Gratefulness~ pt.5

When I began my new life in Korea, never would I ever have guessed that I would start the day of my official teaser at the psychiatrist. But I had no choice. There was no one else I could have talked to, face to face.

There was still Sara who kept texting me and snapchatting me like she had no other things to do. I tried to tell her that she needed to study for her own good but she said I was more important than a pile of books and that she had already done the major part of the work but how would I have known if she really had.
Also, on another day like this when I just tried to avoid too much socializing because the psychiatrist had woken me up to think that I should still try to process Joakim's death in my mind to be able to get over it as soon as possible, I happened to get lunch company from Taeyang and Seungri as they were visiting the headquarters for their touring stuff such as picking outfits and updating their calendars. The other members had different schedules to not to be able to attend those things at the same time with them.

Young Bae crashes his tray on the table first. I slurp in the noodles and little vegetable pieces before looking up at him.
"Jag," his valuing gaze looks at me as he pronounces the name clearly, the same style as the word 'swag', to get my attention before dragging the chair back and sitting down. He still keeps looking at me, his arms crossed over the table as he bites his lips together and squints his eyes. I slower my chewing, eventually giving up eating completely to ask with amusement in my tone:
"What's wrong with you?"
He looks at me for a while longer and then like waking up from his thoughts he takes the metallic chopsticks and stuffs one mouthful of food in his mouth, chewing well and swallowing before answering my question. I also eat a bit of my food in the meantime.
"The leader Jag," he humms by himself as he lifts up some noodles from his cup.
"Why is it Jag?" and slurps them in.
I shrug.
"I thought that I should have some kind of a name other than my birthname as there's also BaBo and OMG," I talk and take a sip of my water. Young Bae snorts.
"Yeah, the OMG... So funny," he snickers by himself. He seems to be having a good day.
"And, well, I have always liked cat animals. It was really the first thing that came into my mind when YG asked about something I like that could lead into the name. So, yeah, Jaguar. Jag," I shrug again and eat the last of the meal with a spoon. "I guess I'll get used to it."
"I thought you'd have a name that has at least some kind of a link to your birthname," he furrows slightly at me as he's chewing. "Something like Mianhe," he gives it a laugh too. I huff tiredly.
"Ah, yeah yeah.. I was waiting for somebody to say that. My name sounds so much like it," I nod because I have to agree. "But think about it. A group leader whose name is I'm Sorry? It doesn't sound like a very well-selling name."
Young Bae is having fun as he laughs again and I can't help showing off a small smile myself too because of his good mood.
"True," he agrees with a nod of his head. I drink my glass empty and I'm just about to stand up and leave the table when Seungri dashes from the counters to the table and grabs my hand.
"Minea, Minea," he flashes me a quick smile, begging me to sit back down before he can sit down himself. I sigh out of frustration, not that I really mind.
He looks at me with excitement in his eyes, Young Bae barely paying any attention to him but more to the food.
"Riri-ssi, what's up?" I greet him in a friendly manner and fake a smile.
"Jaguaaar," he begins with the same joke and his hyung nudges him on his elbow.
"Old one," Tae mumbles and bites on his bread.
"Aah!" Seungri sighs. "Why you stole it from me? ... I think the name is clever!" he turns to look at me again and nods eagerly.
"Really?" I lean on my elbow and yawn a little. "It is! It just slips out of your tongue, you know... And Jaguars are beautiful animals. They have big teeth! They can rip a man to death with those," he suddenly gives me a suspicious side-eye and I just stare at him confused.
He laughs at his own jokes again and continues:
"And the cars too. They're pretty. Oh, so pretty," Seungri sighs out of bliss, falling into deep thoughts with a loving expression glowing on his face. Tae nudges him again to make the Earth call for him.
"He's been talking about cars the whole week," Young Bae explains to me and then glances at his friend. "Aren't you gonna buy one soon if you want it so badly?"
"I will buy it today. I just need to decide between a few models but I'll let the car seller talk me over. All of the models are very good, so so sexy, especially the one I--," Taeyang nudges Seungri the third time and makes his enthusiastic tone drop into a groan.
"Are you talking about the car models or the girls sitting on them?" he quirks an eyebrow.
"Well..."
"Leader Jag propably doesn't care much about your stories," Tae notes and continues eating.
"Oh, right," Seungri scratches his nape in embarrassment. "But we got something to ask you."
I look at them both, question marks in my eyes. Seungri nods sith a small warm smile on his lips and blinks a few times.
"We should have a party for you now that your debut is around the corner, right?" I turn into a hesitating mess right away, not wanting to celebrate anything at the moment. I don't feel like it would be a good idea.
"I don't know," I begin. "I'm quite tired. It wouldn't be good for my health."
"But we're going to attend a VIP club opening tonight and I'm DJing. You could bring the other members too! I need to get to know them better," he grins at me but I just grit my teeth.
"They're just fine. BaBo and Mi-Ok are great to work with," I try to reassure him.
"But I got to prove it!" he insists, the everlasting enthusiastic smile on his face.
"I don't know if they would like to go either," I mumble and see Tae glancing at me like he would know I'm trying to avoid the subject.
"You should ask!" Seungri tells me. "Where's your phone? I should call them myself," he reaches his hand for me but Tae grunts beside him and makes him shut up finally.
"Hmh?" Seungri turns to him and Tae rolls his eyes lazily.
"Don't make her if she doesn't want to. Not every girl gets crazy about your DJ skills," he throws some shade on maknae and it makes me laugh a little. Seungri clears his throat embarrassed about Tae's comment and nods.
"Okay, okay. It just would have been nice to catch up and everything."
"Everything. Everyone, you're my everything," I play a joke on him as well when I stand up, quoting his words to end speeches and humiliate the whole group with his 'everything moment'. Tae chuckles silently by himself in the corner and I grin proudly, leaving the boys to finish their meals as I head to my next class.

Somehow I knew to expect for Young Bae to contact me. I don't know how he can read me so well but I do admit that he feels the closest to among the members in this country.
In the morning when I crawl up from my bed, I see the message he has left and sit back down on the bed, wrapping myself in the blanket. But instead of asking for why I wasn't willing to join them to the club, he tells me he has caught a flew, asking if I could bring him medicin. I give a small huff at him at first when I'm still sleepy and not in my full senses but during the breakfast I start to realise that he asked me because he wants to have a chat with me. Because he sees through me that something must be out of place. Because he's always the one to see me at my worst times. And, basically, he knows me too well.

Notes