October is close to ending…and with its end comes my impending departure. November 7th is the day I go. Each day that passes by is one day closer to my first test at the castle. One day closer to actually being inside of the place that has ruined so many lives. One day closer to having to leave the guys…

After the day of breakdowns, or the Tearmageddon as I like to call it, everyone has changed. Whether it was because of my breakdown, or their own, I may never know. Regardless of the cause, it’s obvious that everyone is treating me differently. Even Tao.

I feel like a child with the way that everyone is coddling me nonstop. I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but I almost miss the way things were when I first got here.

Kris tries to be secretive about it, but I can see the constant worried glances in my direction. If I hadn’t noticed that then I would have noticed how I wasn’t allowed to do anything for myself if he was around. Trying to open a pack of macaroni? Kris is right there taking it from my hands and making it himself. Tring to wash my clothes? Nope. Kris has got it. Already washed and folded better than a sheet a paper. If he could wash my back, he probably would. Luckily, they let me have my room to myself...usually.

Tao…hmm Tao hasn’t changed as much. But the clinginess has stepped up. He doesn’t leave to go to the 3rd ring anymore. He always sits in on my lessons now, and only takes a break when Jongin takes over. For the past 4 nights he’s been sneaking in to my room and falling asleep in my bed without my knowledge. It’s only when I woke up earlier than him one morning that I caught him. After some begging on his side, I allowed him to have one more night. But he can only choose one between now and when I leave. It might have been a bit harsh…but sleeping is the only time I have to myself these days. With all of them watching and flanking me by day, night is the only time I can relax.

Luhan is a weird case. Sometimes he just outright stares at me as if he’s trying to look in to my mind or something. It doesn’t stop unless I wave my hand in his face or physically shake him out of it. He gets so focused on his creepy staring that he forgets what he’s doing at times. When he isn’t staring he is also weirdly clingy. I feel like a chew toy that is fought over between him and Tao. Outside of his occasional creepy behavior, training becomes significantly less frequent and intense. I don’t know if he’s doing it because I’ve learned nearly everything, or if he’s doing it to take it easy on me. Either way, I’m relieved. We focus
mainly on behavior in the castle.

How to address the Queen.

How to address royal advisors.

How to address royal relatives.

How to walk in heels.

How to wear royal clothing.

Of all of the recent lessons, figuring out how to walk in Satan’s stilts was by far the most difficult. They looked nice yes, but they were an accident waiting to happen. It’s a miracle that I haven’t busted my ass in them yet.

Whenever Jongin shows up, we take trips to the 2nd ring shopping center so that I can get some practice with behavior. Now, here is where I really noticed personality changes. In not only Luhan, but Jongin as well.

Let’s take a look at our most recent trip, shall we?

“Jongin, that is the 5th guy you’ve glared at and we haven’t entered the shopping center yet. Calm down.” I whispered harshly. I’d been able to learn how to keep an eye out for my Charmers while coming off as distant to the rest of the world. If I have to be a bitch, I’m going to be a bitch who still watches over her Charmers.

The sounds of my heels clicked unevenly against the pavement as I sauntered around the busy area. The sound of a low growl from behind me made me glower in agitation. “Jongin, I swear on my life-”

“It wasn’t me this time I swear.” I abruptly turned around and grabbed the both of them by their wrists. That’s it. We needed to have a talk. I dragged them back out of the area and made them sit on a bench. I crossed my arms across my chest and looked at them frustrated.

“What is with you too? What happened to the whole silent and submissive thing, huh? You two are glaring at, frowning at, and fucking growling at other dudes now? Either of you care to shine some light on this situation?” Jongin pouted angrily, and Luhan looked off to the side stubbornly. “I’m waiting!” I said loudly. The two of them jump at the volume of my voice before turning their attention to my shoes. To the Gaia and Charmers walking around, I probably looked like someone about to punish her Charmers. As a normal occurrence, not many people gave us a second glance.

Jongin had taken on the role of my unofficial protector, and even though he wasn’t supposed to be doing it, he was unusually aggressive towards other men when we were all out in public. With the Gaia he was his quiet and invisible self, but oh boy. If a guy so much as got too close the usually fluffy boy would turn in to another person.

It scared me as much as it scared them honestly.

We had quickly become even closer, and while he was doing most of the protecting, I still feel the need to protect him. Even if he is being irrationally protective for someone who has no reason to be. No one is going to hurt me here. I don’t know why they don’t get that.

Luhan was a different story, yet again. His attacks on others were usually way more direct. It took me a while to notice it, but if a lone Charmer was around and happened to look in our general direction he would…mess with him. He would make them trip, make things fall from their hands, make things fly into them. Make them walk into things. And at times, I’d noticed that he’d make people completely walk out of the way.

