"Dressing Zico"

I was in complete shock. I didn’t think I could live without Kim Marco. He was more than my bodyguard. He had become my friend. Maybe my best friend. Zico thought it was a good idea if I went in to see him but I didn’t know if I could take it. I knew I was going to break down or faint again. He had offered to go in with me but Jaehyo offered first and I had already accepted his offer. I sat outside the doors trying to work up my courage while Jaehyo held my hand. Zico stood on the opposite side of the hall staring into space. I didn’t know why he was even there.
I looked at the doors and thought, In that room is my Kim Marco. He’s laying there not trying to hide his golden toothed grin, not calling me Miss Elizabeth, and not sneaking drinks of my grape Slushie that he loved so much. I had forgotten him. I didn’t notice immediately that he was gone when I left my room because I had only been thinking of myself and my stupid date. Kim Marco always thought of me. ALWAYS! I started to cry.
“Let’s go in. I’ll hold your hand the whole time. I promise,” said Jaehyo.
Without looking up, Zico said, “She’ll go in when she’s ready.”
Jaehyo looked up at Zico and then said, “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to help.” I knew he became uncomfortable when I started crying.
“No, it’s okay. He’s right. I need to go. Kim Marco would have already been in there by my side if it were me laying in there,” I said. I stood up and smiled at Jaehyo. “Please don’t let go of my hand. I can’t go through this alone.”
He stood up and smiled down at me in return. “Never.”
We walked over to the doors and I couldn’t make myself go in. I was so afraid of what he was going to look like. I didn’t want to think of Marco as looking like anything but my big cherry cheeked, muscle teddy bear. I stood there with my hand on the door and Jaehyo put his free hand over mine. “It’s going to be okay,” he said.
I pushed the door open and went in. He was laying on the over-sized bed that they had put him in with his eyes closed tight and his arms at his sides. I made myself walk over to the bed. I felt dizzy. His cheeks weren’t cherry colored now. They had a grayish tinge as did the rest of him. He didn’t even look like the same man. He looked helpless laying there and my Kim Marco NEVER looked helpless. I started to doubt that this was really him. I didn’t want it to be. I put my hand on his arm and it was cold. I pulled the blanket up to his chin. The thought of him being cold made my heart hurt.
“Are you okay?” asked Jaehyo.
I had almost forgotten he was there. I nodded but it was a lie. I was very far from okay. I touched the gold earring that I had bought for Marco and I bent over to put my mouth close to his ear. I closed my eyes and made a wish. Then I whispered “Marco” and hoped against hope that my wish would come true. I waited. It didn’t. He didn’t say “Polo” and my heart turned to dust.
I had tried so hard to keep it together but I couldn’t hold my pain in any longer. I burst into tears. Jaehyo pulled me into a tight hug and rubbed my back without saying a word. He just let me cry. I had thought that if I could get him to say “Polo” then everything would be okay. He always said it. ALWAYS! Even when I didn’t want him to! “He didn’t say it, Jaehyo! He didn’t say it! He ALWAYS says it!”
“I know. I’m so sorry,” he said. I knew he had no idea what I was talking about but he was too sweet to say so. It didn’t even matter.
“Who would do this? WHY would they do it?” I asked and looked up into Jaehyo’s face.
“Zico thinks that someone was after you and Marco stopped them,” he said.
“Why? I’m not even with Zico anymore! This is all my fault!” I cried harder.
“NO! This is the fault of a crazy person. All Marco ever wanted to do was protect you and that’s what he did,” said Jaehyo and squeezed me tighter.
I calmed down enough to turn back to Marco. I leaned over and kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear, “I love you Kim Marco! Thank you for taking such good care of me.”
The doctor came in then. I had to ask him a question even though I was terrified of the answer. I needed to know. “Doctor, do you think Marco will ever come out of this coma?”
The doctor adjusted his glasses and said, “Anything is possible. It’s hard to judge these things. The brain puts the body in a coma to protect itself and so it can work on repairing itself without using too many resources on the rest of the body. There’s always hope as long as his body is staying alive on it’s own and doesn’t require life preserving equipment. He was stabbed twelve times but he was lucky enough that none of his vital organs were damaged. Someone with that kind of luck has a wonderful chance of survival in my opinion.” He smiled.
