Internally

First day of my new job – fun. I say that sarcastically, but I really am looking forward to it. Since I was supposed to go to college this year, jumping straight into a new job is daunting yet incredibly exciting. Though, from what I can tell, my job is little more than an intern.

“Mina!” calls that demanding voice for at least the fifth time in the last two minutes.

Don’t get me wrong – Kyung Hee is a great boss. She can just get very stressed sometimes, which makes her uptight, and today is one of those days.

“Coming!” I answer, hurrying down the corridor.

We barely reached the venue ten minutes ago and she’s had me trotting after her all the way to the performers’ dressing rooms. I tug at the skirt of my dress as I try to keep Kyung Hee in sight. It’s a simple blue pinstripe skater dress, which is again accompanied by the yellow coat. Unlike the chaos of yesterday, I’m wearing my Docs again, which is a huge comfort to my feet. My hair is unruly as always, but I made the effort to pin the front parts back out of my eyes.

“Mina!”

It’s just insistent.

I step into a large dressing room where Kyung Hee is already yelling orders at the other makeup artists. The room is spacious, with many makeup stations and room in the corner for a little couch. A bunch of guys are already in costume and getting their makeup done – guys I happen to know.

“Hi, Mina!” says Jimin from his makeup chair. He smiles at me in the mirror, a smile which I return.

Though the room is big, it’s full of people bustling about – especially Kyung Hee. The entire venue is just as cluttered and everyone seems super busy and super serious. I almost don’t even know where to stand.

“Ah, Mina,” says Kyung Hee, taking me by the shoulders, “I have a job for you.”

“Really?” I grin.

Maybe she’ll ask me to finish someone’s makeup, or select the right eyeshadow tone from many...

“Fetch me coffee,” says Kyung Hee.

So much for that idea.

“Is there a coffee machine?” I ask, feeling stupid.

“There are dressing rooms all along this corridor,” Kyung Hee explains. “The coffee machine is right at the end of the corridor. Don’t get in anyone’s way, alright?”

“Of course,” I respond with a nod. “What coffee would you like?”

“Just get me a latte,” says Kyung Hee. “I barely got any sleep last night and I need the caffeine.” She presses a wad of bank notes into my hands.

“Just one latte?” I confirm, as if I’m a waitress taking orders.

“And one Americano,” adds a voice from one of the makeup stations.

I glance over to find Suga looking at me in the mirror. The makeup artist is finishing his eye makeup and he looks very concentrated. Even though his tone sets me on edge, I am supposed to be trying to make it up to him for all my clumsy errors.

“Sure,” I say flatly. “One latte and one Americano,” I mutter under my breath.

“Do you need a hand with that, Mina?” Jimin asks, straining his neck to see over his shoulder.

“We’re not done yet, Jimin,” says his makeup artist.

“I’ll be fine, Jimin, honestly,” I chuckle and leave the dressing room to locate the coffee machine.

The corridor is very long and it turns at the end. It seems almost impossible that the coffee machine can be found. I’m slightly put out at my first task in my new job that I forget to actually look where I’m going. That always ends badly.

I smack right into someone and stumble backwards. “I’m so sorry,” I say hurriedly.

At least there was no coffee spilled this time...

“Don’t worry, it’s okay.”

I look up to see another girl, somewhere around my age, standing in front of me. Her almond-shaped eyes are rimmed with black eyeliner, and her lids are covered with shimmery eyeshadow. As for the rest of her makeup – her lips are kept fairly neutral and her foundation is well-blended. She’s all kitted up with her mic and her costume – which consists of a long-sleeved military-style jacket in black and matching shorts. She’s wearing these really cool army boots too, which lends her a great deal of respect from me.

“Sorry, um, could you point me in the direction of the coffee machine?” I ask shyly.

She’s not intimidating, exactly. She’s not even that much taller than me at all. But she’s a performer, and performers always know exactly what they’re doing. As for me... I’m usually the one to mess things up.

“Sure!” she says helpfully. “I passed it earlier, it’s right down past that way. Are you staff?”

“Yeah, well, um, kind of,” I ramble. “I’m Kyung Hee’s personal assistant.”

“Ah,” she says in understanding. “First day on the job?”

I laugh wryly. “How could you tell?”

“Just guessing,” she assures me with a chuckle. “Well, nice to meet you. I’m Eun Ha.”

“Mina.”

She holds out a hand, which I shake, and we both bow in greeting.

