Seven

Sehun leads me to the room of the Queen, and after walking down a few hallways we reach the tall white wooden doors of her room. We both stand at the door in silence. I look at him nervously; he gives me a reassuring nod while waiting for me to go in alone. I close my eyes and take in a calming breath.

Here goes nothing.

I raise my hand and rap on the door a few times. Sehun stands with me; I’m surprisingly relieved to have him here with me as moral support. I know he’s just going his job, but I’d like to think that he’s waiting with me because he wants to.

“Come in.” comes the muffled response after a while. I look at him one last time before opening the door and leaving him behind. I see the worried look that he sends my way.

The Queen’s room is even more grandiose than my own (not that I’m surprised). The walls are just as high as mine, but it’s apparent that there are more parts to it than my own. While mine was just a large room with various objects, hers had different rooms entirely. It’s like a wing in itself. Before I can stare in awe any longer, arms wrap around my waist from behind.

I yelp at the sudden contact. “Relax, it’s just me baby.” The Queen’s voice coos from right beside my face. Her lips brush slightly against my earlobe and my body shivers involuntarily. She chuckles and lets me go. I turn around to face her.

She still holds the same aura as before, even in her simple pajamas and makeup free face. Her hair is entirely down, and she has on no accessories or clothes other than her underwear and a long black pullover. I feel overdressed in the outfit that I wore to dinner. She looks so…happy and relaxed, and I’m wondering how Luhan could have been so wrong about her. He said that he worked under her, how could he have not seen this side of her?

“You still haven’t changed yet. Come, you can wear my clothes to bed.” She says. Her fingers lace with my own as she guides me into a different room.

Wow, sorry. Not another room, but her closet.

The closet is big enough to be a room, but instead of walls, all I can see are clothes. My mouth drops open while she makes me sit on one of the 5 couches in the middle of the room. I thought my closet was large, boy was I mistaken. She brings a hand up to her face and taps her cheek contemplatively. I watch her finger through a rack of clothes. She makes a small “Aha” and then gets on her tippy toes to pull down a white pullover in the same style as her own.

She runs over with a large smile and holds it out for me to look at. “It’s nice.” I say dumbly, not knowing what else to say to her.

“Take off your clothes.” She instructs. I grab the hem of my shirt and look at her nervously. She smiles cutely and I throw the rest of my caution to the wind. I take off all but my panties and stand in front of her while biting my lip in embarrassment. “Arms up.” I hold my arms in the air and she pulls the white pullover down over my raised arms and body. “How cute.” She pinches my cheeks and then pushes me back into the room with her bed. She jumps onto her bed like a child. I stand and stare in confusion. I’m so weirded out right now. “Come. Lie with me baby.”

Baby?

I crawl onto the bed with hesitation. She sits up and watches with bright eyes. I cross my legs under me and wait for her next words.

“How are you liking your stay so far?” she asks with her light voice.

I hate everything. I miss my home, and my friends. I don’t think anyone wants me here besides you. Seeing how the Charmers and humans here look so mistreated, sad, and uncomfortable makes me angry. I want to go home. “The castle is nice.” I tell her.

She sighs in satisfaction. “Great. I’m glad that you’re liking your stay so far. I want you to feel as though this is your home because it is. Everything here that is mine, I want to be yours.” I swallow at the seriousness in her voice. I don’t know what she’s trying to imply through her words, but I don’t think that I like it.

“June?” I look at her with expectant eyes. “I have some rules that I’m expecting you to follow. While I want you to be able to wander around freely and to enjoy yourself as if you have always lived here, I still have to put some regulations in place.”

“I understand.”

“Ah you’re so cute.” She says squeezing my cheeks again. I scrunch up my face and she giggles. She pulls away and hold up a finger. “Rule number 1, you are to call me Solar. No your Majesty, no your Highness, no Queen Yongsun. Just Solar. You aren’t just one of my citizens.” She says. I nod slowly at the request. She holds up a second finger, “Rule number 2, whenever I summon you, you are to report to me immediately. No questions asked until after you’ve arrived.” Reasonable. A third finger is added. “Number 3, if I ask for you to accompany me to an event, you must come and stand at my side.” Got it. Four fingers. “Number 4, you will be tutored every Wednesday starting at the beginning of the next year until I determine that you have been well versed enough in the laws and rules of the Royal Court to stop the lessons.” Gross. “Number 5, you are allowed to explore the castle as you want, but you are to under no circumstance go below the first floor. And finally rule number 6. You should know that you can always come to talk to me about anything. I want you to be comfortable enough with me to come to me with any issues that you may have, okay?”

