Internally

The morning alarm goes off and I groan. I grab my slipper from the floor and toss it over to the other side of the room in a futile attempt to muffle the sound. Instead, it hits the keyboard of my open laptop, which then powers up and comes online. The screen lights up and through my blurry morning vision, I can just about make out images of several Korean guys on the screen.

That’s embarrassing.

I do have a reason, though. I’m not just a stalker. The guys I met yesterday are supposed to be a huge boy group in Korea, so I took the liberty of looking them up. And of course, looking them up involves watching their music videos too. I’ll be honest. They’re way cooler than I expected them to be.

I roll out of bed and finally switch my alarm off. I remember specifically putting my phone on the other side of the room last night to help me try and get up. It didn’t really help that much. The screen of my phone lights up as I check the time, but it only makes me sigh. No new texts – not even one from Annabelle. You’d think as my best friend she’d be concerned for my general health and social activity, but apparently not.

“Mina, are you coming in today?” Mom calls from outside the door.

“Yeah, sure am,” I answer, putting my phone back down with a deep inhale.

“Get ready to leave soon, then,” says Mom.

I look back at the suitcase on the other side of the room, the one I still haven’t managed to unpack. I frown. Yesterday was a rush. Today should be better. Today, I should try and make more of an effort. I rummage through piles of clothes until I pull out a fitted black peplum top with a white frill collar. It’s cute yet professional. I match it with grey-wash skinny jeans and debate with myself whether to wear Doc. Martens or ballet flats. That’s when I see them sticking out of my luggage – The Heels.

I don’t really know why I brought them all the way here, since they’re not even that comfortable. But I suppose they do have an element of sentimental value. I wore them to senior prom last year. They’re patent and shiny and black, and very, very high. I know it’s a bad idea, but I’m all for bad ideas these days. I mean, I didn’t enroll for college last year, I wasted a week in Korea by watching TV, and I snooped around a kpop idol group’s apartment when I was supposed to be cleaning. So the heels go on.

“Are you ready to go, Mina?” Mom shouts.

“Nearly!” I respond. I run my fingers through my hair, carefully apply some makeup, and grab my yellow coat – seeing as I can’t find any others. The last thing I bring is my camera – you never know when a good photo opportunity may arise.

By the time we reach the Big Hit building, with my camera hanging around my neck, I’m suddenly nervous again. I don’t belong here. I don’t even have a job here. I bite my lip as I battle the inner turmoil inside my head.

“I’m going to need your help today, Mina,” says Mom as she pays the driver.

We walk into the building and across to the elevator. “With what?” I ask curiously. We step into the elevator and wait as we go up several floors.

“There’s a group here that has their comeback stage tomorrow,” says Mom. “Today is their final fitting so I need your help with it.”

“O-Okay,” I say unsurely.

“Good,” says Mom and she leads the way into the design hall.

I can hear the sound of my heels on the hard floor. It’s the sound of my heart thumping with nerves.

I watch as Mom wheels over the correct clothes rail for today. It’s full of beautifully crafted pieces made carefully by hand. One of the pieces was the one I watched her finish yesterday.

“There’ll be plenty of other stylists tomorrow at the show,” says Mom, “But most of them are taking today off. Show days are the most stressful.”

“Hi, Ji Yeon!” says a cheerful voice from the doorway.

“Morning,” says Mom as we both bow in greeting.

“I’m ready for my fitting,” says Hoseok once he crosses the room to reach us.

“Are the other members in yet?” Mom asks as she pulls a jacket off the rail. It’s of a dark hue with a pink floral pattern, matched with a decorative white shirt.

“Not yet,” says Hoseok. “A few of them are up but most of them are still sleeping, so they’ll be in later.” He looks down at the costume in admiration. “This looks incredible, Ji Yeon.”

Hoseok bashfully goes behind the screen to change. When he comes out, my eyes widen with surprise. The costume looks amazing. It seems to fit him well and the colours compliment his bright orange hair. We wears it with black trousers and dress shoes.

My mind wanders as I imagine how good all the members will look together. In appreciation, I sneakily grab a photo as Mom makes a few adjustments and it ends up looking like one of those Behind the Scenes photographs. Once Hoseok changes back into his hoodie and shorts, she sits down at her work table to fix them. I put the camera down carefully, so Hoseok won’t notice.