“Can we have Eun Ha for a rehearsal, please?” calls a voice from somewhere behind me.

Eun Ha adjusts her mic and takes a breath. “I’ve got to run,” she says, “But it’s been nice talking to you. You made me forget just how nervous I am.”

“No problem,” I say with a smile. I’m really starting to like Eun Ha. “Haven’t you done this before, though?”

Eun Ha laughs and shakes her head. “First time,” she says, bouncing up and down to calm her nerves. “Today’s my debut stage.”

“Wow,” I say in admiration, “Well, good luck.”

“Come and watch me later,” Eun Ha says, “And let me know how I did.”

“Will do,” I tell her as she starts walking past me.

“Thanks, Mina,” says Eun Ha, and runs off to get to her rehearsal.

Then I’m back to coffee duty. I take Eun Ha’s directions and follow the corridor round the corner. I eventually end up at the coffee machine, which has numerous buttons to press. I make Kyung Hee’s latte first and wait for the cup to fill. Then I’m onto Suga’s order, and that’s when I realise I don’t have enough cash.

I dig another few notes from my coat pocket and sigh. I could ask him to pay me back but I doubt that he really would. I debate getting him a different coffee than the one he asked for; since it’s unlikely he’ll pay for it anyway. But I know that it’s a bad idea. He already doesn’t like me. I’d rather not be the one asking for it.

So I make an Americano and carry the two coffees carefully back to the Bangtan Boys’ dressing room. Yes – I’ve done my research on them. I haven’t even looked them up properly but it’s still embarrassing to admit.

“Mina!” Kyung Hee shouts as soon as I enter the room. She sees the coffee in my hands and instantly relaxes.

“One latte,” I say, handing over the right cup.

Kyung Hee takes a long, calm sip of her coffee, and then she’s back to barking orders. To try and escape, I dart over to Suga’s makeup chair and place the coffee cup in front of him.

“I asked for an Americano,” he mutters.

It’s like he can read my mind. How could he know that was exactly what I was thinking of doing – switching his coffee?

“It is an Americano,” I tell him shortly.

He glances up at me briefly. He’s got his contact lenses in, which make his eyes a sharp hazel instead of the usual warm brown. He’s expressionless, as always, except for the crease between his brows.

“Well,” I sigh eventually, “You’re welcome.”

I turn and walk away but I feel a hand grab my wrist. I freeze and slowly turn back to look at him. With his free hand, he slips a few folded bank notes into my hand. And he doesn’t say another word.

I can feel my heart pounding. How can he be so utterly confusing? Hands still quivering, I take the exchange of money as a thank you, and quickly return to Kyung Hee’s side. I glance over one more time, but he’s focused on drinking his coffee now.

Only minutes pass before an organiser pokes his head around the door and says, “Can we have BTS for a mic test in two minutes?”

“No problem,” says Namjoon. I watch as he counts up the members in his head. Then he frowns. “Where’s Jungkook?”

“Here!” calls a voice from down the corridor. Jungkook comes in eating an apple and leans against the wall.

“What about Taehyung?” Namjoon points out.

The others glance around the dressing room, but Taehyung is nowhere to be seen. Jin gets out his phone and says, “I’ll call him.”

Taehyung turns up a minute or so later, and the Bangtan Boys head to the stage for a mic test. I’m assuming that’s what Eun Ha was needed for earlier too. Whilst we wait for them to finish, I run errands and fetch anything and everything for Kyung Hee. But eventually, as time goes on, it’s nearly time for the show to start.

“Mina!” calls a voice as Kyung Hee and I head to the stage.

“Oh, hi, Jungkook!” I say with a smile. “Aren’t you on soon?”

“Yeah, we are,” Jungkook answers, “But is it okay if I ask you for a favour?”

I raise my eyebrows at him, observing his hopeful expression. “What kind of favour?” I ask curiously.

“You know how it’s Jimin’s birthday today?” Jungkook whispers, biting his lip. “Well, the members and I have a surprise for him right after our comeback stage and I need your help.”

“Okay,” I say, nodding my head in agreement. “What do I have to do?”

Jungkook grins mischievously. “So right after we get offstage, we’re going to run back to the dressing room and light the candles on Jimin’s cake. We need enough time to get everything ready so can you distract him for us?”

I blink. “Distract him?” I repeat.

“Yeah,” says Jungkook, waving his hand non-specifically, “Just make sure he doesn’t come into the dressing room for at least five minutes. Can you do that for us?”

