Luhan enters my room surprised to see me already awake and dressed for today’s lesson. I stare back just as surprised as he is, I would usually never wake up this early on my own.

Until today at least.

I woke up hoping that I’d be awake before Jongin, but of course I wasn’t. When I opened my eyes, my bed was empty of the other body, and my hand was lying there holding nothing but the air. So I woke up feeling somewhat dejected first thing this morning. I wanted to find out what had happened, yet the boy was still faster and managed to leave without me knowing.

Just as fast and silent as when he arrived.

“You were awake early.” Luhan says as we stand in the moist grass of the yard.

“Mm.” I hum in agreeance. He casts me a look, but thankfully drops the subject. I don’t need another person to explain myself to. Now, we get to move on to our next lesson. Behavior in public.

“Today, I have decided that you have passed your first lesson of posture. We will now move on to the next lesson.” He says as he circles me, his hands clasped behind his back. I stand with my hand propped on my hip and stare into space bored. My choreographed position, showing an accurate depiction of my feelings this morning.

Looks like the posture torture paid off.

“This lesson will be rarely used, but it is probably one of the most important. How you carry yourself around a mixture of people in public will dictate all they need to know about your status. Which is?” he inquires.

“That I am the beginning. I am the ultimate. I am one of the first beings on Earth and they are beneath me. I am to be respected. I am woman.” I reply mechanically. He nods and continues to leisurely walk around me.

“Keep that in mind. As a human woman you are in fact what both man and the Gaia came from. You are the most valuable thing on the planet.” He says. I nod in confirmation. “Now, the Gaia attend school and they are aware of social status since it is taught to them from a young age; however, if you don’t prove to them that you are important, they will walk over you.” He stops in front of me. “That being said, you still have to greet and address them respectfully. They are more powerful than you, and they outnumber you so they can and will kill you if given enough reason.”

“How do you know all of this?”

“I worked closely with the Queen and she liked to teach some of her Charmers things from time to time.” He says. I open my mouth to ask another question, but he starts to pace and talk again, thoroughly cutting me off. “If you don’t treat other humans and Charmers the way that the Gaia deem acceptable then you are no better off. You are weak and you won’t survive if you come off that way. Since you can’t fight very well, you’re too emotional, and you aren’t very bright, the only thing you have to prove yourself as a person of power is your attitude.” I frown at the statement. Ouch. He smiles. “No offense. You and I both know you can’t truly deny it though.” He says.

He’s right, as much as it hurts to hear from him. I’m not a fighting master, I only know a couple of offensive and defensive tricks, and they aren’t fool proof either. Against someone else with the slightest training I’d be helpless. I never went to school passed the age of 10 and I know nothing about this world, so in terms of smarts…I’m also fairly pathetic.

I pout and Luhan stops in front of me again. “Hey, I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, but this is what I’m talking about. You can’t let your emotions show, or let them cloud over your decisions. When you’re in there, you’re surrounded by people who want to break you down. You have to be able to show that they neither intimidate you, nor affect you.” I sigh and put my blank face back on. “Good.” He praises. “Luckily, we can use your heart and attitude to our advantage.”

“How so?”

“When someone tests you, all you need to do is reply the way that you did at dinner that first night.” Ah yes, our first dinner. The night I was an asshole and hatefully said whatever was on my mind.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I mutter. He stops pacing again.

“Why not?”

“I was…mean. And angry. I said whatever came to my head because I was defensive around you all, and it wasn’t nice. I couldn’t control what came out of my mouth. I don’t think it’s a good idea to do that.” I admit.

“Great self-observation. However, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you have to be that way within the castle. You aren’t like them, and unlike us, they want to see you fuck up. They want a reason to kick you out. They want a reason for the Queen’s new pet to have to leave.” My jaw clenches at being called a pet. “You can’t speak without thinking, that’s true. That part will have to go; however, if you are talked to, you need to come off as composed but harsh. Break them before they get the chance to break you.”

It’s all a bit much to absorb. He wants me to be a douche? It’s not like it will be hard, after all I’ve met the type of people the Gaia are and they aren’t people who I want to be nice to. Even with this knowledge it seems dangerous to go in all high and mighty when they can still kill me. I’ve never had to intentionally try and hurt someone’s feelings.

