Cherry Blossom Winter~ To Lack, To Find

Part One- Spring in Autumn

Meeting Spring

The next day, Kyung Soo and the rest of his group had practice again. Ugh practice. Ugh dancing. Yesterday after Kyung Soo’s encounter with that girl feeding the cats, he went straight home, showered, and went to sleep. He thought nothing more of his encounter with the girl from yesterday; He needed to just focus on the comeback.

In the morning, on the ride to the SM building with his group, he was quiet, as usual, deep in thought.

“Is everything okay, Kyung Soo?” Chanyeol asked.

“Wha—Oh yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking…” Kyung Soo replied.

“ ‘Bout what?” Baekhyun interjected.

“Nothing really” Kyung Soo again replied. “Just how much I hate dancing.” Kyung Soo honestly just wanted them off his back, so he could think in peace, but that peace he often yearned for was hard to come by when always in a group of eleven of the most unlike minded boys in South Korea.

Closest to Baekhyun and Chanyeol, Kyung Soo usually hung out with them; The rest of the members however, not so much. Sehun usually hung around Kai, Tao with Kris, Etc. They were all friendly with each other, it’s just some were closer to others and vice versa.

As the van pulled to a halt in front of the SM building, everyone’s attention was shifted towards the sasaeng fans that screamed to them just outside the van.

“OPPA SARANGHAE!! OPPA OPPA!”

“Aishhh, not this again,” Kris muttered from the back of the van. They loved the fans and hoped for (half-expected) fame and fortune of course when they entered this industry, but the sasaengs were just too much sometimes.

“Wait for us break a pathway. When I make the hand gesture, exit then, only then,” one of the managers explained. It was like this every day, why did he have to re-explain it every single time. We know how it goes. Kyung Soo thought this to himself while waiting for the hang gesture.

Manager gave the hand motion and Luhan was the first to emerge followed by MinSeok and Kris. Yixing was next, and the rest of the group followed. Kyung Soo emerged last, and as soon as he stepped out of the semi-sound proof van, the screaming of the fans became unmanageable. Kyung Soo became so disoriented. When a fan grabbed his arm, he didn’t know how to react. Her eyes looked so crazy, it startled Kyung Soo. He looked at her blankly, eyes wide, and a manager came over and broke the grasp.

“Don’t let them do that, Kyung Soo. Just rip your arm away, don’t over-think it,” Manager told him. Kyung Soo knew that, he just felt so bad for the crazed sasaeng fans. They were wasting their lives following and obsessing over someone they would never get to have for themselves or even have a conversation with at that. Their dreams would never be reached. In a way, they were like Gatsby, more like Gatsby than Kyung Soo was.

Finally, Kyung Soo made it into the SM Building. He walked straight to the elevator to go down to the practice room. It was full. Shit.

“Kyung Soo! Quick, we can make room!” Baekhyun said.

“Ah… no, it’s okay, I’ll just use the stairs” He reassuringly replied gesturing to the staircase to his left.

Kyung Soo headed for the stairs. The practice rooms were just below, in the basement of the building. He could handle the stairs, it would be more alone time. Kyung Soo, separated from the rest of the group, slowly descended the stairs. One by one, his shoes thumped against the floor, stair by stair he continued on.

He got to the last step.

“What…” He muttered to himself. He bent down to pick up what he had found lying on the floor. A piece of glass lay there, twinkling in the florescent yellow lights of the stairwell. Kyung Soo picked up the shard of glass and inspected it. It was blue green and semi opaque. He had no idea where it could’ve come from. He placed it in his sweatshirt pocket only to find a crumpled up piece of paper. Confused, he took it out of his pocket to examine it. It was note from the fan who had grabbed his arm earlier. It read:

