Gratefulness~ pt.5

I walk down the street to the pharmacy, resisting the shop windows that call my name thanks to the little money shouting in my pocket that I got nothing to spend more than for the medicine for a friend.
I walk into the right place and ask what's best for treating cold, then pay for that and walk out. I take a look at my watch. I still got a little extra time before the next class, I think to myself, so I stay window shopping and admiring all the luxurious jewelry in front of a expensive-looking shop. As I stare at the golden necklaces and lean a bit closer, avoiding not to let my nose touch the glass, I suddenly hear a familiar voice behind me.
"It's you again," Minhwan's cheerful tone gets my attention and I turn around to greet him with a nod.
"Hello, Michael," I use his American name.
I see his round eyes travelling down to look at the plastic bag in my hands, then focusing on my eyes with worry.
"Are you sick?" he asks and I let out an awkward laughter, shaking my head rapidly.
"Oh, no no! It's for a friend," I smile. I could tell him the friend is YoungBae but that’s unnecessary, I guess.
He lets out a relieved sigh and nods his small head. I can't ignore his small and cute features and gestures, wondering if he has ever think of becoming an idol. He would suit well as one.
"I'm on my way to buy some food as my mom told me to," he gives me a sweet eye smile.
"Would you like to join me?"
I take a look at my watch again and since I still got time, I nod as a 'yes' and begin walking beside him.
"I could get some banana milk too. To drink after dance practices," I say as we walk. He glances at me and insists to pay it for me.
"No, I will pay for it myself."
"No," he shakes his head and nudges my arm lightly. "My mom always gives me extra money to spend on candy since I was a little kid and, to be honest, I don't even like candy that much anymore. So, I've been saving that extra money for Playstation games and such. I don't mind using it to buy milk for a future star," he addresses me so sweetly and blinks his eyes a few times at me that I have to be okay with his offer.
"Alright, alright," I give in defeated.
Minhwan tells me that he's a stylist and actually helped to pick out the clothes for our teasers, although they don't show well because the pictures are only shadows after going through the edit but maybe the originals will be released later. I have no idea.
I encourage him to tell me about his mom he mentioned before and it happens to be that she's very sick and the fact that he's taking care of her, well… He is taking the scores home from me. I think it's nice of him to do. He tells me how he used to walk her by hand to a food market when he was just a small child and now he always does her grocery shopping because she can't leave the house anymore. I assume he's still living at home. And now he's afraid that he has to cut down his job as a stylist, being very lucky to get to work less hours but having to still work a specific amount of hours for him to get paid of course. It’s just that taking care of his mom takes him so much time, it's sometimes a real challenge. He's very brave and hard-working, I think to myself as I listen to his story. It makes me think about my mom as well and how much I wish that she would still be living and breathing in this world.
"Can I hold your hand?" he asks me, offering his palm to me. I look at it, pondering. I've been in the center of scandals before but the warm heart of his has gotten me in so much better mood.
"This is how I would go shopping with my mom," he adds as he stares at me with his button eyes and I grab his hand without a second more of hesitation. And he looks at our hands, then giving me such a precious happy smile I wish I could give it back.

In the middle of our shopping round, Taeyang calls me and wants me to explain what kind of medicine I got for him because of an allergy he has but I had gotten just the right one he had asked for.
And as I in the evening, more like at the nighttime, take a bus to get to his place and bring the medicine to him like a real savior, he thanks for it deeply. Tae is a funny-looking sight but so adorable too, depending how to look at him, as wherever he goes in the apartment he's carrying a thick blanket around himself which drags partly along the floor, not forgetting a box of tissues in his arms. His hair too is a bit of a mess, although still kind of on fleek after last night's partying.
He sits down on his sofa and tells me to come and keep him company for a moment. I leave my shoes near the door and walk to the living room, relaxing on the massage chair after a rough session of dancing. Tae takes a tissue and cleans his nose before throwing the pills in his mouth and gulping them down with water. He pulls the blanket up until his ears and makes himself look like a well-wrapped burrito.
"Poor Young Bae-ssi," I chuckle silently at the sight. "How did this happen? Were you at a pool party in the winter or what?" I grin but Tae just huffs at me and snffs.
"Pfft... I felt a bit sick last night already. I guess it's just this small break before next concerts that my body thought it would be a great timing for a cold. But I'm not pleased," his face crumbles as he says so and it makes me laugh a little at his misery.
"But at least you have a saving angel like me to fly you some medicine," I joke and gasp as the massage chair finds a good spot on my legs. It hurts so much... But in the silence, I notice Tae looking at me suspiciously. Just staring from the dark. I raise my eyebrows at him. He humms.
"How are you nowadays?"
And there it comes, the question I expected from him. I just shrug casually like I had nothing special to tell him.
"Maybe you can fool the others around you but I can see that there must be something. When you laugh, it doesn't sound authentic," he tells me and I stare at his bare face in confusion. My laughter? I didn't know he would pay attention to such a thing.
"Really?" I only ask with a slightly quieter tone than before.
"Mm," he nods firmly. I look at my legs momentarily and sigh.
"I guess I'm just tired," I try to avoid talking about it for my own sake but he doesn't leave me alone.
"Is it because of your mother?"
"Not really," I answer and admit at the same time that yes, something is wrong. I hear him pulling a tissue out of the box and emptying his nose before he continues roasting me.
"Just before you persuade me to talk," I stop him with a confident tone in my voice. "Don't pity me, will you?"
I raise my chin and look at him.
"I'm kind of done with that already. The whole company seems to have sad eyes on my back where ever I go because of my mom's death."
Young Bae stays still, looking at me calmly and letting me do the talking. His throat must hurt too. I take a deep breath.
"I don't know if you've heard about my ex from Ji, or if you even care to hear," I shrug by myself as I settle better on the massage chair and close my eyes because it feels easier to talk that way…

"I wish I could hug you right now," a deep sigh escapes his mouth when I'm done with my story. I've cried a few tears, staring at the ceiling of his apartment.
"I wish I could hold you," he says again silently and I shake my head a little.
"It's alright."
"It's just not always alright, okay?" I hear his calm voice talking. "What's alright is to feel weak and not alright sometimes."
"Sometimes," I repeat the word he used. "But if I went the way and always showed my feelings like they really are, I would be weak and desperate all the time. It was," I breath out. "A big thing for me to let Ji leave the country. That's when I thought I had become crazy, literally. I started seeing a psychiatrist... And the person who took a good care of three kids including me with the little money she had for it, left so suddenly. And now this thing that is clearly my fault," I gasp for air as I start to feel uneasy again. "And that's not who I can be. I can not be a weak leader now. I must be a strong one."
And all I can hear is Young Bae agreeing to my words with silence.

Notes

//Hello~ I will be gifting you guys with a few new chapters!//

Teaser for chapter 17