I didn’t feel like smiling. I kissed Marco again and told him that I would be back and then Jaehyo and I left.

Zico had insisted that I have another bodyguard since he believed that the real target had been me. I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was lay in my bed and do nothing. There was a knock on my door and I laid there and stared at it for a long time. Whoever it was knocked again and then a third time. Then my phone rang.
“Oh for God’s sake,” I said as I got up and opened the door. It was Jong. He pushed his way into the room and shut the door and I just went back to the bed and got under the covers.
“I just heard what happened. Are you alright?” he asked and came over to sit on the bed.
“Not really,” I said. “I lost my Marco.”
“He died?” asked Jong rather callously. In my opinion.
“No. He’s in a coma and he may never come out of it. He lost too much blood before he was found which was my fault,” I said.
“I’m so sorry. I know how much you liked him,” he said and pushed my hair behind my ear.
“I still like him. I love him. He’s not gone, Jong,” I said.
“I’m sorry. I know. I didn’t mean to be hurtful,” he said.
“I know. Everything is hurtful right now. Just ignore me,” I said.
“May I lay with you for a while?” he asked.
“If you’d like,” I said. I didn’t care what he did. It didn’t matter to me if I was alone or not because the pain was just as bad either way.
Jong scooted behind me and pulled me against him. He held me there, running his fingers up and down my arm and through my hair. It actually did feel better having someone there after all. We didn’t talk and it was nice. It was like he was sharing my pain.
My phone buzzed but instead of looking at the text, I watched as my phone vibrated closer and closer to the edge of the table. Just before it fell, I caught it and saw that it was from Ji-Yong.
Ji-Yong: I know that you are having a hard time right now. I have some free time tonight if you’d like to come with me and try to forget about it for a while.
I didn’t know what to say. Do I want to go? Would I actually feel better or just make Ji-Yong feel bad? I decided to go.
Elizabeth: Please come and get me. I really need to feel better tonight. Do you think you can make that happen?
I waited for a response. I could hear Jong snoring behind me.
Ji-Yong: I’ll be there in ten minutes. Wear a party dress.
I didn’t know if going to a party was a good idea but even being in as much pain as I was in, thinking of seeing Ji-Yong made me a little excited.
Elizabeth: Thank you. I’ll be ready.
I pulled out of Jong’s arms and quietly got ready. I put on my “disco ball” sequin dress, matching shoes, and glammed up my make-up and hair. I looked in the mirror and thought, Go big or don’t go right? I don’t think anyone will be able to tell that my heart is broken tonight. I grabbed my purse and very quietly left the room so that Jong didn’t wake up. Sweet dreams, Jong and thank you for trying.

My new bodyguard, Song Minhyuk followed me outside. He was a big dumb muscle man with zero personality. I had tried to talk to him earlier but he wasn’t interested. Neither was I.
When Ji-Yong pulled up, he got out of the car and came over to me. “New bodyguard?” he asked.
“Yep,” I said and rolled my eyes.
“Can we get rid of him?” he asked.
“Not so far,” I answered.
Ji-Yong looked at Minhyuk for a moment and then pulled out his wallet. He pulled out a bill and offered it to the bodyguard. “Will this convince you to get lost for tonight?” he asked.
Minhyuk looked at the money and shook his head.
Ji-Yong added a bill to it. “Now?”
Minhyuk took a little longer but he still shook his head.
Ji-Yong pulled out one more bill, “Last offer. Want the night off? I know this is more than you get paid in a night,” he said.
Minhyuk stared at the money and to my surprise, he reached out and took it and walked back inside.
I looked at Ji-Yong in shock. “I can’t believe he accepted that!” I said.
“He sucks! You need a new bodyguard. If what I’ve heard about Zico is true, he won’t have a job tomorrow,” he said and opened the car door for me.
Ji-Yong was awesome!

I didn’t know what to expect when Ji-Yong told me we were going to a party at the home of his band mate, Seunghyun.
“Have you heard of T.O.P.?” he asked.
