Finding My Way
Stop
Hoseok’s POV
Friday
Junghwon High School
2:15pm
Stop.
The bell rings and everyone packs up their belongings. For some reason, our homeroom teacher doesn’t give her dismissing speech. Professor Lee doesn’t bother having Seokjin call for order in the classroom and bow to her.
Jaemi heads off first, heading for work. She gives Taehyung, or… rather, Taehyung gives Jaemi a final embrace goodbye before she leaves the school. Stop.
The four of us walk down the hallways and pass by the majority of the classrooms. I spot Namjoon from afar, waiting by the 3F sign bolted on the wall.
Stop… Namjoon glares cheekily into my eyes, smirking widely before passing the four of us.
Stop. Hurting. Me.
“Guys.” I holt in the middle of the hallway. It takes them a moment to stop pacing and turn around to face me. “I’m going to study and ask the main office for some job offerings around here.”
“Why, is your current part time job that bad?” Taehyung questions and tilts his head slightly.
“Oh, should I join you? I’ve been meaning to go there, but I never remember to.” Jimin walks towards me, but I take a step back.
“I.. uh. I have other things to do before going to the main office. I don’t want you to be tagging along, doing nothing. I’ll take you there on Monday. How does that sound?” I pretend to check my assignments and calendar on my phone, showing the abundance of to-do’s to complete.
“Call.” Jimin smiles and starts walking. “I’m looking forward to it.”
“We’ll see you home then.” Seokjin smiles, bowing slightly. Before I know it, they’re out of my sight.
From behind, someone taps me lightly. S-stop.
I turn around cautiously.
“Hoseok-sunbaenim.” Joohyun gazes at me with tired and fearful eyes. Not another word’s needed to be said. I follow her out of school through the back entrance. There, Namjoon and Suga wait for us.
“Aww, he actually came.” Suga laughs hysterically, but controlled. “Typical.”
“It would be typical to stand you up too.” I retort and roughly run a hand through my hair. “What do you want?”
An arm slides around my shoulder. Shivers immediately rush through my skin.
“Let’s go, shall we?” Namjoon uses the force from his arm to move me.
Irene walks in front of us three, almost skipping. It takes us twenty minutes to reach an abandoned house. The same house Seokjin and I encountered a few years ago.
They guide me upstairs into the office room. The one room filled with shit. Everything other room is empty. Irene stays on the lower level preparing something. Namjoon sits comfortably on the sofa and Suga stays standing with me. I look at the same wall with the map and the photos, the drawstring. This brings back memories of when Seokjin discovered this room… with Taehyung all over it. Nothing's different.
“Ah, so your doing this again… or did you never stop.” I chuckle, somewhat disappointed. “Don’t assume Seokjin and I stopped at Taehyung. You’re a clever person, I give you that Suga. But, when it comes to hurting Jaemi, to hurting anyone dear to me, I won’t tolerate. I will take everything you love away and leave you all alone to rot. In. Hell. ”
“That won’t be so easy.” Suga says, amused. He walks closer, so that we’re almost face to face. “I don’t see you as a threat. I had no love in my heart because everything I loved at that time was taken away from me. You know that for a fact. But then, she walked into my life and brought something in me no one has ever done. I don’t love anyone else but Jaemi, not matter how much she might hate me...”
Namjoon hands him a refreshment and he takes a sip before continuing.
“You can’t make her leave Buncheon, no. She’s stuck there at that orphanage, that pig stye, with you. She’s not going nowhere. Not with you anyways. She’s the only one I love, and you can’t take her away from me.”
“You forgot one thing though. She may be stuck at the orphanage… but Taehyung’s there to accompany her. 24/7. Even if I don’t do anything to keep her away from you, Taehyung’s going to make sure she doesn’t end up in your hands.” I scoff and back up a few steps, leaning against his desk. “What makes you think you have the potential to go against him? Tough love, Suga. We all learned that hard way.”