I don’t like the feeling of people fearing me.

Gaia or not.

“I can tell that you’re apprehensive, but once you’re inside I can assure you that you will understand why I am saying what I’m saying.” I look at him sadly but nod in understanding. “When you have to talk to a Gaia around others, I just want you to remember 3 words.”

“Okay?”

“Blunt, feisty, and collected.” I tilt my head in confusion. He rolls his eyes. “Keep it blunt. Don’t say more than you need to. Keep it feisty. Give them attitude, make yourself sound intimidating. Keep it collected. Don’t spout off whatever you want, you need to be calm when you address them. You still have to be respectful.”

“Am I supposed to act like this around the Queen too?” I ask nervously. I can’t imagine how that would go down if I address her in the same way I am to address everyone else.

“No, of course not.” He laughs. I glare at him. “You are to be respectful to the Queen at all times. Full sentences, proper language, never make eye contact, etc. We’ll discuss her more at a later lesson.”

“What exactly was your job in the castle?” I ask unconsciously. His amount of knowledge is too much to just have been a servant or whatever. His eyes darken slightly, and I suddenly regret bringing it up. I was thinking about all of what he said and I was starting to get frustrated with the different things I have to keep in mind. I flush and drop my arm embarrassed. “I-I I’m sorry. It just slipped out and y-you don’t have to tell me I di-”

“No.” he says sharply. I close my mouth immediately. “It’s fine. You’ve probably been dying to know right?” he asks with an eerily emotionless smile. He sits on the wet grass and I follow suit. He rakes a hand through his hair. After letting out a deep breath he faces me again. “I didn’t stop working, I still work in the castle.” He starts. “I only stopped being full-time.”

I don’t understand what that means and by his reaction I knew that it showed on my face. He sighs in frustration as he attempts to explain the situation to me. I can only assume how difficult it must be to try and explain all of this to someone who has no clue how it works.

“Okay, Charmers can be sold and traded by their mothers up until they turn 22. If you aren’t given up by then, you’re a free person. You don’t have to work as any Gaia’s servant after 22 unless you’d been sold to them before that age. Even though some of us aren’t given up, most of us still end up working for them regardless. We have to make a living somehow.

“My mom sold me to the castle when I really young, and I’d worked there every day of my life until I turned 20. The Queen decided that I’d proved my…obedience and she allowed me to move out. To have a life outside of what I’d grown up doing. I still have to go back when summoned, but I’m more of a special occasion worker now.”

“That’s why you stay here with Kris then?” I question tentatively. He nods.

“I paid my dues, and I’m one of the few to be granted at least this much freedom from their duties.” His gaze gets distant and I can tell that there is more to the story than he is willing to tell. My heart goes out to him, but I for one know that I wouldn’t want to have to relive my past just because someone got curious. Even so, my bitch ass asks on.

“Did you meet any other human girls while you…you know worked there?” He blinks and looks back at me.

“Yes…I met one other. I was appointed as one of her personal servants, I only worked for her for about a year before she died. She had two of us. Me and Sehun. He belonged to her first and I only helped after she caught the Seven. I left a year after that.”

“What’s the Seven?” I press on.

“That, is a story for another day.” He says with a pained smile and poke to my arm. I’m curious as to what happened to the other girl, and why Luhan looks so affected by both her and this Seven thing. He seems tense though, and I don’t want him to have to talk about it anymore if it’s really that uncomfortable. I stand up and bring a hand to the damp back of my pants. Lovely.

“Well then, let’s get back to training. Won’t learn anything sitting here chit chatting.” I announce looking down at him. I hold out my hand and as he looks up at me I can feel his walls going back up. The stories and thoughts lock themselves away and he plasters on a smile. As convincing as it may be, I can somehow see the hurt that he hides under it. He takes my hand and I help him stand up. I feel there won’t be many more ‘heart to hearts’ in the future.

---

Jongin shows up 15 minutes before our first break, and 6 hours after Luhan and my talk. As soon as the word break leaves Luhan’s mouth I jog over to Jongin and throw my arms around him. He stumbles back a bit from the impact, and surprisingly he hugs me back immediately.

“Are you feeling better?” I ask as I pull away.