“Oh! Top! I’ve heard of him! He’s the tall good looking one right?” I said. Ji-Yong gave me a sideways glance and I winked at him.
“How have you heard of T.O.P. but not G-Dragon? Have you been pulling my leg this whole time?” he asked.
“No,” I said and laughed. “I don’t know why but I think I watched a show where they were talking about his movie role and they mentioned that he was in Big Bang.”
“Alright. I guess I forgive you,” he said. We both laughed. “Have you ever been to a big celebrity party before?”
“Define big,” I said.
“Once a year, Seunghyun throws the biggest party for celebrities that isn’t an awards show party. There will be a lot of different groups and industry people there. It can get a little crazy. Is that okay?” he asked.
“Sure. Why not. Anything to take my mind off of things,” I said and looked out the window at the passing scenery.
I looked over at me. “I have to admit, I was sort of hoping this would be your first big party. I like being the one to introduce you to new things. If it becomes too much just let me know and we’ll leave,” he said.
“Okay. Thank you,” I said. I felt a little uneasy that this party might be so wild that I wouldn’t be able to take it. It couldn’t be any crazier than Club M. Could it?
I was comfortable when I was with Ji-Yong. It was a very different experience than being with Zico. Ji-Yong didn’t come back at everything I said with a sarcastic comment or boss me around all of the time. But I had to admit that I missed that sometimes. Actually, I missed Zico. A lot. I tried not to think of him except for when I was creating a wardrobe for him but I still dreamed of him every night. When Jong laid behind me, I would close my eyes and pretend it was Zico. I was only hurting myself by hanging on but it was so hard to let go,
When we pulled up to Seunghyun’s house, I was a little overwhelmed. I think I’m out of my depth here, I thought. It was like a palace on a hill. The house was gorgeous and there were already people everywhere. A valet opened my door and I knew that Seunghyun had spared no expense. It was intimidating. I could hear the music before we went into the house. Ji-Yong grabbed my hand and squeezed as he led me inside. He kept turning to look at me and I think he wanted to see the look on my face. I doubted that I was disappointing him. I probably looked like a little kid in the biggest best toy store ever.
I didn’t know a lot about K-pop idols but I knew some and everyone that I knew about was here. Everyone was so beautiful and I felt out of place. I was a short, chubby, pale American girl amongst a group of people who’s job it was to be gorgeous. I felt like hiding but then I decided I would be all but invisible with these people anyway. I wondered why Ji-Yong wasn’t embarrassed to be seen with me but he seemed completely okay with it. He held my hand or put his arm around me and introduced me to everyone like he was with a model or something. Either he didn’t care what the others thought or he really was happy to be here with me.
There were actual models moving around the crowd with trays of champagne. It seemed to be snowing bubbles everywhere we went. Different colored lights flashed and moved around the rooms. Some rooms had their own color while others were a mix. It was like being in a dream. The music was loud but not like at Club M. You could talk over it but you could still feel it moving through your body.
We were joined by Young-Bae, who was a complete sweetheart. They included me in the conversation just like I was one of them and knew what they were talking about. I laughed when they did even though I mostly had no idea what they were laughing about. Ji-Yong gave me a glass of champagne and we went over to sit on a huge overstuffed sofa that was already filled with people. He pulled me against his side and I couldn’t help but smile. I sipped my champagne and watched everyone dancing and mingling while he talked to Young-Bae.
Ji-Yong was exceptionally good looking tonight. He was dressed in tight black pants and an over-sized, white, silk dress shirt with tiny black dots. He also smelled really good. He smelled rich! I sneaked glances of his face when he was talking and the man was flawless. When he caught me staring at him, he would smile and his whole face lit up. Why in the hell is he here with me?
I saw Top across the room. He was going around the room talking to everyone and it looked like he was giving them each something.
“I see you’ve noticed Seunghyun,” said Ji-Yong.
“He’s hard to miss,” I answered. He knew I was teasing him. “Is he handing out party favors?” I asked.
“Ummmm, of sorts,” he said. Young-Bae laughed. “Take what he gives you but feel free to drop it on the ground after he leaves if you want.”
“What? Why would I do that?” I asked.