Just as the last few words come out of my mouth, I lock eyes with Namjoon. He looks away first, walking out of the room. My eyes revert to Suga, who stays put, reprocessing my words like a foreigner. I take a breath and turn around. My eyes trace the pictures, map and pins placed perfectly on the wall. What I see before me… it’s inhumane.
“So why did you ‘summon’ me? Hm? I’m surprised you haven’t kidnapped her by now.” I crack my neck and swirl back around. “How do I play a part of your game, if you don’t see me as a threat?”
“You know things, Hoseok. Things you shouldn’t.” Suga’s words are spoken slowly as he sits in his office chair. I take a seat on the sofa, sitting comfortably.
“We all know things Suga, it’s not-”
“I never told you about this house, and yet, your eyes recognize it almost instantly. I didn’t breath a word to you about this office, the photos, the pins bolted into the walls, the string connecting them.” Suga twirls a pencil in his hand repetitively and I sit upright. Crap. “Didn’t you mention something about you and Seokjin? Once we’re finished here, he’s up next.”
Sto- With on hand, he snaps the pencil unevenly. Irene walks in with a tray with a single, half filled, glass cup. It appears as water, but immediately, I know it contains a drug. Irene politely hands me the glass and leaves within seconds. Stop hurting-
I smell the ‘water.’ My eyes stare at Suga who watches me carefully. “You want me to drink this? 25i drug, huh. I’d think you were more resourceful, Yoongi.”
“Bottoms up.” Suga nods his head. “You should’ve saw this coming the moment you entered this house. I can’t have you know about these things and run to tell off to your friends.”
“At least I have friends.” I sneer and laugh loudly, almost insane. “Namjoon and Irene aren’t your friends. They’re your minions. That’s why Namjoon has nothing to do with me now. It’s ALL because of YOU. Bastard.”
“Drink that glass or I will shove it down your throat.” Suga glares at me with willing eyes. “If she finds out about this place, about you coming here, your knowledge, Jaemi won’t love me.”
“Jaemi never loved you to begin with. She will never love someone like you. I forbid it.” My voice is projected loud and clear. I drink the entire glass in one gulp. Almost immediately, the drugs kick in. I fall heavy on the couch. Suga gets off his chair and crouches down to my face.
“You should’ve stood me up, Hoseok.” Suga whispers loudly. “I didn’t see you as a threat, because I’m getting rid of you now.”
Stop… hurting me.
------
Third POV
Two years ago…
Buncheon
Orphanage
10:30pm
Seokjin slept in his dorm room, snuggling Gaejin in his arms. She sniffed silently in his chest from her nightmare of being separated from Seokjin. He caressed her, consoling her, and being a caring brother. Deep in his heart, he hoped her dream wouldn’t come true.
Taehyung knocked on Yoongi’s door. In one hand, he carried a tray with four glasses. The door creaked open slightly, only showing Yoongi’s body.
“Can I come in and talk with you guys?” Taehyung asked with saddened eyes. “I’m lonely.”
“Go play with Hoseok or Seokjin. We’re talking about things you wouldn’t understand.” Yoongi took the tray from Taehyung and closed the door shut.
Taehyung stood there, not budging a muscle. Tears were about to form in his eyes when the door opened once more.
Yoongi stepped out of the room and bear hugged Taehyung, patting his back amiably. Taehyung hands stayed by his side and his face show no emotion. But, his heart was glowing, warmer than the cold attitude Yoongi’s been giving him. “Thank you for giving us the drinks.”
Little did he know Yoongi’s feelings towards Taehyung were sincere and loving, even if he came off forbidding.
“See you in the morning at the usual place.” Yoongi opened the door and looked back before disappearing from Taehyung’s sight. “Get some rest.”
Taehyung walked down the hallways, somewhat relieved. He was able to sleep comfortably, knowing Yoongi would be there in the morning… at the pond.
As Yoongi walked back inside the room, Jungkook tackled him onto his bed, causing laughter from everyone. Jungkook sighed from the laughter and lame jokes Namjoon told as everyone was settling down. “Did you thank him for the beverages?”
