Remembering Elizabeth (Featuring Suho and Sehun)

That night, I was almost afraid to go to dinner. I was ashamed of what I had done and I didn’t want to face the disappointment on the three faces I loved the most. Sehun had wanted to walk down with me but I wanted a few moments alone so I told him to go without me and that I would be down soon. He gave me a suspicious look but he went.
I sat at the vanity and brushed my hair, studying my face and looking for explanations as to why any of these men, even Kyung, cared one iota about me. I know Kyung was trying to replace his lost love but why did it have to be me? I grimaced as I thought of the other women this had happened to before me and wondered what they were going through now. I hoped they had a Suho of their own to take care of them.
And what about Suho? Why did he care so much about what happened to me? I’m no one to him. Or I used to be but he still came to get me when he knew I was in trouble. I think that was just who Suho was. It would have haunted him if something happened to me because he felt responsible for sending me to that hospital. He was a genuinely good person with a good heart and that made him a great leader.
Then there was Bacon. Sweet, crazy, impulsive Bacon. Why on earth did he want me? I saw how many girls crowded him at the restaurant. He could have any girl he wanted but he wanted the damaged one. I had no explanation for that one. Maybe he liked a challenge. Or maybe it was just proximity. I mean I am just down the hall. And being damaged makes me vulnerable and an easy mark. Actually, I don’t think he put that much thought into it. Bacon just lets his heart lead him where it wants to go and his brain catches up later.
And Sehun. My gorgeous, protective, broody Sehun. Everything was a crisis to him. He didn’t even realize it himself but he tried harder to make Suho proud of him than anyone. Suho was an impressive person to live up to and Sehun felt like he was just short of being the man Suho was. He was wrong of course. Suho saw all of his potential and trusted Sehun without question. I looked closer at my face. What does Sehun see in someone like me? No, what does he see in ME? I’m not pretty enough to catch the eye of someone like him. I’m very plain actually. I’m also covered in tiny white scars, outside AND in. I disappoint him all of the time. Is it just because he wants to save me? Does he think saving me will finally make him good enough in Suho’s eyes? Am I an obligation? That couldn’t be it. You don’t usually feel a need to sleep with an obligation. And you don’t get as angry with an obligation as Sehun was with me. I heard and felt the pain coming from him as he cried beside me tonight. That kind of pain only comes from loving someone but I wasn’t ready to admit that yet. Elizabeth! You cannot hurt them like this ever again! They deserve better. You can’t save them from you but you can let them save you. Let. Them. Save. You.
As I brushed my hair, I saw a flash in the mirror and couldn’t believe I had forgotten. I also couldn’t believe they hadn’t seen it. I was still wearing the engagement ring that Kyung had put on me. I looked down at it on my finger. What was I going to do? What should I do with it? Should I give it to Suho? I took it off and shivered. The last time I took this ring off, I paid dearly for it. It had driven Kyung mad and he tortured me for removing it and rejecting him. I don’t know why but I decided not to give it to Suho or even to tell them about it. There was a little crystal jar on the vanity and I lifted the lid and dropped it in. “You can live there now,” I said.
I still wasn’t ready to go to dinner so I walked around. Whenever, I walked around the mansion, I always ended up in the same place. All roads seemed to lead to the ballroom. It usually made me feel like a princess just walking into it but tonight I felt nothing but shame. I walked over to the stereo system and pushed play. The last song that Bacon and I had danced to began to play. I wanted so much to feel better and this room usually had that effect but tonight it seemed nothing would make me feel alright.
I closed my eyes and swayed to the soft song. It almost sounded sad. I looked at the little blue display panel and it read: Believe/Junho/One. I wanted to remember that. I closed my eyes again and slowly spun in a circle. I slowly walked to the center of the room and looked up at the chandelier. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I put out my arms and spun slowly, watching the crystals sparkle. It didn’t look much like a kaleidoscope at this slow speed but I didn’t care. It was gorgeous.
I jumped a little when an arm went around me and a man’s hand took one of mine. I smiled when I looked into his beautiful eyes. Looking at him always made me smile. Suho smiled back. He didn’t say anything as he pulled me closer and I put my head on his shoulder. We danced like that, slow and close, until the song was over. Everything about Suho comforted me. His warmth, his smell, his touch. He was gentle and soft and loving. If there was no Sehun, I could easily have fallen for Suho.
