Remembering Elizabeth (Featuring Suho and Sehun)

That night I still felt a little weird so I wouldn’t let Sehun stay in my room. I think he only agreed because the rest of EXO was staying in the house. He made me leave the door open, however, and made sure that Bacon’s song was playing. I never have bad dreams when that song plays. I woke up feeling much better about everything. Honestly, I think I had just gotten too tired before and that let’s my brain get a little wonky.
At breakfast, I met Chanyeol and Minseok. I had seen Minseok briefly yesterday when he came in with Kyungsoo but Chanyeol had come in later. He was polite but he never smiled and I caught him looking at me a few times with a strange look on his face. I got the impression that he didn’t like me for some reason or he didn’t trust me. Maybe he was just waiting for me to freak out.
Minseok, on the otherhand, was a sweetheart. He’s the only one who held my chair for me and if my water got low or I needed to reach something, he made sure it was taken care of. He was quiet with a shy but impish smile and I really liked him.
After breakfast, everyone decided to get into the pool. I didn’t have a suit so I sat on the shallow end an dangled my legs into the water. It was fun just to watch the boys horse around and to try to figure out the friendship dynamics between them. Also, they were all pretty hot. Sehun had to go to a therapy session so I didn’t get to enjoy looking at him but there was certainly no shortage of manliness to feast my eyes on. It was very confusing for me whenever Suho took his shirt off. It was easy to see him as a brother/best friend figure when he was wearing a suit. He was still gorgeous but when he was only wearing shorts, it was hard to not feel a little lust. It was a little secret I would keep between me and me. No one could ever know I felt that way.
As I looked around at the boys, I realized that I was probably in the most coveted position in Korea. How many girls would have killed to be sitting where I was sitting right now? Thousands upon thousands I’m sure. But how many would be willing to go through what I went through to get here?
The trouble all began with Chen and one little splash. He just couldn’t help himself and I could see it all over his face when he looked at me. It was just one little splash in my direction. That was all it took to send the boys toward me. Kyungsoo tried to protect me as Lay pulled one foot, Bacon pulled the other, and finally Kai dodged Kyungsoo and just grabbed me. My scream was drowned out when I went under the water and I fought to keep my shirt from coming up. After that, it was no use in fighting them. They just passed me around and drug me around the pool. They threw me, pulled me, carried me, and almost drowned me. I had so much fun. Finally, I was able to get away and climb out. I took Chen’s towel since he had started the whole thing and smiled and waved when he yelled, “Hey! Where are you going with that?”
As I was leaving, I noticed that Chanyeol had gotten out of the pool when I got in and he was now sitting on the side of the pool staring at me. The look he gave me was unsettling. He definitely didn’t like me. When I noticed him, he didn’t look away and when I smiled and waved, I got nothing back. I gave up and left.

After my shower, Suho stopped by my room to tell me that we were all going out to dinner that night. He still didn’t have a shirt on and now he was wearing jeans. His hair was wet and messy and he was barefoot. I had never seen this side of Suho and I think that was a good thing. I had to force myself to look away. Sehun! I thought. Think about Sehun! I looked at Suho again who was oblivious to my thoughts. Sehun! Sehun! Sehun! I thought again.
“You should wear something dressy tonight alright?” said Suho.
“Uh, yeah, sure. I have something.” What is wrong with me? This is Suho! Hot, gorgeous, shirtless Suho! STOP IT! Think of Sehun! Sehun is hot and gorgeous!
“Are you okay?” asked Suho.
“Yeah. I’m great. Why do you ask?” I was stuttering. I knew it and I couldn’t stop it.
“You seem a little off. Is something wrong?” He came over to where I was standing and felt my forehead. “You aren’t getting sick are you?”
When he came close I could smell his shampoo and cologne. I took a deep breath. When he touched me, I shivered a little.
“I’m good. I’m fine, Suho.” I moved away and picked up the hairbrush. Anything to keep my mind from straying to dirty little places.
“Are you sure? Your face is a little flushed.” He came up behind me and took the brush from me. “Here, let me,” he said and began brushing my hair. A small whine escaped from me before I could stop it. I could see his reflection in the vanity mirror and for some reason, the sight of him brushing my hair was very erotic. I closed my eyes and imagined Sehun brushing my hair.
“I’m sure,” I said. It came out in a tiny voice.
“I don’t know. You seem a little strange. Do you want me to tell the boys to back off and leave you alone? Do you want to stay home tonight?” he asked. With every gentle brush-stroke I felt an internal shiver.
“No. Don’t do that and I want to go tonight. I like to go out,” I said. My voice was even strange to me.
Suho turned me around and stared into my eyes. Then he pulled me into a tight hug and another whine came out. “Please don’t keep anything from me,” he said. “You can tell me anything and if you are feeling bad or something is wrong, you can always come to me.”
