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Finding My Way


I gently, but swiftly close the top drawer and pull open the middle drawer in one move. File by file, a peer at the large number of names who have the last name, Kim. “That’s weird. My name isn’t here. Nor is Taehyung’s… or Yoongi’s…”

With eagle eyes, I immediately spot Seokjin’s and Gaejin’s file. Byeol should have files on us too if Seokjin’s is here. If not mine, at least Taehyung’s… or Yoongi’s. Why… aren’t they here?

It takes me few minutes to realize, “It’s missing… and Yoongi has all three of them.”

That must be why he had the key with him. How did he sneak into the orphanage without anyone finding out? Isn’t there any form of security or cameras around here? Then again, if there were… I’d be caught on camera going into this storage room.

I grab my phone charger before walking out of the storage room and lock the door without any noise. So… if I find these files, I’ll be able to find out what happened. Their history. The real past. If only I knew where Suga lived.

“Jaemi?” A petite voice calls my name down the hall. “Why are you coming out of Byeol’s secret room?”

“G-gaejin.” I hesitate before smiling and walk towards her. “She let me go in to find my phone charger.”

I lift my phone and the phone charger that I stole before sneaking out of the room.

“Oh.” She nods her head. “Uhm... Have you seen my brother anywhere?”

“No… why?” I pat her head and her arms wrap around me in response.

“It’s thundering and raining outside. I’m scared of thunder.” She explains just as a loud sound roars from the sky. She shivers and I pick her up. She buries her face into my shoulder, wrapping her arms and legs around me tightly.

“Let’s go find him together.” I suggest and walk around the hallways. Every time thunder roars she squeezes me tightly. I pat her back gently as an act of comfort. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him.”

I wander everywhere. From the cafeteria, to the studio, to the dorms. He’s nowhere to be found. Eventually I head down the hallway that leads to the entrance. My eyes spot him in the hard pouring rain, sitting in the middle of the dirt road. Thunder flashes, almost blinding me eyes.

“Gaejin, run and find your friends, along with Byeol.” I say quickly and set her down, facing away from Seokjin so she doesn’t notice him. “I’ll tell Seokjin to come and get you as soon as I get to him.”

“Promise?” She asks, on the verge of crying.

“I promise.” I grin and caress her thin hair before she runs off. I stand up, taking a deep breath before taking a transparent umbrella and stepping out into the rain. At least he isn’t wearing his uniform. The dirt stains would take forever to get out. “Seokjin.”

Jin doesn’t move an inch when he hears me calling for him. I sit down in front of him, covering both of us with the umbrella. “What are you doing out here?”

He, with shaking hands, takes the umbrella out of my hands and tosses it far away. Why is he acting like this?

His hands dangle into the mud, as if they lost a battle at war. Not even a slight glance at me. I take him by his elbows and forced him to stand up. Falling heavily, he leans forward, using me to stand him upright. I almost slip from the the mud, and from his weight. Thunder bolts right in above us. “Seokjin, it’s not save out here, we have to go inside.”

All my attempts to pull him inside fail and I find myself panting at the forced I was tugging him. Yet, he doesn’t budge. I let out a faint groan and sit us down once more, tired.

“They-” He sniffs before fixing him posture and letting me sit comfortably. He takes a deep breathes, trying to get himself together and stable, but it doesn’t work out. He finally, but hesitantly, raises his head and looks at me in the eyes. With red eyes and puffy eyes. Thunder bolts once more and the rain quiets down to light sprinkles. At this point, I can’t tell his tears apart from the rain. “They’re taking Gaejin away from me. Byeol- she kept this secret from me until now.”

I stand still, unable to make any movement. It felt like someone shot me, piercing my heart. I don’t want to believe the words that come out of his mouth. But I know, he would never act like this normally. How do I respond to him…

I look awkward trying to find the right way to console him. Instead of speaking, I bring him into a gentle hug, almost cradling him like a baby. I don’t expect to receive anything back from him, but he sits himself on my lap. His hands stay down and his head, which now rests on my shoulder, turns to my neck. His silent sobs return. All I can do is caress and rest my chin on his soaked hair. That’s right. Seokjin only gives. That’s all he’s down his life… well, that I know of. He covered for me, made me feel comfortable here in Buncheon. He never asks for anything and it’s rare when he disagrees or quarrels with anyone. He’s the sweetest out of all of us. The most important of all, he cherishes his younger sister. It’s the same feeling I had when Jungkook and I lost Jimin that day back in middle school. Except, this time, Gaejin really is Seokjin’s family.