They both laughed and Ji-Yong whispered in my ear, “It’s ‘X’.”
I was still confused. “What is that?”
“Ecstasy,” said Young-Bae.
“Ohhh. Do you take that?” I asked Ji-Yong.
“I never have before but I haven’t decided about tonight. I won’t if you don’t want me to.”
I didn’t know what to say. I looked at Young-Bae and asked, “Do you do it?”
“Hell no! I don’t touch that crap,” he said.
“He doesn’t even drink,” said Ji-Yong.
“Well, it’s up to you really,” I said.
“You sure? Because I was sort of leaning toward taking it tonight,” he said.
“It’s whatever you want to do,” I said. I wasn’t making that decision for him. As for me, I was going to skip it.
“Hey!” said Seunghyun when he got to us. “I didn’t think you were coming.”
“I changed my mind. Great party hyung,” said Ji-Yong.
“I know right? I think it’s bigger than last year!” he said and put a little purple pill in my hand and smiled at me. I looked at it and noticed it had a tiny crown on it. It looked like candy. He also handed me a bottle of water.
“This is Elizabeth,” said Ji-Yong.
Seunghyun put out his hand for me to shake. “Ohhh, so this is Elizabeth. Ji-Yong hasn’t shut up about you since he met you at the broadcast station.”
“Hyung!” said Ji-Yong as he blushed.
I felt myself beginning to blush too and I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Well, that is really good to know,” I said.
“It’s very nice to finally meet you,” said Seunghyun as he started to move on. “I’m sure we’ll see more of each other soon.
“I hope so,” I said and smiled at Ji-Yong. He blushed harder.
He turned the little purple pill between his fingers. “Are you going to try it?” he asked.
“I don’t think so,” I said and dropped mine in my purse.
“Well, here goes,” he said and swallowed his.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” said Young-Bae.
“You can’t?” said Ji-Yong. They laughed again.
“Well, I see Seungri over there so I’m going to go see if he just made the same mistake you did,” said Young-Bae. Ji-Yong punched his leg playfully as he got up to leave.
A girl that Ji-Yong knew took Young-Bae’s place immediately but I hardly noticed. I was introduced and I think I said hello but my attention was across the room with the couple that had just walked in. My stomach flipped and I felt sick. There they were as big as life and definitely a couple. It was Zico and Alicia. He had changed his hair since earlier in the day. It was back to short and blond again and he looked absolutely delicious. Alicia was plastered to him and looking as slutty as ever. Her red dress was almost short enough to see the color of her panties, if she was even wearing any and her shoes were ridiculously tall. Not that she wasn’t tall enough already and now she towered over Zico. I think she liked it that way. She liked being in control and owning him.
I knew I should but I couldn’t make myself look away. They stood across the room against the wall. His hand was on her waist and she was leaning into him like she couldn’t stand on her own. No wonder in those shoes! I thought. I should have looked away. Alicia whispered in Zico’s ear and he laughed. Then he pushed her into the corner and began kissing her like no one else was around. I could feel tears starting to build up behind my eyes. The room became blurry and a single tear fell down my face. Ji-Yong laughed at something the girl beside him had said and I was glad he hadn’t noticed that I was dying on his other side.
I opened my purse and dug around until I found the little purple pill. I looked at it for a second and without thinking for too long, I swallowed it. I didn’t know if it would turn out to be a mistake and at that moment I didn’t care. I just wanted all this pain to go away. I didn’t know how long it would take for it to affect me but I hoped it would be quick. I also didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know anything about Ecstasy. I hadn’t eaten and I had already had two glasses of champagne so I didn’t expect to have a great result.
I looked back over at Zico and Alicia and he still had her in the corner, his hands all over her, and her body practically wrapped around his. I wiped at my eyes so that Ji-yong wouldn’t notice. I started to see other members of Block B across the room as well. None of them had noticed me and I was glad. I didn’t want them to.
Ji-Yong’s hand started rubbing my back and I decided to ignore the porn show across the room and to put all of my attention into him. He was amazing after all. He leaned up and said, “Wanna dance?”