“Do you want me to do anything, Mom?” I ask cautiously. She’s always short-tempered when she’s working.

“Not yet, Mina,” Mom answers, “But if I ask you to pass me anything, pass it quickly.”

“Will do,” I tell her.

“Did you get home alright last night, Mina?” Hoseok ventures, easily making friendly conversation. “Did Jimin walk you back nicely?”

I laugh at the last comment. “He did,” I reply, and for some reason I don’t understand, my heart seems to skip a beat.

“Well, I want to thank you for cleaning our apartment yesterday,” says Hoseok, but after that, he doesn’t bring up the incident again. “We’re all really excited for our comeback.” He looks like he wants to say more about it, but he is cut off by a loud voice from the doorway.

“Good morning!” says blond-haired Taehyung, bowing deeply and entering the room.

“Morning, Tae,” says Hoseok, slapping the other guy’s hand.

“Do you need me yet, Ji Yeon?” Taehyung asks.

Mom looks up from her work. “Your costume is on the hanger over there,” she says, pointing to the clothes rail, “If you could try it on, I’ll be with you in a second.”

Taehyung quickly changes into his costume and comes out with a twirl. His trousers are similar to Hoseok’s, but his jacket is black with gold patterns across it. He wears it with a black shirt and matching necktie. “What do you think?” he says with a smile.

Hoseok starts clapping in amusement and I join in. Taehyung gives a theatrical bow.

“Thank you, thank you,” he says.

Mom comes over to make a few adjustments to the length of the jacket sleeves, and tells Taehyung to get changed again. But before he does, I take another picture. It would be interesting to get all of them. Taehyung gets changed, puts his sweatpants and a sweatshirt back on and jams a cap over his yellowy hair.

Slowly but surely, the other members start to arrive. Jungkook’s fitting is over with quickly; all Mom needs to do is let down the hem of his trousers slightly because she underestimated his full height. Namjoon’s navy sailor jacket needs the shoulder seams let out slightly due to the firm material, but his fitting is also fairly fast. The two of them came in together, and they leave for the canteen together too. And luckily, I grab some great shots.

“It was nice seeing you, Mina,” says Namjoon.

“See you around,” Jungkook adds before they leave to get breakfast.

Jin comes in not soon after they leave. Unlike the others’ tired appearances, he seems wide awake. “Morning!” he says.

Whilst Jin tries on his costume behind the screen, Jimin comes trailing in with a coffee. His light hair is messy and he still wears a sleepy smile. “Oh, morning, Mina,” he says. He comes in and takes a seat on the chair next to Mom’s work table.

Jin’s jacket is black like Taehyung’s, but its shape appears different on Jin. And instead of gold designs, the jacket is decorated with bold patterns formed by tiny silver studs. The jacket passes Mom’s careful scrutiny, but she decides the trousers need a few tiny adjustments. Jin gets changed again and then it’s Jimin’s turn for a fitting.

“Pass me the thread over there please, Mina,” says Mom, still focused on her work. I reach over and put the basket of thread next to her. As I look over the photographs I have taken, I listen to the other guys talk.

“How are you so awake?” asks Hoseok curiously as Jin comes over to join him and Taehyung.

“Some of us went to bed early last night,” says Jin with a chuckle.

“Then how come I was in before you?” Taehyung asks pointedly.

“I was washing up,” Jin shrugs, causing Taehyung to scoff. “Someone needs to,” Jin adds.

“Is Yoongi still sleeping?” Hoseok asks after recalling the members he’s seen this morning.

“No,” says Jin, “He was up before me. I think he’s working on something new.”

Jimin comes out in his costume and our conversation dies as we turn to look at him. The jacket is a midnight blue with a smooth turned-up collar and no buttons. The shirt is black with a ruffled neckline and the trousers are the same design as the others. The intricate silver patterns on the jacket match the silver in his hair.

I swallow and stare at my shoes. It’s embarrassing. He looks incredible. It should be easy to acknowledge that, but it’s still embarrassing how hot my ears turn. I’ve never been comfortable around guys.

“Wow, Jimin!” says Jin enthusiastically, clapping his hands.