Another slow song began to play and I couldn’t make out anything on the display but Come to My… and then we turned. The only safer place I knew of than Suho’s arms was Sehun’s. I said, “I’m sorry I hurt you Suho.”
“Shhh. You’re here and safe and that’s all that matters now.” He released my hand and pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged him back and we continued to sway in slow circles like this. “Let’s go to dinner before the boys eat everything. I’m starving,” he said as he pulled back and looked into my eyes. His face was smiling but his eyes were wet with tears that he had been trying to hide.
“Okay. I am too,” I lied. I went over to turn off the stereo and saw that it had been playing Love Box/Seungri/Let’s Talk About Love. I made a mental note of that one too. I would tell Bacon that I wanted to dance to all of those with Suho at the ball since he seemed to be working on the music that would be played that night. I looked back at the chandelier as I followed Suho out of the ballroom. Looks like I’m going to get to be a princess after all. At least for one night.
When we walked into the dining room, both Sehun and Bacon gave us strange looks. We sat down without saying a word. We both took our napkins and snapped them open at the exact same time, getting them tangled in midair. Looking at each other with wide eyes, we both burst out laughing. Soon the other two were laughing too and the atmosphere became warmer. No one talked about what I had done and the cloud lifted. It was a very enjoyable evening and for a while it seemed like everything was back to normal.

That night, Sehun slept on the little sofa beside my bed. Suho agreed to that arrangement after vetoing him sleeping in the bed. I figured since I had gotten my memory back, which I still hadn’t revealed to the boys, that I was done with the horrific nightmares. I was so wrong. Every dream began with Kyung and ended with me screaming, “I was wrong! I don’t want to go back! Let me go!” and Sehun waking me up and rocking me back to sleep. The last time I woke up, I realized I had been wrong. I didn’t remember everything. I didn’t know who Tom was. I still didn’t remember my family. There were a lot of things I didn’t remember. I became extremely scared. I was afraid I would start remembering even more horrible things that I had hidden from myself because they were too bad to remember.
I was afraid to go back to sleep so I watched Sehun as he tried to get comfortable on the tiny sofa. “Sehun?” I said.
He opened his eyes and looked over at me. “Are you alright?” he asked.
“I’m fine but you’re not. Go to your room and go to sleep. I promise I won’t leave and I won’t have any more bad dreams.”
“How do you know?” he asked sleepily.
“Because I’m not going back to sleep. So, please, for me, go to your room and go to bed,” I said.
“I don’t want to. I want to stay near you.” He rubbed his eye like a little kid.
I watched him trying to find a comfortable position. It was impossible. He was too big. I got up and went over to him and took his hand. He opened one sleepy eye and looked up at me. How can one person be so beautiful? I thought. “Get in my bed, Sehun,” I told him.
“But what if Suho comes in…” he started to protest.
“I’m going to sleep on the couch. I fit and you don’t,” I said.
“No. Absolutely not. Go back to bed.” He tried to turn over and almost fell off of the sofa.
“Sehun, please do it for me. Either way, I’m not getting back into the bed so you might as well. I’ll feel bad if you don’t.”
He looked up at me and then at the bed and then he sighed. He really wanted to get into the bed. “You’re not going back to sleep?”
“No,” I said. I shook my head and smiled at him.
“Why not?” he asked.
“I’m just done sleeping,” I said.
“Okay, but just for a little while. And when you want the bed back you have to wake me up. Promise?”
“I promise,” I said.
He got into the bed and as soon as his head touched the pillow, he was snoring softly. I curled up on the sofa and found that it was quite comfortable. I fit perfectly. I also went back to sleep and back into Kyung’s world where he was the King and I was his play thing.

When we went down for lunch, we were greeted by three people I had never met. Suho introduced them to me by their real names but they said I could use their stage names if it was easier for me to remember. Either way was fine by me but I came to know them as Kai, Chen, and Lay.