“Yes, I did.” Yoongi nodded his head and scratched his nape. “Taehyung needs to learn to stand up for himself and not get bossed around.”
“Of course that’s what we’re here for.” Jimin smiled diligently. “But you- we aren’t really helping with that if we keep ordering him around.”
“We know.” Namjoon laid down, back to the bed.
“How are you adoptive parents, Yoongi? Have you told your other friends about them?” Jungkook drank half of the glass within a second.
“No I haven’t told them yet. Byeol said to keep it a secret for now. I like them. I one hundred percent sure this couple will adopt me.” Yoongi said, grinning at the thought.
“That’s what you said last time.” Jimin interfered at Yoongi’s pleasant thought of a family. Yoongi hit the back of his head, hard, yet gentle at the same time.
“So what’s the plan comrades?” Namjoon heavily sighs and pats Jimin’s back, which is a few inches away from him.
“Pft. Comrades.” Yoongi chuckled at the new word Namjoon used. “You need to sort things out with Hoseok. He’ll help us with the next thing I have planned for us.”
“Everything is sorted out. In fact there wasn’t anything that needed sorting. I’ll ask him the next time I see him. No worries.” Namjoon reassured.
Hoseok sat in the silent, dark hallways by the back entrance of the orphanage. He waited for Namjoon to come out and leave for home, in hopes of walking him. The relationship they’ve built was strong. Hoseok would do anything for him, even though they are still young. Young people make stupid mistakes for their loved ones.
All of those times when Hoseok was bullied, Namjoon was there to save him. These thoughts ran through Hoseok’s head, replaying the horrible childhood memories. Remembering the angel Namjoon appeared as. “Stop it… stop it! Stop hurting me!”
Those words screamed, coming out of the young, innocent Hoseok right before Namjoon saved him. Those words said… days ago. Even on summer break Hoseok was a target. But it was okay because Namjoon would be there to save him.
Footsteps of many echoed the hallways and Hoseok immediately stood up. Two familiar —including Namjoon— faces brushed past him. One person, unknown to Hoseok but well known as Jimin to others, was the fasted out of the orphanage. A gentle hand grabbed Hoseok by the wrist and guided him outside.
The other two figures disappeared into the midst of the field. Namjoon led them under a light hanging down from the top of the orphanage building. He smiled and put a hand on Hoseok’s shoulder. “Were you waiting for me?”
“You can say that.” Hoseok nodded, unable to look at him with his bruised eye.
“Lift you head up and stand upright. If you continue to hesitate about your appearance, it’ll hurt you more than those other kids have been.” Namjoon said, almost as an order. “You shouldn’t be ashamed of your wounds. They’ll only make you stronger.”
Slowly, but not hesitantly, Hoseok raised his head, gazing at Namjoon. The dimmed light from the building gave his wounds a spotlight. The dark circles under his eyes were purple and swollen. A small purple-reddish circle went round the bottom left corner of his lips. The sides of his lips lifted up, showing Namjoon a small beam.
“I have a favor to ask you.” Namjoon pat his shoulder twice and pursed his lips at the same time.
Friday
Junghwon High School
2:15pm
Stop.
The bell rings and everyone packs up their belongings. For some reason, our homeroom teacher doesn’t give her dismissing speech. Professor Lee doesn’t bother having Seokjin call for order in the classroom and bow to her.
Jaemi heads off first, heading for work. She gives Taehyung, or… rather, Taehyung gives Jaemi a final embrace goodbye before she leaves the school. Stop.
The four of us walk down the hallways and pass by the majority of the classrooms. I spot Namjoon from afar, waiting by the 3F sign bolted on the wall.
Stop… Namjoon glares cheekily into my eyes, smirking widely before passing the four of us.
Stop. Hurting. Me.
“Guys.” I holt in the middle of the hallway. It takes them a moment to stop pacing and turn around to face me. “I’m going to study and ask the main office for some job offerings around here.”