“Absolutely,” I said. He stood up and pulled me with him. He must have already started feeling his little purple pill because he pulled me into an extremely tight embrace and began swaying very sensually. His hands ran over my back until eventually they made their way down. Then he put a hand in my hair and held me while his mouth covered mine. He was such a good kisser. His tongue was slow and deliberate as it made it’s way around my mouth. He tasted like champagne.
The ‘X’ must have been working on me too because his every touch felt like electricity. The hairs on my arms were standing up and wherever his mouth touched me felt orgasmic. If he had wanted to strip me down and make love to me right there in front of everyone, I wouldn’t have said no. Every movement seemed to be in slow motion. The lights were brighter and more beautiful. The bubbles were like crystal spheres and as we danced, we tried to catch them with our mouths. I couldn’t stop touching his silk shirt until eventually, my hands were under his shirt, enjoying the feel of his skin.
Someone put a bottle of water in my hands and ordered me to drink. I did. I wanted more but Ji-Yong said no. I watched as he danced and glitter began to fall from somewhere above us. He was sparkling and beautiful and all I wanted was to touch him all over. When the music became faster, he would close his eyes and put his head back and move with the beat. I grabbed him and licked his neck. I sunk my teeth into his skin and sucked him in. He moaned and then did the same to me. As he kissed my neck and chest and we moved together, I saw Zico watching us. He wasn’t laughing anymore or even looking like he was having a good time. The little purple pill had worked though. When I looked at Alicia running her hands down his chest, I felt no pain. I was actually happy.
“I really need to go,” said Ji-Yong into my ear. At first I thought he meant leave the party but then I realized we were moving through the crowd to the bathroom. I waited outside the door for him and Seunghyun came over to me. He was feeling as good as I was.
“I see you decided to partake in my party favor,” he said into my ear.
“Yes. Thank you,” I said.
“May I touch your dress. It looks like stars and moonlight and I wanted to see what that would feel like,” he said.
I laughed. “You can touch whatever you want,” I said.
He put his hand over my breast and closed his eyes. “Ah, starlight feels like electric shocks. I thought it might.” His other hand rubbed down the side of my body. “Moonlight feels soft and bright and like something I would like to eat,” he said. His thumb ran over my nipple which immediately became hard. “Thank you. That was wonderful,” he said and moved on.
I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. I felt like I could taste the music and it was a strange sensation. I loved it. It tasted like metal. Then a rough hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me down a hallway. I was shoved into a dark room and against what felt like a pool table. “Did you take the pill you were given?” someone asked me. I knew the voice but I couldn’t immediately place it and it didn’t occur to me at the time to open my eyes. His voice tasted like rich chocolate. It was smooth and velvety.
“I did,” I said.
“You are so stupid sometimes! Why do you do these things? What are you even doing here?” he asked.
I opened my eyes. Zico was glaring down at me. I didn’t answer at first because I just wanted to look at him in the darkness. He was also sparkling. He picked me up and sat me on the table and leaned into me.
“I’m here with Ji-Yong. You are so beautiful. Can I touch your face?” I asked.
“Stop it! You need to wake up! You are going to end up doing something that you regret,” he said.
I put my hand on his cheek. It was soft and reminded me of a baby chick. “Like what?” I asked.
“Like letting a bunch of guys sleep with you, that’s what!” He pulled my hand away from his face. I stared at his lips and had a sudden craving for them. I put my arms around his neck and sucked his bottom lip into my mouth. I could feel him begin to pull away but then he took over and started kissing me back. He grabbed the back of my head and mashed his mouth hard against mine. His tongue intertwined with mine. It felt like he was trying to devour me and I was fine with it. I wanted to give him all of me. I wanted him to undress me and make love to me on the pool table. Instead, he pulled away from me completely and stepped back. “We can’t do this. I’m here with someone else and so are you.”
I slid off of the table and wiped the wetness from my mouth. I didn’t see a need to say anything else so I started for the door when he grabbed my wrist again. I turned toward him and he said, “Will you go home if I ask you to? I’ll get someone to take you.”
