If You

The next few weeks were uneventful. Jiyong was giving Emily the silent treatment, for which she was secretly grateful. Seunghyun made time to show her around Seoul, introducing her to the best restaurants and boutiques. Occasionally Daesung or Seungri would tag along, teaching her the Korean words for things like “dumplings” and “dancing”. Emily treasured these times, a brief respite from the drama surrounding BIGBANG.

The bi-weekly meeting at YG came around and Emily showed up, dreading it. The memory of Jiyong’s hateful words was still fresh in her mind, and she didn’t like the idea of going back there.

After they were all settled, Sagowa cleared his throat. “We’ve lined up one more live performance on a variety show, then you guys will get a little break.”

The band sighed with relief and Seungri even reached across and gave Daesung a high five.

Sagowa outlined the first leg of their upcoming tour, reminding them to take care of their voices. “This winter has been very harsh, so be sure to drink lots of hot tea and don’t skip your exercises.”

He shuffled his papers together and laid them on the table. “That about does it for today.” Everyone stood up to leave, murmuring quietly. Emily turned around to find Sagowa blocking her way. “If I could have a word?” he asked politely.

Emily nodded, sitting down again. Jiyong was one of the last ones out, but Sagowa stopped him too. “Sit,” he said, closing the door. Jiyong sat at the foot of the table, visibly grinding his teeth in frustration.

“I know you two are still fighting,” Sagowa said, resuming his seat. “You may think you’re keeping it hidden, but you’re mistaken. Several employees and even executives have mentioned your lack of...camaraderie.”

He folded his hands on top of the table. “I must make this very plain: learn how to get along. You don’t have to become best friends, or even close friends. But you must learn how to tolerate each other’s presence.

“Emily, I’ve seen you interact with the other boys, and I’m very pleased with the rapport you’ve formed with them. But you two must get along or BIGBANG will seem fractured. Jiyong,” he said, turning his attention to the leader, “I’ve asked you many times before to try and embrace the situation, but you’ve stubbornly insisted on ignoring and even mistreating both Emily and your bandmates.
“I’ve talked with the executives, and until you can find a way to change your attitude, your solo album is on hold indefinitely.”

“What?!” Jiyong yelled, standing quickly. “You can’t do that!”

“We can and we have,” Sagowa said calmly. “Since you insist on acting like a child, you are being treated like one.”

Emily pressed her lips together, trying to hide a smile. This is too good, she thought, working to neutralize her face. Jiyong stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

“Thank you, Ms. Carter,” Sagowa said, bowing to her. Emily returned the bow, still rather awkwardly, and left the room.

An arm grabbed her and pulled her to one side. It was Seunghyun, who was huddled in a corner with the other BIGBANG members. “What happened in there? We saw Jiyong storm out.”

Emily sighed. “Sagowa knows he didn’t apologize. He’s...put Jiyong’s album on hold indefinitely.”

The boys gasped. “How long is indefinitely?” Seungri asked.

“Until he can be nice to me.”

The boys started laughing so hard Emily thought they might pass out. She felt another smile pull at her lips, but she was determined to remain professional. “Guys, we can’t…” she stopped, working hard to keep her composure. “We have to…” she couldn’t finish and finally gave in, holding her stomach as she laughed.

“He’s...got to play nice!” Seunghyun gasped, tears rolling down his cheeks. Emily laughed harder, blood rushing to her cheeks as she braced herself against the wall. “You should’ve seen his face!” she sputtered, her sides beginning to hurt.

They laughed for a little while longer before simmering down, their faces sore from smiling.

“I’m glad Sagowa’s not letting him get away with it,” Seunghyun said, dabbing his eyes carefully with a tissue from his pocket.

“He’ll come around, don’t worry,” Youngbae said encouragingly.


* * * * * *
The day of the last variety show appearance dawned and Emily sat up in bed, pawing groggily for her snooze button. She went to the bathroom, squinting in the harsh light as she turned the sink on.

I feel kind of bad for Jiyong, she realized, reaching for her toothbrush. Even though this whole situation with his album is his fault, I guess it does kind of suck to have someone forced on you like this.

She dressed and gathered up her things before heading out the door, wishing she had a steaming cup of coffee to ward off the winter chill. To her surprise there was a nice black SUV waiting for her by the curb instead of her standard taxi. As she approached the door swung open and Seunghyun poked his head out.

