If You

Emily didn’t see much of Jiyong over the next few days, but whether that was because he was busy or avoiding her, she didn’t know. The band had ten days before leaving on a tour that would stop in China, Japan and Thailand before coming back to South Korea. The whole thing would be four months long, though Seungri had assured Emily that this was a rather short tour compared to others they had done. Emily felt excited facing her first tour with BIGBANG, but a little daunted when she considered all of the unknowns. Better not to think about that now, she decided, shuffling her notes together. It’s going to be fine.

She had already written a long segment on the variety show for the book, and a long entry in her diary about Jiyong’s performance. He had spoken to her exactly three times since then, each time awkward and brief. It’s better than him shouting at me, I guess, Emily thought, closing her computer with a sigh. It was approaching midnight and Emily yawned, stretching widely.

Her phone rang and she answered it rather reluctantly. “Seunghyun, it’s almost midnight. Do you have no mercy?”

“I’ve barely seen you since the variety show, and I had to know what you thought.”

Emily raised her eyebrows. “You wanna talk about this now? Over the phone?”

“I can come over if you prefer.”

“No, that’s okay,” Emily said quickly. The last thing she needed was a sordid rumor forming around them. “I was...impressed, honestly. I had no idea you’re all so committed to your craft.”

Seunghyun laughed. “Why wouldn’t we be? We’ve all worked really hard to get here. You don’t invest that much time and effort into something you don’t care about.”

“That’s true,” Emily conceded. “Most groups in the States don’t put in half the effort you all do, so I guess it was a pleasant surprise.” She paused, trying to piece together what she wanted to say next. “I’m sorry I laughed at him.”

“Don’t be. He was out of line and Sagowa punished him fairly. It was kind of funny to see that.”

“I guess I just haven’t seen that side of him since I got here,” Emily mused. “Every time we’re in a room together he’s either ignoring me or screaming at me. And now if he’s nice to me, I don’t know if it’s genuine or fake.”

There was brief silence on the other end. “Don’t worry about that,” Seunghyun said finally. “If he’s faking it, we’ll know. Just be open to him, show him what a good person you are. If that doesn’t win him over, I don’t know what will.”

Emily chuckled. “Thanks, Seunghyun. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’d be sitting against the wall somewhere.”

Emily laughed and hung up, a glimmer of hope flickering in her spirit.


* * * * * *
Youngbae stumbled from the room, his vision blurry and disjointed. The rubber band from his last injection was still tied around his arm, giving a faint sensation of numbness.

Something’s...not right, he thought dully. His head was pounding and he could feel a river of sweat running down his back.

Jiyong. I need Jiyong, he thought suddenly and reached for his phone. It was wedged into his pocket, but he finally freed it and dialed.

“Hello?”

The voice on the other end sounded strange, but Youngbae ignored it.

“Jiyong...it’s me. I’m...I’m feeling…”

“Youngbae? Are you okay?”

“I think I’m s-s-s-sick,” Youngbae managed, leaning heavily against the wall. “I need...need…”

“Where are you?”

Youngbae squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to remember where he was. “Neon Lights,” he finally said. “Neon Lights Club.”

“Okay, Youngbae, I’m coming. Stay with me.”

“Hur...hurry…” he whispered, the phone clattering to the floor.


* * * * * *
Emily stared at her phone, fear and worry crashing over her. It was obvious Youngbae hadn’t meant to call her, but that wasn’t important now. She sprang from her chair and grabbed a pair of shoes from beside the door.

Should I call Jiyong? She wondered, hurriedly tying her shoes. She remembered Seungri’s concern that YG tapped their phones and she paused, conflicted. Finally she decided against it.
If I can get to Youngbae and see what’s going on, I’ll be able to tell them more, she thought, grabbing her purse on her way out the door.

Her apartment building was comparatively small beside the other buildings, sitting just across the street from YG ENTERTAINMENT. She quickly bounded down the stairs, hailed a cab and gave directions for the Neon Lights club.

The taxi took her to the fashionable part of Seoul, a shining, sparkling district filled with restaurants and nightclubs. Emily hadn’t visited it yet, and she was slightly awed by the glittering nightlife.