I couldn’t think. I couldn’t speak. All I could do at that moment was feel. His skin was warm and soft and the water from his hair touched my face and tickled my cheek. He smelled so good and felt even better and I couldn’t breath for a second. My arms slowly went around him as he continued to hug me and it was a struggle not to run my hands up his back.
He pulled away and said, “You know that right?”
I just nodded.
“Alright. I have some work to do before dinner. If you need me, I’ll be in my office,” he said and smiled softly.
I smiled back and nodded again. I felt dizzy.
He kissed my cheek before he left and I almost crumpled to the floor. I crumpled onto the vanity seat instead. What in the hell is wrong with me? I need to see Sehun! I wonder if he’s back.
I went into the hall but his door was closed so I knocked.
“Come in!” he yelled.
I slowly opened the door and peeked around. He was standing with his back to me, staring out of the picture window at the mountains, and eating something out of a bowl. “Are you decent?” I asked.
“Decent enough,” he said and slowly turned to me. “Come in and close the door.”
I did. “How was therapy?” I asked.
“Painful,” he said. He seemed strange.
“I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?” I asked sincerely.
“You should be careful asking that question when you’re alone with me,” he said with a cheeky grin.
“Sehun, I’m being serious,” I said.
“So am I.” He put his bowl down on the desk and came over to stand in front of me. “Did you sleep well?”
“Very,” I said.
“No bad dreams?” he asked.
“No bad dreams.”
“What is it about that song that has that effect on you?” he asked.
“I’m not sure. It could be that any song would do the same thing. That’s the only one I’ve tried,” I said.
“Hmm, I hadn’t thought of that,” he said. He looked over my head for a moment and I knew something was wrong. “You know, I’ve been thinking about something and I don’t want to upset you or start a fight so I don’t know if I should bring it up. But the more I think about it, the more it bothers me.”
“Just say it. I don’t want anything to come between us so say what’s on your mind,” I said. I was scared.
“Alright. Chanyeol made a point to me that I hadn’t considered. I’ve been thinking about the bruise of that man’s hand over your mouth and the five bruises on your neck and something doesn’t add up.”
Chanyeol? “What do you mean?” I asked. I was starting to panic.
“You said he pulled you into a doorway but he didn’t have time to do anything to you. I can see getting the bruise on your mouth that way but the ones on your neck would have taken some time. He did those with his mouth so he had plenty of time to do plenty of things to you. Are you telling me the whole truth?” Sehun asked looking me in the eyes.
Oh God! What do I say? I’m not being truthful about it being Kyung but it was the truth that nothing happened. “Nothing happened, Sehun! Not what you’re thinking anyway. I fought him too much and Bacon found me so quickly that he didn’t have time to do anything,” I said.
“He still had long enough to leave a trail of five bruises on your neck. Do you promise me that he didn’t do anything, not even with his hands?”
“Nothing like that happened. That probably would have landed me back in the hospital with visions. Where is all of this coming from?” I asked.
“I was talking to Chanyeol and he brought up some things. That’s all. But if you promise that he didn’t touch you then I’ll believe you,” he said.
“I promise,” I said. “Now let me ask you a question.”
“Alright.”
“What does Chanyeol have against me? He doesn’t know anything about me but I can tell he doesn’t like me,” I said.
“I don’t know what you mean. I haven’t noticed anything and he hasn’t said anything. Not to me.”
“Okay. Forget it,” I said.
“Has he said something to you?” Sehun asked.
“No. He doesn’t speak to me. He glares at me,” I said.
“Just ignore him. He’s moody like that. Besides, I’m sort of glad,” he said as the corner of his mouth turned up.
“Glad? I don’t want anyone from your group to dislike me!”
“Chanyeol could easily steal you away from me. He’s really charming when he wants to be and girls fall for him all the time,” he said and grabbed my hand.
“Not this girl! This girl belongs to one EXO member only. But I’m not telling you which one!” I grinned. Sehun’s eyebrows went up in surprise and he stood there looking at me with his mouth open.
“Oh! That’s it! You’re gonna get it now!” He picked me up and tossed me in the middle of the bed and I screamed and giggled. He began to slowly crawl up from the bottom of the bed toward me and I couldn’t help but squeal.
“Sehun! Stop it! What are you doing?” I pulled my legs up away from him. He reached out and grabbed my ankle. It just happened to be the one that wore the chain when I was with Kyung and I had a fleeting image of Kyung reaching for that same ankle. My heart began to race. I didn’t start interchanging Sehun with Kyung like before but my body was reacting like I was in danger. I started kicking out at him but he grabbed my other ankle and pulled me down to him.
