Please Don't Get Too Friendly

After my breakdown, I would say two weeks after, I still hadn't told anyone about it, fearing that they wouldn't want to rely on me anymore. I slowly learned to manage my stress by staying a bit later than the girls in the practice room and say my feeelings out loud to the room. Even though anyone who passed by and saw could send me to get checked with reason, it did really help a lot. When I joined my members, I would be the same as always, only showing the good side of me. Although it looks like I was a hypocrite, it made me feel better about myself, and I didn't really consider it like lying to them. I didn't want to worry anyone, after all. But soon enough, I inevitably had to get more pressure when Jung Ah unnie announced us we would have our debut showcase in a month.

"What?" we all exclaimed, choking on our food.

"You heard correctly. The committee and the CEO judge that you are ready. Everything is settled. You will officially debut on January 21st, 2016. Of course, you will have to do a lot of photoshoots beforehand so the company can promote you a lot. Amy will also begin to appear in some MVs of other famous groups."

"Like who?" I asked, curious.

I saw Seung Hye roll her eyes but I ignored her.

"You probably know that EXO are going to make a comeback soon, right? I was planning to tell you later, but never mind. I'll just tell you now. You were casted to be in their MV of one of their new songs, "Unfair". The company thought you would suit the role well."

My eyes widened as I felt excitement grow within me.

"When is it going to begin?" I asked.

"The filming will begin in a week, actually," the manager responded, matter-of-factly.

"Lucky you," said Seung Hye sarcastically. "Please don't ruin our image before we even get one, though," she continued before taking her plate, go wash it and walk upstairs to go to her room.

"But why is it unnie? Why not another one of us?" asked Ji Yoon timidly.

"Because she... is your leader," answered Jung Ah unnie hesitatingly.

Of course, my friend didn't wait too long before jumping at the occasion to ask if there was more, seeing as our manager hesitated.

"Why did you hesitate? Is there something you don't want to tell us, maybe?" began Seo Hyun, obviously much interested in the answer.

"No, there is not, Seo Hyun," tried to convince the woman.

"Unnie, please don't hide things from us. I know there si something else, and it's wrong of you not to say it," my friend kept on attacking relentlessly.

Finally, our manager gave up and sighed.

"Okay, yes, there is something else. It's also because Amy is close to the EXO members and that they have great chemistry between all of them."

I looked at her, startled.

"How did you know that?"

"Please don't forget that the company observes your every move," she explained. "That's also one of the reasons you became the leader," she said before shutting her mouth quickly.

We all stared at her, shocked of the new information. Even more because she looked like she shouldn't have said that.

"Me being close to EXO had a hand in becoming the leader?" I asked, stupefied.

"But I had begun to get close to them too," wondered Seo Hyun. "Could I have become the leader too?"

"The... The company didn't judge you capable enough of getting that close to them as quickly as Amy did. They didn't see the same qualities in you as they did with Amy. And the chairman also prefers when the leaders are rich, so that it looks better."

"So because we didn't have enough money or connections, we couldn't have been a leader?" insurged a suddenly appearing Seung Hye. "Did you know about that?" she turned to me.

I shook my head vigorously.

"You never told me about that, unnie. Why would it matter wether I have connections or money?"

She sighed, massaged her temples and spoke again.

"Because the company didn't know who would be better at doing promotions, so they took the wealthiest and the one who would get closer to famous groups the quickest," she answered, exasperated. "Girls, I'm too tired to deal with you right now. Let's all go to bed and speak in the morning, okay?"

With that note, she got up and went straight to her room after having washed her plate. We all looked at each other, unable to speak, the revelations hanging between all of us. As expected, Seung Hye was the first to talk.

"So... What do we do now? I mean, it's not like our relationship just got better. I'd say it got worse."

"Great statement, Seung Hye," said Seo Hyun blankly. "Really helpful, I bet it made everyone feel better."

I could feel that she tried to add sarcasm to her voice, but the shock of the news had made her unable to. I felt my stomach twist in guilt as I watched my members in front of me.

"As unnie said, we should just go to bed," I said tentatively. "Let's not start any fights, and talk about it in the morning. Okay?"

I glanced at my friend, then the maknae hopefully. Please listen me to me. I don't want to feel worse than I already am.

"Okay, whatever," conceded Seung Hye surprisingly. "I'm too tired to argue anyway, too. Let's talk in the morning about what we can do... Although I now realise there's nothing we can do about Amy being the leader. What does it change anyway? She's still the leader. Ugh, I'm tired. What am I even saying?" she groaned before going upstairs for the second, for good.

The maknae followed her quietly and Seo Hyun and I looked at each other awkwardly.

"Let's just go to bed too, okay?" she said before walking towards the stairs. "Oh, and don't worry, I know what you're thinking. I know you didn't know about any of this, so I don't balme you, nor do I dislike you," she smiled as turned around and went to the second floor.

I smiled gently back at her and sat down on my chair, confused. Why did this have to happen now? After I tried so hard to get closer to them. I sighed and went upstairs too, slipping quietly in my comfortable bed, trying to get some sleep.

If I thought this was going to be the most troubling thing I would encounter before my debut, I was also damn wrong.

Notes

Hi there! I'm sorry it took so long for me to update, but I was so busy this week that I didn't have much time to myself. There is only one week of school left though! Yaaaas! :)
And guys, EXO'S comeback? Duuuuude, it was so good. Sing For You is so beautiful I teared up when I listened to it the first time it came out. And yes, I know that there is no MV for Unfair, nor that it came out in January (obviously) but I really wanted to do it, so forgive me? ;)
Anyways, I really hope you liked this as well, I put a lot of time on this. More troubles and puzzles are going to come, so please keep reading, okay?
Than you so much for reading, and as always...
Saranghae :)