“Okay…Solar.” I say in response to the list of rules. All of it seem simple enough. I’ve been given enough room to basically do whatever the hell I want…which is shocking. She puts down her fingers, and then sighs happily before falling back to lie on her bed. She begins to talk casually about her day and feelings. I listen in silence.

Listening to her rattle off, I can’t help but feel that the Queen is weirdly lonely in this large castle. Even surrounded by all of the people that live here, she seems to be so alone. Maybe she’s afraid of being betrayed by the people close to her and that’s why she seems to have no friends here.

I think about my own intentions and gulp. Maybe she should be.

She seems so nice, and yet I know that she is still the Queen who treats her humans and Charmers like all of the Gaia in the world do. She is still a Gaia. She’s the most powerful Gaia at that, and yet here she is talking to me as if I’ve been her best friend since birth. She’s talking to me so animatedly that I feel like this is the first time in a long time that she’s been able to ramble like this. It’s kind of sad.

This is one strange sleep over.

I would be lying though if I said that I wasn’t pulled in by her personality. Even with the greasy pet name she’s given me I still find her extremely charming and genuine.

And extremely cute.

I don’t even admit to people being cute very often, but it’s hard to deny the fact that she just is. It’s scary how easy it feels like it would be to fall into her friendly orbit. How easy it would be to just forget the mission I was sent in here for, and just live at her side being happy and keeping her happy.

It would be so easy; I have to fight it. She’s no different from the rest of them I have to remind myself. Even if she’s nice to me, I can’t forget the fact that she is fundamentally no different from the rest of them.

A few hours pass of her talking to me soothingly while I just listen and take it all in. I lie beside her and let her wrap her smooth legs around my own hairy ones. I grimace at how uncomfortable it must feel for her, and yet she seems to be unbothered by it. She finally falls asleep while holding me closely to her chest as if I’ll run off and vanish.

As much as I’d love to, I can’t.

She has no reason to worry about that. I probably won’t be leaving this place alive once everything is said and done. I stare at her resting face and frown. Something has got be wrong. There’s no way that she’s just this…pleasant. Especially to me. She must be hiding something from me. From everyone. I close my eyes and push the thought away for the time being. I’ll try to figure it out later on. For now, I’ll just enjoy being held like this for the first time.

The next morning, I find myself waking up alone in the Queen’s bed. A mix of confusion and unhappiness is the first thing that I feel. Where did she go? I rub at my eyes tiredly and leave the bed. After sleepily looking around the room one last time I decide to just go back to my room.

I pad across the carpeted floor to the door. I peak my head outside into the empty hallway, and slowly close the door just in case she happens to still be in the room somewhere. I rest my hands against the door and hang my head. What have I gotten involved in? I whimper quietly.

The sound of someone clearing their throat startles me. I whip around to face the source of the noise. I sigh and hold a hand to my heart. “It’s just you. You almost gave me a heart attack you know?” I say with a pout towards Sehun. He only gives me a small partial smile in return.

“You have missed breakfast. I’ll accompany you to the kitchen so that you can get something to eat.” I nod and let him walk me to the kitchen.

“Did you just stand outside of the door all night?” I ask. I sure hope not. That’d be quite stupid, but I was curious since he was here waiting for me as soon as I came out of the room.

He shakes his head. “No. I always go back to the Charmer wing unless told otherwise.” I nod again in acknowledgement. Noted.

In the kitchen, I find Minseok again and ask for some cereal. I look at Sehun. “You want some?” he hesitates and then shakes his head. I roll my eyes. Liar. “Make that two bowls please.” I tell the cute cook. He bows slightly before giving us bowls, a box of sugary cereal, spoons, and some milk. Thank goodness they still have cereal in this fancy place.

I pour some in my own bowl and then in Sehun’s. After putting in my milk, I pass it to him. He doesn’t move so I nudge his arm encouragingly. He flinches slightly. I pick up my spoon and hurriedly shovel the cereal into my mouth. The faster I eat, the faster we can both leave this awkward situation.

I swallow down the milk left in the bowl while Sehun finishes spooning the last of his cereal into his mouth. I jump down from my chair. Once again there is no one in the kitchen aside from the three of us. I thank Minseok and his small smile at being thanked again is enough to brighten the rest of my week. I grin in return and head back towards my room with Sehun trailing behind me.

“I’m just going to relax today. I don’t plan on leaving my room very much, so you can just go back and get some rest. You seem tired.” I tell him as we approach my door. I stop and turn to face him while keeping my hand on the doorknob.

“A-Are you sure? You don’t need anything? You- I mean I can just…go back to my room for the day?” he asks open-mouthed. I nod.

