As Blind As Could Be...
Hitting Rock-Bottom
[NOTICE: READ SLOWLY>>> MORE EFFECTIVE]
[A/N: okieay... so I've decided to fast forward the events... ish. I hope the descriptions of everything in this chapter is enough. If not, then complain to me in the comments lol. I recommend you read slowly. It's seriously more effective that way. At least that's what I found out. I don't know if it's good enough, but I used my personal experience to write the next few chapters. GAMSAAAA~ ENJOY~]
Eunsoo’s POV
I open my eyes slowly, but the sun blinds them. I put my left hand up to block the sun. Looking around the room, it takes me a while to realize where I was. A hospital room. I push a button on the remote laying next to my right hand to make me sit up straight, putting my left hand down as the sun was no longer in my eyes. Jeez, how long have I been here?
Someone was in the bathroom. I look at the end of the bed and see… Chanyeol. He was sleeping on his folded hands. Sitting on a chair, using the bed as a pillow, on my right side. Across the room, there was Luhan. He was leaning back on a reclining chair. There was a little dried up drool on his chin. I smile… a little. They both look so innocent.
I rest my hands on my lap. Wait… since when could I do that? I look down at my stomach slowly… and see no bump. What happened? Why can’t I remember anything? Why is there no… baby? I feel my stomach all over, just to make sure. I have to make sure. I.
I start to tear up without knowing it. Eomma comes out of the bathroom just as my first tear falls. She wasn’t wearing makeup, nothing fancy or anything. Her dark circles are visible. She looks… surprised that I’m awake.
“Omo.” She gasps. “Eunsoo-ah.”
Chanyeol’s head shoots up. Luhan stands up from the chair and rushes over.
“Eunsoo-ah.” They say at the same time. Luhan holds your left hand while Chanyeol sandwiches the other.
“Yeesh.” She hits the back of both of their heads. “Move over so I can see my daughter.”
They both release and stand next to each other at the edge of the bed. Eomma sits in the chair Chanyeol once sat it. I hate it when she hits them. Since when did she become so aggressive? Aish, that's not the point here. Kyungsoo.
“Eunsoo-ah…” She starts. “How are you feeling? Do you feel any pain? Dizzy?”
I don’t care about my condition right now. No one seems to understand that. I need information about Kyungsoo, but I know I won’t get any if I worry about him first. I look down at my flat stomach and unbutton the middle button of my hospital gown, revealing my stomach. There was a huge scar there. The sunlight, that once was in my eyes, now shine on that scar; giving it a “spotlight.” I cover my mouth with both hands and tears overflow. Luhan looks away in pain, secretly shedding a tear. Chanyeol watches me as I cry and he starts to silently cry, seeing me in pain.
I have to get it together. My condition isn’t as important as Kyungsoo’s.
“The doctor said he could’ve saved the baby… but he didn’t want to risk your life. Since you fell on the baby, some body parts detached and-” Eomma tries to explain, but I don’t care.
“Kyungsoo-nun? [What about Kyungsoo?/ And Kyungsoo?]” You say wiping your tears.
Eomma stares at you for a few seconds blankly. She then looks down. Chanyeol turns around. Luhan stiffens. What’s going on? Why aren’t they telling me what’s going on? Is something wrong? Is Kyungsoo-
“Where is he?” I ask quickly.
Without knowing, as I kept talking, I sped up.
“Why aren’t you telling me anything? Where is he? Is he okay? Is he hurt? WHERE Is my brother? Why are you staying silent? I have a right to know! I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW!”
No one was answering me. You know what? I don’t need them. I can just go find out with my own eyes.
I start to get out of bed and the three of them immediately react. They push me back to sit down, but I keep fighting back. Eomma pushes a button as Chanyeol and Luhan try to restrain me from moving. Luhan determined. Chanyeol’s tears fall onto my face.
"Eunsoo-ah, stop." Chanyeol cries."I don't want to hurt you."
