Stars

I sat in class with Hyuk on my mind. He is going to be away for a full week… I wonder what it will be like hanging out with Leo for a whole week in Hyuk’s place. I wonder what it would be like if I had never met VIXX on a personal level. Would I still be a measly fan girl who they didn’t know existed? Yes I would. I reflect back on those days and feel pathetic. How could I have been so obsessed with people who I barely know and they don’t know I even exist? All these thoughts run through my head about how different VIXX and I are. What if it’s not meant to be? I’ve never had luck with idols… My thoughts are disrupted by Tanya. “Have you heard from Sally?” she asked, shaking my elbow. “No. Why?” I asked. “No one has heard from her. It’s like she disappeared.” Said Tanya in a worried tone. “What? Really? Have you tried calling her parents?” worry filled me. Tanya shook her head. “I’m scared I’ll get her in trouble, like, what if she didn’t tell her parents. It’s like we’re dobbing her in.” I swing my arms in the air in response. “Tanya! What if she’s in danger or something?!” I almost scream. Next thing you know we’re silently freaking out.

Recess time, we tried to get to the bottom of things. “You call her parents, I’ll call her.” I say. I dial Sally’s number and anxiously wait for her to answer. “Hi Melinda. What’s up? Don’t you have school?” she laughed lightly. “Sally. Where are you?” I asked flatly, I didn’t have time to joke around. I was really worried. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…but…I’ve moved schools.” She said cheerily. “W-What?” I stammered. “Yeah! I moved to Seoul Number 3.” She said. Seoul Number 3…That’s Hyuk’s school. “I’m on my way to camp so I’ll get in touch with you after a week. OK. Bye!” Sally hung up. What? Sally is attending Hyuk’s school now? An image of Sally and Hyuk together crossed my mind. She’s so obsessed with him, who knows what would happen. “They didn’t answer.” Said Tanya. “Sally did. She doesn’t go school here anymore.” I mumbled.

Leo. Why was he so nice to me? Why did he take me places to eat and enjoy myself? I had nothing in return to offer him. I was a regular year ten student, and he was a famous idol. I held onto his arm as we walked to the dessert shop. I didn’t fully understand why I was so clingy. Did I feel so insecure learning that Hyuk and Sally were going to see each other more than Hyuk and I? Was Leo a mere replacement for Hyuk? My stomach turns at the thought. That’s horrible. I didn’t want anyone to feel like that, seeing as I knew how it felt, so I let go of his arm. My hands felt so empty and cold without Leo’s touch. What was this feeling? My hands were just so used to warmth that I trembled without it. I still remembered the last time I held someone’s hand, someone that was not Leo. He was the warmth in my heart. My hands and heart had gotten so used to him, they didn’t appreciate him, and when he left, they felt lonely. Too lonely. So lonely that it almost stopped me from moving forward. My hands were so cold. I felt fingers flip between mine. Leo. I tightened my grasp, not wanting to let go. I needed to learn to appreciate those moments.

Notes