Confessions

- four -

Jinyoung crawled out from his bed not long after Jaebum left. His thoughts were too heavy and his heart too sore to find the comfort of sleep. Miserably he stepped in the shower, not even flinching at the cold spray against his naked skin. His head was pounding and a bad taste lingered in his mouth from not brushing his teeth earlier. Usually his hangovers were mere suggestions of a good night out, but without any sleep he felt like the living dead.

By the time the water was hot, he had slumped to the floor, tears burning his cheeks and rough sobs echoing in the small space. He felt sick to his stomach, and clutched at the ache in his chest desperately, hoping for some relief from the pain he was feeling. Jinyoung was no stranger to heartbreak, but it was always something he'd experienced from afar, knowing his affections would never come to pass and sulking at the truth of it - this was different. Jaebum had taken this from him, stolen the naive hope that he'd managed to tuck away somewhere deep inside himself. He felt raw, beaten and bruised.

He got shakily to his feet, face crumpled in emotional agony as he scrubbed himself feverishly, as if he could wash away the feel of Jaebum's fingers against his skin, remove the shame of being so foolish. When he finally came to his senses, body weak from lack of sleep and eyes emptied of tears, he barely recognised the boy in the mirror. His eyes were swollen and puffy, cheeks red and lips a bitten mess. His shoulders still trembled with repressed sobs, and he scrubbed at his face roughly as if he could wash away the feelings swirling inside. Thankfully the only schedule he had today was a radio show, not having to face the older boy until late that evening. Still, having to see him at all felt bad enough.

As he stared at his reflection distantly he wondered if Jaebum remembered anything, if he'd woken up confused and disgusted at the feel of Jinyoung' naked body in his arms. Jaebum must have had some affection towards him, though, to touch him in such a way. The boy had even admitted to thinking of him, to lusting for him. But Jinyoung's mind continued to run in a loop, clinging onto negatives and supplying endless reasons as to why he wasn't good enough, why Jaebum could never want him.

Wrapping a towel loosely around his waist, he stumbled from the bathroom on numb legs, throwing himself onto his bed and curling beneath the covers. His chest felt heavy, every breath taxing, and he reached for his phone to text Mark before his eyes finally began to give up, falling into a troubled sleep with tears still hot on his cheeks.

-

Mark awoke groggily to the sound of Jackson snoring deeply and mumbling in his sleep, limbs thrown around mark almost as if in attempt to trap him from escaping. If sex with Jackson was exciting sober, it was ...interesting drunk. The younger man seemed to have no reservations when it came to sex as long as Mark was enjoying it, and Mark had been surprised by his own requests and interests in the end. Finding out he had a thing for being spanked was a revelation to the older boy and an apparent joy for Jackson. His ass still ached, for more than one reason.

He shifted in the mess of Jackson's appendages, the light from the blinds still not pale enough for him to consider dragging himself from the warmth of his sheets, especially with the ache pressed against the front of his skull. His hangovers were never too bad - he always took care to chug down the same amount of water as the alcohol he'd drank before he slept - but he still felt like shit. He could only imagine how Youngjae felt; the vocalist was barely on his feet when he'd dragged him to kitchen and plied him with water, ending up getting more on his shirt than in his mouth. He'd have to check on him later and make him some honeyed tea, especially if they were on the radio later tonight. While he wasn't the leader, he still couldn't resist the urge to look after his youngers.

He nuzzled into the pillow, ready to catch the ends of dreams that were already fading from his mind, only to hear the irritating ping of his phone. He threw a hand out, patting the sheets carelessly trying to find it before closing upon the offensive object and unlocking the screen, squinting at the brightness and trying to read with blurry eyes.

jinyoungie, 05:10

if you're awake i could really use a hug right now

Mark groaned, running his fingers through his hair and flinging his phone away. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, feeling them burn, before he relented; carefully untangling himself from Jackson as he climbed off the bed. After grabbing his pyjamas and pulling them only blearily, he rubbed his eyes, yawned, stretched. Stilling for a moment, he admired the sight of Jackson's naked back, eyes lingering on the curve of his ass before it disappeared under the sheets. He could really get used to waking up to that.

