Cherry Blossom Winter~ To Lack, To Find

Kyung Soo doesn't like to dance. When he auditioned for SM Entertainment, he wanted to sing, not to become some half-assed dancing monkey that sticks to choreo and listens to the adults. However, along with the opportunity he recieved through becoming a part of SM Entertainment, there had to be consequences. Put in a group of eleven other guys and wearing sparkly outfits while dancing along with synchronized choreography was his consequence.

He was always tired after dance practice, nowadays especially. His group, Exo, had an upcoming comeback and because of that practice times were often doubled, sometimes even tripled, or more. Often, Kyung Soo would enter the SM building at dawn and not exit the building until well after midnight. Kyung Soo liked to leave early though, separate from the other members, and walk home by himself giving him some alone time to think. Without this time, Kyung Soo would definitley go insane living in a dorm with eleven messy boys.

So, after an extremely long and drawn-out eight hour practice, Kyung Soo changed into his grey hoodie, black skinny jeans and black high-top vans. He popped the hood over his head and grabbed his bag to leave. Heading out the SM building's back door, he smelled the cool Autumn air.

One of the "in between" seasons, he thought to himself, his favorite. Kyung Soo called Autumn and Spring "in between" seasons. They were neither too hot nor too cold. He adored Autumn because of the changing leaves and cool crisp air relieving everyone from the intense humidity of the rainy season. And Spring he loved for the cherry blossoms. It was so cliché, but the cherry blossoms always gave him the feeling of hope and rebirth. He knew once the cherry blossoms bloomed, everything would be alright.

The cherry blossoms saved him many times during difficult trainee life. As he walked home he recalled a memory that, to him, was neither super upsetting nor extremely pleasant. It was just there, in the back of his mind.

Kyung Soo recalled standing on the top of the school building, four stories high. He peered down at the passing traffic on the Seoul streets. He watched all the people carelessly speed down the streets, "...ceaselessly, like boats against the current." His literature class was reading The Great Gatsby and Kyung Soo felt himself constantly quoting the novel. They had just gotten to the part where Gatsby is shot by Wilson. Kyung Soo could never understand why Daisy didn't call Gatsby at the end. She promised she would. Why would she break that promise, that love that she and Gatsby worked so hard for? It sincerely bothered him. And so he stood there, on the roof, contemplating.

Kyung Soo often had existential crises. When he had these, he often times ventured to the roof of the school building to 'contemplate'. His father called him weak for having these crises. His mother, being the kind woman she is, said he was just more sensitive than others, that he was an intellectual. Kyung Soo believed himself to be neither; he just liked to think things over.
He began to think about his own life. What was he living for? Gatsby had lived for Daisy and only Daisy. Living for another human being... that was something Kyung Soo couldn't do. He was trying to live his dream. His dream. Living for his dream... Dreaming to be famous? Dreaming to be singing? Dreaming to be happy?

Almost a year ago today, Kyung Soo was on the roof not to contemplate Gatsby's actions, but his own. He had almost been finally placed in a group to debut. SM had placed him in a predebute trial group to "test out" cohesiveness or something. He was so happy to finally get to debut, but at the last minute the group was rejected and eventually fell through.
Kyung Soo had been dealing with a lot of bullying and he thought it was all going to be worth it when he finally debuted. When he was unable to debut he began questioning if he was ever going to debut. All he wanted to do was sing. He just wanted to sing.

As all this went through his mind, he approached the ledge of the school building and climbed onto it. One more step and it could all be over. One more step. He stood for a momentlost in thought. The kind of lost in thought that makes your muscles all weak and your vision go blurry. A light Spring breeze then drifted by almost knocking Kyung Soo's balance. He could've fallen for real, through no will of his own. His hear started beating so fast. He could've died just then.

He stepped down from the ledge, quickly, and peered up and out at the tops of the bare trees of the soon-ending Winter. It was still chilly but the sun was making an appearance in the first time in forever. The first cherry blossom bloom of the season became visible to him at the top of one of the nearby trees. He recalled feeling so conflicted in that moment. He questioned his will to jump and questioned his will to carry on both at the same time. That cherry blossom bloom was the crucible that kept him from jumping that day. That cherry blossom gave him a conflicted hope.