“Get in, it’s freezing!” he said, waving her in. She climbed into the car and slid into the backseat, pulling the door shut behind her.

“Good morning!” Daesung chirped next to her, handing her a coffee.

“Oh, bless you,” she breathed, wrapping her cold fingers around the warm cup. “What’s the occasion?”

“You haven’t been to any of our variety show appearances yet, so we wanted to make it special,” Seungri said, peering back at them from the passenger seat.

Emily glanced around the car. “The others…?”

“Riding separately,” Seunghyun finished. “Youngbae and Jiyong have been friends since they were little. I think Youngbae’s hoping to talk some sense into Jiyong.”

Good luck to him, Emily thought, sipping her coffee slowly.


* * * * * *
After arriving at the studio the band headed to hair and makeup and Emily was shown to a small green room. She made a few notes while she waited, smiling genially at the staff members as they came in. The door opened again and Emily glanced up. She froze, her pen in midair.

“Good morning, Jiyong,” she managed, looking back down at her notebook.


* * * * * *
Jiyong froze in the doorway, clutching his hot tea tightly. There she sat, in the middle of the room like some kind of queen. He tossed his freshly-dyed orange hair out of his eyes and sat down near the door.

How am I supposed to do this? he wondered, watching her out of the corner of his eye. She was quietly writing, one leg tucked under her comfortably. She was better dressed than that night in her apartment, but seemed to insist on her sloppy American styles. You’d think Seunghyun would’ve taught her something about fashion by now, he thought, sipping his tea carefully. He knew that the others spent time with her when they thought he wasn’t looking. Seunghyun made no effort to hide it from him, but the others seemed more wary. Jiyong remembered Emily’s accusation that he was controlling and for the first time he wondered if there was truth in that. That’s not important, he told himself. Focus on doing whatever it takes to get your album back. Then deal with her.

Though he thought it might kill him, he stood up and walked over to Emily.

“Um.”

Good opening.

Emily looked up at him, her hair rippling away from her face as she did. It occurred to Jiyong that Emily, when she wasn’t being insufferable, might be considered pretty.

“You can sit down if you want,” Emily invited, patting the seat next to her. Jiyong didn’t have time to sort through his emotions before Seunghyun came in. He saw them and looked immediately at Emily, raising an eyebrow. She smiled and nodded slightly in response.

He thinks I would just attack her at any moment? Jiyong wondered, looking at his friend. “Thanks,” he said finally, sitting cautiously in the offered seat.


* * * * * *
Seunghyun flashed Emily a look of concern and she smiled disarmingly. I’m fine, she signaled, nodding at him. He buttoned his suit jacket absently, watching Jiyong as he stared at Emily.

Emily felt a little uncomfortable as she waited for a response. “Thanks,” he said mechanically, glancing at Seunghyun as he sat beside her.

He must really want that album, she thought, going back to her notes. Pity. Now I’ll never know if he’s genuinely warming up to me or just trying to get what he wants.

The others bounded into the room, freshly powdered and primped for their appearance. Seungri and Youngbae went for the platter of doughnuts on the nearby table, grabbing two each.

“Want one, Emily?” Youngbae asked, pointing at the plate.

“Oh I don’t know…” she trailed off, looking at the doughnuts. Her stomach rumbled, unsatisfied by the coffee.

“You look like...a chocolate person. No,” he said, changing his mind. “Sprinkles,” he pronounced, bringing her a delectable looking doughnut covered in multicolored sprinkles.

“How’d you guess?” Emily laughed, accepting the doughnut.

“Intuition. And some inside information from Seunghyun.”

Seunghyun smiled knowingly and Emily grinned at him, biting into the doughnut.

“Neo 5eiss-eo!” a stage hand called. The boys wiped their mouths and did a final check in the mirror on the wall.

“Seungri!” Emily called, standing up. She grabbed a napkin and wiped a streak of powdered sugar off of his chin.

“Thanks!” he said, giving her a peck on the cheek before bounding out the door. Emily’s cheeks pinked and she sat back down. She turned on the TV across from her so she could watch the show and was considering another doughnut when Seunghyun burst through the door, panting slightly.

“Seunghyun…”

“I had an idea, but you’ve got to come now,” he said, extending his hand. Emily stood up and took his hand and he led her through some narrow hallways, almost running. Emily’s legs weren’t quite as long as his and by the time they made it to backstage she was out of breath.