He tiptoed to Jinyoung's room, careful not to wake the maknae's as he closed the door gently behind him. Jinyoung's lamp was on, but the boy was nowhere to be found. When he took a look into the en-suite, steam was still lingering and the floor was wet, but there was no sign of Jinyoung. Returning to the boy's bedroom he assessed the pile of sheets on the bed before he crawled under them, finding Jinyoung in the fetal position, phone clutched tightly in his hand. A frown was set deep on his features, and Mark ran a thumb over his forehead, trying to smooth the wrinkles away gently. At his touch the younger boy stirred and Mark was saddened to see the redness of his eyes, the bags beneath them grey against his pale skin.

'Hyung?' His voice was rough as his eyes began to focus on Mark's worried face, and his lips quivered for a moment before he crumpled entirely, tears spilling over. Mark pulled him to his chest immediately, shushing him as he ran his fingers through the younger boys damp hair.

'What happened?' Mark whispered calmly. The younger sobbed brokenly before he sniffed, shifting back as he wiped his cheeks with harsh motions, lips still twisted while he held back his tears. Mark had seen Jinyoung cry far too many times, and his heart ached at the sight. He was already planning on kicking Jaebum's ass, even if the guy was far bigger than him. This was definitely his fault - it usually was if Jinyoung was crying - and Mark felt a twinge of regret for leaving them alone together last night.

'He came onto me,' Jinyoung mumbled through hitched breaths, 'He said all these things about how he he was scared of how he felt about me when we were trainees and we kissed... and we ended up getting each other off. Then he fell asleep in here but he woke up and left without saying anything. I know he regets it. I bet he thought I was disgusting; I bet he felt sick being so close to me when he was sober...' Jinyoung rambled, barely stopping for breath before his tears started to roll again, and Mark wiped them away, hands either side of his face as he forced him to look at him.

'He wouldn't come onto you if he didn't like you, Jinyoung. Maybe he was thinking the same way as you, that you were drunk and you'd be disgusted to wake up next to him. Either way it was a dick move and I'll kill him for you if you want me to.' He knew Jinyoung wouldn't believe a word of it, but it was worth trying. The boy was so easily consumed by negative thoughts, unable to see the positives in situations that involved him, yet he could see the whole world in other people.

'Maybe I was just an experiment, checking whether he wanted guys or not.'

'You and I both know Jaebum isn't the kind of guy to risk the team just to see if he likes dick.'

'Still-'

'If's and but's aren't gonna do anything. See how things are when you've had some sleep, you can't work looking like this.' Honestly Mark was just desperate to catch a few more hours of shut-eye, but he was still being sincere. Sleep would do the younger boy some good, he could tell none had come to him so far - the dreams he'd found Jinyoung in when he'd uncovered him from the sheets didn't look peaceful in the slightest.

'I'm sorry for waking you up, hyung.'

'Don't sweat it, I'd rather know you're okay.'

'Did Youngjae get to bed okay? I heard him being sick-'

'Stop thinking about everyone else for a second and be selfish, you worry too much. I'll check on him later.'

Jinyoung smiled softly at that, and Mark was glad he could at least do that much. The younger shifted sleepily, rolling over so his back was to Mark, and the older wrapped his arms around his thin frame, pulling him to his chest.

'Even if this shit doesn't work out, at least you got laid kiddo.'

A soft laugh shook Jinyoung's frame, and Mark was warmed by it. Jinyoung was worth a risk, and if Jaebum couldn't see that, then Jinyoung was better off without him.

-

Jinyoung finally crawled from his bed a few hours after Mark had left to check on the Maknae's. His sheets still held Jaebum's scent, and it made his heart constrict even tighter in his heavy chest. It was some time after 2pm when he finally took his breakfast, but it seemed the whole dorm was in the same sort of state as him, the crowded kitchen giving him a welcome distraction from the misery roiling in his mind. Jaebum was nowhere in sight, and Jinyoung hadn't realised how tense he'd been in anticipation of seeing the older boy.

Yugyeom was bright as a button, as he often was when the rest of his hyung's were suffering with hangovers that never seemed to affect the younger boy. As usual he was teasing his half-dead elders while BamBam was passed out on the sofa with his long, skinny legs hanging off the arm rest.

Youngjae was a truly impressive shade of green when he wandered into the living space, his usually cheerful demeanor cloudy and glum as he shuffled on heavy feet. Of course, everyone decided to up the volume on their conversations just to annoy him. He groaned dramatically, covering his ears and diving into the kitchen to grab some leftover pizza before disappearing into the bedroom he shared with Jaebum.

