Finding My Way
There’s a knock on my door and I set my book down on my night stand. Could it be…
Before I’m able to turn the knob, the door opens. Jungkook pops in, brushing dust off his shoulder. He stops walking as he realizes I’m here.
“Hyung.” I say the first word that comes to my mind. Oh, it’s just Jaemi’s first love.
“Sorry, it was so quiet in here I thought-” He looks behind him at the door for a few seconds. “I… The door was unlocked.”
I can’t help but laugh from his syntax. “It’s okay, come in.”
“Do you mind if I shower now?” Jungkook questions as he closes the door behind him. “I didn’t get the chance to earlier and I don’t want to wake up early to take one.”
“Go ahead.” I sit myself down on my bed and pick up my book. “Take your time.”
Within a few minutes, the shower is running and a small, singing, voice is echoed. Beyond the noise coming from the bathroom, I hear faint voices in the hallways. I basically jump off my bed and pry my door open. Jaemi.
She stands a few doors from mine with Seokjin and Hoseok. A smile comes across my face but dies within an instant as I see their pessimistic facial expressions.
Her eyes linger onto mine and I find myself holding my breath. The shower knob turns off and there’s complete silence. She bows to Seokjin and Hoseok as they both make way to their rooms and I watch as she scurries towards me. Slow motion. Her running turns to slow steps. The sound of her feet hitting the ground is the only thing I hear. Everything blurs around her and my heart pounds loudly. My feet go numb and butterflies are flying like crazy in my stomach. I find it hard to swallow as I watch her creep closer.
I take a hold of her first, before she’s even able to wrap herself in my arms. Her thrust towards me swirls us around, so that her back faces my door instead and I shut my eyes closed. She sticks like glue and I feel her cold breath on my neck. Our hearts beat in sync and I hold her close. Slowly, I open my eyes to find Jungkook feet away, watching us. Oh no.
I watch him watch us, inspecting us carefully. With his towel, he rubs his hair, increasing speed as he turns around and pushes the door to close. However, the door stops, leaving a crack open.
We sit in the cafeteria and I listen to her explain her dinner with Suga and Gaejin. From her words, almost a million thoughts past my mind. Yet, the only thing I say to her is almost off topic.
“Liar.” I poke her head, knocking her back slightly. As she regains balance, I continue. “You told me you were having dinner with Irene.”
She stays quiet and ducks her head down. I can tell her cheeks are starting to color.
“You lied… just to have dinner with him?” I feel my head sink a little deeper.
“I… I thought you would be upset if I told you.” Her voice clear as she raises her head and fixes her hair out of her face. I lean forward and put and elbow on the table, resting my head on it.
“You’re entitled to your decisions.” On its own, my hand puts a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I can’t stop you from that.”
As much as it pains me whenever she’s with Suga, instead of me, I don’t want her to think I’m an obstacle to get through in order to be around him. I don’t want to be seen as an obstacle. I want to be her finish line once she’s done knocking down the obstacles.
“I can’t stop you from that.”
It crushes my heart knowing he’s giving in without choice. I didn’t offer him any options and lied to him. Hoseok was wrong about Taehyung. I think… I hope...
“You want to go for a walk tomorrow?” Taehyung proposes, showing me a happy—no teeth— smile. He sits up and folds his hands in his lap. “After school, I mean.”
“Of course.” I nod my head almost instantly. “I haven’t spent time with you lately.”
“Good.” Taehyung chuckles lightly and pats my head gently. “I have to talk to Hoseok about something. I’ll see you in the morning if not later.”
“Alright.” I say as he gets up, pulling me with into one last embrace. My heart skips a beat as he presses his lips softly on my bare shoulder, resting his head on it for few seconds. His hot skin burns mine and I find myself holding my breath. After for what seems like minutes, he picks his head up and presses his cheek onto mine.
“Good night.” Taehyungs whispers into my ear, sending me an overwhelming wave of goosebumps and I watch him leave the cafeteria.
I heave a deep sigh and keep my eyes on the spot where I last see him. My hands move around in midair, aiming to find something to hold onto. I grasp a table, unintentionally pushing a few chairs with my feet and attempt to regain my thoughts and slow down my heart beat. It seems like I always feel like that around him. It’s crazy how the littlest things he does makes me go head over heels.