The taxi pulled up to the curb and she got out, paying the driver double to wait for her to come back “with her boyfriend”. She went up to the bouncer and pulled out her YG ENTERTAINMENT ID, and the bouncer waved her through.

The club was dark and deafeningly loud, packed to capacity with drunk people. Everything was neon, from the dance floor to the giant sign hanging behind the deejay. Emily kept her head down and plowed her way through, looking for the manager. If anyone knows Youngbae’s whereabouts, it’s gotta be them, she thought desperately. She found one by the V.I.P. stairs, a younger woman with a neon orange bob and matching lipstick.

“Uh…” Emily closed her eyes, trying to summon her limited Korean. “Chinguleul...chajgo issseub...isseubnida. Youngbae?” she asked, holding up her ID. The woman took her ID, comparing the picture to her face. “I bangbeob,” she said, giving the card back. She began climbing the stairs, beckoning for Emily to follow her. Emily followed her up the spiraling staircase to a V.I.P. room. The bouncers moved to block her way, but the woman said something in Korean and they let her through.

The room was even darker than the dance floor downstairs, and it took Emily a few moments for her eyes to adjust. There was a pile of something shiny on a nearby table and Emily, recognizing it, let out a gasp of horror. Needles. This is a drug den!

The pieces all fell together and Emily began frantically looking for Youngbae. “Youngbae! Youngbae!” she called, her body trembling with fear. She could make out people sprawled on couches and cushions, deep in the clutches of another high. She stepped around them, pausing only to confirm they weren’t Youngbae. What if he overdosed? What if I’m too late? She thought, panic growing in the pit of her stomach. She went through a door that opened into a little hallway, the woman on her heels.

The woman cried out and ran toward a crumpled form on the floor. “Youngbae!” Emily said, rushing over to him. He was breathing, but starting to convulse. Emily looked at the woman. “What did he take?” she asked, pointing at his still-bound arm. The woman shook her head, unable to tear her eyes off of Youngbae.

Emily put her hands on his face and gasped. His skin was burning hot to the touch. She began pulling her sweater off. “Hwajangsil?” she asked. The woman pointed down the hallway and Emily took off toward the bathroom. She stuck her sweater in the sink and turned on the faucet, soaking it in cool water. She wrung it out with one quick twist and hurried back to Youngbae.
“Ambulance!” she barked, ripping Youngbae’s shirt open and putting the cool compress on his chest.

The woman shook her head. “YG,” she whispered, her eyes wide.

If YG finds out, they’ll kick Youngbae out of the group, Emily realized. That’s why no one ever said anything about where he went.

Emily continued to press the sweater to his skin, trying to come up with some sort of plan. Youngbae’s eyes fluttered open and he looked at her blearily. “Emily?” he moaned quietly.

“It’s all right, Youngbae,” she said soothingly. “I’m going to get you out of here.”

“How...how did…” he struggled to speak, his eyes wandering listlessly.

Emily looked at the woman. “We need to get him to my taxi,” she said, pointing at the door, then to the street. The woman seemed to understand. She pointed at a door at the end of the hallway. “Out,” she whispered.

That must be a fire escape. We might be able to get out of here unnoticed. “Youngbae? I’m going to get you help, but we’ve got to get you out of here. Can you walk?”

Youngbae blinked slowly and mumbled something in Korean. He made a mighty effort and sat up, wagging his head slowly. Emily and the woman braced him and managed to get him onto his feet. They guided him down the hallway, bearing most of his weight on their shoulders. They made it out the door and Emily looked down.

Looks like these stairs run all the way down the building, she thought, relieved. After several agonizing minutes of stunted progress they made it to the ground. They were on the backside of the club now, and Emily could see the waiting taxi on the other side.

“Help me,” she said, propping Youngbae against the wall. She stuffed her damp sweater into her bag, along with Youngbae’s destroyed shirt. She fished out a pair of sunglasses and stuck them onto Youngbae’s face. The woman untied the band around his arm and tossed it away.
“Taxi,” Emily panted, gesturing at her ride. She looked at Youngbae. “Listen to me,” she commanded. “You’ve got to try and walk on your own until we get to the taxi. It’s not far, I promise.”

