Gratefulness~ pt.3

In the middle of the night I feel something tugging my hand. At first I don't react at all but as the twitch repeats, I utter a sound.
"Ji... Hajima", I mutter and turn on my other side but something twitches me towards the edge of the bed and covers my mouth so that I can't scream although I try. I blink my eyes and it takes a while until I get used to the darkness. I see Taeyang's face in front of me. He has crouched beside the bed.
"Shh", he takes his hand back.
"Young Bae...?"
He's looking under my chin and I understand to pull the blanket over my sheer lacy nightdress. I blush but luckily it can't be noticed in the dark. Tae pulls my hand and looks me with his puppy eyes. I knit my eyebrows for him and glance at Ji Yong who's sleeping peacefully next to me.
"Please", I read from Tae's lips. He sighs and leaves the room. It must be three o'clock or something. I have only got to sleep a couple of hours after we got back from the old building with Ji. From the chair I find Ji's checkered shirt which I put on.

"What now?" I mumble as I walk to the livingroom and button up the rest of the buttons. Tae is sitting on the sofa, looking outside.
"Come on... I want to go back to sleep", I whine and Tae turns to look at me. He smiles a little.
"I couldn't sleep", he sighs.
"So, you woke me up just because of that? This is why you disturbed me? Seriously..." I'm about to turn around and go back to bed.
"Hey... Don't go. I wan't to talk with you", he whispers. I sigh and look at Taeyang.
"About what?" I cross my arms on my chest. Tae pats the sofa. I huff and slouch to sit next to him. He's wearing pyjama pants and a red t-shirt. I lean on my shoulder and automatically close my eyes. That's how tired I am... Tae takes my hand and I startle.
"What are you doing..."
"Minea", he sighs and looks at our hands tied together. I'm too lazy to move so I don't mind.
"Hmh?"
"Do you really like JiDi?"
I open one eye and grin slightly.
"Why are you asking me that? Yes..."
Tae lets go of my hand and smiles by himself, not with his eyes but with his lips. I try to read him but I'm too tired to think.
"Okay."
I almost fall asleep again but as my head hits Tae's shoulder I startle and open my eyes widen.
"That's all? Can I go to sleep now?"
He nods without looking at me. I stand up and walk to the bedroom door. Yet, I turn around and stay for a while to watch behind the corner.
He punches a pillow and his face shows that he's going through something painful. He leans against his knees and stares into emptiness, gropes his hair. He forms a fist and hits the pillow again. This time with less power, weakly.
Then he gives up and lays on his side, face against the back of the sofa. Tae sighs loudly. I don't get it, why he's like this... I get back to bed next to Ji and glue myself against him.

Thursday is full of phone calls.
I talk with my mom and my brothers and tell them about my schedule. I also tell how fun time I've had with the boys and mom asks if 'the guy who got in hospital' is feeling better now. My answer is that he's fine.
Seungri discusses with YG on phone and Young Bae writes new music with Ji Yong. TOP and Daesung set us a nice big brunch and we eat quickly before they all head to their own ways according to the schedule.
I, myself, stay hanging inside the hotel room and reading Korean vocabulary.
"Beul-laek-be-li... Sa-gwa. Ya.. Ani! Ja-mong. Gyul."

I get a text message. It's from Joakim. He hasn't tried to contact me after the night when...
"How is it going? :) ... Sorry. I had to send this message. I somehow understood that you didn't want to keep in touch with me anymore...? I really miss you terribly and now here's no one I could talk to... I visited your mom and she told me that you left with some Korean dudes and only God knows how long you're staying. Is everything ok? So, we're not going to see anymore? Ever...? I miss you sincerely so much. I must have never missed anyone this much... Pls, answer although I know you don't want to ... <3"

My heart hurts. A tear rolls compulsively on my cheek. What have I done?
I feel like a horrible person. I've left my brothers and my mom and Joakim in trouble. I have ditched them all! Or at least I feel like that even if it's not true. I know that I'm going to still see them.
Joakim... I didn't want to make him wait for me. But I didn't want to hurt him either.
I put the phone away and grab the book with both of my hands. I try to concentrate on studying although it is difficult. Too many things are going in my mind and I think that I'm feeling too emotional nowadays.

Ji Yong rumbles inside the suite.
"Aaah!" he sighs loudly, looking like he had just ran a marathon.
"What the...?" I wonder.
"There was this freaking TV show", he inhales deeply. "There was some kind of race... I had to exercise!"
I laugh at him amused. Ji almost crawls to the sofa to me and falls on my lap happily.
"Ah... I can't move."
I put the book down and pet his head.
"What did you have to do?" I ask.
"Dance and then do push-ups. And abs", Ji Yong looks into my eyes. He's too cute...
"Gaah!" he whines and throws a hand in the air. "Get me some water."
"You're on my way, idiot", I slap his shoulder and laugh.
"Ahh", he huffs. "Okay." Ji gets up and goes to get water himself. His phone has dropped on the sofa and somebody calls it.
"Ji", I point at his phone and Ji sighs frustrated. Not a single moment of peace is given to him. He slouches back and answers to the phone.
"Yah?"
I can hear a familiar voice.
"Mwuh?"
Kiko is shouting again about something to Ji and they argue for a while. Ji tries to keep up his calm voice but eventually he flips too and yells to the microphone before he throws his expensive mobile phone on the floor. I get frightened of his sudden threatening behaviour and freeze still.
Ji looks at his phone that has broken in pieces while biting his lip. Then he turns blankly around to get the water he wanted.
Their relationship is defenitely not healthy.

Sara sends me a message with a picture of foreign magazines and newspapers with headlines about G-Dragon and there's also something said about a Finnish girl.
"Woah", I gasp silently and zoom the picture.
"G-Dragon brought her secret lover with him? Netizens comments!"
"Did Kiko and GD break up completely now? New girl seen with G-Dragon."
"Famous Korean idol cheating on her girlfriend...?"
And still there's not even one picture of us proving the rumours right. All of them are from that concert I participated in. Seriously, how do they come up with these crazy ideas? I'm just a new trainee. GD performs with lots of other women on stage too! Maybe it's because they don't know me and why I'm travelling with BIGBANG yet. Or maybe they remember me from the magazines they saw six months ago.
"Have you seen these?" I show the picture to Ji who takes a quick look and nods. He doesn't seem too happy about it.
"This is not doing good for Big Bang", he mutters and sits down at the kitchen table.
"I don't get it", I mumble. It's quiet for a moment. Everything feels so complicated, I think to myself.
"What are you going to do about that?" I point at the black pieces of plastic at the corner.
"Buy a new one, I guess."

The rest of the day goes by fast. Boys are running from an interview to another and then to different kinds of events. I'm studying hard and occasionally texting with Sara.
Tomorrow it's time to change country...

Notes

Hopefully the English exam is not too hard. Friday, I'm waiting for you with fear... hwaiting!

Edit. much later: some typos corrected
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Teaser for chapter 16