“Doctor! Nurse! Whatever! We need help!” Eomma repeats.
Sooner then needed, nurses and two doctors come in. I scream, I complain, I do whatever I can to try to see Kyungsoo. Tears pour out of my eyes. They were unnecessary, but for some reason they kept on coming out. I keep screaming Kyungsoo’s name. Louder and louder and louder, until I was screaming to the top of my lungs and you couldn’t understand what I was saying. The other members rush in and stop at the sight they see.
They tie me down. My legs and arms. Chanyeol goes to Sehun and starts crying on the dongsaengs shoulder. I didn’t stop. I didn’t care if they were in the room or not. I need to see my brother. The one that’s been there all my life. The one who’s cared about me from the beginning. The one… who I depend on.
The members look away. I bet they can’t bare to see me like this. I don’t want them to see this side of me either. But if it means I will eventually see Kyungsoo, I must keep trying.
Overtime, I calm down. By overtime, I mean hours. I don’t know how, but they must’ve drugged me with something. The members are watching me as I watch and observe them. We’ve been like this since they came into the room.
I notice that Jongin and Chanyeol aren’t here. That must mean their with Kyungsoo. That must mean something’s wrong. Eomma had no choice but to go to work. Appa… I don’t even know his whereabouts. Why does Jongin get to see him and I’m here, tied up. Me. The one that’s actually blood related to him. The one who looks just like him. Heart-shaped lips and everything. “The inseparable twins.” That’s us. Me and him. Not Kai and Kyungsoo, or Chanyeol and Kyungsoo.
“I feel selfish having all of you here.” I say with a deep voice. “Babysitting me.”
I don’t want to look into their eyes, so I look at my stomach. The button is still unbuttoned. The scar is visible only to my eyes. I hope.
“It feels weird.” I smile. “Having something for one moment, then losing it in the next second.”
They don’t show any expression, movement, nothing. No words. I can sense guilt from their attitudes.
“Can I see him yet?” I ask. “I’m calm from that drug they gave me. What more do I have to be?”
Tears fall down on some of the members, and they quickly wipe them. Chanyeol walks into the room starts to untie me.
“C’mon.” Chanyeol sighs. “I’ll take you if you want to see him so badly.”
The other members… I know they don’t want me to see Kyungsoo. I know they know something I don’t.
I take Chanyeol’s arm and he walks me slowly. UAGH my stomach hurts like hell. Mah uterusssss sheezus. Soon, we were out of the room.
“Thank you.” I say glaring up at him… to be honest, I don’t really know what to say to him.
“Don’t blame me for taking you.” Chanyeol looks straight. “I only did this because I just can’t stand to see you tied up like that. That’s why I wasn’t in the room with you. I’m sorry. It just kills me knowing your in pain… but I might be bringing more pain by taking you to Kyungsoo.”
What does he mean? I tighten my grip on his arm and feel him stiffening up. I gulp. My eyes don’t move from his face. If he’s telling me this… then… I could feel it. The tears. Again. I can’t tell if it’s because of what he told me… or if it’s because I miss him. The real him. I want to reach for him and hug him so tight right now… I’m scared. Scared of what will happen next.
But just as I try to hug him, we reach Kyungsoo’s room. A wave of goosebumps overwhelm me. Nurses and doctors rush into the room before we do. They were all screaming at each other.
That could only mean one thing.
Chanyeol and I walk into the room slowly, hearing them. There was a curtain pulled in front of the walkway. I halt Chanyeol for a few seconds. He looks at me with reassuring eyes. I gulp once more and stare at the curtain that was one foot away from us. Shaking, I slowly move the curtain aside.
There are doctors and nurses surrounding the bed. Kai is standing, screaming, holding Kyungsoo’s hand, right next to him. I look at the heart rate monitor… a loud, high pitched noise… a thick line… not even the slightest zig-zag.