“Okay,” Seunghyun panted, looking around. “We’re going to be right out there,” he said, pointing over to the brightly lit soundstage. “If anyone bothers you, just show them your ID.”

“You’re sweating! Do you have powder on you?”

Seunghyun dug a small compact out of his pocket and Emily flipped it open. “What’s this idea you had?” she asked, dabbing at the shine on his forehead.

“You want to get to know Jiyong, right?” he asked, bending down slightly so she could reach. Emily nodded.
“Just stand back here and watch the show. And don’t let Jiyong see you, or it’ll be ruined.”

Emily snapped the compact closed. “I don’t see how this will…”

“I’ve got to go. Just trust me, okay?” He smiled at her, slipping the compact back into his pocket before leaving her standing alone in the wings.

She saw a flash of orange hair and hid her face as Jiyong hurried by. He seemed distracted and went right past her. She sighed and shook her head, watching him take his place onstage. What on earth does Seunghyun hope to accomplish? she wondered. The lights brightened even more and the show’s theme song played, signalling the beginning of the show. Emily stood in a shadowy corner, close enough to see clearly without being seen herself. She didn’t understand what was being said except for a few random words here and there, but she enjoyed just watching the boys laugh and make faces at each other. At one point they asked Youngbae and Daesung to dance to TWICE’s “TT” and Emily descended into a giggling fit.
This is pretty funny, she realized. They went to commercial and the lights went down considerably. A giant digital timer appeared, counting down from three minutes. She saw Jiyong leap from his seat and disappear around the far corner of the stage. The timer counted down, but he didn’t return.

That’s weird, Emily thought. Did he get sick or something?

The timer hit zero, the lights came on and the next segment began. The interviewer, a perky girl with auburn hair, made some kind of announcement that sent the live audience crazy. The lights on the main stage went down again and a spotlight beamed down on Jiyong standing alone at a microphone. He was so close Emily thought she could touch him, yet he was completely unaware of her presence. He was simply dressed in a loose white shirt, black pants and a pair of sparkly black boots she had often seen him wear. He wore lots of silver jewelry though, the many rings, bracelets and chains sparkling. His hair glowed in the light, and his eye makeup was dark and dramatic.

A track started playing and Jiyong stepped up to the microphone. He sang softly, his voice lilting and breathy. His body swayed slightly in time with the music. Every time he looked up into the crowd his eyes caught the light, infusing them with a golden glow.

Emily was transfixed, their animosity forgotten as he sang. He seemed completely at peace up there, as if nothing could touch him while he was surrounded by his music. She saw something new in his face - contentment.

No wonder the album means so much to him, she thought, tearing up. She felt utterly guilty for laughing at him and began to creep closer, drinking in the moment. A fog machine came to life and blew gentle clouds onto the stage. The fog swirled lightly around Jiyong’s legs, lending an ethereal feel to the song.

The music ended and the spotlight died. Jiyong took a step back from the microphone while the crowd cheered wildly. Emily didn’t move, watching Jiyong as he stood there, waiting.

The timer reappeared and Jiyong turned towards her. Emily turned her back to him as he passed, two small tears falling from her closed eyes. After the commercial break ended and the band was once more on the stage, Emily slipped away to the bathroom. She dampened a paper towel in the sink and tidied up her makeup where her tears had made it run. Why do I always end up crying in a bathroom? she wondered. She took a deep breath and, after making sure her face looked normal, went back to the green room. The TV was still on and the show’s credits were already rolling. She sprang onto the couch and barely had time to pull her notebook into her lap before the boys burst into the room.

“What did you think?” Seungri asked, taking a large swig from a water bottle.

Emily smiled. “It was wonderful. I didn’t expect it to be so funny.”

“I can’t believe they wanted me to dance,” Daesung groaned, flopping onto the couch beside Emily.

“But you did great!”

“No, not compared to Youngbae,” Daesung insisted, propping his feet on the coffee table. Youngbae did an expert twirl and bow, causing Daesung to throw a pillow at him.

Jiyong came in and sat down with a sigh. He seemed exhausted, but happier than before. Emily didn’t say anything, not wanting to break the spell.

Seunghyun came and stood behind her, leaning on the back of the couch. “Well?” he whispered.

“Later,” she replied, her eyes still on Jiyong. She couldn’t believe the man who was the bane of her existence had moved her so deeply. I guess I misjudged him too. He looked up suddenly and Emily looked away, pretending to write.

Maybe the tour will be okay after all.

Notes