From then on, if ever Kyung Soo was feeling sad or hopless or confused, he would think to himself, wait for the cherry blossoms to bloom, then see how you feel. Even if it was the crippling heat of the summer or the harsh winds of winter, he would wait months and months for the cherry blossoms, which kept him from jumping.

But it was Autumn now, so far from Spring, and Kyung Soo wasn't feeling the best. As he walked with his hood up and head down, he headed towards the alley way to the street that led to the back door of the building that held the dorm, wishing for Spring.

Walking down the alley now and so deep in thought, Kyung Soo wasn't paying attention to where he was walking and walked straight into a person.

"Omo!" the person softly, yet surprsingly yelped.

"Sorry, so sorry," Kyung Soo replied bowing numerous times in apology. He looked up at the person. She was a very petite foreigner wearing apair of plain pants and a plain grey hoodie, just like Kyung Soo's.

"I'm... sso..rry.." Kyung Soo contiued in English.

"Oh, it's really alright. I saw you coming I just thought your were going to walk around me. I should've moved out of the way, though." The girl replied in fluent and well pronounced Korean.

"Oh, shit. Sorry for my awful English, I thought you were a foreigner. It's just... you don't look very Korean," Kyung Soo tried to explain. He put his hand on his forehead out of embarrassment for the stupid and probably offensive comment that had just left his lips.

"Oh? Oh! It's really okay. Don't worry about it. A lot of people often think I'm a foreigner. It's because of my deep set double lids and tall nose bridge," the girl who looked no older than Kyung Soo said, forming an "L" shape with her index finger and thumb placing it on her nose to form a 'tall nose bridge shape' on her face. "I'm used to it; it's kinf of a norm for me..."

"Oh I see, okay," Kyung Soo said slowly looking around to see what the girl was doing in the alley all alone. He saw an opened can of cat food lyung on the three foot brick wall that encompassed the building that faced the ally and separated that same building from the alley. Alongside the opened one were two empty cat food cans. He looked at her. Clearly made uncomfortable by his stare, she tried to explain.

"I'm just feeding the stray cats! There are alot of them around here and they look so skinny. I always feel so bad when I walk by and see them. So, I feed them sometimes." There was a pause. "Its selfish, really, I just do it to ease my conscience." She finsihed, looking at the empty cans.

For some reason, Kyung Soo saw this deed as quite the opposite. He found it so touching and selfless. It comforted him. "Thats so nice..." he whispered to himself. Before the girl could ask what he inquired further, "So... what's your name?"

"It's Bom. Bang Soo Bom is my name, actually, but... just Bom... is cool."

Bom, like Spring. Kyung Soo was just a moment ago wishing for Spring and here was Spring standing right in front of him. He was incredulous. Surely this was just an uncanny coincidence. It couldn't possibly be fate. Had he found his other person in the world worth living form had he found his Daisy? No. Not possible. These were crazy thoughts to think about someone you just met. He wiped those thoughts from from his mind immediately
.
"I'm... uh...," he said. "I... It was... nice meeting you," he completed, turning his phone over in his hand. He suddenly realized the time on his phone. He needed to start walking to the dorm right away if he were to make it before the managers were to find him missing and complain.

"Er... yeah, nice meeting you too!" Bom replied uncomfortably, tugging on the sleeve of her sweatshirt and then crossing her arms readying for a bow. But, before she could bow, Kyung Soo was off, so embarrassed with himself for being so awkward around a girl and in quite a hurry to get home.

He turned back to see Bom standing where he left her, confused at the quick departure. He quickly shouted, "Sorry! I'm late! I have to go." Bom speedily regained herself and smiled brightly.

"Oh, that's okay. Goodbye!" she shouted back,gracefullywaving.

Kyung Soo turned around and continued walking.He could feel his face getting red. Why was he feeling like this? He didn't know. But it was soon forgotten when he went to cross the street and almost got hit by a speeding car.

"Careless. so careless," he mumbled to both himself and the driver of the car.~

Notes