Youngbae nodded slightly and pulled himself up. They walked down the alley to the front of the club, Youngbae gripping the girls’ hands tightly. The people in line for the club screamed when they saw him, pulling out phones to take pictures. Emily kept her head down and opened the door of the taxi, letting Youngbae climb in. She looked back at the woman. “Gomabseubnida,” she whispered, putting a hand on her arm. The woman nodded and reentered the club, looking back at them anxiously. Emily climbed in after Youngbae and the taxi pulled away from the curb
They rode in silence, Youngbae lying with his head in Emily’s lap. His body was still shaking and heat radiated off of his skin. Emily pulled out her phone and dialed quickly.

“Hello?”

“Hi Seunghyun,” Emily said brightly. “I was wondering if you and the others wanted to join me and Youngbae for a movie night at my place. We’re on our way home from Neon Lights and need you to help choose a movie.”

“What?” Seunghyun asked, confused. “Youngbae’s with you?”

“Yes,” Emily said, stroking Youngbae’s damp hair comfortingly. “We really need your help. Can you come now?”

There was a pause on the other end. “Yeah, we’ll meet you there.” His voice sounded grim and Emily knew he sensed something was wrong. She hung up and put her arm around Youngbae’s waist, pulling him into an embrace. “Just hold on a little longer,” she whispered. “We’re gonna get you through this.”


* * * * * *

Back at her building Emily paid the driver a fat tip for his trouble and began the laborious process of getting Youngbae upstairs. She finally made it to her apartment and unlocked the door. Youngbae was becoming shakier with each step, and Emily knew he was reaching the end of his adrenaline. She half-dragged him to the bathroom and turned the light on with her elbow. Youngbae sank to the floor, shivering on the bathmat.

There was a pounding on the door and Emily jumped.

“Emily? It’s Seunghyun,” said a faint voice.

“It’s open,” she shouted, kneeling by Youngbae on the floor. She began rubbing his back gently as the door opened and hurried footsteps drew near.

“What’s going…” Seunghyun came around the corner and stopped abruptly. He took in the scene and looked at Emily. “What happened?” he asked, stripping off his jacket.

“Youngbae called me by accident. He said he was sick and needed help. I didn’t call you or Jiyong because of what Seungri said about the phones,” Emily said, the words spilling out faster and faster. “I was afraid it was something bad, and I was right.”

Seunghyun put a hand on Youngbae’s shoulder and inhaled sharply. “His skin is on fire,” he whispered.

“We need to cool him down,” Emily said, going over to the bathtub. She turned on the faucet and began filling the tub with cool water.

“Is this food poisoning?” Seunghyun asked, working on Youngbae’s shoes.

Emily paused, her heart breaking for what she had to say next. “It was drugs,” she said softly. “I don’t know if it was heroin or cocaine or something else, but I think he might have overdosed.”

Seunghyun looked up, shocked. “Youngbae wouldn’t do drugs,” he said emphatically, yanking his shoes off.

“He had a rubber band tied around his arm. Look,” Emily said, kneeling down and turning Youngbae’s arm over. “See? Track marks. He’s been shooting up.”

She looked up at Seunghyun. The raw pain on his face brought tears to Emily’s eyes. “This...this can’t be real,” he said, looking down at his friend.

“Seunghyun, listen to me,” Emily said, her voice breaking slightly. “We can get Youngbae under control, but we need to take him to a hospital.”

Seunghyun shook his head, going back to his task. “We do that and BIGBANG is over,” he said. “YG will throw him out for this.”

“He could die, Seunghyun!” Emily said. “Of the two options, I’d rather him be kicked out of the band.”

Seunghyun looked down again and Emily saw tears run down his cheeks. “Let’s get him in the bath,” he said, grabbing Youngbae’s arms. Emily took his feet and together they lowered him into the bath. Youngbae tensed up as the cold water covered him, but didn’t resist.

“Where are the others?” Emily asked.

“They went to dinner on the other side of town,” he replied. “I left a message for them to come here.”

As if their words had summoned them there was a knocking at the door. “Emily? It’s us.”

“I’ll go,” Seunghyun said, leaving the room. Emily waited by the bathtub, watching Youngbae closely.

If we don’t get him to a hospital soon, we may lose our chance to save him, she thought despairingly.