As I sat quietly eating and watching the interactions of these men, I looked around and wondered what I did to land myself in such a goldmine of hunkiness! I felt like I was having lunch with Greek Gods. Well, Korean Gods. Instead of sitting in his usual seat across from me, Sehun sat to my left so that I was between him and Suho. He said it was so that I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable but I knew it was so I wouldn’t sit beside one of the new boys. When I picked my napkin up, Suho picked his up at the same time. We looked at each other and waited and then we died laughing. The others looked at us like we were crazy. “It’s an inside joke,” said Sehun and shook his head as he took a bite of his stew.
I studied the new boys to get a feel for them and I decided that Kai is the quiet, polite one. Chen seemed to be the sweet, flirty, silly one. And Lay kept us all in stitches. Most of the time he didn’t seem to get his own jokes and didn’t know why we were laughing which made us laugh more. I liked them. There was going to be a meeting with Exo that evening and I already counted six members. How many people are in this group? I thought. So I asked Sehun. His mouth became a straight line and he put his fork down and looked at me. “There used to be twelve but now there are nine. It’s sort of a sore subject so don’t ask the others about it okay? I’ll tell you later.”
“Oh, okay. Sorry,” I said.
“No, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” He smiled at me.
After lunch, we went to the game room and I watched the boys play pool. When no one was looking, Kai would move the balls a little and then he would look at me, smile, and wink and put a finger to his lips. I hid my laughter behind my hand. Chen would stand there leaning on his stick and looking bored until it was his turn and then he’d pull off some awesome trick shot. Lay was so full of energy that he was alway all over the room, messing with things, and picking on Suho. Suho seemed less like his mature self when he was with these boys and I loved it. He was just one of them. He seemed to be the one they aimed most of their playful jabs at but he smiled and took it all. Bacon followed Lay around the room. Every now and then he would sit beside me and whisper naughty things that would make me blush. If Sehun had heard what he would say, there would have been another fight. Lay overheard one of these whispers and his face was priceless. His laugh was better. I have never heard a better laugh in my life!
Sehun stood across the room, leaning against the wall waiting on his turn, and looking like a lead in a forties gangster movie. Every now and then, I’d catch him staring at me and he would smile his crooked smile. A few times he licked his lips seductively and I got a ticklish feeling deep down. Once when he did this, I looked away with a blush and caught Kai catching us. He looked from Sehun to me and back again and then he laughed and shook his head. I don’t think anyone else in Exo knew about me and Sehun and I wasn’t sure they were supposed to know. Well, now Kai knew. Then he moved one of the balls on the table and I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.
Suho came over and sat with me. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Sure. Do I look like I’m not?” I asked. I was surprised at his question.
“No, you look fine but I don’t want you to become overwhelmed. You don’t have to stay in here with us you know.”
“I’m great…Wait. Are you uncomfortable with me in here?” I asked.
He looked down at his hands. “That’s not it.” It was. “I just want to make sure you’re alright. I know how these guys can get.”
I took pity on him. “I am starting to feel a little tired. Would it be okay if I go to the library? I’d like to read for a while.”
“You know you can. Nothing is off limits to you. Except for Baekhyun apparently.”
Suho made a joke! I’m dying! “Suho!” We laughed. “Are there any books you recommend?”
He thought for a moment with his knuckle to his mouth. I never noticed how sexy his lips were before. “I only have a few books in English but you might like “The Duke and I” by Julia Quinn.” Red started to fill the apples of his cheeks.
“Suho, that sounds like a romance novel,” I teased.
“Shhh. Okay, listen,” he whispered. “I love this romance series by Julia Quinn about the Bridgerton family. If you like the first one, I’ll let you borrow the rest but you have to promise to keep this a secret between us. If these guys found out, they would crucify me.”
“I promise but I didn’t see it in the library before,” I said.
He looked around to make sure no one could hear. Sehun was giving us a strange look as Suho put his mouth close to my ear. “There is a hidden library. The last bookcase to the right in the corner is a door. Behind the big red book in the middle is a button. Push it and it will open but please make sure you close it back. I keep my own special collection in there and you are the only other person who knows about it.”
“Suho! You are so sweet. I love you to pieces,” I said and watched the red in his cheeks get even redder. “I promise to close it back and keep it a secret.
“Suho! Quit flirting and take your turn,” yelled Chen.
“Hey! Cut it out!” He got up and gave me a wink.