The doctor’s are trying their hardest to bring him back to life with an AED. The goosebumps grow. I look at Chanyeol with wide eyes and feel my legs loosen up. I wrap my arms around Chanyeol and pull him into a tight hug. Chanyeol was already in tears. He returns my hug. I didn’t care if I was in pain. I needed someone to hold onto. But I can’t just stay in someone else’s arms when I need to be with Kyungsoo.
[A/N: Play this song… it gives more effect… or don’t, I don’t mind
^.^ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xg89zwT1th4]
They’ll save him… right? If something happens to him… If he doesn’t make it… I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.
The doctors and nurses stopped. I turn around and look at them. The room is silent and the only thing you can hear is the noise on the heart rate monitor… indicating Kyungsoo… that Kyung-… that he was no more.
“I’m sorry, we-”
I push them away and rush towards Kyungsoo. His chest was revealed. Kai falls onto the floor and forms a fist, banging the floor with his might. Chanyeol faints. I hug Kyungsoo so tight and cup his face. His pale, gorgeous face. The face that looks just like mine. My other half. My. other. half. He still has the wig on. The wig with my hair. That’s all of he had at the time. Why didn’t they just let me see him? Let me say the words he needs to hear from me. All I can do now is talk to his body, but receive no reaction. Because he’s dead.
I look back at the saddened nurses and doctors.
“ISN’T IT YOUR JOB TO SAVE PEOPLE'S LIVES!? WHY COULDN’T YOU SAVE HIS? WHY COULDN’T YOU! YOU DIDN’T DO YOUR JOB PROPERLY YOU DUMBASS’! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! YOU ARE NO NURSES OR DOCTORS TO ME. YOU ARE MY ENEMY! DIE! DIE! DIE! REPAY WHAT YOU DID! DIEEEEEE!” I cry and turn back to Kyungsoo.
His eyes are still open. I weakly and cautiously close them. I cry on his chest, hugging it tightly, and soon, his chest was moist and shiny from my tears and whales. The nurses and doctors leave as the other members enter.
“Oh my god.” Baekhyun repeats and panics.
They all start waterfalling tears. They all stare at me, hugging Kyungsoo. Hugging the one of their family members. Hugging… hugging their brother.
The nurses and doctors come back in after minutes fly by. They try to remove me from Kyungsoo’s dead body. I don’t move. I can’t move. I can’t leave my brother. I can’t trust those bastards. I scream once more and refuse to release. But they eventually overpower me. Nine of them versus one of me. And I end up on the floor. A white cover is pulled over Kyungsoo and they wheel his bed out of the room. I cry harder. HARDER. How cruel can they get? How cruel can this world be?
Jongin starts inching over to me. And I follow. He must be taking this worse than I am. He pulls me into his arms aggressively and tightly. We both need someone to hold onto.
It felt like I was living without air. Air helps you breath and let’s you live. I can’t live properly without air. Kyungsoo is my air. I can’t. I can’t. I’m going to kill myself. Nevermind. I’m already dead. I can’t handle this. This is a dream right? This isn’t. A dream right? A nightmare? This CAN’T be happening.
And here I am. In Jongin’s arms. Hugging him like my life depends on it. On the floor. Our whaling could be heard on the entire hospital floor. And it looked like the floor of the room was flooded by the time the members and I were finished and tired of uselessly mourning for hours.
That’s when I knew. We’ve hit rock bottom. EXO has hit rock bottom. I’ve lost my other me. I’m incomplete. I’m. I’m. I’m. ………I’m.
[Song should’ve ended by know]
------
Your POV
You weakly stand up with the help of Luhan. You put your hands together with the other members. Your faces are puffy and bloated. They are still wearing the clothing from the SM concert.
“E… Ex...ex...ex-o-” You can’t say the words. “E-x….o. E- I can’t do this… I’m sorry.”