They were getting out of control, and if they accidently pulled one of their little stunts on a Gaia…I wouldn’t be able to protect them…

“So are we just going to sit in silence or is someone going to answer me?” I asked the pair again.

“Sorry. We’ll stop it.” Luhan said finally. He mumbled something additional under his breath, but I ignored it and let it go. We didn’t have the time for this.

So, now I dread having to go out in public with the two of them. Here at home it wasn’t nearly as bad. Jongin went back to being his fairly quiet and cute self, and Luhan went back to being…well Luhan. But I could still tell that something was off.

If not from my own intuition, Tao’s suspicious smiles would have warned me that I was missing something. If we were alone and Luhan happened to walk in, he would smirk and stick his tongue out making sure to cling to me tighter. Usually Luhan would retaliate by making him bite his tongue in the process. And yet despite the pain, Tao would continue to aggravate him. With Jongin he just seems confused as he follows the boy with his eyes. I’m not entirely dumb, and Tao isn’t very good at hiding things. And from the behavior, it feels like they’re hiding something from me.

For the life of me I can’t figure out what it is.

“Tao. I need to talk to you.” I walk in to his bedroom and close the door behind me. He turns off the tablet that he had been playing on to look up at me skeptically. We both know that I don’t usually come in to his room unannounced. Unlike how he enters mine.

“Why?”

“Put away your attitude for like 5 minutes. That’s all I’m asking for.”

“…alright. You have 5 minutes.” I jump onto his bed and fold my legs under me. Where do I start?

“You know how I’m going to leave soon right?” He hums in acknowledgement. “When do you think I’ll be back? I’m getting more nervous, and worried that I won’t see you guys after I go there.”

“You’re going to come back after the first round. Don’t worry about never coming back until we see if you make it to the second round of evaluations. You’re thinking too far ahead right now.”

“You’re right…but, I don’t know…”

“Listen to me. Calm down. You’ve done great, if you make it in then great. You’ve succeeded, and even if you don’t, you can always come back here. As much as I hate to admit it, Kris and Luhan like having you here, and I almost feel like I have to fight for your time with them. Which is still fucked because you’re my best friend, and some people want to pretend like that fact doesn’t exist.” Emphasizing certain words, he glances at his door with a frown.
“Either way, it’s all going to be fine.” He leans back against his headboard. I sigh.

“What if I don’t want to go to the castle anymore?” I voice. He looks at me patiently. “I…I don’t know if can do it. I want to stay here. I’m tired of being moved from place to place, and this is the first time I’ve felt like I belonged somewhere in almost 10 years. I don’t think that I can just leave like that.”

“You think you’re the only one who’s going to have a hard time letting go?” he asks with a scoff. “Kris is constantly asking me if I still think he should let you go in. He’s like 3 seconds away from trying and convince you not to go in. If I have to hear him say ‘are you sure we should let her go? I don’t think we should make her go’ one more fucking time, I think I’m going to scream and just dress like you to go myself. Luhan is basically your bitch now, and I don’t know how he’s going to deal with it when you’re actually not in the house anymore after all that’s happened. He barely lets you leave the house as it is, and even then you know how he acts.” He crosses his arms over his chest petulantly. “When all this is over, Jongin is the only one who’s still going to be able to see you and he’s the one who’s known you for the shortest amount of time. I’m your best friend for fuck’s sake, and you’re going to leave me to go live in luxury for god knows how long. Do you know how upset that makes me?! I don’t want you to go either, I’m letting go of my best friend for this. But it’s not about me. It’s not about us.

“You have to do this. Even if you don’t want it, I don’t want it, and they don’t want it. This is bigger than just us, and none of us can just hide out in this house for the rest of our lives. If it’ll make you feel any better, go talk to each of them. Tell them how you feel. Let them tell you how they feel. Don’t act like you’re in this by yourself.” He shoves my shoulder and smiles softly. I keep forgetting that everyone is risking something for me to do this. It’s nice to know that I’m wanted here…but he’s right. I have to do this.

For all of the humans and Charmers who are suffering.

“Thanks Tao.”

“Yeah whatever. If we’re done here I need to get back to doing some research.” He picks his tablet back up and turns it back on.

“You’re researching something?” I lean in to see what he could possibly be interested enough in to actually research it. He flicks my forehead and pulls the tablet further out of my line of vison.

“Yes, and I can’t find anything about it on here. Mind your business.”

“I want to know what you’re trying to find out! Maybe I can help. Tell me.”

“No. It’s about you, and I was told not to tell you anything about it until we figured out more about it.” He says as if that shuts down the conversation. I don’t care if the Queen herself told him not to tell me. He can’t just throw out bait like that and expect me not to go after it. If it’s about me, I have the right to know about it.