“Kyung Soo Oppa, I love you. I love you more than I love myself. I will follow you to the depths of the earth. I love you. I love you.” It continues on like that for four more lines and ended signed with the fans name.
That poor fan. Why do they do this to themselves? They cannot possibly love him, they do not even know him.
He continued out the door of the stairwell and down the hall to the practice room. When he got there, as expected everyone else was already warming up. So, he slipped in quietly as to not be noticed and started to stretch.

~~~

When practice was over, it was around 11 pm. Kyung Soo changed into his street clothes and went to exit the back door. Outside it was quite a chilly autumn night, contrary to inside the practice room which was stuffy and sweaty. He turned the corner into the alley that just yesterday he met that girl in. She was not there this time, but as he continued to walk down the alley he saw another empty cat food can. He put his head back down and walked. About to turn the corner to exit the alley and enter the normal street again, a crisp strong wind blasted past him making him shiver. He violently shoved his hands in his sweatshirt pocket to combat the chill, forgetting about the shard of glass that resided within. It cut his knuckle and with that he yelped.

“OW! Shit that hurt!” he scolded himself. “He put the back of his knuckle in his mouth to clean the shallow gash. It wasn’t so much that it hurt, more that it was so surprising, especially in the ice cold wind chill. Kyung Soo didn’t have time to aid to this cut, so he just continued his walk home, head down, stride even faster than before.

He didn’t want to go straight home though. The rest of the guys would be there and Kyung Soo wasn’t in the mood to deal with them just quite yet. So Kyung Soo went down to the subway and took the train to Hongdae. To avoid getting recognized Kyung Soo put on his beanie he had in his pants pocket and some sunglasses as well. He hated wearing sunglasses at night, it made him look like a total tool. But Kyung Soo hated getting recognized and followed by fans even more.

Kyung Soo swiped his subway card and the machine beeped and let him through. He heard the rush of one of the trains as he walked down the stairs. Just in time, he thought to himself. He ran to get on before the doors closed. No seats were open, so he just stood, back to the rest of the riders to decrease probability of being recognized.

It was relatively quiet on the train. Just the shudder of the vehicle on the tracks and a crying baby heard from the other car. Kyung Soo now had time to think; he now had a certain feeling of peace. It was not the peace he was yearning for but these days any kind of peace was nice. Kyung Soo put in his headphones and listened to some music to pass the time. Not five minutes later, there was a tap on his shoulder.

“Excuse me?” A voice from behind him came. Kyung Soo jumped. He hoped he had not been recognized. He turned around and saw a young, maybe six year old girl. “Um… your hand is bleeding.” She said. Kyung Soo had completely forgotten about his injured hand.

“Oh… uh, thank you,” he replied. “I forgot about it…” he whispered quieter than before and more to himself than to the little girl. It didn’t matter to her though; she was already back sitting down with her mother.

Kyung Soo put his knuckle back into his mouth as before. He looked down and realized the bleeding was so bad that it had dripped all over the train floor. He raspingly drew his shoe across the white floor as an attempt to clean it up.

His stop was approaching quickly, so Kyung Soo prepared himself to get off. He didn’t know where exactly he was going, but he loved the Hongdae area so he often found himself heading there with no rhyme or reason of doing things.

Kyung Soo emerged from the subway and entered the normal street. It was pretty busy as per usual for Hongdae on a Friday night, but no one usually recognized him here and if they did, they didn’t make a big fuss about it. He took off his sunglasses but refrained from stripping himself of his beanie or hood just in case.

He headed towards one of the free parks Hongdae offered. He hoped there was a silent disco happening, He loved silent discos. One day when he was hanging around Hongdae with nothing to do, he walked past a free park and saw a sea of balloons bobbing around. He was so intrigued by the sight that he entered the park to investigate. He then found numerous college students with headphones attached to balloons on dancing or swaying around. That was Kyung Soo’s first encounter with a silent disco.

He approached the free park he was headed for now, but there were no bobbing balloons. He didn’t really expect there to be any, but he came anyways. The free parks were always great to hang out in, regardless.

Kyung Soo entered the park and heard the distant sound of an indie band through the trees. He sat down on a nearby bench nestled in a grove, hidden from the world. This was his peace, especially in the spring when the cherry blossoms bloomed. Kyung Soo was exhausted from practice. He kept nodding off and finally fell asleep.