There was a flurry of footsteps and Daesung came around the corner, Seungri on his heels.
“Y...Youngbae?” he whispered, approaching tentatively. Youngbae didn’t acknowledge his friends, mumbling incoherently to himself.

Jiyong appeared and Emily watched his heart shatter as he entered the bathroom.
“How did you…?” he asked quietly.

“He meant to call you, but called me by accident,” Emily said softly, coming to stand beside him. “I got him from the club and brought him here. It was the only safe place I could think of.”

Jiyong nodded and knelt down by the bathtub. “Oh, Youngbae,” he said, crying softly.

Emily looked back at Seunghyun pleadingly, her own tears falling anew. He sighed and approached Jiyong. “We need a doctor,” he said quietly.

“What caused this?” Jiyong asked, ignoring Seunghyun for the moment. “Where did you find him?”

Emily swallowed hard. “In...in a drug den,” she whispered hoarsely. “He still had the rubber band tied around his arm.”

Jiyong squeezed his eyes shut, more tears falling thickly. “I was so afraid...” he stopped, in too much pain to continue.

“Jiyong,” Emily said, kneeling down beside him. “I’ve seen overdoses before. If we don’t get him help he may not survive the night.”

Jiyong took a deep breath and nodded, his mind already at work. “Daesung,” he said, his voice steadying. “Call Dr. Jung. Don’t tell him exactly what’s happened, just that we need a house call. He’ll come.” He handed Daesung his phone and Daesung left the room.

“Dr. Jung treated me for many years before he retired,” Jiyong said, looking at Emily. “He won’t betray us.”

“But what if Youngbae needs to go to a hospital?” Emily asked.

Jiyong smiled sadly. “Then you may be seeing the end of BIGBANG,” he said quietly. He reached over and put a hand on Youngbae’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Youngbae. We’re here,” he said softly.

Half an hour later Dr. Jung showed up, a small man with almost no hair. He carried an old-fashioned medical bag and wore a pair of tiny round glasses. He entered the bathroom and put a hand to Youngbae’s head.

“His body has cooled a little, but we need to start IV fluids to flush the drugs from his system,” the doctor stated. He reached into the water and pulled out Youngbae’s arm, checking his pulse. “His pulse is very fast, and his blood pressure is high. He was likely using cocaine.”

“Can you treat him here?” Jiyong asked.

Dr. Jung nodded. “Yes. I’ll need to acquire some supplies, but it shouldn’t take long. In the
meantime, remove him from the bath and get him in an open, cool space. Make sure it’s calm and peaceful; the drugs may make him aggressive. But he will survive.”

Jiyong swayed on his feet and Emily reached out to brace him. She felt him tense for a moment, but he didn’t pull away.

“Who found him?” Dr. Jung asked.

“I did,” Emily said, stepping forward.

“He’s lucky you acted so quickly. If you hadn’t, he would probably be dead already.”

Emily ducked her head in embarrassment. “I’m just glad he’s going to be all right,” she said quietly.

Dr. Jung left and the others set to work on moving Youngbae into Emily’s bedroom. Jiyong and Seunghyun lifted him out of the bath and carried him into the bedroom. Emily found an old bathrobe for Youngbae to wear and gave it to Jiyong.

“Why didn’t you call Sagowa?” Jiyong asked.

Emily thought for a moment. “Because he needs help, not punishment,” she replied.

Jiyong blinked in surprise. “This would’ve been a huge story. You could have easily called the tabloids and told them all about it. You would’ve made a lot of money.”

“I’m not trying to gain anything from this,” she retorted. “Youngbae is my friend, and he needed help. It was a blessing he didn’t accidentally call Sagowa or any of the other managers.” She stopped, looking down at her feet. “I know this has been a rough night for you,” she said quietly, “and the next several weeks will be tough. But don’t lump me in with all the rest. I’m on your side.” On an impulse she reached out and squeezed his arm. He seemed taken aback by the touch and pulled away abruptly.

“Jiyong! He’s starting to wake up!” Daesung called.

Jiyong left Emily in the hallway without a word in response. Emily wrapped her arms around herself. How are we possibly going to get through the next few days? she wondered.

Notes