JInyoung hopped up onto the kitchen counter, shoveling his cereal into his mouth like a starving man. Mark was doing the same opposite him, and after Yugyeom got bored it was just the two of them. The moment of comfortable was short lived though, and Jinyoung didn't miss the bounce in Jackson's step, the even brighter expression on his already bright face. The older boy winked at Mark with a sultry smirk before he dipped into a cupboard and rummaged around. Jinyoung took a disturbing amount of pleasure from the discomfort in Mark's eyes when he caught his gaze, the scowl he threw when he saw the twinkle in Jinyoung's eyes, knowing he'd be getting a cross-examination later.

Well, Jinyoung thought, at least it worked out for somebody.

Jackson seemed to find what he was looking for, closing the cupboard carelessly with a slam and making Jinyoung jump. He turned to leave the kitchen before pausing, turning back around and walking with intent to where Mark was stood. Jinyoung could only watch in scandalised glee as Jackson pressed the wide-eyed older boy up against the counter, pulling him in for a deep, wet kiss. Jinyoung made a note to remember every disgusting kissing noise they were making just so he could mimic it later and make Mark cry with embarrassment.

Jackson bit Mark's lower lip as he pulled away, grabbing whatever he'd taken out of the cupboard and scuttling out of the room at the speed of light, leaving Mark extremely red and extremely confused.

'Don't say a word.' Mark grumbled without even glancing at Jinyoung, ears flushing red to the tips.

'You know me, Mark. I like to let embarrassing things age like fine wine so I can pull the vintage out when you thought you'd forgotten about it.'

Mark scoffed, rolling his eyes and raising an eyebrow with intent. 'Have you seen JB?' He asked plainly around a mouthful of cereal, delicate and graceful as ever. He didn't know where the older boy put his food, rake thin as he was.

'No. I kind of wish the fucker would just appear out of nowhere so I wouldn't feel so anxious standing around waiting for him to walk through the door.' Jinyoung sighed, tension evident in the set of his shoulders and the lines on his forehead. He hated waiting for things he was nervous about; it always seemed to make things worse. He liked to get things over and done with and cry about it later.

'Well, whatever happens, don't let it affect anyone else,' Mark patted his back roughly before pulling him against his shoulder comfortingly for a moment. 'I'm always here to listen, you know that.'

At that exact moment, Jaebum wandered into the kitchen with bleary eyes and the worst bed head you've ever seen, and Jinyoung felt like his world was going to end.

-

Jaebum ignored him all morning. Whenever Jinyoung felt as if someone was staring him, he'd turn to see the older boy quickly look away, talk to someone else, go somewhere else. He'd take an argument over the silent treatment any day, and this behavior was so out of character for the usually confrontational leader. Jaebum never ran away from conflict, either making it clear he didn't deem it important or straight up roughing it out until things were clear. This whole scene of avoiding Jinyoung's gaze and placing himself out of the younger's way was extremely odd.

Jaebum didn't sit beside him in the car on the way to their schedule, but that wasn't too out of the ordinary. Somehow everything felt like a slight, now. Youngjae was leaning against Jinyoung's shoulder, and Jinyoung rubbed his hand soothingly over the younger's back, pitying the poor thing. Jackson was being loud with Yugyeom and BamBam, and Jinyoung felt himself growing annoyed at the sound of Jaebum's voice ringing out equally playful in the cacophony behind him. Mark was sleeping in the passenger seat beside their manager, and he felt bad for depriving the older of sleep earlier, but he couldn't think of anyone else to talk to. At least he had a companion in Mark.

He heard Jackson scream, 'Youngjae speak English!' towards them, and found himself creasing in laughter at the sound of Youngjae's weak voice, eyes still closed. Completely unable to resist a chance at Younglish even if he was hungover to death.

'My name is Youngjae~'

-

The radio show seemed to drag on forever, his head pounding and the members growing more and more distracted while the hours bled into each other. They'd play around between songs for the fans watching, but Jinyoung didn't have the energy, choosing instead to have quiet conversations with Mark and offer his shoulder for Youngjae to nap on.

Eventually it was time for them to answer questions and chat, and it went fine until Jaebum finally piped up, the first words he'd spoken to the younger boy all day. It caught Jinyoung off guard to the point he just stared blankly instead of responding. It wasn't even something worth thinking about, just a random question from a fan, but he fell dumb as if he was being asked about quantum physics.