What felt like seconds later, Kyung Soo was awakened by a wet nose nudging his face. He opened one eye to find a small mix breed cat perched on his chest inquisitively peering up at him. Half asleep and completely groggy, Kyung Soo absentmindedly pat the stray on its head and adjusted his position on the bench.

“Dol, where are you kitty. Here kitty kitty?” Came a voice from through the trees. Kyung Soo opened both eyes this time, just in time to see the grey cat bounding away. Just then, there was a rustle from the opposite direction that the cat ran. A figure emerged and approached Kyung Soo.

“Oh, uh, sorry… have you seen a grey stray cat around here recently? He usually hangs out around this bench,” a small voice started to say. “I need to feed him, or he’ll starve…” she continued, almost mumbling now. As she stepped into the light of the park lamp, Kyung Soo recognized the face of this mystery woman. It was Bang Soo Bom from the alley yesterday.

“I saw that cat you’re looking for I think… it ran off that way,” Kyung Soo said gesturing in the direction the cat ran, but as he looked over to where he was pointing he saw the same cat he just mentioned emerging from the shrubbery.

“Myeong,”the cat meowed at Bom.

“Dol, Annyeong,” Bom said looking at the tiny cat. She pealed back the top of the can of cat food and placed it on the ground slightly under the bench. After she watched the cat approach the food slowly and begin to eat it, she herself sat down slowly next to Kyung Soo in the bench, eyes never leaving the cat.

“So…” Kyung Soo began, but no sooner was he met with a violent hush from Bom sat beside him.

“You’ll scare him away,” She whispered giving Kyung Soo a sidewise glance. “He’s very skittish, poor thing…” Both Kyung Soo and Bom were silent for a good five minutes straight, watching the cat consume its supper. When the feline was finished with his meal, he quickly looked up and around and pounced away. Within the blink of an eye, the small animal was gone; no traces except the empty can of cat food behind. Bom then sighed and slumped tiredly on the bench.

“I think I know you…” Kyung Soo began. “Do you feed all the stray cats in Seoul or something?” he continued with a slightly sarcastic tone.

“Huh?” She looked up at Kyung Soo questioningly. “Oh! It’s you from the alley! Oh gosh, I’m sorry for bothering you again. What are the chances…”

“Yeah,” Kyung Soo awkwardly chuckled.

“If I find a cat while I’m out that looks like it needs some help, I like to help out. I feel bad if I just leave it there. I found this one when I came here for a free concert almost a month ago,” Bom explained. “This one was the first stray I started feeding.”

“Ohhh,” Kyung Soo crooned understandingly.

“I call this one Dol because he’s grey like stone,” she continued. “He’s still very skittish around me. I’m surprised he let you see him.”
Kyung Soo didn’t really know how to reply to what she said so the both of them just sat there in silence for a while.

“I don’t think I ever got your name,” She broke through.

“Oh, Its Kyung Soo,” he replied, peering over at this girl he barely knew but for some reason didn’t want to leave. “Do Kyung Soo.”

“Hey! You have a Soo in your name and I have a Soo in my name!” she exclaimed. “What are the chances…”

“And what are the chances we’d bump into each other again,” Kyung Soo said back chuckling awkwardly again. “I come here when I want to get away from the noise…” Kyung Soo said absentmindedly. He immediately wondered why he said that. It wasn’t very relevant and he barely knew this girl. Why was he still sitting on this bench with her anyways?

“Really? Me too. I feel safe on this bench for some reason,” She replied comfortably. Her comfortable tone made Kyung Soo feel comfortable as well. Suddenly Kyung Soo became aware of his surroundings. He became nervous that this Bom character would recognize him if she hadn’t already. He quickly and swiftly put on his sunglasses and glanced at Bom. She was staring up at him. His heart started beating faster. Shit, he thought to himself. I’m caught.

“Why are you putting sunglasses on,” Bom somewhat giggled. “Its nighttime.”

“Uhm, uh my eyes hurt,” Kyung Soo defended.

“Wha—uh okaayy…” she simply said back as her phone vibrated from her back pocket. It made this ugly gurgling sound against the iron of the bench.

“Hello?” She answered in perfect English. “No… No, I’m fine. When’s your flight land? Canceled? Oh…yeah uh, no… No problem. Uh huh, bye,” she hung up. The two sat there in silence again for a while. It felt like minutes, but when Kyung Soo checked his phone he saw that it was well past 1am.

“Shit. Uh, I have to go…” He said. “Uhm, thanks for… uh… sitting with me I guess?” he didn’t know why exactly he was thanking this girl, but he said so anyways. Bom watched him as he got up.

“Where you headed?” Bom inquired.

“Hongdae station, I have to go home,” Kyung Soo said without thinking.