You put your hands down and turn away. Unable to face the truth. You take a few steps forward, forgetting about your injury and collapse on the floor. Nurses come in with a new bed. A bed without Kyungsoo. Followed by President Lee and some of the SM family.
Yixing comes and lifts you up, placing you gently on the bed. He kisses your forehead and interlocks his hands, not letting go, sitting right next to you. They gather around you, extra chairs are brought in, everything. A conference. No, a talk. Red Velvet, Super Junior, SNSD, your boys… Some people were standing, most were sitting. Wu Yifan and Huang Zitao arrive. They received a call from President Lee. They sit in the back.
You look down, sitting in a pretzel. Unable to meet anyone’s eyes. Yixing tugs you a little and you, subconsciously look up at him. Reminding you of Kyungsoo tugging you the other day, telling you to go out for a walk. Being in a hospital room, sitting down, being the one that everyone’s looking at, it reminds you of the first time you could see after your accident with Tao. They were all waiting patiently. More importantly, Kyungsoo was waiting for you patiently. And when you first found out he had cancer, when you fed him food. All the times he fed you, sick or healthy, blind or not, happy or unhappy… he was always there. The fact the Kyungsoo died in your current location makes things worse. And now, the your mind is focused on Kyungsoo, you can’t help but cry some more. Everything you think of leads back to Kyungsoo. All the memories you’ve had together.
“Eo?” You respond weakly and clear your throat. “Eo?” [this time sounding stronger]
You look around. All eyes were on you as your tears slowly fall. At one point, two of your tears fall at the same time from the same eye. You lock your eyes on President Lee.
“I guess I have to repeat myself.” President Lee says. “I hope your feeling better, Eunsoo-ah. I can’t imagine what your feeling right now. I’m sorry. For everything. Not just about Kyungsoo, but about how I’ve treated you and the fellow SM family. Is there anything you would like to say? Thoughts? It might help if you let it out.”
You bite your lip and look down once more. You let go of Yixing’s hand and wipes your tears. You fiddle with your hands as everyone anticipates. You lift your head so everyone can see you clearly, but your too much of a coward to look into anyone’s eyes. So you stare at the floor.
“It should’ve been me.” You say slowly in a deep voice and pause for a few seconds. “But I guess no matter how innocent you are, life still hits you as hard as someone who’s experienced it all. (You clear your throat). Don’t come to me with pity or sympathetic words. I’m too tired and and sick of hearing them… It should’ve been me.”
Baekhyun and Taeyeon look at each other. There was a long pause.
“I’m sorry.” You say formally. “Your plans and schedules were cancelled because of me and… my uh, brother. (coughs) But I appreciate you coming today.”
You look up and the first pair of eyes you lay on is President Lee.
“Can I ask a favor…” Your voice slowly trails off as you look around the room and see Kris and Tao standing in the bag, silently crying.
“Favor?” President Lee repeats. “Of course, anything.”
“I was going to ask later… but I guess since everyone’s here, I’ll announce my favor. (by everyone, you mean Tao and Kris.)” You say.
You move your feet to hang off the bedside. You gently glide yourself down to the floor. On your knees, you fold your hands and lay them on your lap. Everyone looks around in shock and confusement. From the floor, your eyes and head move to President Lee’s eyes.
“Please… I beg of you. Break our contract.” You say slowly. “I don’t think I’ll be able to move on without him. Without my other half. Without Kyungsoo. EXO won’t be one. Our history and future is too broken to claim that’s true now. In fact, if we never signed this contract in the first place, Kyungsoo might’ve been alive right now… So I beg of you. Break our contract.”
[A/N: okieay... so I've decided to fast forward the events... ish. I hope the descriptions of everything in this chapter is enough. If not, then complain to me in the comments lol. I recommend you read slowly. It's seriously more effective that way. At least that's what I found out. I don't know if it's good enough, but I used my personal experience to write the next few chapters. GAMSAAAA~ ENJOY~]
Eunsoo’s POV
I open my eyes slowly, but the sun blinds them. I put my left hand up to block the sun. Looking around the room, it takes me a while to realize where I was. A hospital room. I push a button on the remote laying next to my right hand to make me sit up straight, putting my left hand down as the sun was no longer in my eyes. Jeez, how long have I been here?