“So you all are hiding something from me!” I jump up on my knees and reach for the tablet.
He quickly exits out of the programs and turns it off. “I knew it. Just tell me, you asshole.” I throw myself towards him, reaching for whatever sensitive areas I can touch. If he won’t talk, then I’ll tickle his ass to death.

“I can’t!” he starts laughing. “I swore-I swore to ke-keep it to myself for now.” He swats at my hands while wheezing for air. Yes. Suffer.

“Yah, what do you think you’re doing in here?” I pull away my hands to see Luhan standing in Tao’s doorway with a frown. I climb off of Tao who is still giggling from being tickled, only to feel slightly embarrassed.

Along with a bit…upset? Mad? Jealous?

The feeling feels misplaced. Like it doesn’t belong with me.

“I was talking to Tao. I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to talk to him in his room.” I slide off the bed so that I can stand up beside it.

“That didn’t look like talking to me.”

“Who peed in your soup this evening?” I ask while crossing my arms over my chest. “Would you rather I talk to you then? We can always go to your room.” I say jokingly. His frown falters slightly, and I can clearly see the light blush starting on his cheeks. That’s the first time in a while he’s gone speechless from being teased.

“Yeah, maybe you can answer her questions. Since you know, you’ve got the whole bo-” I hear Tao’s yelp before I notice the soccer ball that was once on the ground by my foot has now ended up on his bed. Tao rubs at his forehead where the ball connected and mumbles under his breath. Did he throw that ball at his face?

“You got what?” I frown at Luhan who is now smirking in Tao’s direction. “Hey! What do you have? Why isn’t anyone answering my questions?” I pout and wave my arms around in frustration. I’m getting really sick of all of this. I huff and grab Luhan by his wrist. “We aren’t finished here Tao. I’ll be back after I deal with Mr. I-Can-Make-Things-Float.” Pulling Luhan behind me I walk directly out of Tao’s room and to Luhan’s bedroom door.

“Are you really coming in to my room right now?” he asks incredulously.

“Yes. Open your door. You want to have a fit in Tao’s room, let’s go in yours. Let’s talk.” I reach out to turn the handle, but he slides his body between mine and the door immediately. The smell of his clothes plus whatever soap he uses hits me full force at this proximity. I swallow nervously and take a small step backwards.

“G-Give me a minute. I need to, uhm straighten up.” He says, flustered. He slips into the room while watching me to make sure that I don’t sneak in behind him. It’s not like I haven’t gone in his room before, but this is probably the first time he’s known about it.

I stand patiently for about 2 minutes before my impatience wins over. I open the door to see him frantically shoving stuff under his bed. Even with his time to clean up, it’s clear that his room is normally a mess. My room has clothes strewn on the floor in some places, but little Lu either has too many clothes and no space, or just doesn’t use his drawers and closet at all. While it looks like a pig sty, it still smells…surprisingly nice.

“Your room is a mess.” I say, making my presence known. He scrambles on to his feet.

“I told you to wait!”

“You said to give you a minute. I gave you two.” I reply with a smile. I settle myself on the edge of his unmade bed and pat the spot beside me. I know he doesn’t like people on his bed, but irking him is one of my best abilities. Instead of the glare that I was expecting, he looks at me with discomfort. His uneasiness is apparent, and the more awkward that he acts the more awkward I feel.

So maybe forcing my way in his room was a bad idea.

But he didn’t object as much as I thought he would.

So really it’s his fault.

Finally, he sits down as far away as he can from me. Why are they all so fucking weird? I roll my eyes and shift myself to that I can look at him directly. “What are you guys hiding from me?” there’s no point in beating around the bush.

His eyes widen only for a second, before he puts on the mask that I’ve seen him use to hide behind when he is hiding something or lying. “We aren’t hiding anything.” he sounds entirely too relaxed for it to be true.

“You’re a liar, and you suck at hiding stuff. Just tell me.”

“No.”

“Luhan seriously.”

“I’m being serious.”

“No, you’re being elusive.”

“Wow you’re using big words. Good job.”

“I’m going to hit you.”

“Be my guest.” I groan loudly and fall onto my back. He is going to be the death of me. His
sheets smell really nice… “You know, if you’re in the castle…you’d really have to hit people right?” he says suddenly. I let my head roll in his direction to look at him once again.

“What?”

“If any of the Charmers or humans talk back to you in the castle. You’ll have to hit them. It probably won’t happen often…if at all, but if it does…”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I just remembered. It’s one of the only things I’m worried that you won’t be able to do…and if you don’t do it, you could put yourself in danger.”