I stood up and gave Sehun a small wave and his eyes crinkled in the middle as he looked confused. Before I got to the door, two new men came in.
“Hey guys!” yelled Chen. “Grab a cue! We’re just getting ready to start a new game.”
They came in, looking at me in surprise and I slipped out. Two more Korean Gods to add to the collection, I thought.

In the library, I found the door just as Suho had said. A mansion with a hidden room. Suho is so cool. I looked around the small room and found the books he had told me about. He also had several other romance series’ along with a lot of other books. There was a desk with scattered folders and papers that was very uncharacteristic of the neat and proper Suho. I’m not one to snoop but something on the desk caught my eye. There was a folder with a picture of me sticking out of the corner. I knew I shouldn’t but I opened it. There were all kinds of papers that talked about my abduction and the search for me. There was medical information, information about my family, and newspaper clippings. I also found the letter that I had written to Suho. I glanced in the envelope and saw that the actual letter was a mess. It had been ripped and crinkled and a stab of shame and guilt went through me. So, Suho had been angry too.
“It’s wrong to go through peoples things.”
I jumped. My heart was racing. I closed the folder and turned around. “Sehun! I was looking for a book that Suho told me to get.”
“No you weren’t. Is that your folder?” he asked.
“Yes, but… how do you know about it?” I asked.
“Suho thinks I don’t know about this room. Or his romance novel addiction.” He came in and shut the door. “I know so much more than he thinks.”
Without another word, Sehun pushed me against the bookcase and kissed me. His fingers barely touched my cheek as he deepened the kiss and leaned his body against mine. I melted. Breathless, he said, “I’m crazy for you, do you know that?”
Before I could answer, he kissed me again and ran his hand under my shirt to cup my breast. His kisses moved from my mouth to my neck where he left a wet trail with is tongue. “I want you so bad.”
“You know, there are a lot of bedrooms in this place,” I said.
“Don’t tempt me!” he said. I laughed.
“I like tempting you,” I whispered and reached around to run my hand over his backside. I pulled him into me and sucked his earlobe between my lips. I bit down gently and pulled and he put his head back and moaned softly.
He stood back from me and shivered. “Aw. Where are you going?” I asked with a pout.
“We have to stop now or I won’t be able to,” he said and ran his hand through his hair as he looked at the ceiling and pulled in a deep breath. Damn he’s sexy!
“So, you’re going to come in here and start something you can’t finish?” I asked and pushed him against the desk. He looked surprised.
He sat down on the edge of the desk and said, “Something like that.”
I nuzzled his neck and ran my hand over his chest. I could feel his muscles contracting through his shirt. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll finish you right here and then finish myself in my room. Would you like that?” I whispered and then bit into him.
“Um… What… aaaa… What does… that… mean?” he barely got out as I squeezed his thighs and started to unbuckle his belt. He sucked air in through his teeth when my hand brushed against his hardness.
“I’ll show you.” I got down on my knees and finished freeing him from his pants. He was so hard and I knew it wasn’t going to take much.
“What… do you… uhhhhhhh… think…..you’re…” He never finished his thought. I slowly took him into my mouth. He tasted like salt and soap and Sehun. He tried to talk but his words became incoherent and then they just became sounds. I slid my tongue up and down the length of him and sucked him in tight and then pulled him out tortuously slow. I wanted to have him inside of me so bad. I sped up my motions and in just a few more strokes, Sehun came.
“Oh my God. Oh my God…” was all he said for a minute. Then he straightened himself up and pulled me into a big hug. He rested his chin on my head. “What in the hell was that?”
“I think you know what that was. And now you need to go back to the boys before they come looking for you,” I said.
“They are going to know something as soon as I walk back in there,” he said.
“They won’t know anything for sure. That will be the fun part.”
He laughed and gave me a short kiss. “I can’t believe I found you,” he said.
“You didn’t. Suho did,” I said and winked.
He rolled his eyes and licked his lips. “You know what I mean.”
I backed up and said, “Go.”
“Do you want me to walk with you to your room?” he asked.
“Nope. I’m fine. Go play with the rest of the boys,” I said and smacked his backside.
He went.

