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If You

Japan

“I always hate leaving China,” Seungri said, flopping down into a seat.

“Why?” Emily asked, carefully tucking her bag into the overhead compartment.

“I don't know, I just do,” he said, staring out the window. The sun was already well up, sending sunbeams across the tarmac.

“He just misses the pretty girls,” Jiyong teased, putting on headphones.

“Yes,” Seungri agreed, barely listening to him. Jiyong and Emily glanced at each other and laughed. “What are you listening to?” Emily asked, sitting across from him.

“They sent me some rough demos this morning. Looks like my album's back on track.”

Emily perked up. “Can I hear?” she asked, already reaching for his phone.

“No!” Jiyong exclaimed, jerking away from her. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Sorry. I just want it to be perfect before other people hear it.”

Emily nodded. “I get it. I'm the same way with my writing. I'd rather die than let someone read my unedited work.”

Jiyong looked uncomfortable and Emily tilted her head. “There's that look again.”

“What look?” he said immediately. “I don't have a look.”

“Yes, you do,” she insisted, laying down her notebook. “Every time I mention my writing you get this guilty look on your face.”

“You do look kind of guilty,” Seungri said, rejoining the conversation.

“You're both seeing things,” Jiyong said adamantly, adjusting his headphones. Emily sat back in her seat, scrutinizing him carefully. What is he… she sat up suddenly, making Jiyong jump. “You read something, didn't you?” she said. “You read some of my notes!”

“No, I didn't!” Jiyong insisted, his face reddening. “I only…” he stopped, biting his lip. Emily's eyes widened. “You didn't.” Jiyong pulled his hat down, his silence confirming it. “You read my journal?” she asked incredulously.

“I didn't know it was your journal!” Jiyong said. “I saw your notes sitting out in the open and I thought it was one of your notebooks. I got curious.”

Emily shook her head and sighed. “It's okay.”

“Really?” Jiyong and Seungri said simultaneously.

“Yeah. My siblings used to find my journals all the time. I'm used to it.” She gave a wry smile. “Though I was under the impression that the leader of the group was supposed to set a good example?”

“Oh, what did you do now?” Daesung groaned, leaning over between Emily and Seungri.

“Dude, Jiyong-”

“Let me listen to one of his demos,” Emily said, cutting Seungri off. “It sounds great.”

Daesung's chin dropped. “You let her listen to a demo?” he repeated. Jiyong glanced at Emily. “Yeah, they sent them to me this morning,” he said finally.

Daesung shook his head. “What is happening?” he mumbled, sitting down. Emily smiled at Jiyong and went back to her notebook.


******


After the plane reached cruising altitude Emily peeked behind her seat at the other members. Daesung was already asleep, while Seungri, Seunghyun and Mr. Sagowa were playing cards a few rows away. She leaned over and nudged Jiyong. “So?” she whispered.

He looked at her blankly. “So what?”

“What did you read in my journal?”

“Oh.” Jiyong pulled his headphones down. “I don't really remember.”

Emily pursed her lips. “So it was about you.”

“Are you suddenly psychic or something?” Jiyong demanded.

“No, it’s just the logical choice. It must have happened when you were at my apartment, and my last entry before then was about you. So if you did just pick it up and read where I left off, then it would've been about you. I'm not angry,” she added quickly. “None of it was a secret.”

“Except for the part about the variety show.”

Crap. “I'd forgotten about that.”

Jiyong played with his headphones, absently winding the cords around his fingers. “Why did you hide?” he asked.

“The whole thing was Seunghyun's idea,” Emily confessed. “He came and got me from the green room just before the show started. He wanted me to see a different side of you, the better side.”

“And he thought if I saw you it would be ruined,” Jiyong finished. “He was probably right.”

“I realized I had misjudged you pretty badly,” Emily continued. “Your performance really impacted me, despite our other problems.”

Jiyong smiled. “Thanks.” He crossed his legs comfortably. “I meant what I said at MAMA; you really are a talented writer. I look forward to reading the finished book.”