I push myself back up into sitting position. “I don’t understand why I have to hit-”

“If anyone speaks out of turn to you or the Gaia, it’s normal for them to punish that person. If you’re around other women, and you don’t hurt that person, you’d be putting both your own life and his in danger. That’s just how it is.” he looks dead serious as he speaks. “After how you’ve gotten use to us talking to you any way it might be a problem to have to switch out of that.” He raises a fair point. I like the banter, talking back to one another is normal to me.
Would I be able to catch it when someone did it around the Gaia?

“…okay.” I respond.

“You think you can do that?” he asks surprised.

“Yeah, let’s start with you, you little dickhead.” I raise my hand up jokingly, but the actual fear that flashes on his face in that first moment makes me drop my hand not even a second later.
“Oh no, I’m sorry! I was just joking I didn’t mean- I uhm, fuck I’m sorry!” I crawl over to him panicked at the reaction that I caused. I didn’t realize what I was doing. I’m such an idiot, I didn’t think that through. Frazzled I start patting him; I don’t know why I’m doing it, but it’s the only thing I can think to do after scaring him.

“Stop it. I’m fine. Why are you doing this?” Luhan blocks his face with his hands and starts to laugh at me. Here I am, trying to soothe him and he dares laugh at my (albeit questionable) methods.

In a last ditch attempt to stop my roaming hands, he reaches out to grab my arms so that he can hold them together and away from his face. His laughing dies down, but his smile is still there. “You’re so weird.”

I smile nervously, afraid of making a repeat offense even with my hands under his control. I look down at where we’re touching, and notice how close we’ve suddenly gotten. Probably my own fault since I went on a pat attack all of a sudden. When I look back up his expression has changed. He appears to be deep in thought. Lost in his mind like he’s being doing constantly these days.

Man, I wish I could just read minds so that I could know what goes on in all of their heads.
“You should slap me.” He says finally. I arch an eyebrow at the statement. Did we not just figure out that that’s a bad idea?

“Why?” I scoff. He blinks twice.

“You just need to.”

“Once again, I ask ‘why’? I don’t see why I need to slap you.” I purse my lips as I attempt to decode his fearful but anticipating expression.

“Because of this.” He leans in and closes the rest of the distance between us by pressing his lips to mine. I stiffen and widen my eyes purely because this is not the turn I expected the conversation to take. He pulls away and closes his eyes as if waiting for me to actually hit him. When I don’t, he reopens them.

So stupid.

He’s so stupid.

“Why aren’t you-” I press my mouth back against his sufficiently shutting him up. This time he freezes up. I pull back only slightly, my lips still brushing against his.

“Shut up, and just kiss me.”

So stupid.

I’m so stupid.

We’re so fucking stupid.

After my encouragement, he kisses back. Enthusiastically. Almost too enthusiastically. He lets go of my arms so that he can move them to more useful places. I use the opportunity to wrap my arms around his neck and pull myself closer.

It’s messy, uncoordinated, and thoughtless. Our bodies moving faster than our minds. A part of me felt as though this was inevitable. We hadn’t talked about what happened that one night where we let ourselves fall victim to the stupid thing called hormones, and ever since it happened there’s always been this stupid slight tension.

It felt like I had some elastic string tied to my soul that connected me to him. It felt like my body wanted to be near him at all times. Like I was supposed to be around him at all times. I wanted him to be around me at all times.

But I couldn’t act on that. No. I have sense…I had sense. I knew that whatever it was, was irrelevant. I was thinking irrationally and I let a crush go too far. That was it. I wasn’t sure if Luhan felt the same and I wasn’t going to jeopardize…whatever it is that we have…had just because my thoughts would stray in a direction they shouldn’t about him. Maybe they’ll go away after this.

God, he’s so good with his mouth.

I tilt my head farther to the side so that I can reach farther with my own tongue. A dance for dominance begins, and he pokes and prods around my own mouth as if he’s mapping it out for future use.

If I remember correctly, he liked having his hair pulled. I thread my fingers in the strands and tug softly. He leans into the pull, and lets out a throaty moan.

Jackpot.

I giggle at the discovery.

He smiles a mischievous grin and his grip on my sides tighten before he pushes me backwards on the bed.

In this way. At this time. Like this. None of this is allowed. I shouldn’t be here with him, and he shouldn’t be doing this with me. Not like this. Even as clothes are lost, skin caresses skin, kisses are stolen, sin melds with sin, I can’t help but let the feeling of this brief moment of bliss consume me.

Because as soon as this over...

As soon as we’re done…

We have to go back to being who we are.

Not just a boy and a girl.

Not just two people consumed by this feeling of lust. This feeling of being wanted. This feeling of being appreciated in a way that feels different from what we’d both become accustomed to this feeling like.

No.

He would go back to being a Charmer.

And I would go back to being a human.

We would go back to putting ourselves in check. We’d go back to harmless teasing while keeping in mind the importance of keeping it all just that.

Harmless.