“Why, is your current part time job that bad?” Taehyung questions and tilts his head slightly.
“Oh, should I join you? I’ve been meaning to go there, but I never remember to.” Jimin walks towards me, but I take a step back.
“I.. uh. I have other things to do before going to the main office. I don’t want you to be tagging along, doing nothing. I’ll take you there on Monday. How does that sound?” I pretend to check my assignments and calendar on my phone, showing the abundance of to-do’s to complete.
“Call.” Jimin smiles and starts walking. “I’m looking forward to it.”
“We’ll see you home then.” Seokjin smiles, bowing slightly. Before I know it, they’re out of my sight.
From behind, someone taps me lightly. S-stop.
I turn around cautiously.
“Hoseok-sunbaenim.” Joohyun gazes at me with tired and fearful eyes. Not another word’s needed to be said. I follow her out of school through the back entrance. There, Namjoon and Suga wait for us.
“Aww, he actually came.” Suga laughs hysterically, but controlled. “Typical.”
“It would be typical to stand you up too.” I retort and roughly run a hand through my hair. “What do you want?”
An arm slides around my shoulder. Shivers immediately rush through my skin.
“Let’s go, shall we?” Namjoon uses the force from his arm to move me.
Irene walks in front of us three, almost skipping. It takes us twenty minutes to reach an abandoned house. The same house Seokjin and I encountered a few years ago.
They guide me upstairs into the office room. The one room filled with shit. Everything other room is empty. Irene stays on the lower level preparing something. Namjoon sits comfortably on the sofa and Suga stays standing with me. I look at the same wall with the map and the photos, the drawstring. This brings back memories of when Seokjin discovered this room… with Taehyung all over it. Nothing's different.
“Ah, so your doing this again… or did you never stop.” I chuckle, somewhat disappointed. “Don’t assume Seokjin and I stopped at Taehyung. You’re a clever person, I give you that Suga. But, when it comes to hurting Jaemi, to hurting anyone dear to me, I won’t tolerate. I will take everything you love away and leave you all alone to rot. In. Hell. ”
“That won’t be so easy.” Suga says, amused. He walks closer, so that we’re almost face to face. “I don’t see you as a threat. I had no love in my heart because everything I loved at that time was taken away from me. You know that for a fact. But then, she walked into my life and brought something in me no one has ever done. I don’t love anyone else but Jaemi, not matter how much she might hate me...”
Namjoon hands him a refreshment and he takes a sip before continuing.
“You can’t make her leave Buncheon, no. She’s stuck there at that orphanage, that pig stye, with you. She’s not going nowhere. Not with you anyways. She’s the only one I love, and you can’t take her away from me.”
“You forgot one thing though. She may be stuck at the orphanage… but Taehyung’s there to accompany her. 24/7. Even if I don’t do anything to keep her away from you, Taehyung’s going to make sure she doesn’t end up in your hands.” I scoff and back up a few steps, leaning against his desk. “What makes you think you have the potential to go against him? Tough love, Suga. We all learned that hard way.”
Just as the last few words come out of my mouth, I lock eyes with Namjoon. He looks away first, walking out of the room. My eyes revert to Suga, who stays put, reprocessing my words like a foreigner. I take a breath and turn around. My eyes trace the pictures, map and pins placed perfectly on the wall. What I see before me… it’s inhumane.
“So why did you ‘summon’ me? Hm? I’m surprised you haven’t kidnapped her by now.” I crack my neck and swirl back around. “How do I play a part of your game, if you don’t see me as a threat?”
“You know things, Hoseok. Things you shouldn’t.” Suga’s words are spoken slowly as he sits in his office chair. I take a seat on the sofa, sitting comfortably.
“We all know things Suga, it’s not-”
“I never told you about this house, and yet, your eyes recognize it almost instantly. I didn’t breath a word to you about this office, the photos, the pins bolted into the walls, the string connecting them.” Suga twirls a pencil in his hand repetitively and I sit upright. Crap. “Didn’t you mention something about you and Seokjin? Once we’re finished here, he’s up next.”