Jackson jumped in at that moment, saying something that got everybody laughing and took the heat off Jinyoung, but Jaebum fixed him with a stare that told him to be prepared. It was as if the older was warning him not to let his feelings change the team, to be on his guard whatever was happening between them. He knew this look, because they fought so much when they were a duo that they had to have some kind of sign to keep them from ripping each other apart in front of the cameras.

Mark squeezed his thigh under the table, and Jinyoung resolved to give Jaebum as much attention as he was giving Jinyoung - none.

-

Of course, that was easier said than done. Every other thought flew back to the older, wondering how he'd kiss sober, how he'd fuck. He could still feel his fingers dancing along his skin, the way his muscles flexed beneath Jinyoung's touch. Jinyoung wished he'd drank more that night, just so he wouldn't have to remember so many details, so he could just continue in blissful ignorance and go back to mooning over the older boy in silence.

As it stood, however, he found himself in the shower of his en-suite three hours before their schedule (the maknae's always used his bathroom, and he preferred not to be bothered by BamBam's incessant knocking) fisting his cock to thoughts of Jaebum beneath him, fucking up into him as he rode the older boy. He gasped against the tiles, eyebrows knotted and lip caught between his teeth. He didn't hear the door open over the sound of the water, and he jumped when a hand grabbed him, span him round and pushed him hard against the cold tiles. He blinked through the water in his eyes to see Jaebum still fully clothed and getting soaked, a feral look in his eyes.

His heart was thumping, mortified to be caught masturbating by the subject of his fantasies, to have him looking at him so intensely. He didn't expect it when Jaebum crushed his lips to his own roughly, stealing the breath from the younger man's lungs as his hands took hard fistfuls of his buttocks, squeezing at the tender flesh and making Jinyoung's back arch at the contact. The sensations were so much stronger sober, the beating of his heart almost deafening in his ears. Jaebum was driven, taking complete control and leaving Jinyoung helpless and confused.

The older relented his possession over Jinyoung's mouth, and the younger sucked in a breath desperately, the air thick with steam. However, he found the air escaping him once again as Jaebum gripped his cock brutally, fisting it so hard Jinyoung's eyed rolled back and a moan ripped from his throat. Mindlessly he reached out to touch Jaebum, to grab onto him somewhere and ground himself to reality, but the older smacked his hand away roughly, pinning his arms above his head. Jinyoung opened his eyes in shock, seeing Jaebum only inches away, staring down at him with dark, almost angry eyes.

Jaebum was sopping wet now, his pyjama shirt glued to the muscles of his arms and chest, hair dripping. It wasn't long before Jinyoung felt his orgasm approaching, too sudden to even warn the older, an abrupt shout leaving his lips as his head hit the tiles behind him, hips shuddering as Jaebum milked him through the aftershocks.

He stood with weak legs, only Jaebum's iron grip on his arms keeping him upright, harsh breaths leaving his lips as he stared up at the older boy in confusion. 'Why are you doing this?' He breathed, voice rough, but Jaebum's gaze grew cold, lips tightly closed.

He let out a startled noise when Jaebum's hands moved to his shoulders, pushing him roughly to the floor of the shower. Looking up in confusion, he watched with wide eyes as Jaebum pulled his own sweatpants down, his cock springing free before he gripped it firmly in his fist, only inches away from Jinyoung's lips. The younger boy swallowed, nerves on edge. He'd had a million wet dreams about being in this situation, on his knees with Jaebum's cock stretching his lips and making him choke, but actually being in the situation was terrifying.

The older boy had other ideas, though, grabbing Jinyoung by his hair and pressing him firmly against the shower wall as his other hand moved steadily on his cock, dark eyes looking down at him intently. Jinyoung could only stare up in wonder, lips parted as his gaze flickered between Jaebum and the wet tip of his cock he so desperately wanted to lean forward and taste. The older's pace began to quicken, breaths leaving his lips in huffs, teeth gritted as his wrist twisted and his hips shuddered.

Groaning suddenly, Jaebum's mouth parted obscenely. Jinyoung's eyelids fluttered shut as the older boy's cock jumped, hot come hitting his cheek and lips. He opened his eyes slowly, taking in the sight of Jaebum coming down from his high, fist still slowly pumping the last drops from his length. The sight was enough to make Jinyoung's spent cock twitch, mouth dry. Jaebum's eyes opened, looking down at him dizzily, and Jinyoung didn't hesitate to slowly lick at the cum dripping from the side of his mouth, not breaking eye contact as Jaebum gasped softly. It was bitter, but it was a taste he suddenly craved.