“Like you said, I’m here with someone. I can’t just go. Thanks for the offer though,” I said and left the room. I saw Ji-Yong leaning against the wall and another girl was trying to talk to him. I didn’t care if it was rude, it didn’t even occur to me that it would be rude, but I went to him and pushed him against the wall and kissed him. I gave him the kiss that I wanted to give Zico. It was a hungry longing kiss and he kissed me back. When I pulled away, he still had his eyes closed and he smiled the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen.
“Can I take you upstairs?” he asked.
I heard the word bitch somewhere behind me and I thought it might be directed at me but I didn’t care. “What’s upstairs?” I asked.
“Hopefully it will be you. Naked,” he said and finally opened his eyes.
I looked over at Zico who was staring at me. He was dancing with Alicia and she began kissing him. He looked like he was trying to swallow her whole. “Will you be naked too?” I asked and turned back to Ji-Yong.
“Most likely,” he said. “You can say no if you want. No pressure.”
“I don’t want to. Why don’t you show me what’s upstairs?” I said.
He gave me another sweet kiss and took my hand. He led me upstairs and I watched Zico watching me. Then he looked away and I lost sight of him.
It seemed like the stairs were never ending. We climbed and climbed but when we reached the top, the floor we were on was empty. Apparently it was off limits to guests. Ji-Yong took me into the first room we came to. Even though it was dark, I could tell that it was a bedroom befitting a palace. The round bed in the middle of the room was on a platform and was surrounded by silky transparent curtains. He picked me up and carried me to the bed, putting me down on my knees. He started unzipping my dress and said, “This dress feels like shards of glass against my skin. How can you stand to wear it?” He pulled it down to my waist.
“Top said it felt like stars and moonlight,” I said.
“When did he feel your dress?” asked Ji-Yong and pulled back to look at me.
“When you were in the bathroom,” I said and pulled him back to me. I was trying to unbutton his shirt but I was getting distracted by the feel of the silk. I wondered what it would be like to bathe in silk. He watched as I undid each button. Then I slowly slid the silk off of him, letting my hands run over his shoulders and down his arms. As he continued trying to undress me, I started to trace his tattoos with my finger.
“You don’t have any tattoos do you,” he asked when I was finally naked.
“No,” I said and leaned in to run my tongue over the curly lettering on his skin.
He pushed me back into the bed and straddled my body, taking both of my hands in his and pushing them into the bed on each side of my head. “We will have to change that,” he said and kissed me. He let go of my hands so that he could hold my breasts.
“What do you think I should get?” I asked and closed my eyes. His every touch caused fireworks to explode behind my eyelids.
He took one of my nipples into his mouth and then said, “My name.” As he spoke, his breath tickled me and I laughed. “You think that’s funny huh?” he said and playfully bit my breast.
“No, you tickled me,” I said. I put my hands in his hair. It felt like feathers. “Where should I get your name tattooed on my body?” I asked.
“Well, I would like to see Kwon Ji-Yong right here,” he said and ran his tongue from my right hip up to the side of my breast. “And on this side, I want G-Dragon,” he said and ran his tongue from my left breast down to my left hip. He lingered there and started kissing his way down to my thigh and then kept going. He pushed my thighs apart and stuck his tongue deep into me. I couldn’t help but yell out and push into him. He worked his tongue into me until I felt like my body was going to float away. I heard screaming and realized it was me.
Ji-Yong moved back up to kiss me. He said, “I was told that it was impossible to get hard on ‘X’ but I don’t seem to be having that problem.” He smiled and started to move into me but I pulled away.
“Not yet,” I said. “It’s my turn.”
I pushed him over onto his back and he said, “But what if I lose it. I may never get it back.”
I had to laugh at that. “I won’t let you lose it,” I said.
I kissed my way down to his hardness and took him into my mouth. Now he was the one calling out. His hands were clenching the blankets and I took hold of one of them and held his hand as I sucked him in and slowly pulled him out of my mouth.
“That’s enough!” he said and pulled me up and away from what I was doing. “No more. I want you now.” He pulled me up into a sitting position and pushed himself into me all at once. I wrapped my arms around his neck and ran my tongue along this ear until my mouth connected with his. We were moaning into each others mouths as he became faster and harder. He rolled me over onto my back where he could go even deeper. “What does it feel like?” he asked.