Sto- With on hand, he snaps the pencil unevenly. Irene walks in with a tray with a single, half filled, glass cup. It appears as water, but immediately, I know it contains a drug. Irene politely hands me the glass and leaves within seconds. Stop hurting-
I smell the ‘water.’ My eyes stare at Suga who watches me carefully. “You want me to drink this? 25i drug, huh. I’d think you were more resourceful, Yoongi.”
“Bottoms up.” Suga nods his head. “You should’ve saw this coming the moment you entered this house. I can’t have you know about these things and run to tell off to your friends.”
“At least I have friends.” I sneer and laugh loudly, almost insane. “Namjoon and Irene aren’t your friends. They’re your minions. That’s why Namjoon has nothing to do with me now. It’s ALL because of YOU. Bastard.”
“Drink that glass or I will shove it down your throat.” Suga glares at me with willing eyes. “If she finds out about this place, about you coming here, your knowledge, Jaemi won’t love me.”
“Jaemi never loved you to begin with. She will never love someone like you. I forbid it.” My voice is projected loud and clear. I drink the entire glass in one gulp. Almost immediately, the drugs kick in. I fall heavy on the couch. Suga gets off his chair and crouches down to my face.
“You should’ve stood me up, Hoseok.” Suga whispers loudly. “I didn’t see you as a threat, because I’m getting rid of you now.”
Stop… hurting me.
------
Third POV
Two years ago…
Buncheon
Orphanage
10:30pm
Seokjin slept in his dorm room, snuggling Gaejin in his arms. She sniffed silently in his chest from her nightmare of being separated from Seokjin. He caressed her, consoling her, and being a caring brother. Deep in his heart, he hoped her dream wouldn’t come true.
Taehyung knocked on Yoongi’s door. In one hand, he carried a tray with four glasses. The door creaked open slightly, only showing Yoongi’s body.
“Can I come in and talk with you guys?” Taehyung asked with saddened eyes. “I’m lonely.”
“Go play with Hoseok or Seokjin. We’re talking about things you wouldn’t understand.” Yoongi took the tray from Taehyung and closed the door shut.
Taehyung stood there, not budging a muscle. Tears were about to form in his eyes when the door opened once more.
Yoongi stepped out of the room and bear hugged Taehyung, patting his back amiably. Taehyung hands stayed by his side and his face show no emotion. But, his heart was glowing, warmer than the cold attitude Yoongi’s been giving him. “Thank you for giving us the drinks.”
Little did he know Yoongi’s feelings towards Taehyung were sincere and loving, even if he came off forbidding.
“See you in the morning at the usual place.” Yoongi opened the door and looked back before disappearing from Taehyung’s sight. “Get some rest.”
Taehyung walked down the hallways, somewhat relieved. He was able to sleep comfortably, knowing Yoongi would be there in the morning… at the pond.
As Yoongi walked back inside the room, Jungkook tackled him onto his bed, causing laughter from everyone. Jungkook sighed from the laughter and lame jokes Namjoon told as everyone was settling down. “Did you thank him for the beverages?”
“Yes, I did.” Yoongi nodded his head and scratched his nape. “Taehyung needs to learn to stand up for himself and not get bossed around.”
“Of course that’s what we’re here for.” Jimin smiled diligently. “But you- we aren’t really helping with that if we keep ordering him around.”
“We know.” Namjoon laid down, back to the bed.
“How are you adoptive parents, Yoongi? Have you told your other friends about them?” Jungkook drank half of the glass within a second.
“No I haven’t told them yet. Byeol said to keep it a secret for now. I like them. I one hundred percent sure this couple will adopt me.” Yoongi said, grinning at the thought.
“That’s what you said last time.” Jimin interfered at Yoongi’s pleasant thought of a family. Yoongi hit the back of his head, hard, yet gentle at the same time.