Though I have no idea how I’ll carry out Jungkook’s request, I nod and say, “Sure, I can do that.”

His face lights up with relief and all of a sudden he leans in and hugs me roughly. “That’s amazing, thank you!” he says. “The other members were going to make me do it and you know how bad I am with keeping secrets...”

“You are pretty terrible,” I admit with a laugh as he steps back.

“Are you coming to watch us perform?” Jungkook asks.

Right on cue, Kyung Hee yells, “Mina!”

“Yep,” I answer. “Actually, we should probably go now.”

Jungkook nods hurriedly. “You’re probably right.”

We hurry to the stage in time for the members to perform. Kyung Hee and I stand backstage, armed with makeup supplies and tissues, watching from the darkness. The boys open the show, and even though I made an effort to watch their music video, they still manage to surprise me with their comeback performance.

The crowd goes absolutely wild. BTS takes to the stage and the cameras roll. The music begins and the dance starts. And I’m instantly captivated.

The costumes match the set perfectly and flow with every move. The choreography as a whole is beautiful, if that’s the right word to describe it, and I can’t keep my eyes from the stage. Each member performs whole-heartedly, each of them excited to be here. And with this comeback, I can understand why.

My eyes are fixed on Jimin as he starts the song, but as the rap begins; I tear them away and focus on Suga. He’s so different to the cross, rude person I’ve become accustomed to. I don’t know how to describe it, but the change in attitude on stage unnerves me, because I have no idea what he’s really like. It’s a game, sort of, between me and him – to keep our cards to our chests. And at the moment he’s winning, because every move he makes keeps me guessing.

It’s so frustrating.

When the performance comes to an end, the audience goes crazy and the members exit the stage. Almost as soon as they’re off, Kyung Hee and I are mopping them up with tissues, handing out handfuls to each member. They’re sweaty and breathless, but their proud grins speak for themselves. I wish sometimes that I could feel that level of exhilaration.

Jungkook comes over with the pretence of needing more tissues, stoops down to my height and in my ear whispers, “You know what to do.”

I look at him in the dimness of backstage and nod. I still have no actual plan to distract Jimin though. I watch as the other members head quickly back to the dressing room, silently racking my brains. Why didn’t I think about this before? I was too concentrated on the performance and now I don’t know what to do.

And suddenly Jimin’s walking past and I have to stop him. I can tell it’s him because he still smells ever so slightly of a chocolaty mocha. Not that I notice things like that.

“Jimin!”

And then it’s all or nothing. He can’t find out about the surprise or it’s days of hard work undone.

“Oh, hey, Mina!” Jimin stops and smiles at me. He’s standing close because of the noise of the crowd as the next performers go on.

“I just wanted to say I was really impressed with your performance,” I say, trying to think of a way to follow that up.

“Really? Thank you,” says Jimin, his expression pleased.

“Yeah, I mean I wasn’t really a fan of this kind of music back in America, since none of my friends listen to it, but it’s really interesting and unusual...”

I figure that the only way to play for time is to keep talking. Unfortunately, I’m a terrible rambler. However, Jimin doesn’t seem to mind, because he keeps talking too.

“Wow, that’s a massive compliment,” says Jimin sincerely. “I always like to hear international opinions on our music. We do have another stage later though, which is for another song on our new album, and I think you’ll enjoy that too.”

“Is it a fun song?” I ask, feeling very conscious of the fact that his face is so close to mine to be able to hear me properly.

“It’s a very fun song,” Jimin confirms with a nod and a grin. “Speaking of which, I should probably get back to get changed soon...”

Uh-oh.

If Jimin goes back to the dressing room now, the surprise might be completely foiled. I have to stop him, at all costs. This feels like a crime movie now.

As the crowd grows louder, I rest a hand on Jimin’s shoulder and say into his ear, “What is your new album like?”

Jimin’s expression becomes extremely proud. “Well, each of the members has a solo song on the album, which is a really fun addition,” he answers. “I think they all fit together really well, but you’d have to ask Yoongi about all of that.”

“What’s your song called?” I ask curiously.

“It’s called Lie,” Jimin replies. “It’s after Jungkook’s on the album. You should listen to all of it sometime, not that I’m self-promoting...” He chuckles sheepishly.

“I’ll be sure to,” I say, despite his last comment.