Jinyoung's knees ached, and his neck was stiff from where Jaebum still gripped his hair. He moved his lips to speak but Jaebum let go of him roughly, tucking his cock away before opening the shower door and leaving, clothes dripping wet. Jinyoung could only stare after him, come drying on his face and a feeling of being used weighing hard in the pit of his stomach.

-

Jaebum didn't avoid his gaze anymore, instead meeting Jinyoung's eyes every time the younger happened to glance his way with an intensity that made his cock stir every time. Weeks had passed since the shower incident, the members all busy with their comeback, practicing late into the night with no energy to even speak to each other most of the time. Jinyoung's dreams were almost always filled with thoughts of the older, waking up nearly every morning with a stiffness between his legs he didn't have the energy to attend to. If he was more awake and alert in the mornings, it was because his morning showers had become extremely cold ones.

It was the end of a particularly grueling day, having had a reading for his drama and a photoshoot, when Mark joined him under the covers, Coco cosy between them as they discussed the object of Jinyoung's frustrations. Mark listened to him recounting the heated moment the two had shared, hooting every now and then in an attempt to embarrass the younger. Jinyoung wasn't so easily cowed, going over every detail and making the older regret ever teasing him.

'He wants you.'

'Shut up.' Jinyoung sighed, not in the mood to be taunted, but Mark fixed him with his 'i'm serious' look.

'You two just need to talk and clear this shit up, you're missing out on some seriously kinky sex if your two times together have been that intense. Your lack of dialogue is really amazing for how long you've known each other.'

'I wouldn't say we know each other. Jaebum see's me as a colleague.'

'A colleague he wants to bone.'

'You're so crass.'

'You can be much, much worse you hypocrite. If Jackson knew how much shit you've made me spill about us he'd die.'

'Either way, Jaebum just... he's not straight forward.'

'He's not straight, that's for sure.' Mark yawned, playing with Coco's ears absently. 'Not even bicurious.'

'But he's not gay. He's just feeling out whether he likes being with guys or not, like it's new and weird and he'll drop me when he's bored.'

'Ah, because being bisexual means you're just confused?' Mark raised an eyebrow, challenging Jinyoung, and he immediately regretted his words.

'I didn't mean that.'

'Jaebum may well be experimenting, but that's nothing to do with sexuality rather than him as a person; don't lump us all in with his hot 'n' cold bullshit.'

'Save me Mark.' Jinyoung whimpered pitifully, pulling a face that had Mark rolling his eyes and laughing softly.

'If you don't talk to JB, I'll do it for you. And that's a threat.'

Jinyoung always found himself regretting not taking Mark's threats seriously.

-

A month passed in much the same manner, hot gazes passing between the two of them and nothing more; the only words they shared were in regards to dance steps and schedules. They'd just had their first win on the show, and they were celebrating by getting some much needed sleep. Jinyoung didn't know what time it was, but he knew it was too early to be awake, his room still pitch black and the dorm completely silent.

He felt like someone was watching him, the hairs on his neck standing on edge, and he turned abruptly, seeing a shadow in his doorway. Jinyoung's heart jumped into his throat, and he sat up in his bed, reaching for anything blunt and heavy. His immediate thoughts were that a saesang fan had somehow got in, that the dorm was so quiet because everyone was dead and they'd come to claim their last victim in the name of love. His hand met his lamp, and he gripped it tightly, flicking on the light and squinting as the room was illuminated, Jaebum's figure brought to light.

Somehow, Jinyoung was even more frightened by this revelation.

'Hyung?' He whispered, voice rough with sleep. 'You scared the life out of me, I thought I was going to die.' Jinyoung clutched at his chest, willing his heart rate to slow, and Jaebum stepped closer, slowly sitting at the bottom of his bed. His expression was unreadable, but he was evidently tired. His shoulders were sagging, his eyes barely open. 'What's wrong?' Jinyoung suddenly felt worry rise, 'Has something happened?'