He must be feeling one hundred times worse than I did.

After minutes, that seem like hours, the rain and thunder stop. I watch as mist grows and starts to hover over the ground. Birds chirp, in search of the worms that need to breath from the suffocating water the dirt has taken in. I find myself rocking side to side. Seokjin’s eyes are dry and I can tell he’s almost sleeping. What’s this? He acts all tough and sophisticated, but now, he’s a baby.

I smile as I look down at his innocence. The circles under his eyes outline a faint purple. His lashes are long and pure. His lips aren’t pale, but aren’t at it’s true color. Yet, he seems somewhat, peaceful. “Was I like this when Jimin left us? When I was kept in the dark by Jungkook? When he went to see Jimin alone? Is this what I was like?”

Seokjin shifts a bit and I pat him lightly. He needs the comfort and support. The two things I never received.

“Jaemi.” Hoseok calls behind me. I turn my head to find Jungkook, Hoseok and Taehyung at the entrance door. “Is that Seokjin?”

“Gaejin is getting adopted…” I needn’t say anymore. Hoseok and Taehyung immediate dashes for us. Jungkook on the other hand, stays in place. Hoseok takes Seokjin out of my hands and lifts him up. He starts to walk inside. “I’ll take care of him. Get yourself some new clothes and warm food. You can’t get sick.”

Taehyung helps me up and I shiver, not realizing how cold my skin was until now. My white long sleeve shirt is heavy from the rain water, the bottom half tinted brown from the mud on the floor. Taehyung takes off his jacket and covers me up. My eyes don’t leave his face and once he secures the jacket around me, meets mine. He gently pulls out my hair from inside the jacket. He holds my hair together, like he was going to tie it up into a ponytail. Lightly tugging, he squeezes out the water from my hair, releasing it gently. “Thank you for looking over Seokjin hyung.”

He doesn’t wait for an answer and puts two hands on my shoulders, guiding me inside. When we face the entrance, Jungkook is nowhere to be seen. My eyes reflect surprise, however I don’t inflict any emotion towards his absence. Taehyung takes me into my room and heads for my drawers. Before searching for a freshly folded clothing, he awaits for my acknowledgement. I sit on my bed and nod my head at him. I take his jacket off and set it next to me. “I can do it myself, don’t worry about it.”

“I don’t want to leave you alone…” He doesn’t stop his determination and picks out an outfit for me, laying it all out on my drawer.

“Taehyung, I’m okay. You should be worrying about Seokjin.” I pace to him and hold his hands in mine, stopping him. We stay like that a few seconds before we make eye contact.

“I miss you.” He says plainly and meaningfully. “If I can find any excuse to be with you I’m willing to use them… I barely survived when you went to Seoul, especially with Suga. Earlier, I was distracted by Jungkook and everyone else. I urged to go and find you, but I never managed to slip away, until now. So please. Don’t make me leave.”

My hands leave his and takes the outfit he chose for me. “Turn around.”

I watch him smile as he faces the wall. He waits patiently for me to get dressed. I go to another drawer, getting my bra and underwear. Once I’m finished, I almost laugh at his style of clothing. Black leggings and a burgundy, oversized v-neck long sleeve. Wait- “Is this your sweatshirt?”

“What?” Taehyung turns halfway and stops himself. “Can I look now?”

“Yes.” I turn him around with two hands and wrap myself into him. “I’m cold.”

I hear him chuckle and we walk slowly to my bed glued together. I let go of him, knowing he doesn’t want me to, and reach for my backpack. He sits on my bed and I follow after him. “What are you doing?”

“Homework.” I exhale silently.

“What?” He complains and shakes his shoulders side to side. “We finally have some alone time and you want to do homework?”

I shrug and open my textbook along with my notebook. “If we have more ‘alone time’ later tonight, I’d have no time to finish my homework.”

He smirks and creeps somewhat closer to me. “Alone time later… tonight?”