“Tell me who it is!” he said and grabbed my wrists as I tried to push him away. He pushed them to the bed beside my head. “Who do you belong to?”
He hovered over me with an evil little grin playing on his lips. I watched his mouth as his tongue came out slightly to wet his top lip. I forgot Kyung and saw only Sehun. “Is this a ‘Who’s your Daddy’ question?” I asked.
Sehun turned his head to the side and hid his laughter in his shoulder. Then he turned back to me with the cutest smile and said, “I guess it is. So, who’s your Daddy, Elizabeth?” We both cracked up at that.
“I’ll never tell. No matter how much you torture me, I won’t talk. I can withstand a lot you know!”
His smile faded for a second as what I said reminded him of what I had endured before. He looked back up at me and said,“We shall see.” I squirmed as he pulled his legs in closer and pinned my lower body down. I couldn’t move. I was at his mercy. All I could do was watch as he put his head down and taking one of my shirt buttons in his mouth, he pulled until it popped off.
“Sehun! You are sewing that back on! Not me!”
He laughed. “I’ll buy you a new one. I’ll buy you one in every color.” He pulled off another button.
“I’m never going to tell,” I said.
He took another button between his teeth and slowly pulled until it broke free. He swallowed it. Lucky for him I was wearing the one bra I had that opens from the front. He nudged my shirt open and pulled on the clasp of my bra until it finally opened. “Sehun! It’s not going to work. Don’t you dare! This isn’t fair!”
I watched as he put soft wet kisses between my breasts. He pushed my shirt and bra to the side with his tongue and brushed against my nipple. It instantly reacted and he pulled it into his mouth. Rubbing his tongue back and forth over it made it tighten and made me moan. I had already been worked up over Suho and this was pushing me over the edge. He moved on to the other breast and I thought I would die.
“It’s not going to work,” I whispered and closed my eyes.
“Who do you belong to, Elizabeth?” he whispered back.
“Kyung,” I said. I don’t know why. It just came out as a natural response to that question.
Sehun let go of me and sat up.
“I’m sorry! I don’t know why I said that! It just came out. I didn’t mean it!” I pulled my shirt closed and pleaded with my eyes for his forgiveness.
“It’s okay. I understand,” he said. I could see the hurt all over his face.
“It’s you Sehun! It’s only you! I belong to you! Please don’t be upset.” I sat up on my knees and leaned against him. I kissed him but he didn’t kiss me back. “I’m so sorry.” He looked down and I knew that once again I had messed up and hurt him.
“Maybe Chanyeol was right,” he said and stood up. He moved over to lean against the desk.
I stood up too. “About what?”
“He thinks that if you had a chance to go back to your kidnapper you would. You’ve been so damaged that you don’t know how to be normal. I mean, you already tried to go back once. If you had to choose between me and Kyung, you’d choose him.” Sehun wouldn’t look at me.
“Is that what you think too?” I asked.
“I don’t know what to think,” he said.
“I made a mistake before. I knew that the moment he grabbed me and I was with him again! I would never…” I started to protest.
“WHO GRABBED YOU?” Sehun said and stood up straight. He was looking at me now.
“What?” I hadn’t realized my mistake.
“You said you didn’t know the person that grabbed you! WAS IT HIM? WAS IT KYUNG?” Sehun came to me and grabbed my arms. He shook me a little as he got angrier.
I didn’t know what to say. “I… uh… I don’t…” I stuttered.
“DON’T LIE TO ME! IT WAS HIM WASN’T IT!” He shook me harder.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to know.” I started to cry.
Sehun pushed me away from him and walked over to the window. He spun to face me and said, “Well! I guess if you lied to me about that then you lied about him not doing anything to you too! Right? RIGHT?”
I shook my head, “NO! I didn’t lie about that, Sehun! Please! Believe me! Nothing happened.”
“I DON’T! HOW CAN I? DID HE HAVE TO FORCE YOU OR DID YOU JUST LET HIM?”
I couldn’t believe he asked me that. My heart hurt. I ran from the room. Behind me I heard, “Elizabeth! Wait!” I just wanted to get away. I went into the nearest bedroom and locked the door and then went into the bathroom and threw up. When I couldn’t throw up anymore, I laid down on the floor and wept. My stomach felt like it had been punched and I held it as I cried harder than I could remember crying. Getting up, all I wanted was to hide. I wanted comfort. I wanted Sehun but I think all hopes of having him were gone when I had lied.
I felt like I was moving through a dream as I made my way to my room without seeing anyone. I changed my shirt and without thinking, I got the engagement ring from the crystal box. I put it on. I left my room and my body seemed to move where it wanted to go. I let it. I found myself outside of Suho’s office. I knocked.