“Yeah. Go ahead and have some time off. I don’t need anything. I’ll find you if I need anything, don’t worry.” I give him a small smile. He takes a few steps backwards without breaking eye contact. He’s acting as if he thinks I’m tricking him. He finally turns his back on me, but a thought suddenly arises. I close the distance once again and grip the sleeve of the sweater I gave him yesterday to stop him from leaving. He’s still wearing it, how adorable.

He turns back to face me. “It’s almost December. Do you all not have any shirts?” I saw Minseok had on one, and so did some of the others who worked in the kitchen, but other than them the rest have been entirely shirtless.

His smile is sad when he responds. “We do. Most of us aren’t allowed to wear them outside of our wing. It’s just a…rule that we have to follow as servants in the castle.” He explains. “As your uhm personal servant, I’m allowed to keep it on since you gave it to me.” He looks at the ground and grips the hem of the sweater. “But I- uhm, I will take it off if you’d rather I not wear it…”

“No!” I say quickly. He looks up startled by the volume of my voice. “I mean, no. You can keep it on as long as you’re comfortable in it.” His cheeks flush a light pink, and I smirk at his reaction. He’s so damn cute, and I want to protect him with my life. “Go ahead and go. I’ll be fine here by myself Sehun.” He avoids eye contact at the sound of his name. “If you want to come to my room then you can. I’m not going to be doing anything anyway, and your company is always welcome.” He looks back into my eyes and nods before walking away quickly.

I smile at his retreating form and enter my bedroom. I throw myself onto my mattress and sigh happily. It’s nice to be back in this room. “Wow…never thought I’d say that.” I mutter to myself. I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of the gigantic and soft bed under me. What the hell is this thing even made of? It’s definitely not a normal mattress.

“I miss Jongin…” I hum absentmindedly. No one is here to talk to me, so I revert to talking to myself. I mean…I could go get Sehun, but I just gave the guy the day off. I can’t just call him back like that. It hasn’t even been 5 minutes. “Get a grip. You know how to entertain yourself.” I sit up and scan the room for something to do.

A shelf that I hadn’t paid much attention to before catches my eye. It’s a big grey thing with things of various colors stuffed in its shelves. I slide off the bed and pad over to the shelf with narrowed eyes. I rest my hand against the colorful things. “What are these…” I grab the side of a red one and pull it off the shelf. It sits in my hand, dusty, tattered, and worn with time.

Books.

Actual, physical books.

I gasp quietly and look at all of the freaking books just sitting here in my room as if they’re not basically nonexistent. “I thought these things vanished a long time ago…” the one in my hand has a title in a language from long ago. I can’t read it. I can barely read now as it is. This shelf has a mix of books in different languages. It’s not just the current language that world unanimously speaks, Milasi, but it’s also books written in some of the 7000 languages that existed before. I place the book in my hand back in its spot and pull out another. “I’ve never seen a book before.” I murmur to myself while carefully turning the pages of this new one.

I don’t know what exactly happened, but I know that when the world started over a lot of the books and technology were lost. It seems like a lot of the technology has been recreated and made better, but books never made a comeback. I guess they’re just not seen as useful anymore.

I run my fingers across the spines of the books for a while just enjoying the feeling of the weathered material against my skin. The smell of paper and ink is pleasing in such a weird way I wonder if my past lives liked books as much as I think I would have if I’d been born hundreds of years before now.

Deciding to actually take a look at the information they have to offer rather than just looking at their covers, I pull down two. One from the middle row in front of my eyes, and one from the very top row. Holding them carefully in my arms I walk over to the blue couches settled by the other large window in the room. A small cream colored table sits between the two couches; I sit at the couch that faces outside.

I spread the two books out on the table in front of me. People & Places, and Mama. I can read…but I wouldn’t say that my reading skills are the best. I can only hope that these books don’t have any extremely advanced words. “I’ll pee first, and then I’ll read my books. That’s a good idea, right?” I muse to myself. I pat my back reassuringly. “Yes, yes. A great idea.” I mumble.

I stand back up and run to the bathroom and quickly relieve myself. While washing my hands I take a look at my reflection. I look so gross. I can’t believe Sehun just let me go to the kitchen like this. Especially since he had on makeup and fresh clothes as if he was going to model or something.

It’s a good thing no other Gaia saw me. I can’t imagine how much less they’d think of me half-dressed and looking overall dusty. I let out a small groan. I can’t let them see me any less than perfect from now on. I wash my face and brush my teeth in an attempt to freshen up. After drying my face with a small towel and tossing it in a bin that I assume is for clothes, I take a closer look at the expansive marble counter.

