A K-pop Idol's Guide to Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse

Okay. No, guys, seriously, shoo. My turn.
Minseok hyung, you've had like two or three goes. (Yes I know that's not as much as Jungkook but we can get hin back later, 'kay?)
No Kookie, didn't say anything. Now let me get on with the story.
Oh, by the way I am the one and only Kim Jongdae aka Cheeeeeen! Hihi
Minseok hyung made me look like a scary cat in the last bit :'( meanie hyung
Um ... Yeah. Right. Story.
I woke up and the first thing I did was wonder why A) I was lying on a sofa, B) why the whole place was filled with a tense whispering, and C) why the ceiling wasn't my ceiling. Pushing myself up into a sitting position, I took one look at the house, at the dark looks on my friends' faces, and the knives (and weapons in general) scattered everywhere, and I remembered.
First thing I said?
"Shit."
"Don't you start again," sighed Suho, running a hand through his hair as he fiddled with the baton in his lap. "And don't sw-" he paused, tyen looked down at the weapon in his lap, then at the barricaded windows and doors. "Fine I'll let you off this time." I think only three people smiled. (See hyung? Hehe ^^)
"Should we get out of here?" getting straight to the point, Key asked to no-one in particular. I shrugged. "Can we eat first? I'm hungry." As if to underline my statement, my stomach let out a growl that could complete in rank of ferocity with the zombies. Chuckling, Suho nodded. "Kyungsoo, Kai, go and check the kitchen."
Once they'd disappeared round the door, Key blinked and repeated, "What should we do?"
"Search me." Onew huffed. "This whole thing is ..." he glanced towards the piled of furniture around the door and windows. "It's just ... crazy."
"Very crazy," added Minho.
"Batshit crazy," I agreed. Suho sent me a dirty look and I gave him my best innocent look. (Shut up hyung! My puppy dog eyes work better than yours.)
After several sighs, we lapsed into silence until Kyungsoo and Jongin came back, with several little bundles of food. "I didn't take the open ones just iin case," said Kyungsoo. "Just in case this might be airborne. Or something." He shrugged, pushing the food into the middle of the rough circle that we had all unconsiously formed. "And the electricity is out so we can't use the cooker," added Jongin, reaching out an dropping a tin can opener into the pile. Eyeing the baked beans, I looked at Suho. "Can we eat now?"
We ate in a relative silence.
The only talk was made to drown out the occasional thumps and moans from outside, and okay, I admit I jumpe and stopped eating every time that happened. But so would you.
Biting off the corner of a cracker, I glanced upstairs. "I'll go keep watch a while." Jugging down the last of my cup of water, I rose when nobody protested and climbed the stairs, a little knife in my hand. I forgot where I got it from. Probably picked it up somewhere.
After checking all the rooms and becoming 99.9% certain no zombies werevin the house, I collaps- I mean, sat down next to the barricades on the windows, and peered out again, staring down at the street where the morning sunlight was already lighting up the streets, houses, and the occasional zombie.
Okay, maybe I wasn't that easy going during that time. But you know ... I'm an idol! I need to look cool!
I absent mindedly took out my phone and powered it on. Thevnews must be crashing by now, I thought. So much stuff on zombies and hoaxes and weapons and the army ... the army, I thought vaguely. The army can rescue us, right? Guns? Tanks?
There was a beep and a vibrating noise and my phone turned on. Pulling up an internet tab, I typed in "Naver news" and -
No wi-fi.
No wi-fi?
No WI-FI??
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Notes

Dafuq did I just write. Anyhow. Hello! :) Comment? Read? :)