Cherry Blossom Winter~ To Lack, To Find

Kyung Soo awoke with the wet nose nudging him once again. It was Dol, the stray. The sun was just beginning to rise and Kyung Soo quickly sat up. He checked his phone and it read 6:34am. Shit. Had he slept here all night? He leapt to his feet and ran for the entrance of the park. The park was dead. Not a living soul except dirt and mice. He had never seen it that way; he stopped momentarily to take it all in. But as soon as he re-entered the reality of his present situation he turned back around and bolted for the entrance to get to the subway. Almost no one was on the streets so it was relatively easy to sprint all the way there.

Finally 30 minutes later, Kyung Soo was at the dorm. He wanted to bolt straight up the front steps, but form a distance he could see some sasaengs stirring.

“Shit shit shit.” Kyung Soo said to himself trying to think of what to do. He finally decided to head straight for the SM Building instead. It was easier to enter through back door there and at that moment there were less fans waiting around it. He looked at his phone and saw a text form JongIn. “Where the fuck are you?!” It read.

He texted back: “Can’t explain now… Tell the managers I headed straight for SM after waking up and that I decided to start practice early.”

JongIn replied that he would do so, but that when he got to practice Kyung Soo better tell him the whole story. To this Kyung Soo agreed, but didn’t quite want to tell JongIn anything, so Kyung Soo started fabricating a story that sounded plausible.

When he reached the SM building he had his story ready and entered the back door. He was right about the sasaengs. There were only three outside the SM building making it so easy to sneak in.

Kyung Soo headed for the back door but just as he was about to open it, someone on the other side did. His heart nearly exploded. But soon he saw that it was only some SNSD members and some backup dancer. They were probably coming out for some air since the practice rooms are so stuffy.

“Oh! Kyung Soo, what are you doing here?” Taeyeon said.

“I…uh…” Kyung Soo stuttered. But Taeyeon didn’t seem too interested with him anyways. As she asked her question she peered over Kyung Soo’s shoulders, craning her neck to look behind him.

“Where’s Baekhyun…” She asked. “…and Chanyeol?” she then added as an afterthought, probably to make it sound less obvious to whom she was actually wondering about.

“He’s on his way…” Kyung Soo started, then he heard the sasaengs begin to arrive by the car-fulls and begin screaming. “I really have to go, sorry” he pushed through the group at the door and practically ran to the practice rooms.

He still had Bom’s second phone in his hand so he stashed it in his street clothes after he changed into his practice clothes.

He started panicking when he heard the fans start to scream even louder than before. They’re here. He knew the van containing the rest of the members had arrived. Kyung Soo wet his hair and shirt to make it look like he had been dancing for an hour or two already and pinched his cheeks to make them appear red, since his cheeks naturally deepened in color when he exerted himself.

He assessed his appearance in the wall to wall mirror of the practice room, and just as he decided he looked pretty realistic, the choreographer and the rest of the group entered the practice room.

Yixing was the first to walk in behind the choreographer, then Minseok, Jongdae, followed by JongIn who gave Kyung Soo an intense look, and then Yi Fan, Sehun and Luhan entered together, as well as Baekhyun and Chanyeol who shouted towards Kyung Soo in greeting, to which Kyung Soo nodded and smiled to. Next to enter was Joon Myun who was texting someone on his phone as he walked through the door, and lastly Tao entered, but stopped just short of the door, he was talking to one of the female backup dancers. Everyone knew he liked her, but she was oblivious. They were laughing and then said their goodbyes. It was too bad she wouldn’t be dancing with them. Exo was such a large group, that they almost never got backup dancers, though.

JongIn approached Kyung Soo and Kyung Soo knew he would have to `explain himself in a few seconds.

“So, Kyung Soo, what’s the deal?” JongIn asked.

“I, uh, I really actually came in early to practice. You know how I got yelled at by the managers? Well, I felt really bad, so I decided to learn the choreography really well to make up for it…”
Kyung Soo said laughing awkwardly while placing his hand on the back of his own head to try and look casual.

JongIn looked at Kyung Soo suspiciously, but before he could ask any more questions, the choreographer was clapping his hands together getting everyone’s attention for the beginning of practice.

“Alright everyone! Attention please! Let’s get started. We’ll start from the second verse! It seemed like you guys didn’t quite get it yesterday!” He shouted excitedly.

They practiced the second verse over and over again until the choreographer saw that they had made some visible progress.

“Okay! You guys are doing really well. You’ll be perfect by M! Countdown, take a break!”
Almost everyone then collapsed; either on one of the fold out chairs propped against the wall or couldn’t make it that far and collapsed right on the floor. After a couple seconds of panting silence, Yi Fan and a couple others got up off the floor to get waters. Then, there was more panting silence. The water Kyung Soo had put on his shirt earlier was now completely sweat. Baekhyun was lying nearby with Chanyeol sitting up next to him. They were fooling around and playfully hitting each other. Kyung Soo looked at them and smiled. They were all such good friends. He thought to himself. He was glad to have such good goofball friends.

