Gratefulness~ pt.2

"Shouldn't we have said goodbyes to others", I wonder after a while.
"No", GD blurts out. He seems absent-minded.
"What about the other members? How do they get to the -- "
"Jamie's there", GD says coldly. I inhale deeply and look away because he doesn't seem so nice right now. Ji is staring into emptiness and going through something is his mind. I had imagined romantic kidnap to be a little different... Then he wakes up from the hibernation and looks at me warmly.
"You wanna do something?" he asks and stares deep into my eyes. I take a good look at his features. His hairline, his eyebrows, his nose. His smiling eyes. In a normal situation, I would go anywhere with him but now it just feels somehow wrong.

I look forward and answer: "I'm actually very tired."
"Ok. Then, let's sleep", Ji says and suddenly he pulls my head on his shoulder and lays his head on my head. I gasp.
The car stops and GD notices that I haven't fallen asleep yet. He moves slowly and opens the door. I blink my sleepy eyes and crawl out of the car after him. We are back at the hotel. It's dark and silent. There's no one, not even fans. Only the sounds of traffic echo from behind the stonewall.
"Why did you bring me here? You dragged me out of the party because of this?" I am tired and cross.
"Yeah", he just answers calmly.
"What if I wanted to stay? You didn't think about that? What if I wanted to party more with CL?"
"Wow", he laughs by himself. "You can talk a lot."
I utter a sarcastic laughter and quiet down of embarrasment.
"I wanted to get out with you", he states after a moment.

We go in from the side door and head to the elevator. GD pushes the button. It's almost time for the sun to rise.
"Do you miss her?" I ask in the silent elevator. GD doesn't answer right away.
"Don't mention her", he requests.
"Mianhe", I apologize.
"Hajima", GD whispers and I can hear exhauston from his voice.
"Aniyo." GD takes a look at me and I look at him amused. Then we laugh at the situtation. He speaks a long sentence in Korean and I don't understand a word. He sees that and smirks. I slap his arm for a revenge.
We walk out of the elevator and stop in front of the glass wall or window, however you want to put it. White enormous full moon beams and creates a dreamlike atmosphere.
"Alge ssumnida", I lie and we laugh a little again. Ji looks at me with his warm eyes.
"I'm gonna... Bogo shipeo."
I look at him for long and examine his feelings.
"Really?"
"Ne." GD is staring at me serious and for a moment and for a moment I'm almost sure that he said I like you, Minea.
On the inside I fangirl and scream so loud that even my mom can hear but on the outside I just smile shortly and look down shyly. My brammed hat saves me and covers my face. I feel my cheeks blushing. How can I survive at this situation, I think to myself. GD takes a step closer to me and I can see his snake leather boots. He takes my hat.
"Hey!" I exclaim and Ji utters a laughter. All I can do is to smile at him.
"Don't hide your beautiful face", he says and hides my hat behind his back.
"Give it back", I demand even though I don't expect him to do it.
"Aniyo", GD shakes his head from side to side and we start a staring competition.
Then I attack him and try to reach the hat from his hands. GD evades quickly as lightning and I sway on my high heels.
Before I manage to fall down on the hard tiles, GD catches me. He's holding me on his arms and looking at me weirdly.
Aigoo, I think to myself and look at him confused. Ji's flawless face is only centimeters away from me as he tries to hold me and I can feel his hot breath on my face. Not even in my dreams, could I have imagined myself so near The King of Kpop. I didn't think it could have been possible.
Then GD lifts me up and I have to find the balance again. It feels like I could faint at any moment. I take a deep breath because I can't remember when I last time did.
Kwon Ji Yong laughs at me cutely and walks past me to my suite's door. He sure likes to tease women. I go to the door and start looking for my key card from my handbag. But I can't find it. I check every pocket many times. This can't be happening!
"I have lost it! I lost the key card", I sigh depressed and keep searching, even though I know I won't find it. Then GD pulls out the key card somewhere. I startle.
"What? How did you...?"
"Magic", GD smirks and I look at this mystery man. That's weird... I grab the key card but before opening the door I take a look at him. He seems to be able to read my mind as well.
"Can I come in?" he asks.