Emily thought for a moment, then held out her notebook. “Trade me,” she said.

“What?”

Emily gestured at his phone. “I'll let you read my notes if you let me listen to your demos.”

Jiyong bit his lip, obviously tempted as he stared at her notebook. “Fine,” he agreed, handing over his phone. Emily gave him the notebook and put the headphones on, hitting play on the top track.


******


Jiyong opened the notebook slowly, feeling both curious and nervous about what he might find. She wouldn't write anything bad about us, he reasoned, scanning the first page. There were small paragraphs surrounded by little notes scribbled in the margins. Many things had been scratched out, rewritten or connected by arrows and brackets. At first glance it was overwhelming, but soon he was able to ignore the scribbles and read.

The band and I arrived at the arena right on time, the red carpet already in full swing. Seunghyun gallantly took my arm and escorted me through the swarm of photographers and interviewers. My Korean was still limited, so I didn't say much to anyone, though I could tell they all thought I was Seunghyun's girlfriend.

Jiyong snorted softly. This is from MAMA, he realized. He flipped over a couple of pages and saw a simple sketch of the arena. This looks like it was from our seats onstage, Jiyong thought. When did she have the time to do this?

He read the paragraph under the drawing:

The band managed to get me a seat onstage with them, which was a rare treat. Watching the performances and awards from such a unique perspective allowed me to be a part of both worlds: the artists’ and the audiences’.

Jiyong glanced up at Emily. She was staring out the window, listening to the demos quietly. Her face was inscrutable, showing no sign of enjoyment or dislike. He went back to the notebook, trying not to focus on her reaction.

Jiyong won the award for Best Male Artist, much to our excitement. He seemed both thrilled and surprised, but we expected nothing less. Even in the short time I had spent with the band up to that point, I had seen his hard work, dedication and creativity, and I knew that no one was more deserving.

“What are you reading?”

Jiyong gave a violent start. “Seunghyun, don't sneak up on me like that,” he said, closing his eyes briefly.

“Sorry, I didn't realize you were so lost in thought.” Seunghyun leaned down over Jiyong's shoulder. “Is that Emily's handwriting?”

Jiyong nodded. “She's letting me read some of her notes for the book.”

“I'm next!” Seungri yelled, his head popping up several rows ahead of them.

“Next for what?” Emily said, pulling the headphones down.

“We want a sneak peek too,” Youngbae said, sitting across from them. “You must have enough notes for three books by now.”

Emily laughed. “Not even close. There's still so many facets of BIGBANG that I haven't seen yet - music videos, recording sessions, collaborations. I haven't even interviewed you yet.”

“Interviews?” Jiyong echoed.

“Sure. I'll do several individual interviews with each of you during the writing process. It'll give the readers your unique perspectives on the life of an idol.”

The boys nodded. “No problem,” Seunghyun said. Emily smiled. “Don't worry, all of you will get to read the final draft before I send it off. Like I said before, I won't include anything you aren't comfortable with.”

“We trust you,” Seungri said, snatching the notebook out of Jiyong’s hands. “Hey!” he yelled, leaping out of his seat and chasing Seungri down the aisle.


******


Seunghyun nodded at the headphones around Emily’s neck. “His demos?”

Emily nodded. “Yeah. They’re definitely rough cuts, but they’re all excellent.” Seunghyun grinned at her and Emily rolled her eyes. “Seunghyun…”

“I know, I won’t say anything,” he said, holding his hands up. “It is pretty rare for Jiyong to share his demos with anyone, especially outside of BIGBANG.”

Jiyong came back and sat down, notebook in hand. Seungri followed, rubbing his jaw. “Was it really necessary to chase me down the length of the plane?” he whined. Jiyong smirked. “You’re the one that ran into the door chin first,” he replied, opening the notebook again. The others chuckled and Emily shook her head. “You’ve got to be the most accident prone person I’ve ever met,” she said, putting the headphones back on. The laughing continued and Seungri stuck his tongue out at her, smiling in spite of himself.