'No, relax, I just came to talk.' Jaebum rumbled, voice thick. It sounded like he'd just woken up too, and Jinyoung was filled with anticipation at whatever was so important that he'd come here in the middle of the night to discuss it. The older shifted, getting more comfortable, and Jinyoung rubbed his eyes. Jaebum was wearing his glasses, and Jinyoung had always thought him more handsome when he wore them. 'Mark told me.'

Jinyoung's heart skipped a beat, skin going cold and his eyes wide. 'Told you what?' He whispered, almost scared to ask.

'How much you've endured because of me.' He looked at Jinyoung softly, shaking his head with regret. 'I had no idea.' Jinyoung could only listen, mouth ajar and bewilderment on his face. 'I remember everything from when we were drinking. I had no idea you were gay... you're always so thoughtful of your family and I've heard you talk about having a family and making them happy - I thought it was you who would be disgusted waking up beside me.'

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, leaning his elbows on his knees. 'I couldn't stop thinking about you afterwards, I didn't mean to be so rough with you in the shower. I just had to have you... I thought if it was cold and detached like that you wouldn't be uncomfortable with it or see it as something more.'

Jinyoung was listening with rapt attention, his whole body feeling light and distant. It was the first time he'd seen the older boy looking so vulnerable and frightened, his form entirely hunched over and eyes averted. He fidgeted for a moment, getting comfortable beneath the covers and leaving enough room beside him on the small bed for a larger body.

'Come and sleep, you idiot.' He mumbled, his face hidden by the duvet. He didn't want to see Jaebum's reaction, still so frightened that he'd simply up and leave again; however, Jaebum didn't betray him this time. It felt like deja vu, being pressed close to the older boy once again, though now they were face to face and fully clothed. Jinyoung was weary of fighting, his anxiety falling away to resignation, ready to let whatever would happen just happen.

Entwining his legs with the older boy's, he pushed his cheek into his pillow, smirking devilishly as Jaebum yelled when the younger mans icy cold feet pressed against the warm skin of his calves.

'Are you a fucking vampire?' He laughed incredulously, the tension seeming to fall away with just that touch. Jaebum took Jinyoung's equally freezing hands and clasped them to his chest between them, and the younger man could swear it was his heart he was warming rather than his flesh. Jaebum was so close, nearly nose to nose on the single pillow, and the younger man felt as if a firework display was going off inside him.

'I have bad circulation.'

Jaebum made a thoughtful noise at the back of his throat, and it brought Jinyoung back to a similar noise he'd made when he was wet and hard and dangerous. 'I bet I could get your blood flowing if I tried.' The older boy's tone had dropped, the sound of it heady and intoxicating, and Jinyoung found himself leaning loser without meaning to. Jaebum's breath was ghosting over his lips, the older boy's eyes dropping to look at them longingly.

Jinyoung knew he wouldn't be able to turn back from this point on, and the words slipped from his lips like a promise.

'I want you to try.'

Jaebum didn't hesitate, closing the distance hungrily, but Jinyoung was surprised at the gentle way his lips caressed his own, how the older boy's hands moved to hold his hip with a tenderness he hadn't expected. Jaebum was all harsh angles and strong lines but in that moment Jinyoung felt as if he was drowning in his softness, drawn in by the push and pull of his lips like being dragged under by a wave.

Time seemed to slow down, and they took advantage of every extended second, the kiss seeming to last forever. Jaebum wasn't trying to take control or be controlled, the two of them giving as they got and savouring the taste and warmth of each other's mouths. At some point their tongues escaped, twisting and tangling and dissolving the lip lock into a wet, hot mess, hands roaming more purposefully.

Strong hands slipped beneath the waistband of his shorts, kneading at the soft flesh of his buttocks and he groaned, rolling his hips up against the older boy and indulging in the hardness he came up against nestled between Jaebum's legs. Everything felt different without the blur of alcohol, sensations more thrilling and Jaebum's touch far more intoxicating.

It was slow and delicious, cocks dragging against each other through the fabric of their pyjamas, hot kisses pressed to throats and hands wandering beneath their shirts. While Jinyoung could have continued simply petting forever, he knew he wanted Jaebum hot and had inside him tonight; he wanted to be stretched wide by fingers that weren't his own, feel the burn of it. He wanted Jaebum to hold him open and lose himself in the feel of Jinyoung tight around him, to watch how his face might change, to have those striking eyes devouring him.