I didn’t go to my room. I took my book and went to my favorite sun room. I piled up all of the pillows I could find in front of the window and cuddled up to read. I got two pages in when I heard someone in the doorway say, “Sehun?”
I looked up over my pillows to see one of the men that had come in that I still didn’t know. “Oh! I’m sorry. I was looking for Sehun. They are almost ready to start the meeting. Have you seen him?”
My face got a little red and I said, “I thought he was playing billiards.” I didn’t want them to know I had seen him.
“He left the room but he hasn’t come back yet.” He came into the room and said, “I’m sorry to bother you but I’d like to introduce myself. I’m Do Kyungsoo.” He put out a hand for me to shake.
I stood up and took his hand. “I’m Elizabeth,” I said.
“It’s nice to meet you. I had better get back. Sehun’s probably there now anyway. If you see him, will you tell him we’re waiting for him?”
“I will,” I said and smiled.
He smiled back and he had the best smile I could remember ever seeing. Even better than Suho’s. He gave me a shy wave and backed out of the room.
I laid back down and started to read again when I heard the door close. I looked up again to see Sehun coming over to where I was. “They are looking for you,” I said.
“And I was looking for you,” he said and laid down in the pillows with me.
“Why?” I asked. “Shouldn’t you go? They are waiting.”
“I will. I have business to attend to first,” he said and pulled me against him. I was curled into him where I felt like I fit perfectly.
“Sehun! You need to go,” I said.
“I will.” He moved my hair to the side and began kissing the back of my neck. “I realized it wasn’t fair to make you do all of the work so I came to help.”
“Help with what?” I asked.
“With this…” his hand reached down inside of my pants and panties and between my thighs.
“Sehun! What are you doing?”
“You know what I’m doing.”
“Someone’s going to come in here looking for you,” I said a little panicked.
His finger slipped in and he ran it down and inside of me. “Nah, I locked the door.”
I was starting to lose the ability to form sentences as he continued to rub me into oblivion. He wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me closer to him. He turned my head and kissed me as I began to breath hard and gasp. His finger went into my mouth and I sucked it softly as I got closer and closer to climax. It was all I could do to stop myself from turning and taking him completely. I don’t think he would have fought too hard. I could feel his arousal behind me.
Finally I came and he covered my mouth to stifle my moans. Wave after wave went through me and he held me tight. I thought of Kyung’s hand over my mouth. I started to panic a little. For a second, in my mind, it wasn’t Sehun behind me, touching me. It was Kyung. I started to struggle but Sehun didn’t notice. He thought it was just part of the orgasm. I couldn’t breath. I stopped struggling and made myself calm down. When I started to breath again, I came back to my senses and remembered it was someone I loved behind me. Not Kyung. After a few minutes, I lay there and pushed my face into one of the pillows because I became shy and embarrassed. I don’t know why it hit me then. Maybe because we were doing this while all the rest of Exo was waiting.
“Alright. I better go or they really will know something’s up.” He kissed me again and hurried out of the room.
Wow! So is that what they mean by “Wham! Bam! Thank you ma’am!”?
I cuddled up in the pillows again and laid there looking out of the window. I was glad that Sehun hadn’t realized I had freaked out for a second. I could still feel him touching me like he was still there. I also thought about Kyung. If I had actually gone back with him, I would be having a much different kind of day. I would most likely be chained to a bed in a tiny bedroom and more than likely I would be having sex with an entirely different person. I tried to make myself think of Sehun but his face kept changing into Kyung’s. Kyung pulling me to him. Kyung putting his hand between my legs and pushing his fingers inside of me. Kyung sinking his teeth into my neck. Kyung turning me toward him and kissing me. Kyung climbing on top of me and spreading my thighs open. Kyung entering me and breathing hard into my ear.
I reached down between my legs and began to touch myself intimately. Kyung putting his hand hard over my mouth. Kyung holding my wrists down until they bruised. Kyung entering me harder and harder until I bleed. I came again. Harder than before. I started to cry and when it reached the peak, I pushed my face into the pillow again and screamed. I screamed and screamed until I had no more voice. I hugged the pillow to my chest and cried. What is wrong with me?