******


Kumamoto glistened like a jewel on the island of Kyushu, full of promise and excitement. At least that’s what it said in the brochure Emily was given. The only thing glistening is the pavement, she thought wryly. It had been raining nonstop since they landed, the city swathed in mist.

Their hotel was smaller than some of the others they had stayed in, but Emily didn’t mind. She appreciated variety in all things; she found it helped to keep her sane. She made a cup of coffee and sipped it, gazing out at the steady rain. I hope this doesn’t ruin the fansign tomorrow, she worried, looking up at the sky. Many fans waited for hours outside the arena before the band showed up, all in the hopes of catching a glimpse, an autograph, even a picture before the band disappeared into the building.

I should ask Jiyong about that, she thought, putting her slippers on. She padded down the hallway to Jiyong’s room, still nursing her coffee. She heard a loud thud and paused. Did that come from Jiyong’s room? she wondered. She listened for a moment.

Thud!

That is coming from his room! she thought. She hurried down the hallway, a pang of worry stabbing her. His door was cracked and she could hear sounds of a struggle. She rushed in, the door banging against the wall.

All five members were frozen in various places around the room. They were wearing bathrobes with the hoods up, and each one was holding a long pool noodle. No one moved, the boys breathing heavily as they stared at her. Emily took in the scene, set her coffee down delicately, and snatched a noodle off the floor. She charged at Daesung, who was closest, and smacked him in the head with her noodle. This broke the spell and the battle resumed, every man for himself as they bounced and leapt and rolled, laughing hysterically the whole time. Emily stood on the bed, cornered by Seunghyun and Seungri, then jumped onto Seunghyun’s back, knocking him to the floor. “Oh, so that’s how this is gonna be?” he said, rolling away from her.

“Use the force, Seunghyun!” Jiyong called, locked in combat with Youngbae across the room. Emily sprang up, only to be struck down by Daesung. She grabbed his pool noodle and pulled him down onto the bed, bouncing off of it quickly. “You don’t know the power of the dark side!” she yelled, smacking him repeatedly as he shielded his face.

“I’ll save you!” Youngbae said, swinging at Emily. She ducked easily and took a step back, only to trip over a suitcase into Seunghyun’s arms. “Now I’ve got you,” he growled, wrapping his arms around her and picking her up off of the floor. “Kill me and I will become more powerful than you can imagine,” she said, trying to wiggle free. He tickled her in the ribs and she shrieked. “That’s cheating!” she said, giggling in spite of herself.

Seungri hit Seunghyun, distracting him enough for Emily to break free. She spotted her pool noodle and dove for it, only to end up in a tug-of-war with Youngbae. He easily won and Emily, still holding the noodle, tumbled head over heels into Jiyong’s legs, knocking him down. “What are you, a Jedi or an armadillo?” he asked breathlessly, already picking himself up. “I have many talents,” Emily said, grabbing another noodle.

They battled for a few moments, Jiyong slowly being driven to the balcony door. He bumped into the handle and the door swung open, the sound of the rain adding to the noise inside. They slowly made their way onto the covered balcony, still hitting each other vigorously. Finally Emily knocked Jiyong’s pool noodle out of his hands and paused, holding her weapon at his neck. He held his hands up. “I surrender,” he gasped. Emily grinned. “Your powers are weak,” she said, poking him with the pool noodle. Inside the room the fight was subsiding, the impromptu Jedi collapsing onto the bed. “That was awesome,” Seungri wheezed, still clutching his pool noodle.

“Talk about stress relief,” Seunghyun agreed, grabbing a water bottle out of the mini fridge.

Jiyong and Emily reentered the room, Emily tossing her noodle to the floor. “Well fought,” Seunghyun said, toasting her with his water bottle.

“Were you defeated?” Daesung asked Jiyong.

“He fought well, but I soon knocked his weapon out of his hands and had him at noodle-point.”

