Forced love

Infatuation, I was lost within it. Maybe it was also obsession but I know better. Fixation and Infatuation yes but never an obsession. I still love him. I have accepted the fact that I wasn’t the one. I’m not broken, not sad or mad…devastated maybe, definitely disappointed. It first approached me as sadness then it then into anger. It was an emotional storm that hit me hard. I was ruined, I felt empty. I knew that it was coming straight to me, yet, I decided to stay. It was my own decision, my fault, I know there were so many clues, so many but I ignored it. Why didn’t I leave? Because I thought I could withstand it, I was wrong. I’m still healing, of course, it takes time. I know I’ll do just fine. I’m not the one suffering he is. I’ll still be the light if he needs it. I’m also looking for my own light. Are you happy? No. Are you content with life? No. What are you striving for if you are not content? Satisfaction is hard to achieve if one’s life have no goals or ambition. I don’t have any of that at the moment but I do know that I’ll get there. Every now and then I do miss him. I opened up to him, let him know the true me. But I was left with something else, madness. The words that he chose, it hurts so bad, I still can’t get over it. I just need a really long hug, I can’t eat, I’m losing myself to something so trivial. I really need a hug right now, please don’t let go of me ever.

Notes