Gratefulness~ pt.1

Exactly at 6 pm the music fades out and eventually disappears entirely. The fans quiet down, except a few screamers. Body guards slam the big front doors shut. The lights go off. The backgroud of the stage starts to glow slowly and the bass starts to whine. Tonight begins to play with a longer intro and the fans start to clap along the music. I myself sway along and stare at every corner of the stage to see where and when they are coming. The song plays as a warm up song and I can imagine the boys streching in the backstage. Music thunders, I can hear every sound, every note clearer and louder than I can when I listen to the music with my earphones. As the music quiets down and then intensifies again, fans start to clap even more furiously and they start shouting "Big Bang! Big Bang! Big Bang!" The song ends to TOP’s words “Good night” and a smack.

It’s silent for a while. Then one spot light goes on pointing to the right corner of the stage. I can hear 'Crooked' playing and G-Dragon’s back appears little by little from the floor. As the singing part starts, he turns around and runs to the front of the stage and starts to rap. I squeal a little and bite my lip. It feels like I was inside of a YouTube video. Can this really be happening...
The next song playing is Big Bang’s older song 'Wings' and Daesung walks from behind the wall. He sings beautifully and performs with a real feeling throughout the chorus and as the music fades out, he takes a stand next to GD, their backs facing the audience.
TOP’s 'Turn It Up' piece starts playing and TOP comes down spectacularly in an elevator kinda thing. As the chorus starts he stops next to Daesung. Fans are screaming like a punch of little kids when the music stops and I can see the boys smirking of happiness on the stage. Only Taeyang and Seungri are missing.
'Let’s Talk About Love' starts and Seungri pops up from the floor singing the intro. He points at the fans and then himself along with the lyrics. “Are you ready?” makes him turn around at the end of the row.
“Your body so beautiful. Your body so beautiful. Your body so, body so beautiful..” Taeyang rises from the other side of the stage and dances to the row as the music fades out.

The boys start snapping their fingers along the music and the show begins with 'Still Alive'. I enjoy and dance as much as I can. I feel like I was in a huge party. I know a few dance moves and I learn more moves from the other fans. The atmosphere is amazing, completely different from some musty Finnish festivals where people are pushing each other and being rude just for fun among the mass of people. Here we are dancing almost like it was a flash mob. We scream and laugh together.
As 'GOOD BOY' goes on and and I watch GD’s and Tae’s performance, I start dancing the choreography I learned from their dance practice video. I’m having fun with the other fans. Most of the fans are Asian and that’s why they are smiling at me brightly when they see a white girl dancing a kpop choreography. They are really friendly.
During the gig I cry for Taeyang’s 'Eyes, Nose, Lips' performance, fangirl to TOP’s “The Look” he gives and bite my lip as I admire GD’s swag and moves during 'Crayon'.

Everyone freaks out even more when it’s time for 'Fantastic Baby' and I don’t know how it’s even possible. Almost every member is wearing the same clothes what they had on in the music video. I’m dancing like a crazy but I’m still trying to keep up with them. GD looks so edible and I can’t deny – his voice sounds even more sweeter live.
At some point I startle because Taeyang rips off his shirt and waves it in the air. ”Yeah, those abs are worth seeing!” I think by myself and laugh fascinated. All of a sudden I see a white shirt in my hands and I squeeze it against my chest. I stare at Taeyang abashed and squeal a little. I just catched his shirt! During the rest of the evening I wave it around in the air and dance with it like it was Taeyang himself. I must look hilarious and it feels like I was in ecstasy. A flight in the 1st class, five star luxurious hotel and unbelievable suite, limo transportation, Big Bang’s amazing concert… I’m never going to get over this weekend!

The concert ends up with 'Monster' and 'Blue' when they are telling funny stories that have happened on tour and then they wave us goodbyes. I keep smiling all the time. I squeeze the shirt one last time against me and smell Tae’s fragrance. Then I roll it and put it neatly in my handbag.
"Thank you for coming! Hope you had much fun! Peace!" GD, the boss, says the last words and sends a flying kiss. They all bow for the audience, many times. I sigh dismally as the members disappear behind the wall and the concert is officially over. Still, I feel grateful for the experience and everything I have been honoured to do. The concert was just the tip of the iceberg. Now I am happy enough to go home, unless I stay in Hong Kong for a day or two. Would mom have saved some christmas food for me, I wonder. Boys have probably eaten everything already...