I just hoped that I could pretend that we weren’t that for just this little while longer. That we could let it mean something for just this once. That we could mean something slightly more for just this little while longer.

---

He really is too gorgeous to be a real person. Having fallen asleep while holding me to his naked body, I’ve given myself the chance to stare at him in his state of peace. No smart comments. No false expressions. Just him. Calm and quiet.

I take my hand and push the sweaty strands on his forehead back, only to watch them fall back in place. His mouth hangs open slightly, and I do nothing to hide the smile it gives me. I don’t know what we’re going to do from here. I don’t know what we can do from here. Do we pretend this never happened? Are we going to talk about it when he wakes up? Do we even need to?

The little elastic string’s pull doesn’t go away. It feels as though it’s strengthened and I don’t think that that’s necessarily a good thing. I run my fingers through his hair again and then let them drag down his face.

I still feel confused.

Are there any feelings outside of our momentary slip in to lust? For me, I can’t exactly say. I like him…yes, but is it any more than just that? I feel more protective and dare I even say possessive over him than the normal person, but it isn’t anything extremely shocking. I always feel fairly possessive over people I’ve gotten close to.

He couldn’t possibly think of me in any other way though. He hated me when I first got here. Nearly as much as I hated them. I’d never picked up on any serious display of affection with him. He was always joking and kidding around when he teased. I’m never sure what’s true.

I run the pad of my thumb across his cheek one last time before lightly pressing my lips against his so as not to wake him. For just this this moment I was able to just be a girl and he was able to just be a boy, and that was enough for me. I’ll have to lock it all away in a new room within my emotional fortress, but at least this time it won’t have to be labeled as a bad memory. The string and it’s pull, the thoughts of what could possibly be more, all to be put away so that I can protect it. So that I can protect myself.

I can’t like him any more than I already do. I’m afraid to, and I can only pray that it doesn’t get any worse for either of us. It’s neither the time nor place for such…things.

Maybe in the next life, perhaps.

I sit up in the bed and hold the sheet to my upper body as I scan the room for my discarded clothes. I need to get out of here before we’re caught. Would we get in trouble for this? It’s not illegal, and yet I feel like I would die of my own shame if Kris or Tao happened to walk in. I don’t know how long I’d been with him, but I don’t need to risk a minute more.

I gently slide myself out of the bed, letting my gaze linger on the sleeping boy wrapped up in his white sheets before focusing on redressing myself.

Damn him and this messy ass room. I have no clue where my clothes have vanished, but at this point I’m going to settle for anything. I pick up the shirt closest to me and sniff it in hopes of it being somewhat clean.

Thank goodness.
I slip the shirt over my naked form and pick up a pair of shorts from nearby. These clothes seem to be the clean ones.

Or at least the somewhat clean ones.

I glance at him one last time before slipping from his room and back to my own. I quickly grab my own clothes from my dresser and head to the bathroom to shower and clean myself off.

---

“Can you let me go? I want to watch TV without being suffocated please.”

“No. You’re leaving tomorrow. I’m not letting you go, and I’m sleeping with you tonight.”

“I’m coming back. You’re holding on to me like I’m leaving for 20 years. Weren’t you the one who reminded about that?”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to just let you go easily.” I roll my eyes at Tao’s childish antics. “I’ll hang on to you until the very last second.”

The comment makes me smile. “You and I both know you won’t be able to hang on to me for much longer. There’s a limit even to your clinginess.” He shakes his head defiantly.

“Not until the very last moment.” He says determined. His arms tighten around my waist and he buries his face further into my stomach. I shake my head and turn my attention back to the television screen. If Tao wants to suffocate himself in the material of my shirt, so be it.

An advertisement for a new version of the ever so popular wrist communicator shows up on the screen. A new model specifically for Gaia to buy for their Charmers or humans. I wonder what makes it so special. “Tell me how much you love me June.” I hear from below me. I look down at Tao who is now looking up at me with expectant eyes.

“Why are you asking this of me right now?” I ask him.

He shrugs. “I just want to hear you say it.”

“I love you so-”

“Use my name.”

“You’re an actual child.”

“Shush. Go on.”

I glare at the man child with his head in my lap. “I love you, Tao, so much that if you lost a lung, I would give you one of mine.”

“That’s dumb. Then you’d die, you idiot.”

“I know.” I say passively. “That’s how much I love you. I would honestly give up my own life for you if I had to. You’re basically the closest thing to family that I have, and –as you love to remind me- you’re my best friend. I love you Tao more than all of the stars in the universe and all the grains of sand on the Earth. I want to strangle you like 90% of the time, but I’d just strangle you with all of my love.” I say cheesily.