In the silence his thoughts were drawn to Bom’s phone. He had to return it to her; she must’ve realized it was missing already. Kyung Soo started to once again wonder why she had two phones and who that guy on the phone was. He was labeled ‘sajangnim’ so maybe he was her boss? That was probably the case. But, all the things he said on the phone… what did it all mean? If the man was referring to Cheongnyangni 588 when he said 588, did that mean Bom worked as a prostitute? No. Kyung Soo physically shook his head to relieve himself of that thought. Bom was too innocent and sweet to be a prostitute in 588. But the thought did make him realize how little he actually knew her.

When he shook his head, Chanyeol looked over. “What’s tormenting our dear Kyung Soo-soo?” He asked. Ew, Kyung Soo thought. That’s the name that man on the phone called his Bom. His Bom. She wasn’t his Bom though. He obviously didn’t know her that well.

“Nothing. I’m just super tired since I got here early,” Kyung Soo replied. He was lying, of course. He found that he was lying to his friends a lot lately. He didn’t mean to, it just kept working out that way. “I’m going to get a snack,” Kyung Soo stated. “Anybody want anything?”

Of course people wanted something, so after Kyung Soo collected the orders and money he was on his way upstairs to the cafeteria vending machine. He decided to take the stairs again solely to waste time.

As he entered he remembered the piece of glass he found here and later cut his knuckle with. He never did find out what that piece of glass was a piece of. But, it was a part of a whole. In a way, Kyung Soo was that piece of glass. He was part of a whole, his group Exo, or an even bigger whole, SM entertainment. And, furthermore, all humans were pieces and parts of the whole of the world, just as earth, the world, was a part of the whole universe. Everything was a piece, a fragment however tiny it was, of a whole.

These were the types of deep thoughts that often, during trainee days, brought Kyung Soo to the roof of the school. And they were the types of thoughts that, in his father’s eyes, coined him as weak.

Kyung Soo’s shoes were heavy as he walked up the stairs. He stomped each stair as if he were killing imaginary spiders and insects. Kyung Soo’s shoes didn’t seem to be loud enough to bother anyone else, though, because when he turned the corner to walk up another flight, he found two people immersed in each other. It was a teenager, skinny, long black hair that covered his eyes; and the backup dancer that Tao liked. It was obvious they were in some sort of romantic relationship, even though those, according to contract, were not allowed.

“Oh…” Kyung Soo said, startled. They both looked.

“Oh shit.” The girl said. The trainee sat there in embarrassment and his face began to gain color.

They both quickly got up and the girl went down the stairs to the practice rooms where as the boy headed up stairs, most likely on his way to voice practice which was on floor three. The girl stopped on the way down by Kyung Soo and asked, “Please don’t tell anyone.”

Kyung Soo hadn’t even thought to tell anyone, especially a manager or someone in charge, He wasn’t the type of person to tell someone else’s secrets. It was Tao he was more worried about. Tao was his fellow group member, more than that, Tao was his friend. They lived together… How could Kyung Soo not tell Tao? Of course, he didn’t want to hurt Tao, especially so close to a comeback, but Tao deserved to know.

“I won’t,” Kyung Soo told her. What Tao didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, right? It’s not like the two were in an actual relationship, in fact the dancer was in a relationship with another guy. It couldn’t be helped.

