. You’re different. From what I told Kris, I think he thought you just happened to be the right choice so he didn’t look for anyone else. I think Kris believes that fully now too. You would be able to fight back. You use to defend the boys back at the orphanage when they were hurt and you didn’t ask for anything in return. You’re genuinely nice, and not hell bent on surviving at the expense of everyone else.” I smile authentically at his compliment and my face heats up. I grab a sandwich slice and bite in to it to hide my flustered expression.

After hearing how highly he thinks of me, and how genuine everyone’s intentions seem to be, the rest of my doubt fades away with my swallow of the sandwich. I still feel like this is going to go straight to shit, but I’m open to trying now. “I’ll do it.” I tell him before taking a bite in to the sandwich again.

“What?”

I try to talk around my mouth full of food. “I said I’ll do it.” I swallow the chewed up bread and meat and whatnot. “I’ll go in to the Queen’s castle and try to…fix this. To fix all of this if I can.” He straightens up in excitement and claps his hands excitedly like a little kid. He tackles me in a hug and we both almost topple over with the chair. I hold tightly to my sandwich slice while laughing at how happy Tao has suddenly turned. I’m relived the awkwardness between us is gone; I’m not used to not knowing what to say to him. “Dude, get off of me. I need to finish eating.”

“This is the best thing you’ve ever said. You don’t say much worth listening to usually, and this might be the first time you’ve said something worth hearing.” He jokes.

“For someone who follows and listens to Kris like some kind of one legged puppy you sure are talking rather tough to me right now.”

“Kris is a great man, and you should watch it. I’ll choose Kris over you any day.”

“I find that very hard to believe. You love me after all you big emotional cheese ball.” I reach for his cheek to squeeze it; he scowls and dodges my hand quickly. For the first time since arriving here I smile again fully. It feels like our relationship has gone right back to normal. It’s like it was before, full of teasing, joking, and lightheartedness.

I missed this.

“I’ll tell Kris tonight, and then I’ll tell Luhan in the morning. I think he’s asleep right now.” Tao says grabbing my other sandwich half and taking a huge bite out for himself. I frown at the loss of food and at Tao’s statement.

“Luhan? Who is Luhan?” I grab the Tao bitten part of my sandwich and shove it in my mouth before he can steal any more. Tao squints his eyes at me as if I’ve said something stupid. I hate when he looks at me like I’m an idiot or beneath him or something.

“Who’s Luhan? Really? You’ve seen him every day…” he tilts his head to the side and my eyes widen in realization. The pretty one. That deer eyed boy! I’ve been referring to him as the pretty on all this time, I forgot that he actually has a name. I chew my food and laugh sheepishly while avoiding his gaze. He laughs, “You’re an idiot.”

I haven’t taken the time to figure out anything about the people around me. Being an asshole and disregarding everyone but myself…I really need to turn this act around. I’m not an asshole and I have to prove that to them and to myself. I’ve been wallowing so hard in my own pity that I really haven’t been observant to what’s around me. I’m starting to believe that I really am an inconsiderate douche bag.

It’s time to show them what I’m really like. What girls can be like. Girls can be caring and selfless, I’ll show them. I’ll drop my guard just a bit and I’ll get them to trust me. I’ll trust them. I’ll do what I need to do to save them. If that’s going to start with me exposing my own vulnerability to them, so be it. Maybe it’ll be worth it in the end.

Notes