Tao blinks in shock. Then a grin stretches over his face. “That was the greasiest thing you have ever said, and I am in physical pain over how disgusting you just made me feel. Keep your love. I don’t want it.” he returns back to pressing his face into my stomach while I stare at him appalled.

I smack the side of his head angrily. “Remind me to never tell you anything nice again.” He just laughs his high-pitched laugh into the material of my shirt. His grip around me doesn’t lessen, and that gesture in itself lets me know that he was joking around. I think I just took him off guard and he had no way to think of an honest answer.

As long as he knows that I mean it, I could care less if he pretends to reject my love. As long as he doesn’t let me go until the very last moment.

---

Today’s the day. I kind of want to vomit, and I kind of want to run 20 laps around the house. Who am I kidding, I wouldn’t run one lap around the house if there was gun to my head.

I squirm out of Tao’s vice grip so that I can retreat to the bathroom to shower and get dressed. It’s only around 7am and I don’t have to be there until noon, but I figure if I dress faster then I’ll have less to worry about when the time gets closer.

5 hours.

Tao lies unconscious in my bed with his limbs spread haphazardly even as I leave the bathroom after having freshened up. The sound of his snoring lets me know that he is indeed dead to the world, so I drop my towel and pull on my underwear without another thought. I glance over my shoulder and I see that he is still asleep. Great.

I force myself into the pretty lavender dress that Tao and I decided I would wear. Luckily it still fits. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that the weather has gotten colder I realize that maybe this isn’t the best outfit choice any longer. I could wear tights with it maybe. And I have a coat for when we go outside so that my arms don’t get too cold. I’ll live.

I pull the white heels out of the closet and sit them at the foot of the bed. They’re such nice shoes, I’m so glad I was talked into buying these.

I pad back over to my dresser and sit down on my bed.

Tights.

What color tights do I wear?

White? Black? Grey? Red? I don’t know how to color coordinate and thinking of any of the tights with my dress just doesn’t feel right. I just won’t wear the tights. It’s not even that cold yet. I can feel Tao stirring in the spot next to me. Might as well wake him up fully. I close the drawer loudly and said boy sits upright.

“What time is it?! Are you about to leave? Why didn’t you wake me up!?” He scrambles off the bed in haste and nearly lands face first on the ground.

“Relax. It’s not even 8 yet.”

He crawls back up on the bed with a yawn. “Why are you dressed so early?” he asks. He rubs his palms against his eyes in an attempt to get rid of the sleep.

“I was too anxious to wait. Go clean yourself up, you look like shit.” I pat his bed hair and leave the room first.

The smell of food cooking reaches my nostrils as soon I’m halfway down the stairs. As good as it smells, my stomach is in way too many knots to even consider eating it. If I even look at it, I think I may feel more sick than before.

“Morning.” Kris says from his spot by the oven. He’s wearing an apron and it’s actually the cutest thing I think I’ve ever seen. He’s like 20 feet tall and looks like an angry athlete and yet here he is making breakfast in an apron like a parent. I don’t do a very good job of hiding my amused expression, but he just smiles, rolls his eyes, and continues cooking. “Are you hungry?”

“Not really. It smells great, but if I eat I don’t think it’ll stay down very long.” I admit.

“That’s fine. Don’t eat if you can’t.” He says simply. He turns around and sets some bacon on a plate next to me. His eyes flicker over to my outfit. “Why are you dressed?”

I shrug. “I was nervous. Wanted to get it out of the way.”

“Well while I’m finishing up in here, why don’t you go wake up the other two.” I nod and hop down from my seat at the kitchen island. I’m so mad that I can’t eat. It looks so good, but even at the thought of food touching my insides I feel my stomach clench defiantly.

I open my bedroom door to find my room empty. Looks like he went back. I turn around and knock on Tao’s door before slowly opening it. He sits on his bed sliding on his shoes. “Hey, breakfast is almost ready.” I announce. He hums in acknowledgement. What a lovely chat.

At Luhan’s door, I hesitate.

You see, the two of us haven’t exactly talked much after I left his room that afternoon without a word. I think that he’s upset with me, but he hasn’t said a word about it. He hasn’t said a word to me. I can deal with if he was mad and he told me. I can deal with yelling and I can deal with talking. I can’t deal with suddenly being thrown away and ignored. It’s been a week and Luhan hasn’t said a single thing to me about anything, and I think that’s what hurts the most.

I raise my fist and knock against the wood as soft as possible. One second passes. Two second passes. I hope he’s still asleep. I can just go back stairs and say I tried. Letting out the breath I’d been holding while waiting for the door to open I force myself to turn and walk away.

“June.” I stop in my steps and squeeze my eyes closed. He just had to come to the door didn’t he. Guarding my expression, I turn back to face the guy.

“Kris says breakfast is almost ready.” I say. I turn back around only to be stopped at the sound of my name once again.

