Gratefulness~ pt.3

Sara looks wistfully as the members wave goodbyes after the encore song and leave the stage slowly. She sighs loudly and sniffs her rose theatrically. I decide to stand up right away and grab Sara's hand. She gives me a weird look.
"Get up. Let's go", I say grimly and drag her up. I lead her along the deck, towards the door to the backstage premises. Sara breaks loose and goes back to get her signed CD and the red rose. Handbags we already have with us.
"You think we can just go in? Are you going to the backstage? What are you doing??" Sara keeps asking and she's trying to get eye contact to me. I don't answer anything. I just rumble through the door ahead of her. A guard, who's munching a pastry, coughs and glances at me first astonished but then he nods and lets us continue forward. Sara looks at him scared. I conclude that Tae has already notified the guard of our little visit. I walk briskly along the dark aisle which feels again somehow familiar. Sara tries to keep up with me.

Finally I find a door that leads us to the make up and clothing room. Taeyang and Seungri are sitting in front of the dressing tables and Daesung is leaning against the clothing rack. For some reason, I feel angry but as I see their expressions I get embarrassed.
It's quiet for a while. Sara is moving restlessly behind me. I bet she'd like to greet everyone already.

"It's really you", Seungri states looking at me carefully. Taeyang beside him glances at me with anger on his face. I have never seen him like this.
"Why?" he blurts almost like spitting on me. I look down and suddenly I feel like I was at police's interrogation.
"I... Umm", I mumble and soon Sara steps in front and drops her bag on the floor. The 'smash' voice echoes from empty walls. The boys are staring at her suspiciously.
"What are you doing?! She hasn't done anything wrong!" Sara shouts confidently. Then she covers her mouth as she realizes what had she just said for the first words to her idols.
"Mwuh?" Taeyang mutters or growls, actually.
"I... Why are you mad at me, exactly?" I turn the tables and stare at them strictly instead.
"I don't get this", Daesung wonders. He doesn't seem to be as upset as everyone else. He's just confused about the situation.
"So, YG hasn't told you", I note. "He sent me away."
Everybody is looking at each other and knitting their eyebrows. Then they turn back to me.
The side door opens and Ji Yong steps inside the room. He's carrying his golden design mic in his hands. He puts it down against the wall and takes his coat off and places it on the clothing rack.

Only then he sees me.

"Annyeong haseyo... Ji-Dragon", I greet him in Korean. My soft and shivering voice echoes in the silent room and Ji just stares at me. Without any feelings. It's so quiet.
His eyes get watery and his hands start shaking. I can feel the powerful tension between us. It hits me like a thousand volts and makes me feel sick too.
G-Dragon looks the same as last time. His round lips, his dark but bright eyes and beautiful jaw line. His hair has changed color to blue but well, that's not surprising at all. He changed his hair color during the weekend in Hong Kong too, as a sign of new era.
GD turns around and walks back where he came from. And slams the door shut loudly. I stay still, stare at the door.

"So, you are Mineeha's friend?" Daesung breaks the ice and shows his sunny smile to Sara who giggles.
"Yes. My name is Sara", my friend introduces herself and remembers to nod a little lacking. Daesung utters a laughter. Taeyang nods at her and Seungri smiles.
"What did you mean?" Taeyang continues the first subject and looks at me. I tell them everything what happened at the studio. And finally they start to understand me.
"Mianhe for Yang Hyun Suk, mianhe", Daesung keeps apologizing, even though he didn't need to.
"Are you okay?" Taeyang's expression changes too, from anger to pity, and he's looking at me, thinking about a way to help me.
"He is just not always in a good mood", Seungri explains. I nod.
"I'm fine. Sorry for leaving so suddenly", I apologize and bow once more. Seungri stands up and wraps his arms around my shoulders. Sara is looking at us with her mouth wide open but she closes it quite quickly.
"You are back. And I think... It's time to party", Seungri announces and squeezes me. "Right?"
I laugh and nod. It's wonderful to be here with them again.

"I missed you, guys", I smile and sip my drink. We are sitting in Big Bang's hotel room and this time there's no Kiko or backup dancers with us. Only the members, me and Sara. G-Dragon is sitting as far as possible from me and although he knows now why I left, he doesn't want to approach me. I don't know why is it so... Is he hurt so bad? I'll just let him be.
Seungri tells us that they are going to continue their tour and leave Finland next week. Our meeting will be short. But still, I'm happy that I had a possibility to get to know them and that they are not angry with me anymore. All of the members are great persons and fame certainly hasn't gotten to their heads.

"So, you can speak Korean now, right?" Taeyang looks at me, although, I feel like he hasn't gotten his eyes off me the whole evening. Maybe he doesn't believe that I'm here with them again but I'm not that special person, really. G-Dragon, next to him, pours another shot down his throat and looks grumpy.
"A little", I smile. I have had time to practice and do lots of stuff during the summer I didn't have time to do when I was still at high school.
"And you are better in English too", I flatter.
"Ah, I know! Thank you!" Seungri thanks instead and pats his chest proudly. Daesung pushes him so hard that Seungri almost falls down off his chair.
"Oh, shut up! You have always been the worst", Daesung teases him and everybody's laughing. Only GD stands up and starts slowly walking towards the door.
"Ji Yong has studied a lot because he is attacking America", Daesung mentions his friend. Ji stops for a second but then he continues walking. I look at him worried.
"Where are you going?" TOP asks him. Ji just shurgs and soon the door closes after him. The atmosphere changes right away.
"Maybe we should leave", I break the silence and I'm about to stand up but then Taeyang gets back from the kitchen with soju bottles and pushes me back on my seat.
"It's not your fault. He missed you so much", he tells me and offers soju.
"Then, why isn't he happy to see me again...?" I look at him with sadness in my eyes. I feel so bad seeing Ji Yong like this again. He reminds me of that night we spent together on the bathroom floor. That night when he was so sad that even I felt like dying inside too.
Seungri sighs heavily but then he smiles at me: "Don't you worry about him."

As the others change the subject, I go fill my glass in the kitchen which is located next to the hall. It looks like Sara is having a good time. She's pawing Taeyang time after time and laughing at his jokes. The members have clearly accepted her as one of their friends.
I glance at the front door. And I wonder where Ji is right now. I don't think he's gone out since a group of Finnish fans are still waiting outside the hotel with their eyes glowing. The screaming can be heard from Seungri and Daesung's room where the window is open.

I put the glass down and take a look at the others. They are discussing furiously and I decide to take advantage of the situation. I sneek out. No one hears the door closing because the music plays so loud.

In the hallway I take a look around. I notice a sign at the end of it. It says "Katolle. To the rooftop." I open the door and cold wind blows in my dress's open neckline. It's a chilly night.

Notes