I meet his eyes and smile. Though this is all a distraction technique, I am actually really interested to listen to the whole album. They must’ve worked so hard on it to get such a good sound as what I’ve heard so far.

After a moment, Jimin says, “Do you have any more tissues?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” I respond, and fumble in my pockets for more tissues. Without thinking, I grab one, reach up, and wipe the sweat from Jimin’s brow.

“Thank you,” says Jimin, also reaching up to help.

His hands really aren’t that much bigger than mine, which makes me smile. His fingers are very cute.

He takes the tissue and scrunches it up in his hand. “Come back with me to the dressing room?” he asks, turning towards the backstage exit.

I swallow. The members had better be finished by now, because Jimin is on the move.

“Okay,” I say with a nod, and follow him out into the corridor.

My heart is racing all the way back to the dressing room. What if they’re not ready? It would be all my fault. Suddenly, I’m far too invested in this group and their business. It’s uncanny.

“Mina,” says Jimin after a while of walking, breaking the silence.

“Uh-huh?”

“Did I mention it’s my birthday today?”

Uh-oh.

What do I say? I have to act cool. I didn’t already know, okay?

“Really?”

And my voice squeaks in the middle. I’m terrible, just terrible.

“Yeah,” Jimin grins. “I turn twenty-two today. Is that twenty-one in international age?”

I nod and he says, “Have you had your birthday this year?”

“Yeah...” I say.

To cut a long story short, my birthday wasn’t that great. It mostly involved shouting and crying and continuous divorce papers to sign. I didn’t celebrate it, not really, and not even with any friends. I’d rather just pretend it didn’t happen.

“Was it recently?”

“September.”

“Ah,” says Jimin. “Jungkook’s birthday is in September.”

“Mmm,” I say, “We’re the same age.”

Jimin suddenly grins. “So I’m older than you?”

I laugh then. “Couldn’t you already tell?”

“I wanted to be sure,” says Jimin, “But I guess that means you call me oppa?”

Oppa is a big deal. I know that from Korean parenting with my mom. And it feels me with butterflies and nerves.

“I suppose so,” is all I answer.

“Well, I hope you will call me that anyway,” says Jimin, trying to rephrase his question to make it more polite.

“Perhaps I will,” I say with a cheeky smile, glancing up to meet his eyes.

And then we’re at the dressing room. And I’m nervous all over again. What if they’re not ready? The questions in my mind fill me with dread. It’s even worse than first-job nerves.

Jimin reaches out a hand and starts to open the door. Alarm bells are ringing in my head, telling me to play for time – even a few more seconds. Instinctively, my hand shoots out and I place it on top of his on the door handle. My ears heat up and I play it off as a coincidental mistake.

Jimin chuckles. “I can open the door for you, Mina,” he says, meeting my eyes.

I laugh nervously and smile. Now, there’s really nothing I can do. So I let Jimin open the door...

Everything goes into slow motion as the door opens and I watch Jungkook stab one last candle into the cake and light them all. The lights are turned off and the candles glow. The members hold the cake out and burst into song.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Jimin! Happy birthday to you!”

I immediately get out my camera, which I always leave conveniently hanging around my neck, and snap quiet shots of Jimin and the glowing candles, the other members who are smiling and singing happily, and finally take a short video of Jimin making a wish and blowing out the candles.

Then the lights go on again and the look on Jimin’s face is priceless. He takes the cake with open hands, grinning from ear to ear. The other members are loud and affectionate, trying to hug Jimin even with the cake in the way.

“We got you presents!” Taehyung announces, reaching into the suspicious-looking bags in the corner of the room that I didn’t quite manage to notice before.

“I got you a big one because I’m a good hyung,” says Jin.

“Thank you, guys,” says Jimin, still unable to stop smiling.

“What did you wish for?” Hoseok asks curiously.

Jimin glances around everyone and though I might be imagining it, his gaze lingers on me for a moment too long. He looks down at the cake and smiles. “I wished that we can make all of our fans happy and that we can show another side to ourselves with this comeback,” he answers.

“You can’t say that!” says Jungkook abruptly. “If you tell people your wish then it won’t come true!”

“You don’t still believe that, do you, maknae?” Namjoon laughs, ruffling Jungkook’s hair. “Even so, I think Jimin’s wish will be able to come true anyway.”

I find myself smiling and I look over at Jimin. His smile is bashful but it unnerves me. Because when he said what his wish was? It feels like he was lying.

Notes