I throw my bag at the end of the sofa and sit down. I yawn and switch the TV on like I always do when I'm alone. I don't like the silence. But then GD goes around the sofa, takes the remote control and turns the TV off. I knit my eyebrows. Ji is seriously trying to irritate me. He looks at me and smirks.
"You look so cute", he says and I turn up my nose as he walks to the kitchen. What a surprise. Men always go to the kitchen. GD notices the vase and the rose he gave to me on the counter. He takes the juice out of the fridge like he was at home. He's staring at the rose while drinking. Oh, why does he have to look so lovely? Even here in the darkness. Only the moon reflects a little gleam of light on the livingroom floor. I bite my lower lip and try to calm myself down.
"You kept it", GD says. I nod.
"Of course I did."
Then he puts the juice back in the fridge and leans on the counter. He's glancing at me.
"Why do you like me?" he asks suddenly and smirks.
There's no anwer to a question like that, I think to myself. He's everything. Everything that I want but that I know I can't have. This is only a dream and sooner or later I'm going to wake up in my bed and shed a tear because this is only a dream. This has never happened. And even if this is real, I'm never going to believe it. I'm always going to ponder if this was a dream or if I really experienced all these moments. This is too absurd. But G-Dragon is amazing. So friendly and charming. And better-looking in real life than on the computer screen.

I stay quiet and focus on breathing. Ji is looking at me and waiting for the answer but then he turns around and comes standing next to the sofa. He puts his hands in his jeans' pockets and looks outside the window. I also glance at the scenery.
"You know.. I like it here", he says quietly. "It's peaceful, but I'm not alone." I think about his words and listen.
I feel myself warm and the situation is not akward at all. It feels like I was home when I'm with him. Like was I with Sara. We would talk a lot, particularly about boys. We would laugh. We would be completely ourselfes. It feels good to be here. Suddenly G-Dragon feels so close to me. Like I had known him for longer than just a day.

Ji sits down, leans his arms on his knees and crosses his fingers. He stares outside for a while contemplatively. Then he looks at me.
"Do you have anyone special?" he asks.
"Huh?"
"A boyfriend?"
"Oh", I get embarrassed. "No." I thought about mentioning Joakim but that's irrelevant.
"That's weird. You are beautiful."
I blush.
"Do you miss your family?" he asks.
"Not really", I answer so quietly that my voice sounds more like a whisper. It's true. It really feels like I was home. Like I never even left. Ji looks outside again.
"I don't", he says. "I'm used to this. Being abroad. Being alone."
I look at him astonished.
"But you are not alone", I state.
"I am", he corrects right away and looks at me over his shoulder. I get chills.
"But you have the other members and staff and..." I quiet down.
"I know", Ji says and his eyes brighten.
"But I don't have you."
I stop breathing without even noticing it. I stare at him and he stares at me. Corners of his mouth go up. He leans back. Ji is staring at me close again, right into my eyes. Ji lifts his hand and touches lightly under my chin with his forefinger. It's getting too tense and I, abruptly, turn my face away from him and look down. I can hear Ji's laughter. I regret it but I couldn't do anything about it. It was a reflect. I look at him again but Ji's looking amused now. He laughs and ruffles my hair.
"Stop it!" I shout and slap him. Skinship! We laugh and Ji stops to look at me.
He stands up.
"Maybe I should go. You look very tired."
I sigh disappointed and look at him with sad eyes. Don't go, I scream in my mind.
"I'm not really tired anymore", I try to convince him and I straighten my posture to make myself look perky but I guess my dry and tired eyes reveal me. Ji utters a laughter and walks to the door without saying a word. I lean my chin on the back of the sofa and look sadly when he open the door and waves me off.
"See ya", he says, smiles and leaves. The door closes quietly and I realize that I'm again alone in my dark hotel room. It's better to go to sleep before the spooks find me, I guess and get up.

I place myself comfortably in the big bed and of course right right then I recieve a text message. I hope it's a good night message from GD. But it's from an anonymous number...

"I miss you </3... [Finnish] You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I miss "us". I heard that your in China. You are so far away... Maybe that's the reason why I realized how much I care about you. Take care of yourself. A lot has happened here and I miss the conversations we had. I could always tell you everything. You were the only reliable and close person to me... But then I acted like an idiot and I'M SERIOUS! I'M GOING TO REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! I seriously don't have anyone anymore... I know that I must sound pathetic and you are not going to answer me. I don't know if you'll even get this message cuz you're there... I just wanted you to know how wonderful and important you are. At least to me. I hope at least you are doing well. I have earned my punishment..."

Tears roll down my cheeks as I read the message all over again. It's from Joakim. I have already deleted his number. But what is he talking about? What has happened? At first, I'm going to ask him but no matter how curious I am, I forbid it from myself. I shouldn't talk to him. I have almost forgotten him already. I hide my phone under the pillow and try to get some sleep.

Notes