Forced love

I’m still trying to convince myself that everything will be fine. Who am I trying to lie to, myself? Fixation, I didn’t really focus on that. I didn't even know I had that within me as well. I wanted it to work so bad, I put so much effort into a relationship that wasn’t even going to work out. I was so blind, in denial that I didn’t want to see reality. Not scared of monster? I have been walking in the dark for so long, I could be a monster myself. People want things that they can’t have. I can’t have him, What he had for me was infatuation as well. I didn’t want to hold onto a person that didn’t love me, I wanted to be selfish too and I continue to tell other people to be selfish and do what makes them happy. I still can’t eat, I feel like shit. I’m losing weight fast. I would look at myself in the mirror and ask, “ Why are you doing this to yourself?”

Notes