It takes me a minute to gather myself and walk out of the cafeteria. Just as I come across the hallway, a hand pulls me to the side into his arms. We lean against the wall and my back is pressed against him. The moon light shines directly on us. One of his hands wrap above my chest, holding onto my shoulder. The other around my stomach.
“What about me?” His voice cracks in the middle of his question. “You haven’t spent time with me either.”
My heart beats faster, not the way Taehyung makes me feel. Nor Yoongi. Rather, it’s the feeling of fear.
“J-jungkook.” My hand holds his arm which holds my shoulder. “Please.”
“One of the reasons why I came back here, to waste my break here, was to be with you.” Jungkook clears his throat. “Don’t you want our old life back? Just you and me. Together in Seoul. We’d see each other every day. Just like before… don’t you want that?”
My chapped lips part and I close my eyes. Take it slowly…
“If things were to go back the way they were before, I would’ve already been on the airplane to Julliard. Regardless, we weren’t going to be with each other. The image you created in my head sounds perfect… but that’s the past. I can’t— we can’t change that. You are my best friend, someone I’ve grown to love and cherish just like family. I love you Jungkook.” I stop myself as I feel a wet drop sting my bare shoulder. The same spot where Taehyung kissed me. He’s crying… “I can’t offer anything more to you than my love and attention as a friend. It’s too late to change that feeling now.”
I bring his hands down and turn around to face him. His face is almost soaked and he wails quietly, showing me a heartbroken expression. My arms wrap around his shoulders and I go on my balls of my feel to pat his back, attempting to soothe him. “Don’t cry, Jungkook.”
Within seconds, he buries his face into my shoulder and screams loudly into my skin. His arms cling onto me tightly. From his loud squeal, Seokjin and Jimin rush over to the scene. They slow their pace as they observe Jungkook and I.
Seokjin opens his mouth, but I cut him off. “Just… give us a minute, please.”
Without stopping, Seokjin turns and walks towards the cafeteria. Jimin stays still and I can tell he’s worried about Jungkook. However, Seokjin drags him into the cafeteria with him.
My shirt is almost soaked from the amount of tears that bleed from his eyes. “J-jungkook.”
“You said you love me…” Jungkook whispers and hiccups between his words. “Why play with my feelings Jae…? Why do this to me.”
“I…” My voice trails off. I haven’t been considering his emotions this entire time. It hasn’t really come across to me that we’d ever be together… more than family. I’ve only seen him as family. When my parents died, I seemed desperate to be with him because he was the only family I thought had left. But… “I love you because you are my family. I don’t want to lose our relationship, this relationship we have. Please, don’t make things worse than they already are.”
“I’ve been with you since the beginning and never let you or left you for anything.” His voice is almost gone. “I never lied to you. I tell you everything. I’d do anything for you.”
“I thank you for that, Jungkook. I’m truly grateful to have someone like you looking out for me. But, there are things you lied to me about, there are things you haven’t told me. What happened in Daegu between you and Jimin. What happened here in Buncheon summers ago.” I pause and stay deep into my thoughts. “Don’t claim I’m the only reason why things aren’t working between us. We all have secrets.”
I pull myself away from him and walk down the hallway. My hand constantly tugs on my shirt, separating my shirt from my skin. Take deep breaths. Take deep breaths.
Don’t turn around. Take deep breaths.
Happy 2017 Readers~!
I'm back after a long vacation. I was actually going to update on January 3, but I was REALLY sick, so I was like, "FXXK IT" (BIG BANG). BUT REGARDLESS, I'm back.
Poor Jungkook *tear drops* he's been following Jaemi ever since they were young. ONLY to be rejected by her now. Don't worry, there's still Irene.... BWAHAHAHHAA JUST KIDDING. I don't ship that sail.
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Keep in touch with me and this website because I'm coming out with the sequel to "As Blind As Can Be..." SO, don't go A-Wall on me. It's called "Sight Beyond Sight" and I'm sure it will soon amaze you like my past stories have. Please send it lots of love~~~!
LOVE YOU ALL and see you in the next chapter~
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