I needed a shower. I felt disgusting and dirty. No one could touch me until I had scrubbed this whole episode off of me. I went to my room and locked the door. I gathered some clothes and went into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the full length mirror as I removed my clothes, hating myself more and more. I looked at the tiny white scars that covered me and thought how much I had deserved them. Some part of me had liked having Kyung inside of me. At one time, I had felt love for him. I had thought I was carrying his child. I deserved every scar that I got from him. I had been an easy mark and part of me had wanted it. Part of me still did. Why else would I have sought him out? Why did I go to look for him? How could I let Sehun touch me now? I would infect him with whatever messed up thing was wrong with me. I needed to be alone tonight. I wasn’t going to allow Sehun to sleep on my couch or anywhere near me. My door would be locked and if I had bad dreams, then I would deal with it. After all, I deserved every bad thing that happened to me.
I got into the shower and turned the water on as hot as I could stand it. I took the loofah and scrubbed and scrubbed. Especially my private areas. I needed to get rid of as much of Kyung as possible. He didn’t have to even be near me to keep me tied to him. He was right. I did still belong to him. I scrubbed harder.
I locked the door, cut off the light and got into bed. My skin burned like I had been in the sun all day. I wasn’t the least bit sleepy. It was no wonder. It wasn’t even eight o’clock. I got up and thought about what I could do to keep my mind off of everything. I decided on a movie so I went to the little theater.
I wasn’t supposed to watch movies alone but screw it. What was Suho going to do? Spank me? I wasn’t in the mood for a comedy or a romance so I picked a horror movie. I had brought a blanket with me so I curled up in the very center of the room and started the movie. It actually worked. I got caught up in the story and forgot about myself for a little while. I felt someone sit down beside me and thinking it was one of my boys, I didn’t bother to look or even acknowledge them. I wanted to be alone.
“I haven’t see this one. Is it any good?” It was a voice I didn’t know. I looked over and found Kyungsoo sitting beside me.
“It is so far,” I said. I hoped if I didn’t say much, he would leave. He didn’t.
When a particularly disturbing part happened, we both cringed and hid behind our hands. It was funny to see him peeking between his fingers like I was and then looking at me and smiling that great smile of his. “That’s so gross,” he said.
I sat up and as the movie went on, we leaned closer and closer to each other and as it got scary and disgusting, we leaned into each other and put our hands together to hide our faces. I even hid my eyes against his shoulder a few times. Kyungsoo was a comfortable person to be with. When the movie was over, he said, “Everyone else is having dinner. Are you hungry?”
“Not really. I’m just going to watch another movie,” I said.
“Can I join you? I’m not hungry either.” How can I say no to that face?
“Sure,” I said.
Before I could say anything else he jumped up and said, “Great! I’m going to find a movie that we haven’t seen.” And he was gone.
I loved how he assumed I hadn’t seen whatever it was he was going to pick. Then I realized that he knew I had amnesia. I wondered how much they had talked about me. He took longer than he should and he came back with two soda’s and a big bowl of popcorn. We started the next movie and got so into it that we didn’t notice when Bacon snuck up behind us. He put his face between ours and yelled, “BOO!” We both screamed and popcorn went everywhere. He laughed so hard that he couldn’t breath. Kyungsoo jumped over the seat and punched him three times in whatever place he could hit. Bacon kept laughing and when he was satisfied that Bacon had been thoroughly punished, Kyungsoo came back and sat beside me. He looked at me and said, “Don’t worry, I’m running it back.” I couldn’t help but laugh.
Bacon sat behind us and said, “Hey, run it back all the way!”
“Eff off!” said Kyungsoo.
We started watching again and I noticed the theater starting to fill up. Sehun sat on my other side and whispered into my ear, “You have some explaining to do.”
I looked at him and he looked at Kyungsoo and nodded his head toward him.
“Don’t be silly,” I whispered back. “We’re just watching a movie.”
He scooted down in his seat and leaned his head against me.
When the movie got intense, we all screamed together and when it was funny, we all laughed together. I knew I had another family out there but right now, this was my real family. I finally felt better about earlier and realized how silly I had been. I guess those sorts of freak-outs were gonna happen but I was going to get through them. Especially with these guys looking out for me.
I leaned my cheek against the top of Sehun’s head and felt at peace.

Notes