When You Struggle
chapter one
“Wake up, Haneul!” Bora gave said girls shoulder a shake and shoved the camera in her face “Come on, say hi to all the fans.” Popping one eye open long enough to glance at the camera, she lifted the heavy blanket to cover herself and roll over.
Bora suddenly hoped on top of the girl that she considered her younger sister trying to force her from her drowsy state. Trying to ignore her and the camera Haneul pulled the cover over her face and held it there till she felt the elder girl climb off her and exit the room with some grumbled words to the fans who would be watching her video when she posted it. Once she knew the room was cleared she swung her legs over the side of the bed and sat up just as the door was being swung open again, this time Bora had brought Min-ji with her.
Shocked by the intrusion Haneul threw the blanket back over her to block the camera’s view of her naked stomach, “Aish! I’m up, I’m up! Give me a minute to get dressed and I will be right down.”
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The four girls were currently preparing for their comeback, which meant today was another practice day at the studio. Currently they sat in a circle in the middle of the dance floor resting from their intense practice session. Sung-min, the eldest and leader of the girls was playing music from her phone ignoring the antics of Bora and Min-ji, whom were the two trouble makers and always had the most energy. Beside Sung-min, Haneul laid on her back with a cold rag covering her face to ease her dizziness. The opening of the door caused all of the girls to glance up at the unexpected entrance of their manager and the CEO of the company, both with worried and worn looks on their faces, it was their manager who spoke first “We have a problem.”
Everyone stood at attention with those words “What’s wrong?” Sung-min spoke up for the group as she always did.
“Hanuel, when the editor was working on the video you guys filmed this morning she accidently added a bit too much weight onto you and now it has gone viral and people are saying that you looked pregnant. We tried to take down the video but it has already been reposted too many times and now people are starting to use the doctors visits you had recently as evidence to support it.”
Hanuel could feel her world crashing down around her. She always knew that something could go wrong when she asked the company to cover up that she was struggling with anorexia. When the company first took notice of the signs she thought that would be the end of her idol career however, CEO Kim had sat her down and talked it out with her. They had agreed that as long as Hanuel was getting treatment then they would not make a problem out of it, hence the doctors’ visits. Even though she agreed, getting over her anorexia was easier said than done and she was still struggling to deal with it despite having many months passed since the agreement. CEO Kim knew that she was really struggling and perhaps that was why he continued to cover up her sickness from the rest of the world, either that or he didn’t want the bad press.
The room seemed to sit in silence for a while as the idols processed what had been said. It was moments like these where Hanuel needed her best friend. Despite considering her group members as sisters, she didn’t like to talk to them about her anxieties, the only person she ever shared those with was gone, he had been out of the country for a couple of months as he was on tour with his own band and even when he was in Korea they were both so busy as of late that it felt like years since the last time they had spent time together. He truly was the only one that was ever able the keep her away from falling into her anorexic tendencies, him and music. But even music sometimes hindered her as she would so whole heartedly throw herself into the rhythms that she would simply forget to eat. That wasn’t her anorexia though, that was simply a slip of the mind, no anorexia was an addiction for her, something that she could obsess over to keep her mind from wondering down the darker paths that she kept under lock and key.
Manager Go broke the tense silence, “We are not going to make you leave Hanuel.” It was a relief “however, we would like you all to lay low and not post anything else while we try to find a solution to this problem.” The girls understood, there really was no room for argument even if they didn’t agree, this was their best option.
The ride back the dorms no one did much talking. Hanuel laid across the seats with her head in Min-ji’s lap as she whimpered and cried the whole ride. Min-ji did her best to comfort the upset girl, running her hands through her hair continuously and humming along the music softly playing from the radio. From the pocket in her pants Hanuel could feel her phone vibrating continuously but she didn’t want to answer it and hear what anyone, especially not her parents, had to say to her. She knew that Namjoon would be mixed in with those missed calls but she couldn’t talk with him, she had been healthy when he left last and she assured him again and again over the phone that she was ok so she didn’t want to have to tell him that she wasn’t doing so good any more.
