T.O.P (BIGBANG Fanfiction)

People. So much people. The venue was crowded already when I got inside of the front doors. My face turned pale white as I looked at the tragic scene. I was hoping to be the first one. I promised to get the first ticket. For him.

** T H R O W B A C K
“Did you buy it already?” my friend Skye asked via our chat group.
My hands were sweating as I moved the phone restlessly underneath the desk. Why extra language course class right now? Why? WHY THE HELL NOW???
“No,” I answered shortly because I was so angry and sad and everything at the same time. I just wanted to come up with a great excuse and run out of the doors but the teacher said it was something very very important and I had missed a few classes lately so I had to keep up.
But then again, something so much more important was happening right now at the same time. The ticket sale had begun 2 minutes ago. The teacher was preaching but the only thing I could hear and see were the running numbers in my mind, indicating that the tickets were to be sold out soon.

I can’t. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. I can’t buy it on my phone. But I have to get the ticket. I can’t be here anymore. I just ca–.

And then it happened. I got too nervous and I threw up on my desk. A big growl sound came out and I froze over the desk out of embarrassment, staring at the mix of chicken nuggets and ketchup. The class room became silent in a second. I felt everyone’s eyes focused on me although I was too afraid to look. I swallowed and held my breath so that I wouldn’t do it again. And before the teacher could even ask me if I wanted to go home, I just stood up and grabbed my backpack, speed-walking out of the room like an idiot. I avoided everyone’s looks and slammed the door behind me.

But I had no time to take a deep breath. I was a mess and my whole body was shaking. My legs begun running before my mind did. And my mind begun worrying over the tickets before I had even gotten over the accident that had just happened. But I did feel sorry for whoever had to clean my desk…

I was damn lucky that I lived near the school building. I dashed inside of the front door and sat at the computer desk. The computer was on because my dad had been using it. I knew it because some of his weird and boring files were open and I just clicked them away and opened the internet. I typed down the name of the ticket sale website so fast that I had never known I had such a talent in me.
Dad walked back into the room carrying a mug of coffee and a donut in his hands. He was very relaxed and happy, until he saw me. But I couldn’t hear him swearing at me, asking why I wasn’t at school studying hard.
“Not now, dad. For fuck’s sake, I have to focus on this! SHUT UUUUPP!!!” I lost it and screamed while I speed-wrote all my informations down and I must have seemed like a maniac because dad just silently turned around and left me alone and I certainly did not expect that.

Here. Now. I clicked it! I was looking at the downloading bar that was rolling slowly. Please. Please. Please. Say that I got the ticket. Please! SAY IT!!!
It rolled and rolled… It went through. It went… Wait. What?

‘We are very sorry to inform you but the tickets have been sold out.’

My heart dropped. And maybe it skipped about a hundred beats. Or maybe I just simply died. I leaned back on the seat and let my hands hung down.
I was a corpse. I didn’t live for this day, I lived for the concert date but I think I died before I even got to that one. I didn’t have a ticket. I didn’t have a life anymore! This was my one and only chance and I missed it! Idiot!

I crawled onto my bed and fell down, squeezing my phone in my hands. I opened the lock screen and the background picture made me cry silently but painfully. The smile that always made my day, those sweet-looking eyes that could not belong to anyone else and the face I just wanted to see by a glimpse so that I could have known it wasn’t just a lovely dream.

“I’m so sorry, Seunghyun. I’m so so sorry. But I still love you…”

**

Skye turned to look at me and I closed my mouth. She must have never seen such a sad face in her life because she wrapped her arms around me, tried to make me feel better.
“I should have bought two tickets when I first ordered mine. We would have gotten the best seats. Sorry,” she sighed as we begun walking to the area we got the tickets to.
“It’s not your fault and you know it very well,” I said silently. “I should have just skipped the class but I was so confused...”

A nice tall very big guy opened the gate for us as we showed our tickets and we walked inside to the area that was located nearest to the back of the concert hall but it still was in the center on the ground so we didn’t have to climb up the stairs to the seats but I didn’t know if it was a good thing to stand on the floor in the back or sit on seats up there where we could propably have seen better. It’s not that we couldn’t see the stage. We could, somehow. And then there were those huge screens that I could watch my idols on. But I still couldn’t stop blaming myself for not getting closer to them…

“Get your light stick ready!” Skye smiled at me cheerfully and got her BIGBANG lightstick out of her handbag. She was looking stunning in her sparkly dress and high heels and her hair and makeup were done perfectly. And she looked so excited and happy. But I was sure she wasn’t like that for real.
“Why the hell did you give up your ticket? You got the 25. ticket and you changed it with someone to get to the same area with me. You are so stupid,” I looked at her. I just couldn’t understand.

People were cramming around us but we managed to stay on the side, near the gate. It felt more safe and nicer than trying to get to the front and die because of people jumping over us.

“The VIP tickets could not be sold, so I had to give it up because it had my name on it… But, yes, of course I did that,” she helped me to get my lightstick and to put the light on. Then she gave it to my hand and closed my fingers around it. “Even though it’s BIGBANG’s concert and you know how much I love them, I could have never forgotten that I was in the VIP section and you got to stare at them from afar."

I hugged her with all the energy. She was such a sweetheart.
"Hey! It was nothing,” she laughed as I squeezed the heck out of her. Even a small tear rolled down my cheek, just like I had not been crying enough the past few weeks because of the ticket rulette.
“It just means so much to me,” I pulled myself away. “It was too much for me to even lose my chances to get the best ticket but if I had needed to stay here alone around crazy people I don’t know how I would have survived. I just can’t handle this whole situation right now… Seeing them live finally. And after this day I’ll never see them again. I-I just…”

And Skye hugged me instead, uttering a small laughter.
“Aww you.. You just got to enjoy this evening and not worry about tomorrow. Not about anything. And to make tonight a good memory, to make it last forever in your mind and so that you won’t regret this in the future. Okay? Promise me to have fun?”
And I looked at my friend and, yes, I smiled slightly. All the emotions were trying to push through but now I had to focus on the concert. I had to love this opportunity and love all the positive things it had to offer me. I would love this night more than any night of my life ever. I promised that. For him.

Notes