“June. Wait a minute.” I hear his steps behind me, so I face him before he can turn me around himself. He looks shocked at me having turned to face him willingly. “I…um. Can we talk for a minute?”

Talk? He wants to talk now? No. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to hear what he has to say after a full week of being completely ignored. “Sure.”

Dammit. Mouth, you had one job.

I follow him back to his bedroom only to see how much cleaner it was since I was last in here. He sits on his bed and pats the spot beside him. I give him a wary look. With heavy legs, I trudge over and sit in the spot he left for me.

We sit in silence after that.

I have no intention of talking, so if he doesn’t speak up soon I’m going to go ahead and walk out. When he turns to start speaking, what he says is the last thing I expected him to say at the moment.

“Are you ready to leave for the castle?”

Are. You. Kidding. Me.

My temper flares. I can’t believe him. That’s what he has to say? That?! What kind of absolute idiot is he? I look at him heatedly. “Am I ready? That’s what you pulled me in here to ask?” I stand up from my spot next to him. “You haven’t said a single word to me in a week, and that’s the first thing you have to say?” I ask incredulously. He looks away from my eyes, and I let out a groan of frustration. “I didn’t mean to make you hate me.”

He looks up in confusion. “I didn’t know that doing that would make you hate me. I wouldn’t have done it if I knew it was going to make you ignore me and push me away. I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry that we messed up again, and I wish it never happened anymore. I just want you back. I just want my friend back.” I wipe at the tear that has fallen. Fucking hell. I didn’t mean to start crying in front of him. With all of my worries about today and the sudden flare in anger, crying was the only thing my body seemed to think to do. He’s going to dislike me even more now. I clench my fists, close my eyes, and look at the ground.

Weak.

I’m so weak.

I feel his arms securing themselves around me. He rests his cheek against the side of my head. “I don’t hate you, dummy.” He mutters. My fists unclench at the comment. I open my eyes in surprise. “I could never hate you…I just…I was angry at myself. I didn’t mean for you to be this affected by it.” He rests his hands on my shoulders and holds me at arm’s length. He looks me directly in the eyes, nothing but genuine feelings in his own.

“Wh-I don’t…why…”

“I could have handled it better, but trust me. You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. I should have stopped it before it even started. I was punishing myself after and so I figured avoiding you would be the best way to do that. It’s just this stupid bond just makes it all harder-” he slaps both of his hands to his mouth to physically keep from saying any more.

But it’s too late. I heard it.

I definitely heard him.

“Bond…what bond?” I ask. He shakes his head quickly.

“Nothing, its nothing.”

“Luhan…what…bond?” he steps backwards as I advance towards him. Is this what they’ve been hiding? Something about bond? What’s a bond? Who’s bonded? “If you don’t tell me, I’ll ask Kris myself.” I threaten. He makes no move, so I sprint towards the door.

“Okay I’ll tell you!” he shouts. I stop my movement and he sits on his bed defeated. I cross my arms and wait. He looks between me and the door before sighing heavily. Murmuring something under his breath about being killed. “We…we don’t know much about it. But sometimes humans can bond with Gaia and Charmers. It’s a rare thing, and almost never happens.”

“And what do we have to do with that?”

“That’s the funny part.” He chuckles nervously. “Kris, Tao, and I think that you and I might have maybe…possibly bonded.”

I drop my arms. “What?!” I shout. He jumps up and covers my mouth with his hand.

“Shush. If Kris finds out that I told you, we’re both in trouble.” He slowly removes his hand.

“How long have we been…bonded or whatever?”

“Probably since we kissed that night. That’s when Tao said he started seeing a difference.”
Tao knew too?

“Why haven’t any of you said anything to me about this? What does this mean?”

“We don’t know. That’s why we hadn’t told you. None of us know anything about this because it doesn’t happen that often. There was no reason to tell you if it doesn’t affect you yet. So don’t worry about it. As soon as we figure out more about it we’ll tell you.” He assures me. I’m bonded to Luhan. I don’t understand what the fuck that means, but at least I’m not the only one in the dark.

“Alright…” I say. “I won’t say anything about it until you guys bring it back up. I’ll forget we even had this conversation,”

He lets out a relieved sigh. “Thank god.”

“As long as we can go back to the way we were. No more punishing yourself, and no more ignoring me. If I’m not ashamed of having done it, then you shouldn’t be mad at yourself either.” I admit. A fraction of a smile appears on his face. “So,” I stand up straighter. “, let’s go eat breakfast and go back to normal. I already want to jump off the roof since I have to leave in a few hours, and I’d prefer if I didn’t have to worry about you for the rest of the day as well.”

I open his bedroom door feeling significantly less stressed than I did before. I’m glad we solved this issue. Now the waiting game begins.

