I forgot to forget you

Leo looked up as the door opened and four people walked in. There was something really wrong with that picture, there should’t be four, there should be five. Leo looked down again as he once again thought about Ravi and that it was all his fault. He hoped Ravi was alright and he didn't want to do anything more than to ask them if the rapper was okay. But in the end he couldn't, he should stay away from them, as far away as he could. Because only then could they live happy and nothing bad would happen to them. Only then would he avoid hurting them and if the price ha had to pay for that was to lose his mind he was okay with that. Because it was the least he could do for them and he would do anything to keep them safe. So he just needed to stay far, far away from them.

“Where have you been?”
Leo looked up to see the four of them looking at them. He carefully avoided N and Hongbin eyes that were literally shooting lightning and instead he looked at Hyuk. The younger boy seemed genuine worried about him but that only mayde Leo feel bad. It would be harder to stay away from them if they acted like that.

“What are you doing here?” N tried to hide the anger in his voice but in the end he didn't suicide.
“N hyung..” Hyuk whispered pulling his arm as to tell him to stop.
“Weren't we suppose to train.” It took all Leo had to hide his trembling voice and act cool. “If not i’m going.”
Leo stood up and made an attempt to walk passed them but got stopped when someone grabbed his arm and as he turned around he saw it was Ken. The other’s eyes were full of concern and a bit of confusion which made Leo feel bad. But he knew that this was the only way to keep them safe, to keep them away from him.
“Yah, let me go!” Leo used all his willpower to sound at least a bit angry in the hopes that Ken would back of.
“Are you okay?” Ken asked as his confusion became worry.
“I said let go!” Leo prayed Ken’s finger of and pushed the other backwards.

‘I’m sorry Ken, i don’t mean it. it’s just better if you stay away from me, i’ll do nothing but hurt you.’ The thought echoed sad inside Leo’t head. But he knew it had to be this way, it was better this way, it was better that they all hated him, it was better for them all.

“Yah! Stop it Leo!” Hongbin grabbed Leo’s shoulder and spun the other around, looking ready to kill him.
“Let go..” Leo said threatening whilst looking at Hongbin's hand still holding onto his shoulder.
“Make me!” Hongbin grip tightened to the extent that it actually hurt, but Leo didn't care.
Instead of shoving that it hurt he just took ahold of Hongbin's arm and through it aside with such a force that Hongbin almost fell down.

“Leo! Stop this!”
The whole room fell silent after the words as everyone except Leo stare at N who still had his hand outstretched.
Leo fought the impulse to lay a hand over his cheek that just in the spun of a day or so had been it twice. But Leo couldn't wish for something els, this truly meant that N hated him. If N hated him maybe the others would to and if they hated him they would stay away from him.

“The only thing you do is hurt them so why don't you just leave!”

Leo understood that N had been right, but he couldn't bring himself to just leve them like that, he just needed a little more time with them before disappearing. But in the mean time this would have to do and in the end when he did disepere they would not look for him and they wouldn’t miss him. That way he could avoid leaving any sorry behind when he left. That was all he wanted, just a week more, maybe two before he left them. He just wanted to see them happy but he was to selfish to leve them right away, he was just to selfish and he knew he was a horrible person for it. But he just wanted a little more time with the only people he had ever considered family, just a little more time.

Notes