“Come in,” he yelled.
I went in.
Suho was behind his desk, now wearing a shirt I was glad to see, but he stood up when he saw me. He looked concerned as he came over to me. “Are you alright? What’s wrong?” One of his eyebrows curved upwards as he looked at me. I locked the door and he gave me another curious look. Then I turned and laid my head on his shoulder and cried. His arms went around me and he put a hand on my head. “What happened?”
“I messed up, Suho. All I wanted to do was protect you and Sehun but I all I ever end up doing is making things worse and hurting you.”
“That’s not true. Why do you think you messed up? Did Sehun say something?”
“I have to tell you some things and I’m afraid you’re going to hate me too,” I said.
“Too? No one hates you and I never could. You can tell me anything!” He continued to pet my hair like a child.
“Sehun hates me,” I said and cried harder. My head had never left his shoulder and I knew his shirt was getting soaked. I also knew he wouldn’t care.
“No he doesn’t. He couldn’t. Sehun has a temper and he acts before he thinks. He also says things he doesn’t mean. He’ll get over it whatever it is.”
I shook my head and stood up to look at him. “He’s not going to get over this.”
“Come over here and tell me what happened. What are you talking about?” He pulled me over to sit beside him on a sofa.
I didn’t say anything. I held out my hand so that he could see the ring.
“What is this?” he said and held up my hand to look at it. “Did Sehun propose to you?”
A small sarcastic laugh escaped from me. “No. And he’s not going to. Kyung gave me this.”
“Kyung? You mean the man that kidnapped you?” He looked confused.
“Yes. That day that I left to go back to him, he put this back on my finger,” I said and twirled it around.
He thought for a moment and said, “Wait! What? You saw him that day?”
“He’s the one that pulled me into the doorway. I didn’t want anyone to know. I was so ashamed that I had made such a huge mistake and I was afraid you would all hate me.” I couldn’t look him in the eye.
“Oh Elizabeth. You should have told me. What did he say? Did he hurt you?” Suho held the hand without the ring.
“He tried. As soon as I was back with him, I realized I had made a mistake and I started screaming for Bacon. He never got a chance to actually do anything.” Tears fell onto my shirt, leaving dark blue dots where they landed.
Suho swallowed. “Why did you think you had to go back to him? I still don’t understand?”
“I was causing so much trouble here. The boys were fighting and I know I worry you all of the time. I felt like the only place that I belonged was with him because we are the same. We are both messed up and damaged beyond repair…”
“Elizabeth! You are nothing like him! Do you hear me? He’s the one who’s messed up. I don’t know what is wrong with him but you are not damaged beyond repair. You are healing. I promise. There is so much improvement already. You only think you belong with him because he brainwashed you into thinking that. You don’t! You belong here with us. Safe and loved. REALLY loved. Not delusional crazy loved. That isn’t love. I don’t know what it is. But why do you think Sehun hates you?”
“I lied to him. I didn’t tell him I saw Kyung but I accidentally let it slip and now he hates me. Chanyeol has been telling him that I’m going to go back to Kyung the first chance I get and Sehun is listening.” I felt like a tattle tale.
“Chanyeol? What does he know about anything? I’ll talk to him,” said Suho.
“No! Please don’t. Just let it go. Please?” I begged.
“Alright. If you’re sure,” he said. I could tell he didn’t want to.
“I am. I just want… I don’t know what I want,” I said.
“It’s okay,” Suho put his arms around me and pulled me back against the couch. He rubbed my arm and I laid my head on his chest. “It’s all going to work out. It always does.” We laid there like that for a while.
I held up my hand and asked, “What should I do with this?”
“What do you want to do with it?” he asked.
“Will you keep it for me?” I asked in a weak voice.
“Why do you want to keep it?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have an answer. I just know that I do,” I said.
“Alright. I’ll keep it for you. I guess you want it to stay a secret too?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No more secrets. I don’t care who knows. It doesn’t matter now anyway. I’ve lost Sehun.” I took off the ring and held it out to him. He took it, wrapping his fingers around it and making it disappear from sight.
“No you haven’t. He’ll get over it. Just give it some time.” He kissed the top of my head.
I sat up and looked back at him, the sweetest man I had ever met, and I loved him. “I love you, Suho.”
He smiled. “I love you too.”
“I don’t want to go to dinner tonight if that is okay. I wouldn’t be comfortable.”
“Alright. I understand.” He sat up. “I don’t like leaving you here alone though. I can stay if you want me to.”
“No! You go and have fun. I’ll be okay. I’ll go to bed early. I won’t go anywhere. I promise.” I kissed his cheek and left the room.
I leaned against his door for a moment and tried to decide what to do next. Where do I go from here? I’m lost without Sehun.

Notes