I feel my cheeks color, not realizing the words that came out of my mouth. I didn’t mean it like that.

I clear my throat and look down. “You should work on your homework too.”

Taehyung grabs my towel, hanging on my bathroom door and plops himself behind me. I feel him rub my hair between the towel gently. Trying my best to hold in my embarrassment, I continue my homework. I said homework, not dry my hair.

In about a half an hour, there’s a knock my door. Taehyung fell asleep on my back, but wakes up in a seconds hearing it. He pouts and gives me a disappointed look before opening the door.

“Jae-” Jungkook walks in, blinking his eyes twice as he realizes I’m alone. “...and Tae. Byeol says dinner’s ready.”

“Alright. Thank you.” I say as I close my books and put them away. They both stand at the door and I don’t want to believe there’s any tension between them. We walk silently in the hallways and I’m the one who has to speak first. “I hope Seokjin’s doing okay. It’s a little hard to believe Byeol didn’t tell him anything until now.”

“Byeol must’ve had a reason as to why she didn’t say anything to Seokjin about Gaejin until now.” Jungkook explains just as we walk into the cafeteria.

Seokjin sits with Gaejin, watching her eat dinner. Jungkook directs Taehyung and I to sit with Jimin and Hoseok. “Should we just leave him alone with her?”

“I think that’s best for now.” Jimin nods his head, sneaking a peek at Seokjin and Gaejin for a moment.

“Do you know where her adoptive parents live?” I question either one of them, not that I expect them to know more than I do.

“Byeol said somewhere in Buncheon, which means Seokjin can visit her anytime. If she were to go somewhere far, I don’t think Seokjin would be in the okay state he is in right now.” Hoseok says simply as Byeol brings out the trays for the five of us.

“Byeol.” I call for her, but she ignores me and immediately walks away. I heave a sigh and pick up my chopsticks. “Why doesn’t she say anything?”

“Too embarrassed probably.” Taehyung shrugs. “It’s none of our business anyways. We shouldn’t interrupt.”

True… but it feels like the right thing to do. Everything feels like it’s my business now and days. Like I’m somewhat in the center of everything.

Staying in the rain with Seokjin… makes it my business too… right?



First of, I'M SORRY for putting this up and updating so late (8:30pm) compared to what I'd usually do. I legit came home and slept for four hours. I'm SO TIRED and idk if its the school or my extracurricular activities talking but I'm sleep deprived. I'm sorry.

Onto the story, SEOKJIN AND GAEJIN WHY. I know, it's sad. But don't worry, Gaejin is guaranteed to go to a great family in Buncheon... just who. And, WHY would I have Gaejin get adopted in the middle of everything, especially when Jaemi just found out her, Taehyung's and Yoongi's files were stolen by Yoongi? HMMMMMMMM.... Start thinking <3 ;)

I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH BTS' COMEBACK LIVE. iuhfeihflaiehfleuihfleiwahfaeh BUT YEAH. AND EXO'S LAYYYYYYYYYYY. DID YOU HEAR WHAT HAPPENED? He apparently fainted in the airport because he wasn't getting enough sleep.

Don't worry Lay *sniffs* we can be sleep deprived together. AND IT'S BEEN CONFIRM THAT MY DO KYUNGSOO (D.O) IS NOT LEAVING EXO. THANK THE LORD.

LOVE YOU ALL, and I really mean it when I say it.
Thank you to those who's been there since day 1, and giving me support this whole time.

I can't wait for this story to get 10K views. It feels like I'm writing my first fan fiction all over again.

See you in the next chapter!!!
~Alexis Thao


I'm seriously fangirling it's just-

annabanana2427 annabanana2427

HOLY CRAP! I was shook when I saw this story was updated, I'm so happy! >.< Yayyyy lol. Love you and your stories, i re-read everything like 3 times. Nothing defeats this hehehe. The chapter is so intense! That was unexpected and i'm in love with it! THank you for updating

annabanana2427 annabanana2427



evidently it was also put up on exo fanfic ;)
additionally, this isn't the only non-exo story uploaded on exofanfic site either. but thanks for commenting

A.T. A.T.

yo just saying this is an EXO ff website not BTS

I'm so happy that you're updating. Your ffs r amazing. so much better than mine.