The countertop has various kinds of makeups, hair brushes, hair straighteners, perfumes, and accessories. I frown at the unnecessary amount of things. I have no use for it since I have no idea how any of them even work. What could all of this stuff even be used for?

I run my fingers over some of the brushes and tilt my head curiously. I wonder if Jongin knows how to do makeup. He was wearing it last night, maybe he did it himself. Or maybe some other Charmer did. Maybe I’ll learn from someone at some point while I’m here.

I grab my toothbrush again and rinse it off once more before placing it back into its holder. I give my reflection a thumbs up and smack my cheeks a few times. I’ve got this. Everything is under control so far.

“You got it.” I whisper aloud to the girl in the mirror. With a final encouraging smile, I walk out and head back to look through the books.

I still can’t believe I have actual books. This is crazy. I feel like an ancient citizen.

I sit with one leg tucked under my butt and scan the titles of the three books again. I frown. “I thought I only grabbed two books…” I guess I forgot that I had grabbed the third. I pick up People & Places and open it to the first page. The date is from 2010. Whoa, this book is from centuries ago. It has to be from when there were only humans on the planet. I flick through the book to find that it is mostly just pictures and descriptions of places that I’ve never even heard of.

Los Angeles, California.

Toronto, Canada.

Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

London, England.

Moscow, Russia.

Tel Aviv, Israel.

Manila, Philippines.

Bangkok, Thailand.

Shanghai, China.

Tokyo, Japan.

Seoul, South Korea.

Cape Town, South Africa.

Lagos, Nigeria.

Cairo, Egypt.

Tehran, Iran.

Each location has pictures of the humans who once lived there. The cultures that defined them. The food that was special to their lives. Languages that held history and told of personal pasts special to the country. Each one special and beautiful in its own way. I wonder what it must have been like to be in a world full of so much diversity and life. I haven’t traveled in this life, but I know that every city around the planet are nearly identical to the Capital. Rings similar to ours. People similar to ours. Language identical to ours.

I wonder where my ancestors called home. What languages did they speak? What continent was their home? What foods were special to them? My eyes water at the thought of being alive hundreds of years ago. It seemed so much less complicated, so much easier with so many less issues. I look at the roof and blink away the tears. “You’re a big girl. You’re okay.” I inhale and exhale before looking at the book and closing it. What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t be nostalgic about a time I have no understanding of.

Then again…I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if we all lived then. What it would have been like if everyone was human again. If Tao and I had still been friends. If we’d have still found Kris and Luhan. If I’d have still met Jongin and Sehun. What they would be like. What I would be like. Would I have been able to be with any of them?

Would I have been allowed to love any of them? Could I allow myself to love any of them?

“Get a grip.” I mutter bitterly. The wandering thoughts vanish as I knock on the side of my head with my knuckles. What am I even thinking about? What kind of dumb delusions…

I pick up the next book.

MAMA

WHEN THE SKIES AND THE GROUNDS WERE ONE THE LEGENDS, THROUGH THEIR TWELVE FORCES, NURTURED THE TREE OF LIFE. AN EYE OF RED FORCE CREATED THE EVIL WHICH COVETED THE HEART OF TREE OF LIFE, AND THE HEART SLOWLY GREW DRY. TO ATTEND AND EMBRACE THE HEART OF TREE OF LIFE, THE LEGENDS HEARBY DIVIDE THE TREE IN HALF AND HIDE EACH SIDE, HENCE TIME IS OVERTURNED AND SPACE TURNS ASKEW. THE TWELVE FORCES DIVIDE INTO TWO, AND CREATE TWO SUNS THAT LOOK ALIKE. INTO TWO WORLDS THAT SEEM ALIKE, THE LEGENDS TRAVEL APART. THE LEGENDS SHALL NOW SEE THE SAME SKY BUT SHALL STAND ON DIFFERENT GROUNDS; SHALL STAND ON THE SAME GROUND BUT SHALL SEE DIFFERENT SKIES. THE DAY THE GROUNDS BE KEPT A SINGLE FILE BEFORE ONE SKY. IN TWO WORLDS THAT SEEM ALIKE, THE LEGENDS WILL GREET EACH OTHER. THE DAY THE RED FORCE IS PURIFIED, AND THE TWELVE FORCES REUNITE INTO ONE PERFECT ROOT, A NEW WORLD SHALL OPEN UP.

“Lame…” what kind of nonsense story is this supposed to be? I roll my eyes and close the book with a slam.

The last book, The Cleansing, seems unfamiliar. I don’t remember picking this one up off the shelf. It’s thicker than the other two, and is seemingly less old. I run my fingertips over the gold writing on the cover; it sparkles in the sunlight. The Cleansing itself sounds familiar; I think Kris mentioned it once or twice.