“What does what feel like?” I said between sighs.
“What does it feel like to have a man buried inside of you? He asked and licked my neck as he pushed harder into me.
“That’s hard to answer,” I said. “It sort of hurts but it’s a good pain. It makes you feel full and sexy and I don’t know how else to describe it.”
“Would I know the same feeling if I let you use a strap-on on me?” he said.
I didn’t know what to say to that. “I doubt it. That’s a completely different feeling. And by the way, I’m not into that,” I said.
“Into what? Wearing a strap-on?” he asked.
“Well, I don’t know about that but I’m talking about anal,” I said.
“I bet you could be,” he said and bit my shoulder.
“I don’t think so,” I said.
“Would you let me try if I asked?”
I could feel myself reaching the edge and I knew I would soon go over it. It became hard to talk. “I might.”
“I want to have you every way I can have you,” he said.
I started to come and anything else he said was lost. My head began to buzz and my body took control. I felt like every cell in my body was in ecstasy. Everything tingled. I couldn’t even control the sounds that were coming out of my mouth and I knew I was being very loud. When I started to come back to my senses, I heard the door open. Ji-Yong apparently didn’t hear it and continued getting deeper and harder and kissing me wherever his mouth could reach. I looked over and saw the silhouette of Zico standing in the doorway. Then the door slammed. I felt dizzy.
Ji-Yong pulled out of me and turned me over onto my stomach. He put a pillow under my hips and I was a little afraid that he was going to try something that I just wasn’t ready for but he didn’t. He entered me from behind and then laid on my back as he got closer and closer to his own orgasm. His fingers ran over my body and tickled me as he put gentle kisses on my back and the back of my neck.
“What does it feel like for you?” I asked.
He laid his cheek on my back and said, “Ummm, it’s the best feeling in the world. It’s warm and wet and soft. It’s comforting and if I could just stay here inside of you for days, I would.” He reached under me and held my breasts in each of his hands as his breathing became harder and soft sounds began to come from the back of his throat. I felt him grow inside of me until finally he found his release. He rolled onto his back, out of breath and laughing, and pulled me into his side.
“DAMN THAT WAS AWESOME!” he yelled and hit the bed.
I laughed too. My body was still tingling but I think it was more the effects of the drug than the orgasm. I thought again of Zico in the doorway and I wished that he had joined us instead of leaving. That was also the drug but I didn’t care. I kept picturing Ji-Yong behind me and Zico in front of me. It made me want to come again.
After a few minutes, Ji-Yong said, “I guess we had better rejoin the party.”
“If you insist,” I said.
We went back to the party and danced and kissed and just enjoyed each other. I didn’t see Zico again at the party.

I didn’t get back to the hotel until four in the morning. I was still under the influence of the ‘X’ and I didn’t know how long it would last. When I went in, I went straight to the shower and didn’t notice Zico sitting in the dark waiting for me. My shower was long because I was enjoying the feeling of the water on my skin until it started to get cold and I had to get out. It felt like tiny fingers massaging me and I didn’t want it to stop. I got out and dried off. The towel was soft and I kept moving it slowly up and down my body. I combed my hair and didn’t bother putting any night clothes on. The feeling of being naked was too nice to ruin with more clothes.
I cut off the light and went to my bed but all of a sudden, I was pushed down and a heavy weight covered me. A hard punishing mouth crushed mine and hands that seemed to hate me, gripped my wrists and held my arms hard against the bed. “How could you?” he said. That’s when I knew it was Zico. “How could you do that to me?”
He bit me and squeezed my wrists until I cried out in pain.
“What did I do? What did I do to you?” I asked. I really didn’t understand why he was hurting me.
“I saw you. It made me want to tear my fucking eyes out! I had to go and throw up!” he said. He let me go and stood up. I couldn’t see him clearly because the light from the window was so dim but I could tell he was hating me. I didn’t need to see him to feel the anger coming from him. I watched as he took off his clothes and then climbed over me.
“What are you doing, Zico?” I asked.