“So what’s the plan comrades?” Namjoon heavily sighs and pats Jimin’s back, which is a few inches away from him.
“Pft. Comrades.” Yoongi chuckled at the new word Namjoon used. “You need to sort things out with Hoseok. He’ll help us with the next thing I have planned for us.”
“Everything is sorted out. In fact there wasn’t anything that needed sorting. I’ll ask him the next time I see him. No worries.” Namjoon reassured.
Hoseok sat in the silent, dark hallways by the back entrance of the orphanage. He waited for Namjoon to come out and leave for home, in hopes of walking him. The relationship they’ve built was strong. Hoseok would do anything for him, even though they are still young. Young people make stupid mistakes for their loved ones.
All of those times when Hoseok was bullied, Namjoon was there to save him. These thoughts ran through Hoseok’s head, replaying the horrible childhood memories. Remembering the angel Namjoon appeared as. “Stop it… stop it! Stop hurting me!”
Those words screamed, coming out of the young, innocent Hoseok right before Namjoon saved him. Those words said… days ago. Even on summer break Hoseok was a target. But it was okay because Namjoon would be there to save him.
Footsteps of many echoed the hallways and Hoseok immediately stood up. Two familiar —including Namjoon— faces brushed past him. One person, unknown to Hoseok but well known as Jimin to others, was the fasted out of the orphanage. A gentle hand grabbed Hoseok by the wrist and guided him outside.
The other two figures disappeared into the midst of the field. Namjoon led them under a light hanging down from the top of the orphanage building. He smiled and put a hand on Hoseok’s shoulder. “Were you waiting for me?”
“You can say that.” Hoseok nodded, unable to look at him with his bruised eye.
“Lift you head up and stand upright. If you continue to hesitate about your appearance, it’ll hurt you more than those other kids have been.” Namjoon said, almost as an order. “You shouldn’t be ashamed of your wounds. They’ll only make you stronger.”
Slowly, but not hesitantly, Hoseok raised his head, gazing at Namjoon. The dimmed light from the building gave his wounds a spotlight. The dark circles under his eyes were purple and swollen. A small purple-reddish circle went round the bottom left corner of his lips. The sides of his lips lifted up, showing Namjoon a small beam.
“I have a favor to ask you.” Namjoon pat his shoulder twice and pursed his lips at the same time.
Notes
ANNYEONGHASEYO.O
Happy Tuesday!
OMG this chapter was so much fun to write in my opinion. I haven't done third point of view in a while and I forgot how interesting it was to write as a spectator. It shows a little bit of everyone's life two years ago during the summer time. Well, all except Jaemi. But yeah, the whole BTS gang was there at the time and they didn't know they'd end how they are in the present.
HOSEOK omg I'm killing myself because he has to suffer. I'm sorry if there's a little swearing, it's just through Hoseok's POV, so I wanted to create a different inner thought... thingy... yeah. I'm not sure what 25i drug does, but I know it can be dissolved in water and appear clear, so yeah, I went with that. This was Hoseok's POV of that day he disappeared. AND YES, he doesn't remember what happened, which is why he didn't say anything to anyone when he showed up in the morning. Sort of like brainwashing. NAMJOON AND HOSEOK their story is so sad. Well, a lot of their stories are sad, but still. The relationship between Namjoon and Hoseok as so sad.
NAMJOON was HOSEOK'S SAVIOR. *cries really hard due to uncontrollable horomones*
VOTE///COMMENT///SUBSCRIBE if you liked this chapter and want more of a third POV perspective to see everything in one full lense.
THANK YOU AND LOVE YOU ALL! <3 :) For once I'm proud of myself when making a chapter.
See you in the next chapter~!
~Alexis Thao
P.S. Did you ever realize BTS' Autumn Leaves and EXO's They Never Know sound EXACTLY THE SAME. I'M NOT LYING. YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO BOTH OF THEM. IT'S KILLING ME HOW THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH PLAGIARIZING EACH OTHER. :0
I'm seriously fangirling it's just-
5/16/18