Someone was in the bathroom. I look at the end of the bed and see… Chanyeol. He was sleeping on his folded hands. Sitting on a chair, using the bed as a pillow, on my right side. Across the room, there was Luhan. He was leaning back on a reclining chair. There was a little dried up drool on his chin. I smile… a little. They both look so innocent.
I rest my hands on my lap. Wait… since when could I do that? I look down at my stomach slowly… and see no bump. What happened? Why can’t I remember anything? Why is there no… baby? I feel my stomach all over, just to make sure. I have to make sure. I.
I start to tear up without knowing it. Eomma comes out of the bathroom just as my first tear falls. She wasn’t wearing makeup, nothing fancy or anything. Her dark circles are visible. She looks… surprised that I’m awake.
“Omo.” She gasps. “Eunsoo-ah.”
Chanyeol’s head shoots up. Luhan stands up from the chair and rushes over.
“Eunsoo-ah.” They say at the same time. Luhan holds your left hand while Chanyeol sandwiches the other.
“Yeesh.” She hits the back of both of their heads. “Move over so I can see my daughter.”
They both release and stand next to each other at the edge of the bed. Eomma sits in the chair Chanyeol once sat it. I hate it when she hits them. Since when did she become so aggressive? Aish, that's not the point here. Kyungsoo.
“Eunsoo-ah…” She starts. “How are you feeling? Do you feel any pain? Dizzy?”
I don’t care about my condition right now. No one seems to understand that. I need information about Kyungsoo, but I know I won’t get any if I worry about him first. I look down at my flat stomach and unbutton the middle button of my hospital gown, revealing my stomach. There was a huge scar there. The sunlight, that once was in my eyes, now shine on that scar; giving it a “spotlight.” I cover my mouth with both hands and tears overflow. Luhan looks away in pain, secretly shedding a tear. Chanyeol watches me as I cry and he starts to silently cry, seeing me in pain.
I have to get it together. My condition isn’t as important as Kyungsoo’s.
“The doctor said he could’ve saved the baby… but he didn’t want to risk your life. Since you fell on the baby, some body parts detached and-” Eomma tries to explain, but I don’t care.
“Kyungsoo-nun? [What about Kyungsoo?/ And Kyungsoo?]” You say wiping your tears.
Eomma stares at you for a few seconds blankly. She then looks down. Chanyeol turns around. Luhan stiffens. What’s going on? Why aren’t they telling me what’s going on? Is something wrong? Is Kyungsoo-
“Where is he?” I ask quickly.
Without knowing, as I kept talking, I sped up.
“Why aren’t you telling me anything? Where is he? Is he okay? Is he hurt? WHERE Is my brother? Why are you staying silent? I have a right to know! I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW!”
No one was answering me. You know what? I don’t need them. I can just go find out with my own eyes.
I start to get out of bed and the three of them immediately react. They push me back to sit down, but I keep fighting back. Eomma pushes a button as Chanyeol and Luhan try to restrain me from moving. Luhan determined. Chanyeol’s tears fall onto my face.
"Eunsoo-ah, stop." Chanyeol cries."I don't want to hurt you."
“Doctor! Nurse! Whatever! We need help!” Eomma repeats.
Sooner then needed, nurses and two doctors come in. I scream, I complain, I do whatever I can to try to see Kyungsoo. Tears pour out of my eyes. They were unnecessary, but for some reason they kept on coming out. I keep screaming Kyungsoo’s name. Louder and louder and louder, until I was screaming to the top of my lungs and you couldn’t understand what I was saying. The other members rush in and stop at the sight they see.