I wait until the most of the fans have left and wait for the bulky guy to pick me up. I really don’t know what way I should leave.
"Hello, here is one of the BIG BANG’s co-workers speaking", a voice says through the speakers. The fans slow down, most of them have already moved out.
"I’m speaking here for Taeyang. He really misses his white shirt which he threw in the crowd. If you have the shirt, we ask you politely to return it to the white door on the right, near the front doors. One of the co-workers will take it. Thank you!"
I gulp. I’m the one who has the shirt. I dig it up and wrap it around my arm. I start walking rapidly toward the front doors among the other fans and I see a white door that has chair racks in front of it. I walk to the door and a hover a moment. What about if this is a wrong door or there is no one or what if there is someone who looks at me angrily and throws me out…
But I brace myself, raise my fist and knock. It’s so quiet. I knock again, this time stronger. The door opens and an European looking man in his white t-shirt and dark blue jeans looks at me throught the slit of the door.
"Yeh, what?" he asks and takes a look behind him. I can hear sound of sweeping brooms.
"Umm…" I mutter and show him the shirt. "I have this…"
The man smiles and laughs at the shirt. He turns his head and shouts: “Tae! Hey! Taeyang, someone here has your shirt!” Then he disappears leaving the door a couple of centimeters open. Maybe he has to kee an eye on the cleaners.

I freeze when I understand what he just said. He called for Taeyang! I don’t get enough time to handle the thing when the door opens up completely. Taeyang stands in front of me. I quail and take a step back but he's smiling cutely.
"Hey", he greets me. I’m so frozen. I gulp. I just stare at his beautiful sweaty face. Then I realize to hand him the shirt. He takes it and stays still. Smiling.
"Thank you! Can I do something to thank you?" he looks at me wondering.
Inside I was screaming: “Take me and carry me everywhere you go!” but I splutter:
"C-could you sign here… for my friend?" my hands are shaking as I get paper and pencil and hand them to Taeyang. He looks amused.
"So what’s your name?" he small talks with me. He is looking so unbelievably good, I think to myself.
"Minea", I tell my name in Finnish style. "Minea Vallila." Taeyang takes a good look at me and squints.
"Okay. Where are you from?"
"Finland", I answer briefly. He stops to think about something for a second and then he startles so that I, myself, get scared too.
"Are you the girl who won the tickets?" he asks knitting his eyebrows and then I realize that I could have told about it myself. But then again, why brag about it?
"Yes, I am", I answer and encourage myself to smile at him. I straigthen my posture. Tae is still holding the paper in his hands and looking at me. I notice a figure running towards the door.
"Winner! Hey! You are the winner!" Seungri shouts and stop near Taeyang. I freeze again for a moment.
"How did you know?" Tae asks Seungri who leans on his shoulder and burtst a big bright smile at me.
"I saw you on Facebook", he laughs. Tae utters a laugh:
"You went stalking this girl on Facebook!"
"Well, yeah… Me and Daesung. Daesung did it really. He searched for her. I just watched quietly", Seungri explains and it shows clearly that Taeyang doesn’t believe him. You can notice it by looking at his expression.
Seungri turns around and shouts: “Daesuuuuung! Here’s the winneeer! Winner girl! Pretty girl!”
I laugh a little. Here I am standing and talking with the boys.
"Whaat? Really?" Daesung comes out of a door leading to the right. He runs to us with his red leather jeans shining. I can see GD peeking behind the door. He smirks and greets me by waving his hand. I purse my lips from happiness and smile back at him. I wave my hand a little. Then he disappears.

Daesung comes his hand ahead of him and we shake hands.
"Hello!" he greets me looking so happy like he always is.
"How was the show?" Seungri asks and I don’t know what I should anwer. Or how. I can’t get my mouth open.
"Don’t tease her!" Daesung laughs and nudges Seungri to the shoulder.
"I don’t! Just asking", Seungri nudges back.
Taeyang still has my paper and pen. When I glance at him he looks at the paper and sucks his lower lip looking like he’s planning on something. He gives Daesung and Seungri the look and he says something in Korean. They nod and Seungri utters a laughter. I knit my eyebrows when they turn around to leave. Tae looks at me and.
”Come!” I don’t need to hesitate for long when someone like Taeyang tells me to follow him. We walk through the door to the right to a corridor. Men are carrying stuff back and forth and they don’t really notice me as I am walking behind Tae.