“You think I’m going to let some other man be the last one inside of you? All you had to do was wait! I told you I needed time to work things out. You couldn’t give me that? I’ve been fucking good to you and you couldn’t even give me that?” Zico bit me again on the other shoulder.
“I didn’t do anything wrong. You were with Alicia so…”
“Yes I was and do you know what I did after I found you with G-Dragon? I took her back to her apartment and I fucked the hell out of her. How does that feel? Or can you even feel anything right now?” He slapped me. “CAN YOU FEEL ANYTHING?”
I started to cry. “I didn’t do anything wrong,” I said.
“If I could use battery acid on my brain to erase the sight of him fucking you I would do it! The only thing I know to do is to fuck you myself and hope that it erases that memory for me. Open your legs,” he said.
“I’m so tired, Zico. I just want to go to sleep,” I said and I could feel the tears pooling in my hair at the sides of my head.
He slapped me again. “OPEN YOUR LEGS!”
I did as I was told. Without any preparation, he pushed himself inside of me and it started to burn. I wasn’t ready and it hurt. Just as the ‘X’ made the good feelings better, it seemed to make the bad ones worse. He wasn’t easy or loving or caring or any of the things you are supposed to be when you made love. But then this wasn’t making love. This was a punishment. He pushed his tongue into my mouth, almost choking me and not caring. His pelvis hitting against mine was leaving bruises.
“What do you think your new boyfriend will think when he finds out I fucked you tonight? I doubt he’s going to want to stick around,” he said as he hurt me.
“What about Alicia?” I asked. “What is she going to do?”
“She’ll do what I tell her to do. Now shut up,” he said and became harder and faster. He bit into my breast. Then he leaned up to look down at me without slowing down and said, “You had better come for me! I’M SURE YOU CAME FOR HIM. DIDN’T YOU?”
I was getting angry. “YES! HE MADE ME COME HARDER THAN YOU EVER HAVE!” I shouted back at him.
He slapped me again but harder. “You will come for me! And you better scream or we’ll do it again and again until you do!”
“Hurt me all you want, Zico! I’ll never come for you again! Now that I know what it’s like to be fucked by someone who knows what he’s doing, nothing you could do will make me come,” I said. I wanted to hurt him as much as he was hurting me.
“SHUT UP YOU LYING BITCH!” he yelled.
He was right. I was lying. I could feel myself coming closer and closer to orgasm with each stroke and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold it back. He put his mouth close to my ear and kept whispering, “You will come. You will come for me. I won’t stop until you come.” That did it. I felt my body falling over the edge of the cliff and I just let it. I bit my lip to keep from calling out. I wouldn’t give him that much satisfaction but I did come and hard. Holding it back made it worse and he started whispering, “That’s right. Come for me little girl. You know I’m the only one that can make you come that hard.”
When it passed, I had no energy left. I didn’t want to let him come inside of me but no matter how hard I fought to push him away, he just pushed me back down. As he came he said, “You should have waited for me! You should have given me time! Why did you have to give yourself to someone else so easily?” He started to cry and he didn’t try to hide it. “I didn’t want to go back to Alicia! I wanted to come back to you and now I can’t! You ruined everything! If you had waited I would have come back to you. I FUCKING LOVED YOU! I KNEW THAT WHEN I LEFT. NOW ALL I CAN SEE IS HIM ON TOP OF YOU! WHY COULDN’T YOU WAIT FOR ME? DIDN’T YOU LOVE ME AT ALL?” When he was finished, he was crying too hard to talk. He laid on me and cried into my hair. I knew nothing I could say would help so I kept silent.
After about ten minutes, he got up and didn’t say a word. He got dressed and went to the door.
“Zico?” I said.
“What?” he said.
“It’s easy to say all of that after the fact. But I saw you with Alicia before I did anything with Ji-Yong. I saw you before you saw me and I think you are the liar. You were there as a couple and I was the furthest thing from your mind. So I’m sorry if what I did hurt you but you hurt me first and I didn’t do anything wrong.”
The whole time I spoke, he never turned around. He stood there for a long time and then he said “Maybe you’re right. I knew what was in my mind but you could only see what was going on on the outside. Either way, I still won tonight.” He opened the door and left.

Notes