Seunghyun spit out his water as the others laughed uproariously. “ ‘Noodle-point’?” he asked, wiping his chin.

Emily smiled and retrieved her now-lukewarm coffee. “It’s been years since I’ve done that,” she said, sipping her drink.

“To be honest, I don’t think any of us saw that coming,” Seungri said, sitting up. “Guess you’ve still got some surprises up your sleeve.”

“What, four months and you think you know everything about me?” Emily asked playfully. “I used to duel my brothers all the time as a teenager. Star Wars is their favorite.”

“We should watch it tonight!” Daesung exclaimed. “I bet someone could find a copy of episode four in Korean.”

“That would be a new experience,” Emily mused.

There was a knock on the door and Sagowa came in. “There were people complaining about noise,” he said, looking around the room. “Did you hear anything?”

“Nope,” Jiyong said, nudging a pool noodle out of view. Sagowa shrugged. “Oh well, I didn’t hear anything. Maybe whoever was doing it stopped.” Emily pressed her lips together, trying to keep a neutral face. Sagowa left the room and the others released a pent-up breath. “That was close,” Seungri said, closing the door.

Daesung grabbed a menu off the nightstand. “Let’s order room service and see if someone can find the movie,” he said, perusing the laminated menu. Everyone agreed and soon dinner was ordered, Emily letting Daesung choose for her. It arrived on two small carts, complete with a Korean copy of Star Wars: A New Hope on DVD.

“That’s some impressive concierge service,” Youngbae said, picking up the DVD.

“And some impressive food,” Daesung said, already shoveling in sushi. They all grabbed their plates and crowded onto the bed while Youngbae put the movie in. “Do you want captions, Emily?” he asked, carefully climbing onto the bed while balancing his dinner in one hand.

“That’s okay,” Emily said, her mouth full. “I’ve seen it a million times. It’ll help me brush up on my Korean.”

Jiyong turned the lights off as the movie started, going to sit in a chair beside the bed. “There’s plenty of room up here, Jiyong,” Emily said, patting the space beside her. Jiyong climbed onto the bed, stretching his legs out so he could balance his plate on his lap. Emily felt oddly comfortable wedged between him and Seungri, like she was sitting with her brothers at home. If it weren’t for the Korean characters crawling across the screen, she could almost believe she was home. A sudden wave of homesickness hit her and she put her fork down, sighing quietly.

“What’s wrong, you don’t like your food?” Jiyong whispered. “Daesung has weird tastes sometimes.”

“No it’s...it’s not that,” Emily said, her throat feeling tight. “This just...reminds me of home.”

Jiyong took her hand, lacing his fingers together with hers. “If you want, this can be home too,” he said quietly. “I know we’re not anything like your family, but…”

Emily smiled. “You’re pretty close,” she said, squeezing his hand before letting go to finish her dinner.

Hearing Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher dubbed over in Korean sounded hilarious and Emily had to resist the urge to laugh. She set her plate aside and, on an impulse, laid her head on Jiyong’s shoulder. He didn’t recoil, so she stayed there. By the time the Millennium Falcon had discovered the destruction of Alderaan Emily felt herself drifting off, her full stomach and long day catching up to her. What a perfect night, she thought hazily, and she was asleep.

Notes

Hey guys!

I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I know I don't normally leave notes, but I'm interested to know where you think the story should go from here. I have a few different routes I could go, but I wanted to ask you, my awesome readers! Tell me what you think and I'll take all of it into my deliberations ;)
Thank you for commenting, voting and subscribing; seeing those numbers climb always makes my day!

Comments

Please please please continue this. I've read it three times now and it just makes me fall in love every time. It is a wonderful story. Also, please put it on AO3, its a very friendly community for writers.

Maliciouspixie5 Maliciouspixie5
11/13/19

@Maliciouspixie5
Thank you!

Oh I just love this. Beautiful story.

@k pop lover
Haha thanks, I'll try!

please update more often. caus ei reallyl ike this story

k pop lover k pop lover
8/29/18