Jimin gives us a spin and grins. “Thank you,” he says.

Taehyung’s eyes drift to the coffee Jimin left on the table. “Can I drink your coffee, Jimin?” he asks.

“No,” says Jimin, shaking his head.

Taehyung considers this, and starts to leave. “I’ll get my own then,” he says.

Mom takes in the sides of Jimin’s jacket a little, and tells me to hold the fabric whilst she marks where she should sew. It feels like an age that she has me stand there, in close proximity to the kpop star. He smells like aftershave and coffee. And the fact that I notice that is worrying. Mom finally tells me she’s done and I step back, taking a deep breath.

Once Jimin gets changed, the Jin and Hoseok suggest getting something to eat in the canteen and they all start to leave. I’m left wondering what help I can possibly be to a woman like my mom – one that will only ever work alone.

“It’s nice to see you again,” says Jimin as he leaves the room last. I raise a hand to wave, but he’s already gone.

Mom sits down to finish Hoseok’s costume. “Looks like we’re just waiting on Suga now,” she says, “And then I can get all of these done for tomorrow.”

My mind flashes back to the message on the phone from yesterday. Suga... Was that some sort of pet name? I remember wondering that at the time. I swallow. Suga must be Yoongi. The whole situation is making me nervous. And I just remembered that whilst helping Jimin’s fitting, I didn’t grab a photo. It’s such a hard life. And to make everything worse, my feet are killing me.

“Why did you decide to wear heels, Mina?” Mom asks, barely looking up from her work.

I don’t answer that.

“Ah, good morning,” says Mom as someone else enters the room.

“Morning,” is the deep-voiced reply.

Mom gets up and fetches the last costume from the rack. It’s the one she was still adjusting when I was here yesterday – the pale jacket with dark patterns and dark lapels. Yoongi takes the costume from her and disappears behind the screen to put it on. Like the others, the costume looks amazing. The only thing that mars the image is the scowl that sits on his face instead of a serious, mysterious expression.

Like with Jimin’s jacket, Yoongi’s also needs taking in at the sides slightly. Unfortunately, I’m roped in to hold fabric in place whilst Mom fetches the pins. Then, she says,

“Oh, I’ve run out of pins.”

Really, Mom?

“I’ll run and get some from the storage cupboard,” she decides. “Just hold that in place, Mina, and nobody move.”

And so she leaves us in the room... alone. And it’s super awkward.

Eventually, I pluck up the courage to apologise for yesterday. “Um, I just want to say that I’m sorry, Yoongi. I-”

“Don’t call me that,” he says quietly.

“Sorry?” I ask, taken aback by his answer.

“Suga is my stage name,” he says firmly, “You may use that.”

Right...

“Oh, okay,” I say, trying to keep that edge from my voice. I am supposed to be apologising, after all. “Well, Suga, I wanted to apologise for what happened yesterday...”

I trail off, unsure of what to say. I’m standing too close to apologise properly. His hair smells of vanilla. Completely unrelated, I know.

“You shouldn’t have been in my room,” Suga says after a long time.

“I know, and I’m sorry-”

“Even if you were there to clean, you shouldn’t have touched anything in my room,” he continues, “It is private. Do you have no respect for people’s privacy?”

That was... direct.

“It was a mistake on my part,” I say, determined not to let him shoot me down, “And I greatly apologise. I won’t bother you again.”

He doesn’t say anything after that.

Suddenly Mom is in the room, though I didn’t notice her come in. She pins the jacket carefully whilst I struggle to keep still. Then Suga gets changed and quickly leaves. And I don’t know whether to feel guilty about my actions, or frustrated at his answers.

“What should I do now, Mom?” I ask, exhaling slowly.

“Mina!” a voice calls as they enter the room. I turn around to see Kyung Hee with a bright smile and a different silk scarf wrapped around her head like a bandana.

“Good morning, Kyung Hee,” I say.

“Do you mind if I borrow her for a minute, Ji Yeon?” Kyung Hee asks. “I have an interesting proposition.”

“Go ahead,” says Mom with one of those knowing smiles.

So Kyung Hee drags me out of the room, admittedly stumbling in my heels, and out into the corridor.