His eyes are dark and tired when he replies with a simple “Yes.” I’m unconvinced, but his unassuming smile is enough to make me drop the topic for the time being. My mind begins to whirl with things I want to ask him. Luhan’s arm slings around my shoulder and he guides me back a step so that neither Jongin nor I are touching.

I hadn’t even realized that I didn’t let go.

“Since Jongin is here, let’s get back to it so we can finish early.” Luhan suggests looking at me. I groan internally, but just shrug and don’t complain as Luhan drags me back to our worn little patch of grass. We move on to behavior around Charmers in public. I don my neutral position and Luhan tells me that I can cross my arms around Charmers if I want.

I don’t.

When I don’t move, Luhan physically starts to alter my position so that it’s at least slightly different. His hands linger slightly too long on my torso and Jongin coughs loudly. I can feel my face heating. Luhan awkwardly shuffles away and I release a soft exhale. Jongin stands and leaves to go get some water for himself.

“I think you’ll be fine around Charmers. The way you were in the first week plus what you’ve learned so far is enough. You won’t encounter many other humans in public. We can move on to table manners and eating.” He says while scratching the back of his neck.

“Thank God. I’m starving.” I whine at the mention of eating. My stomach grumbles and I am again reminded of how inconsistent my eating schedule has been as of late. Alongside my interactions with the other two guys in the house. I feel as though I haven’t spoken to Kris or Tao in days. When I’m training they either go off to work or the 3rd ring (respectively). I don’t know why Tao enjoys being there so much, but he’s always there while I’m stuck here with Luhan. And then when they come back for dinner I’m usually already asleep. Luhan casually wraps an arm around my shoulder, I tilt my head to look at him.

“Let’s call it a day. You look as hungry as I feel.” He pokes my cheek and I roll my eyes as we reenter the house. “Go and shower, I’ll go out to go get dinner.” He says while grabbing a pair of car keys off of the kitchen counter. I nod as he leaves. I’ll shower after I get a big glass of water.

And maybe take a nap.

Jongin comes down the stairs as the door closes behind Luhan. I pour two glasses of water and hand one to him. He thanks me, and I realize that we are left alone.

“Why’d you go upstairs?” I ask.

“I wanted to go find the clothes that I uh…left” he says, suddenly self-conscious.

“Oh, they’re in the laundry room. I wanted to wash them before giving them back to you.” He takes a sip of his water. “Do you…plan on staying again tonight?” I ask quietly.

“No.”

“Will you…be back tomorrow?”

“I don’t know for sure…”

“Do you know when you will be back?” He shakes his head. I nod solemnly. Silence follows and the two of us sip on our water. I want to say something, but I can’t figure out what it is that I want to say. He appears just as lost for words. I sit my glass down on the table and he follows suit. I walk over to him and hug him again; maybe hugging will get across what I don’t know what to say.

It feels like I do this a lot these days.

“If you need to talk…don’t be afraid to come to me okay? I’ll listen if you just need an ear, or a shoulder if you need to cry. Just...take care until you come back. Stay safe.” He squeezes me back and then pulls away. “I gotta go shower, but come back soon okay. I’m not done bothering you.” He smiles a cute smile that makes him resemble a little teddy bear and nods in affirmation. One of the first smiles I’ve seen from him that seems completely genuine. He vanishes on the spot still adorning his grin. I grin myself and sigh as I head up to clean up for dinner.

---

Tao comes back first and we play ‘rock, paper, scissors’ to decide who has to put up the dishes tonight. Usually if I’m awake I will volunteer, but I’d been extremely tired these days and my exhaustion was overpowering my manners. I know for a fact that the days I’m asleep for dinner, he is able to talk his way out of it. Luhan is the oldest and is almost always exempt from doing dishes, and for some reason Kris just can’t say no to Tao. But I’m not going to let him cheat his way out of chores today.

One round. Loser does the dishes. We toss out our hands. I choose rock, and he tosses out scissors. I win.

Dinner ends up being pizza, and I have never been so happy to see the greasy pie in my life. I sit down and slap five pieces on my plate immediately. Completely disregarding the boys, I loudly munch on my slices. I can sense their shock at how ravenously I’m eating, and I’m a bit taken back myself. I don’t know where this sudden appetite came from. I fell nothing but pure bliss though and if I had to die right here and now, I would be satisfied.