I open the cover and scan through the first few pages. Some words are unfamiliar to me and so much of its content is lost on me. It seems as though this Cleansing this is another word for a global wipeout. A lot of humans died, and a lot of Gaia and Charmers didn’t. I knew about a day when the world ‘restarted’ but I never learned what it was called and what exactly happened. I’ll have to get someone to explain it to me better another day. I pick the book up off my lap and pieces of paper slip from its pages to the floor.

“Oops.” I leave the book open on the table and leave the couch so that I can search for the papers that have scattered. The first hasn’t gone far from where I was sitting. I pick it up and turn it around to see if has any writing on its other side.

I let go of the paper as if it’s burned me as soon as I see what’s on its other side. It’s not writing. It’s a picture. I take a small step backwards. My heart thuds in my chest as I force my legs to walk back to the picture and pick it back off the ground.

With trembling fingers, I reach down to take a better look at the gruesome photo. It’s a boy chained up to a dirtied wall. He’s bloody and looks beaten nearly to the point of dead. His neck is strapped to the blood-stained stone wall behind him. With his neck restrained, his head is forced up, showing just how puffy and bruised his face is. The entirety of his body is naked save for a single sock covering his penis.

Bleeding gashes and darkened bruises adorn his skin like a crude finger painting done by a 2-year-old. His face is unfamiliar, but the amount of disgust I feel is still at an all-time high. I turn it over so that I don’t have to look at it anymore.

I look at the light pink floor of the room and can easily spot what must be other photos scattered about. I swallow heavily before walking around to gather the photos that must have similar subject matter captured in them. I wordlessly pick up the other 6 and keep them turned around so that I don’t have to look at their images yet. Once they’re stacked in my hands, I walk back to the couch and sit them face down on the book.

I shouldn’t look at the rest of these.

I stare at the white back of the pile going back and forth between wanting to see the faces of the boys in the photos and wanting to burn them all so that no one has to see them again. A larger part of me feels that I shouldn’t burn these because it would be disrespectful. I might not know the boys, they could be dead for all I know, but hurting the photos feels like it would be hurting them even further. I gather my resolve and pick up the first image to looking at it.

Bad idea.

I smack the palm of my hand to my mouth to prevent any sounds from coming out (not that they were in the first place). I stare at the new person in horror; I don’t even bother to acknowledge the tears that have begun running down my cheeks.

Kris.

It’s obvious by his height, and even though his face is beaten badly there is no way I wouldn’t be able to distinguish his features. Like the first picture I found on the ground, he is strapped to a stone wall. He isn’t bleeding as much as the first, but he is bruised beyond belief. His shoulder looks dislocated.

I put his down quickly and grab the rest of them and hold them so that I can see them all at one time. Faces both familiar and unfamiliar are displayed. Luhan, Jongin, Sehun. I drop the photos and bring my knees up to my chin.

These are real.

They have to be.

I swipe at my eyes and study Luhan, Sehun, Jongin, and Kris’s faces through my tears. They look so much younger. These must be from years ago. I muffle my sobs into my knees. They’re all so hurt. They’ve been through torture of that kind who knows how many times. How are they okay? How aren’t they still injured? It seems like the only scars they have are mental.

I drop my legs and quickly shove the photos in the book. I close it and pick it up and slide it as far under my bed as possible.

I don’t want to see it ever again. I don’t want to see any of that ever again, but I can’t just get rid of them. Seeing them all so young and injured, so broken and if they’ve given up on fighting to live lights a whole new fire in me.

I have to protect them. I’ll protect the photos as if I’m making a promise to their past selves. I’ll keep the pictures out of harm’s way. You won’t be hurt again. You’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it.

I furiously wipe away the tears in my eyes and sit on the ground next to my bed. Seeing it is so much worse than hearing about it. I’d known that they’ve experienced this stuff…but they never said much about it.

None of them said anything about how bad it was. I probably wouldn’t either if I was in their place. My eyes begin to blur from tears again. I swipe at my eyes with the sleeve of my pullover and shake my head. “Stop crying. Stop crying.” I smack my forehead with my hands a few times until the tears stop flowing.

After sniffling a few extra times, I place my hand to my throat. It’s swollen up after crying. I squeeze my throat with my hand and stand up off the ground. I can’t let them know that I’ve seen this. They shouldn’t know about this. “I won’t tell them about this.” I murmur. I look around my large room, and begin to feel suffocated by these blue walls. I have to get out of this room. I need to get some air.

I know I told Sehun I would stay here in the room…but I just can’t any longer. I’ll come right back after I clear my mind a little bit.

I’ll come right back.

Notes