“What exactly did you want from me, Kyung Hee?” I ask, coming to a stop outside the door.

Kyung Hee grins excitedly. “You like it here, don’t you, Mina?” she asks.

“Yes, but-”

“Well, I have a proposition for you,” Kyung Hee cuts me off. “The next few days are going to be hectic and I need a personal assistant. How about it?”

All I can do is stare and gape. I snap back to attention and swallow. “Of course,” I say, “That would be awesome!”

“Brilliant,” says Kyung Hee, clapping her hands together. “Come with me and we’ll settle it with the manager.”

“The manager?” I repeat.

“It is an official job, Mina,” Kyung Hee laughs. “I want to make sure you’ll get paid a fair wage for your work.”

“Wow, thank you,” I say. Who knew such an opportunity would arise so quickly?

As I walk back from the manager’s office with a new job to hand, I stop in my tracks. I suddenly remember what I said to Suga not long ago.

“I won’t bother you again...”

I bite my lip. Looks like that plan went to waste.

I shake my head and keep walking, getting used to the feeling of wearing heels and being taller. I can’t let one mistake ruin my chances at Big Hit Entertainment. Instead of heading back to the design hall to look over the photos I did manage to snap, I turn around and head to the canteen instead. A new job deserves a reward on my part. And I still have yesterday’s wages in the pocket of my yellow coat.

I get a drink and a sweet snack to celebrate in the canteen. As I look for somewhere to sit, I spot Hoseok, Jin and Jimin sitting around a table a short distance away. I hesitate as I decide where to sit. Luckily, I don’t have to decide.

“Mina!” Jimin calls, waving me over. “Come and sit with us.”

I sit down next to him, opposite the others. “Thanks,” I mutter, and pop the top of my drink open.

“We were just talking about our comeback stage tomorrow,” Jimin informs helpfully.

“Ah,” I say in understanding, “Are you excited?”

“Super excited,” says Hoseok with a nod. “The costume fitting this morning made me realise just how close we are to it.”

Suddenly, Taehyung slides into the seat next to Hoseok with a wide grin.

“What’s got you so happy?” Jin asks.

Taehyung quickly shuts his mouth. “Nothing,” he says.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I frown. Who would be calling me at this time?

“Are you okay?” Jimin asks. He must’ve noticed the frown.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” I say haltingly, “I just need to take this.” I reach for my phone and walk out of the canteen and into the corridor.

“Hey!” says the higher-pitched voice on the other end as I pick up.

“Hey, Annabelle,” I say nervously, continuing the conversation in English. I shouldn’t be nervous; she’s my best friend.

“Just wanted to check up on you,” says Annabelle chirpily. “How’s life in Asia?”

I find myself rolling my eyes. Asia is a very general term. I’ve told her many, many times that I’m half Korean. To make matters worse, I’ve been here for over a week and she hasn’t even bothered to call. Maybe she’s just been busy...

“It’s okay,” I tell her. Usually her ditzy nature makes me laugh but today it doesn’t.

“Awesome,” she says, “But college is so cool; it’s a shame you’ve missed the first month. Like, I’ve already met a ton of new people, and there’s this cute guy in my Business class. When are you coming back?”

I try not to sigh into the phone. We used to get along so well before my parents went through the whole divorce thing. We used to laugh and joke about everything and obsess over guys that would never notice us. I guess I just used to be more like her. Now it seems like she doesn’t understand me at all.

“I’m not coming back, Annabelle,” I say. I have a job...

“What, so you’re staying over there?”

“Yes.”

“Oh... Oh my god, it’s so late over here. What time is it over there?”

“Late morning,” I say being vaguely unspecific. I want to talk to her about everything, to spill my problems, but it doesn’t seem like the right time.

“Oh my god, that’s so weird. Anyways, I’ve got to go. Jacob said he wants to study tonight before the test tomorrow. Wish me luck!”

“Good luck,” I say. It’s sad how little emotion I managed to put into those two words.

“Well, see ya!” And with that, she hangs up.

How can so much have changed?

I force myself to think back to my new job. Things can only get better from here, right?

Notes

Hey guys!
Hope you enjoyed more drama on the Mina front :)
More awkward situations will arise in chapter four, so stick with me to find out!
Until next time,
asterisk xx