Gratefulness~ pt.5

I'm smiling widely as I'm hopping towards the YG building. I have my new clothes on that Ji Yong brought me from Paris. I wish I could travel like him but I know that I'll be able to do that in the future. I was so happy after seeing him, even just for a little while.
He left early in the morning and we didn't hug or cry this time which was new. We planned it: he just told me that he was going to leave for work and then he smiled and left the apartment while I was still laying in my bed and watching after him with my sleepy eyes, smiling. It wasn't painful at all. And the reason was that I now knew that he really wasn't that far away. That he could fly back home if he needed to, just like he did. I wasn't as lonely as I thought I was and I think it really helped me that I realized it. Now maybe my hallusinations won't come back and I don't need to find a cure for my stress problem. I'm genuinely feeling happy for a change.

I sit down on the chair at Hyun Suk's office. We are having another meeting concerning our group.
"How has it been?" Hyun Suk turns to face us and pouts his lips thightly as he views us from head to toes.
"Well," I smile automatically, not even checking others' expressions. I'm just feeling so good right now.
BaBo clears her throat silently on the other side and crosses her arms, ready to say a few words or quiet down for a hundred years but I managed to talk first, so she has no choice but to agree. Mi-Ok is just staring at the corner of the table, biting her lip nervously.
YG looks not that satisfied when it comes to our team spirit but I guess he takes it as "yes, we will make it work".
"Do we have positions chosen for us yet?" BaBo looks at YG who nods only a bit but still noticably enough. He takes a look at his papers that are too far away from our eyes to read what it says, and it's also hand-written.
"You're all good at many things," he looks at us. "Hmm. Do you have any ideas what your positions will be? Now that you have spent a few days together..."
Mi-Ok shurgs politely and I pout my mouth, not knowing at all which one I would get. I'm not sure what I'm better at, singing or rapping, because I don't still see all the talent I have inside of me although the teachers have opened my eyes more for it. I look at Mi-Ok and she looks back at me with a small smile.
"She's the visual?" I take a guess and turn to YG. It's pretty obvious that she is, with her beautiful face and body. Hyun Suk gives a small smile from underneath his hat and before he gets to open his mouth for words to come out, BaBo has already his own guessing to make.
"Am I the leader?" her sharp voice asks, gathering all the attention to herself. I can see that she's trying her hardest to not to look too tough and threatening for once. I do understand why YG likes her at some level. It's because she has such a hard skin but she's also very hard-working.
Mi-Ok told me that BaBo had made a big decision moving from underground rapping scene into the idol world and even at YG, the entertainment company which is known for its rappers, she had problems dealing with it. I just come to think that there might be something softer under that rock-hard skin.
Hyun Suk glances at BaBo but eventually turns back to Mi-Ok, focusing on the first guess that I made.
"Yes, she is the visual. And also the lead singer, so you'll be in charge of many things. But I know you can handle it well."
I stare at the green paper YG slides to her over the table with some information and tips on it. Then he stops to stare at me for a while and I don't know if I should be concerned about it or not.
"Hm?"
He turns to give BaBo a piece of paper as well, a blue one. BaBo glances at him suspiciously and then leans forward, frowning and tapping the table.
"Lead rapper?" she gives a surprised look.
"Yes. I'm sure you expected it," Hyun Suk begins. "But I'm going to have to say that the leader position isn't yours."
BaBo's face turns gloomy.
Hyun Suk turns to me and hands me three papers. Main vocalist, main rapper and... The leader.
"L-leader...?" I mumble as I look up from the papers slowly. And I must look scared. "Why?"
BaBo draws the attention to herself once again, shaking her head from side to side exaggerating. She looks at him with such a judgemental face that even I'm embarrassed for her behalf.
"Mm," Hyun Suk hums and leans his both elbows on the desk and then looks at me. "By knowing something about her, I think I can guarantee that she'll be the best one out of you for looking after the group and making sure everything will go well."
I stare at him. How does he see that potential in me if I don't? To be honest, I too thought that BaBo would be the leader since she's such a strong individual but it doesn't look like it. Maybe that's the problem. She's too individual.
"I trust in you."

In the van, on the way back to the dorm, BaBo keeps glancing at me once in a while and sighing loudly. She strokes her deathhawk and gives me the twentieth look before I open my mouth.
"What is it? You can tell me."
She laughs sarcastically by herself from the other side of the car and then looks at me smiling like a devil in angel's clothes.
"Because you're the leader, you think you can just address me like that. I'm still older than you, sister."
I know. And I still use honorifics when talking to her because I'm too scared to not to.
"Um, what did I say wrong then?"
She laughs a little, bites her lower lip. Mi-Ok looks down, deciding to remain silent. She's not much of a help in situations like these.
"You think that because you're a leader, you have to get to know everything what's going on. Well, here's a surprise for you, I'm not telling you anything."
I take a deep calm breath, dealing with her will.
"Well, okay... But, just for you to know, someday we will have to start acting like we are a real group and it would be nice if you were even a bit kinder towards us."
"Why are you making such a big deal out of this?" BaBo shakes her head again and looks outside of the window on her side of the van.
The dream of an easily well-working group might have been a childish thought of me when I signed in for the adventure. I just wished it would have worked out as well as BIGBANG seems to do but I'm not giving up on this now. I will make Hyun Suk's words come true and make this group work together no matter what.
"It was you who were making faces at me once we got in the car," I have to remind her. She just rolls her eyes, not giving a damn. And after a while of akward silence she opens her mouth again, this time looking calmer and staring in front of her.
"You know that the position you're in is not a joke?" BaBo looks at me and of course I nod.
"Leaders are usually the most successful," she adds.
"I know that it's a big thing but I'm not afraid of it," I say. Although, at first I thought the leader would be her, during the day I really have started to like the idea of being the leader. And I'm glad as well as honoured to have the position.
"Not afraid of it? It doesn't sound like you appreciate it either. I don't know if you understand anything about this music business because you're a foreigner," she looks at her nails. "But I worked very hard here for years to become the best, and how long have you been here again? A month? A week? When I joined YG Entertainment, my number one goal was to become the leader of a cool group. And look what I got!"
I stare at my shoes. It's my weak point, being thrown to this good opportunity by luck. I can't say anything to that. But we are as a group, all the members, equally important. I just don't know if she understands it.
"Hmh," she laughs shortly as she sees my embarrassed expression. "Well, it's good if you do understand something."

Me: Sara! We discussed the stage names and positions today
Sara: Seriously?? Omg, tell me!
Me: Mi-Ok is the lead vocalist and the face of the group. And because of his name, we came to the conclusion that her name would be OMG. And, yes, I get it. It's a bit funny tho XD
Sara: yeah, and??
Me: BaBo wanted to be just BaBo because she has been doing music under that name for so long. And she's the lead rapper of course.
Sara: WAIT! Wait wait wait.... Are you the leader??!
Me: yeah.. And the main rapper and main vocalist.
Sara: What are youuuu? You should have been like YUUS GURL I'm the LEADER!
Me: I didn't think it would be me and, well, I didn't I deserve it. But it's okay. It's not that grande.
Sara: Well, no wonder you are the leader. Seriously. I think it suits you very well. I mean, I don't know the other girls but still. You will have a good impact on them, I'm sure.
Me: We'll see about that..........

Notes

I'm slowly starting to get back into the writing world and these chapters I'm publishing and have been publishing are written way back in time, so hopefully I can now make some progress again while finishing this part of the story. :) Thank you for reading!
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Teaser for chapter 10