After breakfast the four of us sit in the living room. I cross and un cross my legs as the nerves start to flare up again. I only half listen to Kris as he gives last minute tips and some names of Charmers in the castle that I can trust, but it all goes in one ear and out the other.

True to his words, Tao has latched on to me yet again. Our fingers are linked and he has pressed himself to my side like he’s glued there. Luhan is on my other side with his arm comfortably draped behind me and Tao.

As Kris starts to stand up and pace while rattling off any and everything he thinks I could need to know Luhan leans over and whispers in my ear. “I didn’t get to tell you before, but you look beautiful in that dress.” His breath ghosts over the shell of my ear, and I shiver involuntarily.

“You okay?” Tao asks from my other side at my shiver. I nod quickly.

“Yep. Perfectly fine.”

“…but if Chanyeol ever tries to even mention his old pet ferrets then you just need to…” Ferrets? What is Kris talking about?

“You said that you weren’t ashamed about having sex with me.” Luhan whispers teasingly. I turn my head and only glare at him. I’m not going to fall into his little trap. I won’t entertain the teasing. “You liked fucking me.” He says against my ear. How is Kris not seeing this? Tao is so entertained by Kris’s pacing that he isn’t even looking at me. How are they not stopping him? Why am I not stopping him?

“When you get back we can continue where we left off…” I shiver again at the tone of his voice. A brief memory of the event flashes in my mind and I have to cover my face with a hand to halfheartedly cover my embarrassment. He pulls away and laughs quietly to himself.

“Fuck you.” I mutter.

“You already did.” He sing-songs. I smack him in the chest as he starts to laugh aloud by himself. I’m glad he’s having his fun, because I’m going to kill him. Kris stops pacing and looks over to the two of us.

“You two are talking again?”

“Yeah. We just had a misunderstanding.” I inform him. Kris nods and taps on his tablet sitting on the other couch. His eyes widen.

“Shit. You need to go soon. Your car is going to be here any minute now.”

“You aren’t taking me?” I ask dumbly.

He sighs. “Did you not listen to anything I’ve said?”

Honestly, no. “I missed that part.” I lie.

“No I can’t take you. You have to arrive on your own. I can’t go back to the castle after having run away, and you can’t show up with Luhan. I’m sorry but from here until you get back…it’s all you.” He says sadly. The sound of a car horn blares from outside. The reality of the situation sets in immediately.

“I’ll go get your shoes!” Tao jumps up to go bring my heels down the stairs. Luhan gets up to grab my coat from the closet in the hall. I stand up and stand in front of Kris. He looks down and I look up.

“You’ve got this June. Just breathe and do the best that you can. You’ll be back before you know it.” He assures. Luhan holds my coat in his arms and Tao comes back into the living room and sets my shoes on the ground beside me. “Sit.” Kris instructs. I sit back down, and let Kris gently pick my foot up. “Whatever you do,” he slips the first shoe on my foot. He picks up the second. “, you can’t blow your cover.” My foot slides in. “Not for anything.” His hand lingers on my ankle; his eyes raise back up to meet mine. “Do you understand?” I nod. I know not to say anything about this. I won’t be hurt, but if I mention it I will most likely get all of them plus others killed.

He stands up and holds his hand out for me to grab on to and pull me on my feet. “You’re going to do just fine. Just go do your best.” He says again. He hugs me, and I quickly return the favor. His embrace is comforting, and here in his arms is where I wish I could just stay instead. He pulls himself away.

When Tao comes up for his farewell hug he is already in tears, and I almost give in and cry with him. But I have to be strong and get through this. The faster we do this, the faster I can come back home. He cries into my shoulder for a good few seconds before he pulls away and mutters a quiet “Í love you, come back safe.” He lets go and run up the stairs so that he doesn’t have to watch me walk out on my own.

Luhan is far more controlled than the last boy. He smiles timidly. “Just don’t be too caring and you’ll be fine.” He says. He slips the coat on my shoulders and I put my arms in the sleeves. He pulls me into his arms. Surprisingly it’s this moment that make a single tear fall from my eye. He pulls away slightly only to press a soft kiss against my hairline. “Make us proud babe.” He says so that only I can hear. He pulls away and wipes away the tear from my face with a soft smile.

I just have to do this and come back home. I just have to do this and come back home. I chant the thought to myself as my feet carry me down the corridor leading to the front door.
All of their hopeful faces stick in my head as I walk out the threshold of the front door to the awaiting car. A long black limousine. Just do this and you can come back June.

A man holds the back door open for me with a polite smile. I can do this. With a final breath I get into the car and smooth down the front of my dress. My own nervousness is suffocating, but behind it I’m excited. I’m already excited to get back home tonight.

Unfortunately, I never did.

Notes