They tie me down. My legs and arms. Chanyeol goes to Sehun and starts crying on the dongsaengs shoulder. I didn’t stop. I didn’t care if they were in the room or not. I need to see my brother. The one that’s been there all my life. The one who’s cared about me from the beginning. The one… who I depend on.
The members look away. I bet they can’t bare to see me like this. I don’t want them to see this side of me either. But if it means I will eventually see Kyungsoo, I must keep trying.
Overtime, I calm down. By overtime, I mean hours. I don’t know how, but they must’ve drugged me with something. The members are watching me as I watch and observe them. We’ve been like this since they came into the room.
I notice that Jongin and Chanyeol aren’t here. That must mean their with Kyungsoo. That must mean something’s wrong. Eomma had no choice but to go to work. Appa… I don’t even know his whereabouts. Why does Jongin get to see him and I’m here, tied up. Me. The one that’s actually blood related to him. The one who looks just like him. Heart-shaped lips and everything. “The inseparable twins.” That’s us. Me and him. Not Kai and Kyungsoo, or Chanyeol and Kyungsoo.
“I feel selfish having all of you here.” I say with a deep voice. “Babysitting me.”
I don’t want to look into their eyes, so I look at my stomach. The button is still unbuttoned. The scar is visible only to my eyes. I hope.
“It feels weird.” I smile. “Having something for one moment, then losing it in the next second.”
They don’t show any expression, movement, nothing. No words. I can sense guilt from their attitudes.
“Can I see him yet?” I ask. “I’m calm from that drug they gave me. What more do I have to be?”
Tears fall down on some of the members, and they quickly wipe them. Chanyeol walks into the room starts to untie me.
“C’mon.” Chanyeol sighs. “I’ll take you if you want to see him so badly.”
The other members… I know they don’t want me to see Kyungsoo. I know they know something I don’t.
I take Chanyeol’s arm and he walks me slowly. UAGH my stomach hurts like hell. Mah uterusssss sheezus. Soon, we were out of the room.
“Thank you.” I say glaring up at him… to be honest, I don’t really know what to say to him.
“Don’t blame me for taking you.” Chanyeol looks straight. “I only did this because I just can’t stand to see you tied up like that. That’s why I wasn’t in the room with you. I’m sorry. It just kills me knowing your in pain… but I might be bringing more pain by taking you to Kyungsoo.”
What does he mean? I tighten my grip on his arm and feel him stiffening up. I gulp. My eyes don’t move from his face. If he’s telling me this… then… I could feel it. The tears. Again. I can’t tell if it’s because of what he told me… or if it’s because I miss him. The real him. I want to reach for him and hug him so tight right now… I’m scared. Scared of what will happen next.
But just as I try to hug him, we reach Kyungsoo’s room. A wave of goosebumps overwhelm me. Nurses and doctors rush into the room before we do. They were all screaming at each other.
That could only mean one thing.
Chanyeol and I walk into the room slowly, hearing them. There was a curtain pulled in front of the walkway. I halt Chanyeol for a few seconds. He looks at me with reassuring eyes. I gulp once more and stare at the curtain that was one foot away from us. Shaking, I slowly move the curtain aside.
There are doctors and nurses surrounding the bed. Kai is standing, screaming, holding Kyungsoo’s hand, right next to him. I look at the heart rate monitor… a loud, high pitched noise… a thick line… not even the slightest zig-zag.
The doctor’s are trying their hardest to bring him back to life with an AED. The goosebumps grow. I look at Chanyeol with wide eyes and feel my legs loosen up. I wrap my arms around Chanyeol and pull him into a tight hug. Chanyeol was already in tears. He returns my hug. I didn’t care if I was in pain. I needed someone to hold onto. But I can’t just stay in someone else’s arms when I need to be with Kyungsoo.
[A/N: Play this song… it gives more effect… or don’t, I don’t mind
^.^ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xg89zwT1th4]
They’ll save him… right? If something happens to him… If he doesn’t make it… I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.