Taking a breath, he broke the heated kiss and took Jaebum's hand from where it was burning against his hip. As he brought it to his mouth he watched Jaebum's eyes darken at the sight of him sucking his index finger deep into his mouth, pulling off with an obscene pop.

'Fuck.' Jaebum breathed, and Jinyoung smirked devilishly.

'That's the idea.'

Tugging on his shorts he kicked them off haphazardly, eliciting a chuckle from the older boy. Even though his shorts had been loose and spacious it was still a relief to have his cock free, curving against his abdomen rigidly, and he swung a bare thigh over Jaebum's hip, rolling against him again and feeling the roughness of his clothes against the sensitive flesh.

Jaebum was in a world of his own, mouth ajar as his eyes raked over what he could see of Jinyoung's body, his torso still obscured by his shirt. The duvet was long gone, and Jinyoung would've felt a chill if not for the furnace seeming to burn inside him. His chest stomach rippled reflexively as Jaebum trailed his hand beneath his shirt, rucking up the fabric to expose his pale skin. His fingers danced over every rib, tracing a nipple and eliciting a short gasp from Jinyoung's lips. The older boy quickly became frustrated with the item of clothing though, the two of them fighting to remove it before Jinyoung removed Jaebum's too, devouring the sight of his toned muscles laid bare for the touching.

Being pressed to Jaebum's naked chest was just as good as the first time, coming together kiss deeply again while Jinyoung slowly pulled the older boy's hand over his hip, sliding it over an ass cheek before his own hand left to slide up Jaebum's arm and squeeze at his bicep. Jaebum seemed to get the hint, index finger dipping into his ass crack and tracing Jinyoung's hole slowly, tantalisingly. The younger boy couldn't help but arch back into the contact, silently begging him to slip it inside and stretch him wide and wet; however Jaebum paused in his caress, and Jinyoung broke the kiss with a question on his lips. The older beat him to it, though.

'Lube?' His voice was thick with lust, and Jinyoung ached to feel his touch once again, nodding impatiently to his bedside drawer. The short moment that Jaebum rolled away from him to scramble around for the small bottle was a moment too long, in his opinion, and he quickly latched onto the older boy again, greedy for his solid body against his own. Jaebum didn't hesitate to slick his fingers generously, digits returning to circle Jinyoung's entrance again and the younger jumped at the coldness, a quick apology leaving Jaebum's lips before he felt a pressure start to build.

He hissed through his teeth as Jaebum slowly pressed one finger into him - too slowly. He ground back against it, mouth ajar and eyes half-lidded with arousal just from the one digit. Jaebum was watching him with rapt attention as if it was his cock fucking into Jinyoung rather than his fingers, and Jinyoung bit back a moan at the stretch of the second joining the first, a pleasurable burn settling in. Even when he fingered himself he always enjoyed the pain of it, masochistic as it was. He always pushed himself to the edge of too much, never enough to truly hurt but enough that he could feel it.

'Another.' He breathed wantonly, gripping Jaebum's bicep tightly. He saw the older boy's hesitation at his hurried pace.

'It'll hurt, though-'

'Please, Jaebum.' He was too aroused to be shocked at his neediness, thoughts focused only on being as full of the older boy as possible. As the third digit stretched him wide, he grit his teeth against the pain, relieved when Jaebum crushed his lips with his own to distract from the burn. He could feel Jaebum's fingers scissoring him open, twisting inside him as he rolled his hips down to meet them, fucking himself on them. The idea of Jaebum's cock replacing the digits was heady, and he was drunk off it, desperate to be full and thoroughly wrecked.

His cock was achingly hard and leaking between them, a shiver running through Jinyoung every time it dragged against Jaebum's abdomen. Jaebum withdrew his fingers slowly, and Jinyoung gasped against his lips at the sudden emptiness, his hole clenching compulsively at the loss. The older boy sat up, pushing him onto his back as he shuffled to his knees before him. Jinyoung watched with hungry eyes as the fabric of Jaebum's sweatpants dropped, the older boy kicking them off his legs in a rush as his cock stood hard and proud. Jinyoug's thighs might have spread a tiny bit wider at the sight, cock twitching in anticipation.

He pulled his knees up to his chest, opening himself up for Jaebum, but the older had other ideas, pushing him back onto his side before laying behind him, hitching one of his legs up over his forearm. He nuzzled into Jinyoung's neck, chest flush against his back and cock pressed firmly to Jinyoung's ass, the heat of it setting the younger man ablaze with want. He felt the older boy nibble at his throat, before breathing hotly, 'Spread your ass, baby.'