“Oh, me too. We could walk together if you want,” Bom offered.

“Oh,” Kyung Soo was surprised at the offer. “Sure.”

Bom got up and the two of them left the safe grove that housed the bench.
“Shit. I forgot the empty can,” Bom grunted and ran back, returning in seconds.
They walked to the entrance of the park and headed out down the street.

Under the brighter illumination of the street lights, Kyung Soo got a better look at Bom. She was petite, he remembered from the day before, but as he analyzed her further he realized she had light hazel eyes. Her eyes were in such contrast from her pitch black long hair that had a slight wave to it. Her skin was practically glowing, but that could just be the extreme yellow-white light from the street lamp, and it appeared as is she was wearing no makeup.

Kyung Soo saw all this through many sideways glances at this peculiar girl, and on his last sideways glance, she looked back, not at his face but at his knuckle.

“Omo! Your hand! Is it okay?” She asked.

“I cut it on a piece of glass,” he replied.

“It looks infected…”

“It’s fine, really.”

“Follow me,” Bom turned abruptly and entered a corner store.

“But—” Kyung Soo started but ended up following her in.
Kyung Soo followed Bom up and down some isles up and down up and down until she stopped at the bandages. She picked out some band aids and some disinfectant injury wipes. With large and quick strides, Bom made her way to the front to check out.

“Annyeonghaseyo,” the store clerk greeted.

“Annyeonghaseyo,” Bom replied. She checked out, said “Kamsahabnida,” and stepped aside gesturing for Kyung Soo to give her his injured hand. “This may sting alittle,” she warned. It did. Kyung Soo flinched slightly, but Bom continued, unhindered. She wiped the cut clean and then blew on it lightly to assist the drying process of the disinfectant. She then opened the band aid box and unwrapped one of the band aids. Applying it gently, she made sure it stuck, then, tapped it once in the center of the bandage “for good luck” she said.

“Uh… thanks. You didn’t have to—” Kyung Soo attempted to start,

“I had to throw out the cat food can anyways…” she said nonchalantly waving her hand at him as she walked over to the garbage of the corner store, discarding the cat food can. She pulled hand sanitizer out of her pocket and sanitized her hands with it. It smelled like cherry blossoms. Kyung Soo inhaled deeply, enjoying the fragrance.

They stood their once again in silence. After a while, Bom glanced up at the clock, and said to Kyung Soo, “You said you had to get going right?” Kyung Soo then looked at the clock and seeing the time startled.

“Shit. Yeah,” Both of them headed out of the corner store and towards the station. Together, they descended the stairs entering the subway, met with the sound of rushing trains.

“I’m headed for Dongdaemun-gu,” Bom stated, headed for the train that went that way.

“I’m going to Gangnam-gu,” Kyung Soo said back. Bom was headed across the river. Kyung Soo was slightly disappointed that they wouldn’t be on the same train. They both waited together for a while, but Kyung Soo’s train arrived first and they said their goodbyes and both slightly bowed towards each other. Kyung Soo got on his train and sat down in an empty seat and looked back out the window towards Bom. She was looking back at him and smiled. He smiled back for some reason. Her smile was so bright and it made him feel happy just looking at her. She bowed once more and turned to head for her train’s waiting dock.

Kyung Soo turned back around and took off is sunglasses. The subway car was practically empty except for a drunken ahjussis and two teenage boys arguing over a video game.

When Kyung Soo arrived back at the dorm, he saw sasaengs asleep everywhere. As far as he could see none were awake. He stealthily crept past the sleeping teenage girls and made it to the door unscathed. He ascended the stairs quietly as to not wake anyone who was already asleep within the dorm. When he entered his room, his roommate,JongIn, was not there. Probably hanging with Sehun or something, he thought to himself.

Kyung Soo spent a couple minutes tidying as usual, and undressed to go to bed. He climbed into bed and turned out his light. As soon as he did so JongIn entered.
“There you are. We were starting to get worried. You shouldn’t wander off for hours like that, the managers will get mad,” he told Kyung Soo.

Kyung Soo didn’t reply, and JongIn climbed into his own bed. Kyung Soo was so exhausted. He was sure JongIn was too. He didn’t want to waste either of their time, so, silently, they both just went to sleep. The next day was Saturday, and they had more practice scheduled, six more hours. They needed their rest, but as Kyung Soo started to drift off into sleep he realized that he had no way of contacting that Bom character again. No number, no nothing. For some reason, this worried him, but he was too far into sleep that he couldn’t do anything about it and just continued to fall deeper and deeper into sleep.

Notes