As soon as I start on the fifth slice I can feel that I won’t be able to finish it. My stomach began to ache 2 slices ago. I grabbed more than I could actually eat, but I know not to waste food.

“You really have no table manners.” Luhan voices. I sluggishly chew on the last slice and roll my eyes.

“I wasn’t aware this was a lesson sir.” I answer around a mouth full of food. Tao grimaces and pushes my mouth closed himself. I’ll make a better effort of not talking with my mouth full I guess.

“It’s not a lesson, but it was an examination. Don’t worry we’ll fix it.” He says while taking a bite of his own slice. I look at Kris and he shrugs. Not his problem I guess. Dinner is otherwise uneventful and I manage to force the final slice down before announcing my departure. I get nothing but mumbles back. I scowl at their lack of interest in my life. I feel so valued in this house, it’s appalling really. I pat Tao’s cheek as I leave him to clean the dishes before disappearing up the stairs.

My fatigue is overpowering and yet I still end up awake, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. I wonder what the human girl who use to live in the castle was like. Was she nice? Was she pretty? How old was she? Did she have a family? How did she…die?

“Hey, are you awake?” I sit up from my bed to see none other than Luhan leaning in my door frame.

“Yeah. I was just about to go to sleep.” A lie. Not a huge lie though. I had planned on sleeping, but my thoughts had opposing plans and I’m sure that I’d be lying here in silence for hours more.

“You have a minute?”

“Mhm.” He makes his way over and sits on the edge of my bed.

“I’m sorry for being so hard on you lately.” He dives right in to his little speech. “I know that it isn’t easy, and I know that it’s a lot to take in. You have to understand where I’m coming from though. If you don’t show up prepared then you could be taken away, and I care- I mean, we care about you and want you to be safe. We don’t want you to get hurt while you’re there.” He looks sheepish at the end of his spiel.

“No, I get it. I came to terms with the fact that you’re doing what needs to be done a while ago. I’m not mad about it, and I am thankful. You’re doing a good job, Luhan. Really. And if you weren’t harsh then I wouldn’t know that you all care about me, so it’s fine.” I say nonchalantly. “Besides, I care about you guys too, so do with me what you may.” I smile and spread out my arms as if to prove that I’m comfortable around them.

“Yeah, but still shouldn’t make you work so hard. I don’t want you to actually be angry with me…” I grab his face in my hands. His eyes widen at the sudden action.

“Listen, don’t apologize for doing your job dummy. I might get upset, but I’m never going to be angry with you. I love you guys-” oops. His eyes widen slightly and I pull away. “I love…um I mean I love being here.” Not much better. I let go of his face and cross my legs under myself. “Even if you are a douche at times I know that your intentions are good.” I finish.

God, why did I say that. I mentally face palm and pray that he won’t bring it back up. I can’t believe I said. It just slipped out. It was an honest feeling, but that doesn’t mean he needs to know that so soon! They’re still magic users and I’m not supposed to fucking like them let alone love their kind. It’s not romantic I don’t think. I appreciate all that they’ve done for me and yeah I might actually love Tao as more than just my friend, but I’ve only recently gotten comfortable with the two Charmers. I mean I do love all of them like I would close friends, but I’m not in love with anyone. What is love really?

Now I’ve gone and said something that I’m not sure I can explain. You shouldn’t show you weakness to anyone, and I’ve done just that.

God dammit, I’m an idiot. I don’t want anyone to get any wrong idea. I don’t even love myself, I don’t think I’m even prepared to think about being in love with someone else. I’m tackled in a hug while I’m distracted by my own anxieties. I freeze up until he pulls away.

“Let’s go out to get lunch this weekend.” He smiles genuinely. “Just you and me. It’ll be another lesson, but we can take it out in public, and take a break from the usual.” I stare open-mouthed at the idea. We haven’t been out since that first time when he was basically harassed. He wants to do it again?! He smirks and arches his brow. My speechlessness leads him to reach out and physically close my open mouth.

Oh shit, he’s waiting for my response. Gathering my senses, I nod quickly.

He grins, “It’s a date then.”

Notes