The doctors and nurses stopped. I turn around and look at them. The room is silent and the only thing you can hear is the noise on the heart rate monitor… indicating Kyungsoo… that Kyung-… that he was no more.
“I’m sorry, we-”
I push them away and rush towards Kyungsoo. His chest was revealed. Kai falls onto the floor and forms a fist, banging the floor with his might. Chanyeol faints. I hug Kyungsoo so tight and cup his face. His pale, gorgeous face. The face that looks just like mine. My other half. My. other. half. He still has the wig on. The wig with my hair. That’s all of he had at the time. Why didn’t they just let me see him? Let me say the words he needs to hear from me. All I can do now is talk to his body, but receive no reaction. Because he’s dead.
I look back at the saddened nurses and doctors.
“ISN’T IT YOUR JOB TO SAVE PEOPLE'S LIVES!? WHY COULDN’T YOU SAVE HIS? WHY COULDN’T YOU! YOU DIDN’T DO YOUR JOB PROPERLY YOU DUMBASS’! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! YOU ARE NO NURSES OR DOCTORS TO ME. YOU ARE MY ENEMY! DIE! DIE! DIE! REPAY WHAT YOU DID! DIEEEEEE!” I cry and turn back to Kyungsoo.
His eyes are still open. I weakly and cautiously close them. I cry on his chest, hugging it tightly, and soon, his chest was moist and shiny from my tears and whales. The nurses and doctors leave as the other members enter.
“Oh my god.” Baekhyun repeats and panics.
They all start waterfalling tears. They all stare at me, hugging Kyungsoo. Hugging the one of their family members. Hugging… hugging their brother.
The nurses and doctors come back in after minutes fly by. They try to remove me from Kyungsoo’s dead body. I don’t move. I can’t move. I can’t leave my brother. I can’t trust those bastards. I scream once more and refuse to release. But they eventually overpower me. Nine of them versus one of me. And I end up on the floor. A white cover is pulled over Kyungsoo and they wheel his bed out of the room. I cry harder. HARDER. How cruel can they get? How cruel can this world be?
Jongin starts inching over to me. And I follow. He must be taking this worse than I am. He pulls me into his arms aggressively and tightly. We both need someone to hold onto.
It felt like I was living without air. Air helps you breath and let’s you live. I can’t live properly without air. Kyungsoo is my air. I can’t. I can’t. I’m going to kill myself. Nevermind. I’m already dead. I can’t handle this. This is a dream right? This isn’t. A dream right? A nightmare? This CAN’T be happening.
And here I am. In Jongin’s arms. Hugging him like my life depends on it. On the floor. Our whaling could be heard on the entire hospital floor. And it looked like the floor of the room was flooded by the time the members and I were finished and tired of uselessly mourning for hours.
That’s when I knew. We’ve hit rock bottom. EXO has hit rock bottom. I’ve lost my other me. I’m incomplete. I’m. I’m. I’m. ………I’m.
[Song should’ve ended by know]
------
Your POV
You weakly stand up with the help of Luhan. You put your hands together with the other members. Your faces are puffy and bloated. They are still wearing the clothing from the SM concert.
“E… Ex...ex...ex-o-” You can’t say the words. “E-x….o. E- I can’t do this… I’m sorry.”
You put your hands down and turn away. Unable to face the truth. You take a few steps forward, forgetting about your injury and collapse on the floor. Nurses come in with a new bed. A bed without Kyungsoo. Followed by President Lee and some of the SM family.
Yixing comes and lifts you up, placing you gently on the bed. He kisses your forehead and interlocks his hands, not letting go, sitting right next to you. They gather around you, extra chairs are brought in, everything. A conference. No, a talk. Red Velvet, Super Junior, SNSD, your boys… Some people were standing, most were sitting. Wu Yifan and Huang Zitao arrive. They received a call from President Lee. They sit in the back.
