Stars

A week had gone by slowly, yet fast. Half of my heart yearned for Hyuk to come back soon. The other half enjoyed moments with Leo and wished is hadn’t gone so fast. Why was this happening? This wasn’t right. I couldn’t love two people at the same time. I belly flopped on my bed. This was exhausting. Maybe it wasn’t love. Maybe I was just lonely and my heart needed warmth. Maybe my heart hadn’t fully healed and needed another heart, another love. But it seemed wrong, to move on so quickly from my last love. He was my first too. He filled me top to toe with love and taught me how to love. But we didn’t end too well. And I haven’t heard from him in two months. I felt tears fall from my face. It was ridiculous. Why was I crying over something in the past? The door to my room opened and Cindy sat on my bed next to me. “Ever heard of knocking?” I said though the sheets. “I need relationship advice.” She said. “Can it wait?” I said bluntly. I wasn’t in the mood for talking, especially about relationships. Wait. Relationships? Cindy wants to talk about relationships? I sat up and quickly wiped my tears with my sleeve. “What do you want to know?” I asked, hoping my eyes weren’t red. “You remember Nathan…” she started. But I got excited and bounced around. At least my mind was distracted by something else. “I don’t think he shares the same feelings as me.” Cindy mumbled. “Wait. Cee…” I said while raising an eyebrow. “You like Nathan?!” She rolled her eyes. “Thanks for stating the obvious stupid. Nah I thought you’d be helpful because you’ve dated a hot guy. Like no offence how could that babe like you?” I couldn’t tell if she was serious or not, but either way it felt like someone punched me in the gut. “You were away on the Japanese exchange with Aunty.” I said glaring at her. “You don’t know anything.” The situation suddenly turned into one of those staring competitions you have with your siblings, but it wasn’t so much staring, more glaring competition. “Anyways, what about Nathan?” I said breaking the stare. Cindy looked at the ceiling. “He think’s I’m embarrassed to be around him and-“ I cut her off. “Well of course anyone would think that! You study in the library so that no one can see you!” I huffed at her in an annoyed tone. “God! Do you know anything?” Cindy pushed me down. “Shut up and let me finish!” she shouted at me. “I think he’s embarrassed to be seen around me, because I’m not as smart as him and his friends. I don’t fit in with his group. If any of his friends were to see us together, they would probably deject him for hanging out with a stupid person like me.” Tears formed in her eyes as she spoke. “It doesn’t sound like much, but I thought it was different because we’re so different. That is why we’re meant to work. If I was able to fall in love with him, although we’re so different, then it’s meant to be.” I nodded and took in the information. “Are you even listening?” she snapped. “Yes I am.” I shot back. “You should tell him how you feel Cee. It sounds stupid, but you should, because that is the only way you will know his feelings too.” She told me that she was scared of rejection. Oh come on Cindy. You’re meant to be the older, wiser more mature child. I have my own feelings to deal with right now.

I ended up spending the whole evening talking to Cindy about her relationship with Nathan. She’s not going to confess to him. She’s going to wait and see if their feelings are mutual before talking action. “That’s great Cindy. Now please get out of my room so I can think about my own problems.” I shooed her out. I needed to calm down and clear my mind. I couldn’t sleep like this. I instinctively opened my blinds and looked out the window. The stars. They have always made me feel so peaceful, ever since I saw Hyuk staring at them on the night of the concert. He was also peaceful when he watched them. My heart throbbed. What is this? My heart is confused, Leo or Hyuk? Or maybe I’m still in love with… I shook my head roughly and climbed into bed. “I can’t still be in love with him. I can’t.” I whimper. It’s not possible, not after we left on such bad terms. I hugged my knees under my blanket, and thought of the stars.

Notes