With that, Kyung Soo continued his trip up the stairs to the vending machine. After he got all the snacks, he made his way back down, and practice continued. Kyung Soo felt incredibly guilty every time he looked at Tao, though, as if practice wasn’t strenuous enough already.

~~~

That day, practice ended at six pm, which was relatively early. Kyung Soo’s mind was still taken up by the dancer’s secret, but throughout practice, his brain gradually drifted away from that and back to Bom. He wanted to know more about the secrets she was keeping, but had a feeling she was far from telling him of all people.

Since it had been almost a week since he had gotten in trouble for staying out late, the managers were becoming more lenient again. Because of that, Kyung Soo was able to slip away at the end of practice to “walk home” like normal.

Of course, Kyung Soo wasn’t actually going to walk home. He had ulterior motives today. He exited out the back door in his usual disguise, but instead of heading straight down the alley, he waited at the corner where the back of the SM building met the alley way, occasionally craning his neck around the corner to see if Bom had arrived today to feed the cats. The thought that she might not come again today entered his mind, but for some reason he felt she would that day.

His feeling was right, not fifteen minutes later he spotted her small figure coming down the alley. She wasn’t wearing her normal simple hoodie and skinny jeans though. She was dressed more like the look-a-like Kyung Soo had spotted in Gangnam the other night. She had a shapeless blush pink shift style dress on that had a large bow up by the neck and pleats on the skirt. Just like the other dress, this one moved with her body beautifully. Her nude platforms clicked and clacked as she walked over to the area she fed the cats. Kyung Soo was in awe of her beauty.
She set down her simple white faux fur jacket on the brick wall and quietly opened two cat food cans and set them down. A shabby long haired calico came out of what seemed like nowhere and more cats followed. She crooned to them as she pet them and then looked around as if to check if anyone was watching, at which time Kyung Soo flinched back behind the corner. When he heard her shoes click clacking away, he peaked back around the corner and she was gone.
“Shit.” He said gearing up to run down the alley. When he made it to the entrance to the normal street, he slowed and peaked out. He looked both ways and saw Bom a couple meters away, her back to him, walking. Her jacket was now on, and Kyung Soo realized it was pretty chilly. He still had his coat from the previous night, since he had not been home yet, and put it on.

He didn’t really want to follow Bom like a creep, but it was the only thing he could do if he was to find more about her. He followed her for a good twenty minutes or so, when she looked back unexpectedly. He ducked behind someone else quickly, and hoped she hadn’t seen him. From the looks of it, she hadn’t. He kept following her until they passed the café he and Baekhyun had eaten at a couple days ago, and after that, he realized they were entering the Host and Hostess club area of Gangnam.

Bom looked back once more, this time there was no one else to duck behind so Kyung Soo turned all the way around hoping that she wouldn’t see his face. When he turned back around he saw her enter one of the hostess bars. So she was a prostitute.

Kyung Soo was neither disgusted nor happy about this. He felt nothing definitive about finding this out. He was also quite confused. How could this be? She seemed so sweet and innocent, but she actually sells herself for money. Bom must be like a Gumiho*. She is a genuine and innocent fox on the outside but on the inside she is more, and transforms into a beautiful seductive fox that steals mens’ hearts in the form of prostitution.

Is that why Kyung Soo felt so drawn to her? She has all the right charms for stealing mens’ hearts? Kyung Soo felt betrayed. Blinded by his confusion, he walked into the hostess bar as well.

There was a woman at the front desk who greeted him.

“Hello sir! You’ve chosen a wonderful night to come by. All of our best hostesses are in tonight,” She said mischievously with a wink.

“Oh, Uh, I’m not here for a hostess. I think this belongs to one of the hostesses…” he said pulling out the phone. The greeter looked at it.

“Okay, I’ll take it and ask around on my next break,” she said reaching for the phone.

“I know who it belongs to, can I just give it to her myself?”

The greeter looked at him suspiciously. “No unauthorized personnel can go back there” she said pointing to the sign that read the same thing. “Especially customers. If you want to see a hostess then you’ll have to sit down and look over the menu of girls.”

“But… I know her,” Kyung Soo began again but stopped when the greeter gave him a malicious stare. “I just need to talk to her; I don’t want to do anything…”

The woman then looked at him a little irritated. “Sir, are you familiar with what this hostess bar is? Why do you think men come here? For sex?” the greeter questioned accusingly. “Maybe at the hostess bars in Cheongnyangni 588 do that, but here in Gangnam we run prestigious businesses that cater to the deeper needs of men. Our hostesses offer attention and psychological companionship. You want sex? Go to 588. You want to talk to one of the hostesses? Then fine, you can do that, but not for free. Nothing comes for free in this world.”

He looked over to inside the club, and saw tables filled with middle aged men and hostesses. It was true; they did just look like they were having conversations.

“Okay, Okay…” Kyung Soo said, taking a menu and looking it over. He was trying to find Bom, but her name wasn’t in the index. So, he resorted to looking through the pictures like a shallow idiot. So Bom wasn’t a prostitute, she was just a hostess, whatever that meant. That fact made Kyung Soo feel slightly better.

He found Bom’s picture, but the name was not Bom’s. It read Sue, in parenthesis Su-Su.
After sitting there and staring at Bom’s picture for a good five minutes, Kyung Soo’s clouded, confusion filled mind cleared and he came to his senses. What was he doing? Appalled with his behavior, he handed the book back to the greeter with the phone. “Just give the phone to the hostess called Sue,” he told her.

“Okay.” The greeter replied. “No hostesses for you today, sir?”

“Um… No, just make sure she gets her phone back,” Kyung Soo said back.
And with that, he left the hostess bar, and quickly walked himself, more like stumbled, home. What should he do?

Notes

A Gumiho or kumiho (구미호) is a creature that appears in the oral tales and legends of Korea and are akin to werefoxes and other folklore. Literally meaning a "nine-tailed fox", according to those tales, it is a fox that lives a thousand years.It can freely transform, among other things, into a beautiful woman often set out to seduce boys.