You look down, sitting in a pretzel. Unable to meet anyone’s eyes. Yixing tugs you a little and you, subconsciously look up at him. Reminding you of Kyungsoo tugging you the other day, telling you to go out for a walk. Being in a hospital room, sitting down, being the one that everyone’s looking at, it reminds you of the first time you could see after your accident with Tao. They were all waiting patiently. More importantly, Kyungsoo was waiting for you patiently. And when you first found out he had cancer, when you fed him food. All the times he fed you, sick or healthy, blind or not, happy or unhappy… he was always there. The fact the Kyungsoo died in your current location makes things worse. And now, the your mind is focused on Kyungsoo, you can’t help but cry some more. Everything you think of leads back to Kyungsoo. All the memories you’ve had together.
“Eo?” You respond weakly and clear your throat. “Eo?” [this time sounding stronger]
You look around. All eyes were on you as your tears slowly fall. At one point, two of your tears fall at the same time from the same eye. You lock your eyes on President Lee.
“I guess I have to repeat myself.” President Lee says. “I hope your feeling better, Eunsoo-ah. I can’t imagine what your feeling right now. I’m sorry. For everything. Not just about Kyungsoo, but about how I’ve treated you and the fellow SM family. Is there anything you would like to say? Thoughts? It might help if you let it out.”
You bite your lip and look down once more. You let go of Yixing’s hand and wipes your tears. You fiddle with your hands as everyone anticipates. You lift your head so everyone can see you clearly, but your too much of a coward to look into anyone’s eyes. So you stare at the floor.
“It should’ve been me.” You say slowly in a deep voice and pause for a few seconds. “But I guess no matter how innocent you are, life still hits you as hard as someone who’s experienced it all. (You clear your throat). Don’t come to me with pity or sympathetic words. I’m too tired and and sick of hearing them… It should’ve been me.”
Baekhyun and Taeyeon look at each other. There was a long pause.
“I’m sorry.” You say formally. “Your plans and schedules were cancelled because of me and… my uh, brother. (coughs) But I appreciate you coming today.”
You look up and the first pair of eyes you lay on is President Lee.
“Can I ask a favor…” Your voice slowly trails off as you look around the room and see Kris and Tao standing in the bag, silently crying.
“Favor?” President Lee repeats. “Of course, anything.”
“I was going to ask later… but I guess since everyone’s here, I’ll announce my favor. (by everyone, you mean Tao and Kris.)” You say.
You move your feet to hang off the bedside. You gently glide yourself down to the floor. On your knees, you fold your hands and lay them on your lap. Everyone looks around in shock and confusement. From the floor, your eyes and head move to President Lee’s eyes.
“Please… I beg of you. Break our contract.” You say slowly. “I don’t think I’ll be able to move on without him. Without my other half. Without Kyungsoo. EXO won’t be one. Our history and future is too broken to claim that’s true now. In fact, if we never signed this contract in the first place, Kyungsoo might’ve been alive right now… So I beg of you. Break our contract.”
Notes
Okay, I was on the verge of crying while writing this. But, I held back my tears because I didn't wanna look like a weird high schooler crying over something she wrote... meh. What you think? Your emotions? Thoughts about this chapter? It really moved me for some reason. Like there was a moment where I was like I'm a genius! But honestly, lol, I rewrote this chapter like four times because I didn't think it sounded good enough. SO, enough of that.
And yes, FINALLY, this IS the episode where Eunsoo/you hit rock-bottom. Eunsoo and the boys just gotta turn the page and start a new chapter.
And will she still be with Luhan? Or will she lurk back to Chanyeol? Or will Kai be the one who steals her away from everyone... because she looks just like his lover.
VOTE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE!
See you in the next chapter!
~Alexis Thao
~Kyungsoo's Wifey
P.S. YOU AREEE MY DESTINNYYYYYYYYYYYY~
Thank you for sharing.
12/4/17