At the end of the corridor is a room full of clothing racks. Some clothes are thrown on the floor. Makeup artists are collecting their makeups in front of the dressing tables. A man shouts in a walkie-talkie:
“Where are the girls? Clothes are everywhere!” and then he walks back to the corridor looking very busy. Daesung wants to help and he starts picking up the clothes. Seungri walks ahead of us through a door to the left.
"Is GD naked in there?" Tae shouts to Seungri looking at me amused. Seungri shouts back something in Korean and Tae translates it to me:
"He’s in the shower. Come." He walks into the small room that seems to be a dressing room. Seungri is packing his bags and TOP comes out of the shower wearing a bathrobe. He sees me, startles and twists himself in an odd position. He shouts something angirly to Tae and Seungri and then turns to me.
"Who are you?"
But before I start to stutter something, Seungri saves me: “She’s the girl. She won the free tickets.”
"Oh, okay." TOP answers and gives the boys another weird look. He’s looking very tired. TOP says something in Korean and opens up his makeup bag. I guess he said: "You could have told me."
"Don’t be rude, TOP. Speak english, oppa", Seungri reminds him and sits on the opposite bench. Seungri sits down too. Daesung walks in, grabs a towel from the bench and heads to the shower room. Seungri looks at me holding his laughter and taps the bench he’s sitting on. I must look shocked, really shocked. What am I doing here?
"Come here to wait. Sit", he says.
I shy but then I sit down next to him leaving a gap between us. Taeyang and Seungri get their phones and it looks like they are checking out comments cornerning their concert and tour.
Soon GD comes out and ”Oh my lord”... He has only a towel wrapped around his waist. Completely different from TOP with his huge bathrobe. I can’t help it. I just freeze and stare at his body like I had never seen one. He is not wearing any makeup and he looks a bit different since I’ve been watching him so close for a couple of hours with full makeup on. But I have seen pictures of him without makeup and I find him attractive and cute this way.
GD takes another towel from the bench, ruffles his black hair. Then he dries his face and puts the towel down. Only then he sees me and he looks me long. Then he smirks cutely.
I close my mouth.
"Hi!" he greets me streching the letter i. I look at him and try to smile, very hard, but I can’t. What. I just wave my hand shyly and then I look down. Akward!

At the very moment a bodyguard runs into the room looking stunned.
"Everything ok?" he asks.
Seungri nods.
"Good", the man glances at me and I can tell from his expression what he's thinking. ”What the heck is a strange little girl doing in their dressing room and who the heck is she?”
"We are almost done. We continue cleaning tomorrow morning. You can go", the man notifies and leaves the room.
GD sits down on the other side of Seungri. Taeyang realizes, finally, to hand me back the paper and pencil. I take them shyly and thank him quietly. I put them in my bag.
GD reaches over Seungri to look at me and I feel myself a little uncomfortable. He smiles and says:
“Nice clothes!” He’s referring especially to my fur coat. I smile a little and look down. GD liked my clothes!
"Thanks", I thank him. "I love your style too."
Taeyang is smiling at me and at GD in turns. Seungri breaks the icy atmosphere. Or it might be only me who thinks it’s icy.
"Why no one ever compliments my style?" he utters and acts to cry theatrically behind his hands. GD slaps Seungri to the back of his head.
"Hyung!" Seungri whines.
"Maknae!" GD shouts back and smirks. "I’m the fashion icon!"
Then GD turns to me again: “Thank you.”
Daesung picks up a pile of clothing and goes to the shower room to change.
"Dae! Why you so shy?" G-Dragon jokes in Engrish and laughs. His English speaking skills don’t bother me at all. Not even a bit. Daesung answers GD in Korean and everyone bursts out laughing. I’m smiling even though I have no idea what they are saying. I take my phone out of my coats’s pocket and take a snapchat of Taeyangs lower body secretely. I write ”This can not be happening…” and send it to Sara. I know that she will recognize him because I have sent so many snapchats of him during the concert. I take a few more and save them. It doesn’t take even a minute when Sara sends me a WhatsApp message.
Sara: ”Whataaaaa??
Did you get a backstage pass too? You didn’t tell me!”
Me: “Nope!! It’s a long story. But here I am now in their dressing room chatting with them...? :DD I can’t believe this is happening”
Sara: “Holy cupcakes…..!!! Tell me more!?”
Me: “Well… Taeyang threw his shirt away during the performance (what a surprise) and then it was announced that he wanted it back and I gave it to him and then they suddenly wanted me to come here when they realized I was the one who won the tickets”
Sara: “AAAAAA for real! :DD <3_<3! Unbelievable!”
Me: “YOU DON’T SAY!”

Taeyang asks me something and I look up. He repeats:
"Do you want to come with us?"
"You gotta celebrate! You are the WINNER!" Seungri encourages. I look at them confused and try to hold myself to not to freak out. I just brought Taeyang’s shirt back?
"You are staying at the hotel ICON, right?" GD reaches out to have an eye contact with me and I nod.
"Aaw don’t be so shy, girl!" Daesung laughs. He has changed already. TOP gives me ‘the look’ that melts all the glaciers in the world in just a millisecond.
I’m being very quiet but I try to encourage myself to say something. Everybody is staring and smiling at me, waiting for the answer. Taeyang shows off his "look at me! I’m the best boyfriend candidate you’ll ever see! smile". I cough a little amused and straighten my posture again.
"So", I begin talking. "Where are we going?" I ask and smile beautifully. The boys are smirking for their success. Oh no, what’s going to happen with there dorks...
"I knew you would come. I mean, who could resist GD?" Seungri laughs and pats me on my shoulder. I startle. He gets up and goes looking for something in the makeup room. Taeyang gets off his chain thingy which he was wearing on the stage.
"You can wait in there." He’s pointing at the room where Seungri just went. I understand the hint: they have to start getting ready. I would have liked to stay to see Taeyang dressing off and having a shower, but all righty then…

Notes