Jinyoung could've cried he was so aroused, quickly pulling his flesh apart and feeling a thrill run through him when Jaebum's blunt head slid wetly against his twitching hole. Jaebum's lips were manic, sucking at the juncture of his neck, at his shoulders as he slowly slid inside. The sensation was overwhelming, every nerve in Jinyoung's body reacting to the intrusion; but rather than faltering, his cock grew impossibly harder, straining against his abdomen and leaking thickly. He could feel every curve, vein, ridge of Jaebum's length, the heat of it making him dizzy.

Jaebum was slow and careful, teeth digging into Jinyoung's flesh as he held himself back. By the time he was fully sheathed Jinyoung was on his way to going bad, and he rolled his hips back deeply, drawing a lengthy groan from the older boy before his careful restraint snapped, hips jumping deliciously. Jinyoung panted hotly against the pillow as Jaebum began to pound into him, the sound of skin against skin deafening in the silence. Jaebum turned Jinyoung's head slightly to kiss him, tongues twisting as they moaned against each others lips, concentration completely shot.

A loud slap resounded in the quiet of the room, and Jinyoung whined at the sting of Jaebum's palm on his backside, biting his lip roughly to keep his voice down. 'You like that, Jinyoungie?' Jaebum purred, and Jinyoung could only nod, moans threatening to burst from his throat with every rough snap of Jaebum's hips. The older boy's hand slipped down between Jinyoung's legs, fisting his neglected cock and making his whole body sing. 'I can't hear you.'

Jaebum's pace was brutal, fucking into Jinyoung with such force that he was gradually shifting along the bed with every thrust. 'Yes.' He breathed, and Jaebum's hand left his cock, making him whine at the loss. His whine turned to a whimper as a hand landed against his ass cheek again, stinging and delicious.

'Yes what?' Jaebum growled against his ear, and Jinyoung drank in the sound.

'Jaebum-' Another spank, and Jinyoung cried out in earnest this time, unable to restrain his voice. 'Hyung.'

'Good boy.' Jaebum thrust into him roughly one last time before he pulled out completely, leaving Jinyoung's head spinning. In seconds he was being pulled up onto all fours, knees trembling while Jaebum positioned himself again, sucking in a breath when the head pressed inside once more.

The angle was different, his hips tilted in Jaebum's lap while the older boy pushed down on Jinyoung's back, forcing his head into the mattress. When he snapped his hips forward, Jinyoung had to bite the pillow, fingers clutching at the sheets and eyes rolling at the white-hot pleasure shooting up his spine. Jaebum must have felt him tighten around him, because a deep groan left his lips, pace quickening as he kept Jinyoung steady. After a minute of Jaebum's assault Jinyoung couldn't hold himself in check anymore, breaths dampening the pillow as his moans leaked out with increasing volume. Jaebum's grunts and breaths were rough and ragged, and Jinyoung melted when a hand wrapped around his dripping cock, already dangerously close to climax.

Jaebum pressed his chest against Jinyoung's back, driving his cock even deeper, sweat slick between them as he mouthed at Jinyoung's neck, whispering filth against his ear. Within moments Jinyoung's knees were buckling, orgasm tearing him apart as he fucked himself back against Jaebum's cock and forwards into his fist, milking his own climax. Before he could even recover Jaebum was losing his pace, fucking into him erratically until a warmth filled him and Jaebum's grip on cock became unbearable. He thrust weakly a few more times before he twisted Jinyoung round to kiss him filthily, the two of them collapsing against the dirty sheets.

He could feel Jaebum's come between his thighs, his own come against his chest, but still protested when Jaebum weakly moved to grab a towel, pulling him back down to his side. 'Stay, sleep.' He mumbled groggily, blissed out and thoroughly fucked. Jaebum huffed a laugh, abandoning his escapade in favour of wiping them off with the bed sheets and throwing it in a ball to the floor.

Jinyoung hummed contentedly as the older boy pulled him into his arms, limbs tangling as they sank into the afterglow. He'd never pinned Jaebum for a snuggler.

'You're not going to run off on me again are you?' Jinyoung whispered, and felt honest relief flood him when Jaebum only clutched him tighter, voice sure.

'Never again.'

Notes